Kathy Chooses

by Joy Carlson

  And if the woman is sleeping with multiple partners, it costs more than it is worth to find out who the real father is. We got it made.

  Then there are men like Kathy’s dad who have sex with girls before they can conceive. They don’t need to worry at all about pregnancy and responsibility. They just get to use the girl. That’s another story.

  Most women really do not have a choice. How are they going to raise a child by themselves? How are they going to pay for all of the child’s needs when we do not take any responsibility for it? Many will abort in order to keep their jobs or in order to keep it secret from their family or friends. A good woman regularly attending church but found pregnant is ostracized the rest of her life. So they often choose to abort. Even if the man puts a lot of pressure on the woman to have sex, or drugs her or whatever, she will still be accused of being a slut by the church. The church has no mercy when it comes to “one of its own,” you know. Women are so put down in the church that it leaves young women and girls vulnerable. They are looking for love and acceptance. It is easy to promise them commitment and then bail out. If churches ever accepted what the Bible actually teaches about women, there would go a large group of the most vulnerable.

  Men get off scot-free. It’s not called man’s choice, after all. It is woman’s choice. We are guiltless.

  This case just adds to the lie that women have choice. Kathy’s face has been all over the papers. No man is going to date her knowing she has killed a man for just using her. She’s worse off than she was before—lonely, lonely, lonely. Even though legally a woman may make a choice to kill a man if she thinks she can prove he is just using her, socially it will not be acceptable. Like I said, they will quickly learn that they will be lonelier. Women will not take that chance.

  No, men got women just where we want them. We can use them all we want and they can think they have power over their lives. Ha!

  It has worked with so many groups of people—Blacks, Hispanics, poor whites, gays, lesbians, transgender, the list goes on. Every law they think they win in their favor just enslaves them even more. It’s just a bunch of people looking for love and acceptance, and with each passing law they cause more people to hate them. You can’t legislate morality or pass laws to make someone love you or accept you. The more a group pushes, they will find the more they are actually enslaving themselves.

  I feel for Kathy—not. Excuse me, I have a date to make. Another poor woman who thinks she has choice.

  THE NEXT LEVEL

  As she entered fourth grade, Kathy’s mom suggested she bring her pajamas to the bathroom to get dressed in there. What her mom was not aware of was that she would take them off sometimes in her bedroom when the others would arrive.

  Kathy was also old enough to go over to friends’ houses for the night. Kathy wondered what some of them did since they did not have dads at home. How did they learn about their bodies and what it would be like once they were married?

  One of her friends, Ellen, whose dad worked the evening shift so was not home at bedtime, had a mom who would come in and lie with them at bedtime. The three of them would lie together. Her mom would rub them. Why did they not just take off their pajamas? she asked Ellen one time. Ellen answered that it gave them the freedom to fall asleep like that. She said that there were times when she would fall asleep and wake up to realize her mom was still rubbing her. It was a strange but giddy feeling. She would look forward to it, yet felt like it was something she should not talk about with anyone else. One time she almost asked her dad to do it to her, but felt better of it. She decided she could ask Kevin to do it and tell him not to tell anyone else. It was their secret. It made Kevin feel important that he could do something his older brothers were not doing.

  When they studied how a girl’s body and a boy’s body were different in school, Kathy was surprised that some of the girls did not know what a boy’s body was like or even what their own bodies did. Some of the girls seemed uncomfortable with the whole topic. Some of them giggled. Kathy did find it strange that they separated the boys and girls to do this teaching. When she talked a bit about it at the supper table, her mom looked at her dad and then back at her. She said she would talk to Kathy about it some time. Later that night, her dad told her to pretend that she did not know so much about her body and boy’s bodies as that might ruin the daddy children time that they had. She would not want to do that to her dad or brothers, would she?

  It was after her eleventh birthday, shortly after the teaching had taken place at school and when her mom and the boys had gone to a school event together, Kathy’s dad came into her bedroom and undressed, telling her to undress. It seemed a little different than usual. It seemed her dad was more excited. It even seemed his body shook with excitement. He had a bigger towel and brought in some bottles. Kathy could not tell what they were at the time.

  Kathy’s dad laid the towel on the bed and told her to lie on it. As he lay next to her, he told her he was going to do what they had described in the class. He wanted her to know what it was like so that when she met the man she was going to marry, she would have the best time possible and help her husband to have the best time possible.

  Kathy’s dad said that this time would hurt, that is why he brought the ointments. There would be blood. That is why he had such a big towel. He said it was best to get this hurt over with so the first time she had sex with her husband, it would not hurt then. Her dad wanted her to know he loved her and wanted the best for his little girl.

  It hurt. He gave her a rag and told her to put it in her mouth and bite on it. Tears came to her eyes. It stung. It stung. She could feel the flesh tearing. She wanted to scream but the rag prevented it, and she had learned to be quiet before. She did not want to make her dad mad.

  It was hard to breathe. It seemed he finally remembered she was there and lifted himself up.

