Interlude

by Chantele Sedgwick

  He shrugs. “I remember important details. No big deal.”

  But it is a big deal. This guy is seriously growing on me. Which is stupid. I don’t need a crush right now. Especially when I’m doing all this—the flight, New York, hunting down Carmen—for Maddy. If I were on vacation and sight-seeing, a crush and a little romance would be welcome, for sure, but I need to keep my eye on the ball this time. “What do you want to know about her?”

  “You two are close, obviously. Do you have the same charming personality?”

  That gets a laugh from me and I shake my head. “Ha. No. We’re total opposites. The only thing we have in common is our dark hair and skin tone. Maddy is more like our dad. Quiet, reserved, one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. Any good quality you can think of, she probably possesses. Patient, always in a good mood even if there’s no reason on earth she should be.” I frown. “Then there’s me. I’m admittedly loud, impatient, impulsive.” I say the last word kind of loud and drawn out, showing him that I don’t usually plan things out. He’s probably guessed that one already, though; there have been enough hints.

  “I have a habit of not thinking things through before I do them,” I continue, folding my arms and closing my eyes for a second, feeling a little … overwhelmed with what I’m going to have to do when we land. “I don’t know if my … mom … or Carmen, I guess, will even want to see me.”

  “Why wouldn’t she?” It’s an honest question, but one I can’t really answer.

  “I don’t think she cares.” And that’s what is so terrifying about finding her and telling her about Maddy. Knowing she could crush our hope with a single word.

  “You don’t know that.”

  I look over at him, surprised at how close our faces are. He looks so concerned, it makes me want to cry. Which I refuse to do in front of a stranger. “For years, my dad has told me she doesn’t care about us. And I think I’m starting to believe him. No phone calls, no emails. No cards besides the one I got when I was three right after she left. She left a month before my birthday. Maddy wasn’t even a year old yet. You’d think she’d try a little harder to keep in contact with her own daughters if she did care.”

  “I’ve figured, you never really know what’s going on in someone’s life until you’ve looked inside. Know what I mean?” He leans over and tucks that stupid loose strand of hair behind my ear again. “People think they have a person all figured out, but they’re almost never right. Take me, for example. I’m not a perfect person. Far from it. But I’m not a huge screw-up either. The world has painted a picture of me being this party guy who doesn’t think about anything but getting drunk or getting high. Whatever the stories are. Because that’s what my band does. But if they knew the real me, they’d be surprised how normal I am. Sure I have problems to deal with, but I’m not as crazy as everyone thinks.” He smiles. “It’s all part of the Hollywood image. Be controversial. Be different. Don’t ever be yourself. That’s the biggest lie celebrities tell their fans. No one really knows them. Besides a few close people they care about.”

  “Like family.”

  He shrugs. “And a few friends.” He winks at me and my stomach flips.

  “I don’t know what it is about you,” he says, “but you make me feel … safe. I can trust you.” He chuckles and shakes his head. “That sounds so stupid, but I don’t know another way to describe it.”

  “It doesn’t sound stupid,” I assure him. I’ve been fighting the same feeling, but I don’t say that aloud.

  “It does a little. I just mean, I feel like I don’t have to worry about you spilling all my secrets to the press or anything. Because I don’t really want everyone to know about me playing the bagpipes. Or the whole cowboy thing. Or you know. My worst fears. Please keep that under wraps, deal?”

  “Deal.” And I’m serious.

  He leans his head closer to me, if that’s possible. “Thanks for letting me vent to you. It’s nice to talk to someone so … normal.” His eyes grow wide. “But normal is not a bad thing, I promise. Far from it.”

  “Thanks.”

  He stares at me for a second before blinking once and glancing away. He doesn’t sit up, though, or scoot away. And I can’t help but notice it’s suddenly very stuffy and hard to breathe in here. Who knew you could find out so much about a person just by sitting next to them for a few hours on a plane?

  I don’t know everything about him, but he feels like he’s told me a lot. He probably knows way more about me since I’ve been talking all day, though. But the glimpses of his life that he’s shared with me are so interesting. A boy who’s stuck, trying to please the world around him by being someone else. Because part of him is broken. I can tell by the way his hands shake in his lap. The little habit of playing with his eyebrow ring. Like a nervous tick. The way the dark circles stand out under his eyes. I hadn’t noticed them until I got so close to him, but they’re prominent now. I sense an underlying sadness that he tries to keep bottled up, but when he lets his guard down for even a split second, I see it. He tries so hard to keep it hidden, but he’s only human. A person can only hide so much pain and disappointment until it becomes too much to keep in. It eventually finds its way out.

  It always does.

  And for some strange reason, I really want to help him. To take away whatever demons or shadows are eating at him. Take the pain away. Celebrity or not, he’s a person just like me. And we’re more alike than I ever thought possible.

  The thought of it kind of scares me. I’ve never had a connection like this before. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with it.

  We’re two people running from different things in our lives. One of us is running to save another, the other is running to save himself.

  I’m not sure which journey will be more difficult.

  CHAPTER 13

  These words inside my head

  Aren’t for just anyone to see

  They belong to you and you alone

  The one who set them free

  —J.S.

  The hours tick by, and Jax and I talk the entire time. I tell him about home. What my junior year of high school was like. Being the pianist for the concert choir and playing soccer on the varsity team. I think of my soccer teammates. They are some of my very favorite people and dearest friends. I tell Jax about the fundraiser they set up for Maddy’s medical bills last year. I had no idea they were doing it and it brought me and my family to tears.

  He tells me more about playing with his band in high school, getting honors, even though people thought he didn’t care about grades, and stupid things he did with his friends.

  I feel my body getting tired, since it’s almost eleven at night on the west coast, but I don’t want to miss any of our conversation. After my third yawn, though, he shakes his head. “You can sleep if you need to. We still have an hour or two before we get there.”

  “I’m fine, really.” I yawn again and he laughs.

  “Take a nap. You can even lean on me if you want.”

  I freeze at that. As much as I want to, I don’t want to make either one of us uncomfortable. “I’ll just … uh … lean my head back for a little bit.”

  He shrugs. “If you insist. Shoulders are more comfortable, though.”

  “Not if they’re bony.”

  I hear his deep, quiet laugh as I close my eyes.

  “If I couldn’t have sat by you, I probably would have slept the entire flight,” he whispers.

  “I wouldn’t. The guy next to me would have thrown up in my lap.”

  “Nasty.”

  “So, if you would have slept the entire flight if I wouldn’t have moved, what are you trying to say? That you’re tired and really do need sleep? That I’m a talker who you can’t get to shut up?”

  I open one eye to gauge his reaction, but his eyes are closed and he’s smiling. “Something like that.”

  I smack him softly in the arm and his eyes pop open.

  “Ouch. Maybe I should have the flig
ht attendant come move you to a different seat so I can get some sleep. I probably could get away with something like that if I told her who I am, you know.”

  “You wouldn’t dare,” I grumble.

  “Wouldn’t I?” He winks and closes his eyes again, his arms folded across his chest.

  “You’re hilarious.” I let out a slow, easy breath and close my eyes, as well. The plane is super quiet and someone snores softly a few rows behind us. As long as the snoring doesn’t get out of hand, I’ll hopefully be able to drift off. If not, I may have to go plug someone’s nose.

  I’m not sure how much time has passed, but the next thing I know, I’m opening my eyes. For a moment, I’ve forgotten where I am, but as I recognize the seats in front of me and feel someone leaning into me—and smell his cologne—I remember.

  My head rests on Jax’s shoulder and he’s using my hair as a pillow. When I realize my hand is on his chest, I don’t move, but my body temperature definitely rises a few degrees. My hand rises and falls with the steady rhythm of his breathing and I’m positive he’s asleep.

  Just wait until Maddy hears about his. She’ll freak.