  Eventually he took a rag, cleaned himself up, and then proceeded with her. He wiped her clean with some antiseptic, which stung more. Quietly he said, “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. You did good, baby doll.” He rubbed the ointment on and that eased the pain some. He placed a clean cloth over the area and told her it would be good if she kept it there during the night. He got his cloths on and told her to get her pajamas on. She knew it was over. She also knew it would never be the same between her and her dad ever again. Somehow they had crossed a line that seemed very subtle but would become more obvious later. She was being used.

  TEACHINGS

  JUROR 3

  Society is against women. Boys are taught at an early age that the worst thing for them—what they will be put down for the most—is to do anything that, in the least bit, resembles a girl, or to get beat out by a girl. This continues as the boy becomes a man. Then men look down on women. Since men have generally been physically stronger, they have used their power to keep women lower. They have forced women to be used by them.

  Girls are also taught that they better not be better than boys or they will not be able to get married—no man will want to marry them. So girls learn to be less than who they are so that they can have a future. Since generally girls mature faster than boys, they learn early to definitely be less than who they are. It has been shown that girls may have aspirations of going into scientific areas, for example, yet about seventh grade that changes. This is when the maturing process has stepped in and the girls tend to be ahead of boys.

  Boys are more often told that they can be whoever they want to be. Girls, if they are encouraged at all, are encouraged to be wives, mothers, teachers, nurses, secretaries—generally positions seen as reporting to men.

  It was shown when women were trying to obtain the right to vote. Men used their power, physical power, to keep women in “their place.” Men who knew that women should have the right to vote, that women were capable of such responsibility, were seen as traitors and arrested as well.

  I want to point out that this is also true of whites over people of color.

  There was
an advertisement that showed a woman making it as a contractor in construction. Her son was asked if he wanted to be a carpenter like his mom. His reply: “No, that’s women’s work.” How many carpenters would quit if it became known in society that carpentry work is women’s work. It is ridiculous. Just because a woman shows that she can do work that society has attributed to men lessens what a man does? Certainly not. Yet some see it that way, both men and women.

  If a boy shows interest in the arts, cooking, or some other work that society sees as “women’s work,” that boy may be shunned. That boy is just being who he is. Some of the greatest chefs are men; some of the great painters are men. Men were considered to be the only ones who could be authors for quite a while. That is English, not math or science, the “manly subjects.” Both men and women are capable of doing many different jobs. Yes, some tend towards one job or the other.

  Women who choose to stay home to take care of their children should get credit for that work. They should be able to list it on their resume as a job. It is not volunteer work. If they did another job and enrolled their children in some childcare program, that childcare worker gets credit for working, so why not the mom who cares for her own child or children, rather than someone else’s?

  Anyway, I think it is about time that men took responsibility for their hormones. It has been on the shoulders of women for too long. If a woman has a child, it is her responsibility to take care of that child or arrange for someone else to take care of it, as in childcare. Even though there are cases where a man will step up and help, or step up and say they want to take care of the child, to have custody, this is not always the case. So something has to happen to change the way relationships are between men and women, change women’s rights in society, change how women are viewed in society. Hopefully this incident will bring attention to the situation in a different way in order to change the situation. Hopefully there does not need to be more incidences like this one in order to draw enough attention to the plight of women and the dysfunctional part of men to correct the situation.

  IN A HAZE

  Kathy lay there in pain. The salve had taken the sting away but it still hurt. She did not know what position to lie in in order to ease the pain.

  There was a different kind of pain, one that she had never had before. It was not a pain in her body. It seemed like the pain was somewhere inside her. It was a pain that she could not get ahold of at the time. It was a pain of her soul. Tears welled up in her eyes and gently flowed out and onto her pillow. She dared not make a sound. She just lay there in pain.

  She must have eventually fallen asleep for her alarm went off to get ready for school. She had become numb during the night. She went through the motions of getting up and taking her shower. She got dressed and went downstairs for breakfast. Her brothers were busy talking about the previous night and did not seem to notice her, how she was just sitting there. Her mom asked if she was okay. She did not know how to respond so she acted like she was deep in thought.

  At school, Ellen asked her what was wrong. Ellen said, “It seems like someone had died. Had someone died?” Kathy did not know how to respond. That seemed to ring true for her but she could not think of anyone who had died.

  That evening, her mom asked her again if she was okay. She just said that she wanted to go lie down and went up to her room. When her mom came in to check on her, she pretended to be asleep.

  This went on for three days—getting up, going through the motions, and feeling numb. Her genitals did not hurt anymore, but there was still that pain inside. The third night, her dad came into her room and scooped her up on his lap and held her. It was a feeling she had never experienced from her dad. It seemed to penetrate inside and ease the pain. She eventually fell asleep.

  When she woke up the next day, she was better. She longed for that feeling she had experienced from her dad the night before. She would never get that again.

  Her dad started to have sex with her on a regular basis. He eventually showed Dick how to have sex with her. Dick also became a regular. Later, Robby was shown as well.