  I shift my body a little, and Jax yawns and sits up. “Sorry,” I say, removing my hand as fast as possible. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “Hey,” he says. I can hear the smile in his voice as I sit up straight and smooth my hair down. I’m sure I look fabulous.

  I take a few seconds to clear my throat; I don’t want to sound all seductive with my tired voice. “Hey.” The smile I give him is shy. I can tell, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

  He yawns. “How long have I been out?”

  “No idea. Not very long, I’d guess.”

  “Good. I don’t normally take naps on people who sit by me, but I have to admit, you were pretty comfortable.”

  I fold my arms and shy away from him. “Thanks, I think.” I sneak a glance at him. He’s watching me with the corner of his mouth turned up.

  We stare at each other for a moment before he clears his throat. “So, you don’t have a place to stay tonight, right?”

  “No. I should have thought this whole thing out better, I know. I just acted. Spontaneity is supposed to be good for you. Most of the time.” Stop talking, Mia.

  “Well, Mia.” He smiles. “Mia. Have I told you I really like that name?”

  “Uh … no?”

  He smiles wider and I look away from his gaze. “Have you decided if you want to stay with me yet?”

  I hesitate. “I don’t know …”

  “You know, I can help you find a hotel if that would be better,” he says just as fast. “Whatever makes you more comfortable.”

  My parents would murder me if they found out I slept at some random guy’s house. I guess Jax isn’t really random in that way, a random rockstar, but I know they’d still freak. “I think a hotel would be better.”

  “It’s settled then. There’s a place I stay that overlooks Central Park. I’ll call it in as soon as we land.”

  “Oh, no. No way. There’s no way I can afford something like that.” I’ve heard of the apartments and hotels overlooking Central Park. I know the park is freaking huge, but I know the prices are super high.

  “No worries, Mia. I can.” He winks, and the way he looks at me signals the end of the conversation.

  CHAPTER 14

  Lyrics are the stories of the cheated, broken, and misunderstood.

  Through music is the only way their voices will ever be heard.

  —J.S.

  The descent into New York makes my ears go crazy. Jax hands me a piece of gum to hopefully pop my ears before they blow up, but even with my overenthusiastic chewing, they still hurt. As the plane touches down, I realize my stomach is in knots. And I sort of feel like I’m going to throw up. Which would be a complete disaster. With my luck, the paparazzi would recognize Jax and plaster a picture of me puking on Jax’s shoe for the whole world to see.

  It hasn’t even happened and I’m kind of freaking out about it. Because it could. I’m a recipe for disaster, or whatever that stupid cliché is.

  “You ready for this?” Jax stands as I pull my bag down from the overhead. I glance up at him. Even after that nap, he still looks exhausted. I wonder how long it’s been since he slept well.

  “Not really.” And it’s true. I don’t know what to think right now. What I’ll say to Carmen when I see her. If I see her. No. When I see her. Because I’m going to find her no matter what.

  But what will I do when I do see her? Will I feel anything? Will I cry? Laugh? Cry tears of joy when I finally embrace my birth mother for the first time in years? Or will I focus on my temper and yell at her for abandoning me? What would Maddy do?

  She’d stay calm, of course. But the emotional possibilities of what I will do are endless and, frankly, I’m kind of terrified of what I might feel. I have no idea which emotion will grace itself at the right time. I was a child when she left, so I didn’t have room for much emotion then. But if I’ve been bottling it up for the last fifteen years, there may be a problem when it all comes pouring out.

  I’m afraid of what she’ll see. What I’ll do.

  I’m quiet as we follow the other passengers down the jetway and through our gate. Jax grabs my elbow, gently, and leads me through the terminal. In the direction of … I’m not sure. This place is really big and kind of intimidating. Lots of professional-looking people in suits holding briefcases or talking on cells.

  I notice a lady sitting on a big suitcase in a waiting area by the baggage claim. She looks like every executive businesswoman I’ve seen in the movies. Her hair’s in a tight bun, her makeup perfect, and her dress is … er … short? So short I wouldn’t be sitting like that in it. Actually, I probably couldn’t sit in it at all. But she looks totally relaxed with her super long legs crossed and her five-inch high heels on her feet, lazily scrolling through her phone. A few smaller suitcases sit next to her and suddenly I’m super happy with my packing choices. I don’t have to hunt down any luggage. Or worry about it getting lost. Which is awesome. And weird for me. My wardrobe back home isn’t exactly small.

  “You okay?” Jax asks as we weave through the crowd.

  Somehow, I’d forgotten he was with me for a minute. “Yeah.” Once this whole trip is over, hopefully the world will right itself. No more running off to places I’ve never been before, no more talking to strange guys on airplanes, no more wondering if Maddy is going to make it another year. Everything will be normal again. It has to be.

  We pass a few people standing in the lobby holding signs with random names on them. There are a few taxi drivers, some really well dressed people (movie star agents or something?), and a group of tourists wearing the same red shirts and hugging each other. And when I say group, I mean like twenty of them. They all seem so happy to see one another, and I assume they’re family, flying from different parts of the country and meeting in New York to explore together. You can see the love they have for each other radiating off them. It makes me miss my family. I shake my head. I haven’t even been gone twelve hours and I’m already homesick? What the heck is wrong with me?

  Before I get lost in the crowd, Jax grabs my hand and pulls me along with him. And not just a hey there, hang on to me so you don’t get lost kind of hand hold. More like a back off, this girl is mine kind of hand hold. If there is such a hold. Also, I’m sure I’m overanalyzing everything. But what else am I supposed to do at the moment? Besides. I’m a girl. It’s what we do best. Overanalyzing for the win!

  My free hand tightens on my bag and luckily my purse is wrapped around my shoulder. With nothing else to worry about, we walk through the crowded airport together and one thought keeps running through my mind ahead of the others:

  I’m holding Jaxton Scott’s hand. I’m holding Jaxton Scott’s hand. I’m freaking holding Jaxton Scott’s freaking hand.

  Relax, Mia. He’s a person. All people have hands. Quit making this a big deal when it’s not.

>   It totally is.

  I swear, I don’t have multiple personalities.

  Actually … maybe I do.

  Shut up, Mia.

  We walk through the glass doors that lead outside. I’ve forgotten how late it is and am surprised to find the sky so dark.

  “Are we getting a taxi?” I stare at all the taxis sitting next to the curb, wondering if Jax typically rides in them or if he has his own limo service, when he raises his free hand and waves at someone.

  “Nope. I’ve got our ride covered.”

  He pulls me past a bunch of taxis and grins at a girl about our age in a cute red tank and shorts who’s standing next to a super nice car. She’s talking on her cell, oblivious to us at the moment, but when she looks up and sees us, she hangs up on whoever she was talking to and squeals really—really—loud.

  “Jax!”

  I shouldn’t be surprised to see a girl picking him up. He is a rockstar, after all. But even so, a little prick of jealousy creeps under my skin. Which is stupid. It’s not like we’re dating or anything. I’m just a girl from California who hasn’t had a boyfriend since her sophomore year of high school.

  And she doesn’t talk about that boyfriend.

  Because Kevin was an idiot. And so was I for going out with him.

  Jax lets go of my hand and rushes to the girl, picking her up and spinning her around. The girl laughs and wraps her arms around his neck, hugging him super tight, which makes me look away. This whole thing just got super awkward and I’m second-guessing my spur of the moment decision to take him up on his offer to find me a hotel room.

  “I’m so happy you’re here, Jax!” the girl says. “When Mom said you were coming for the weekend, I was so excited. I didn’t think you’d be back so soon. With your tours and everything, I thought it would be another three months at least.”

  My ears perk up at the word mom. She’s his sister. Jeigh, I believe, from what he said on the plane. He said they were close. My body relaxes and I release a long breath.

  “I needed a little break, so I’m here for a few days. I wish it were longer.”