  When Kathy stayed over at Ellen’s house, they would have sex together. She felt safe with Ellen. There was more care there and it seemed more mutual. They could talk about things as they lay there together. It brought them closer together. Ellen’s parents got a divorce. Kathy was glad that she could be there to console Ellen. Sometimes they would take turns to go in to have sex with Ellen’s mom. Kathy felt sorry for her.

  Dick was in high school. He became active with other girls as well.

  Robby had one main girl at a time. He did not play the field like Dick did.

  None of them liked it when she started having periods. It left fewer times for them to have her.

  Kevin knew that his brothers were doing more with Kathy than he was. He would ask his brothers to show him. They would tell him he had to wait until he had the class. Finally he had the class. He was so excited that he almost let Mom know. Dad gave him quite a lecture about that. Then Dad brought him in and showed Kevin how it was done.

  One Saturday, when Mom and Dad were out, Kevin brought a bunch of his friends over so they could try it all out. A new feeling of shame flashed across Kathy’s body. She had never experienced it before. She realized that her dad had always prepared her brothers before they started

  It became a regular happening for some of them to come over to play with Kevin. As soon as her parents were gone, they would be up to her room.

  During the summer, the boys could do it more often as her parents were gone during the day. It was fun being popular, even if it was with younger boys. She could hardly wait for school to begin, as this was the year she would enter high school. Based on what Dick and Robby had said, it would open up whole new possibilities for her.

  BOYS’ TOYS

  JUROR 8

  Girls are boys’ toys just like cars are boys’ toys. Cars are machines, girls are machines.

  Boys get pleasure from having a great car. They take care of that car. They are constantly washing it, waxing it. They work on the engine to make it run smooth. They add different features according to their tastes to make it look greater, sound greater, or whatever. They show off their cars to gain status. They show off their cars to feel good about themselves.

  The same thing happens with their girl. They pour money into their girl as well, to purchase her. Just like they wash and wax their car, they let their girl buy clothes to show off her bod so other boys will be jealous of them. They go to bars or sports events, or parties to show off their girls as their trophies, as if to say, “Look what I have won. Look how good I am.” They go after girls for their looks. Have you ever heard a boy brag, “I got the math geek,” or “I got the valedictorian for my girl.” No, it’s, “I got the top cheerleader,” or “I got the cutest girl in school,” or whatever. Then as the boy gets older, it still is about having the best-looking girl/woman.

  Boys/men work on getting the machine to work right as they want it to work, whether it is a car or a woman. The car or woman needs to have the right accessories to promote the style they want others to see. The engine needs to work smooth just as having sex needs to work smooth. They want a woman who will be ready and willing to have sex whenever they want to have sex, in the way they want to have sex. They will spend time working on the engine to work great; they will spend time working on the woman to work great. This may mean taking her out to eat, taking her to a movie, taking her to a special place. It is all to get her to function for him.

  Some men choose a certain model of car and stick with it, just like some men choose a certain woman and stick with her. Others will buy a car and fix it up for a while and then trade it in for a newer model. It is the same with the woman they want. They may let go of one and trade up for a newer one.

  It is the responsibility of the man to keep the car functioning right. He needs to keep it working properly and looking good. If there is a car accident it is not the car’s fault,
it is the owner’s fault. He did not keep the car working properly or he did not drive it properly. No one would think of suing the car for the accident.

  Same in this case. Doug did not keep Kathy functioning properly. There was a misfire some place. It was not Kathy’s fault. Doug is the one who is at fault. Sadly, in this case, it cost him his life just like a car not maintained properly could cost a man his life.

  It is as simple as that.

  HIGH SCHOOL: THE FIRST TWO YEARS

  When Kathy entered high school, Dick left for college. Robby was pretty active with his own girl friend, Maria. Being in high school brought a natural separation between her and Kevin’s friends. She was ready for older boys. Thankfully, Dick had let some boys on the football team know about her. She went out for cheerleading and made the squad. Dick had told her that would help her to make connections and make her more desirable. Ellen also made the squad.

  Sure enough, Tom, the quarterback on the freshman team, had his eye on her. It did not take long before he invited her to a party. They were having a good time when Tom took her hand and led her upstairs. They found an empty bedroom and went to work. Tom was full of passion. It was hot and steamy. It was a new sensation for a boy to go after her so hard. It felt good and bad at the same time. When they were done, she just lay there awhile enjoying the sensation. Tom enjoyed looking at her. She liked the way he looked at her. It made her feel good. It was the first of many times.

  At parties after games, Tom would want to reward players who did well. After his turn, they would return to the crowd. He would eventually indicate to some player that they could go up with Kathy. Kathy got used to this. Again, some of them were good. Some of them were shyer. Some of them wanted to take advantage of her. She was afraid of some of them because they were so big. She knew better than to show it, though. She was glad when it was over. She figured it was the price to pay to be popular as it kept her connected to Tom.