Loved In Pieces (The Intentions Series)

by Carla J Hanna

  His eyes met mine again and melted me with their beauty. He led me to my bed and grabbed a file folder. He sat on the bed, cross-legged in his shorts, facing me. “I thought I’d have you read about some of these techniques to help a girl feel better, ya know, and you could tell me what you’d be comfortable trying. I’ll do anything you want and don’t worry, I’m not asking you to do anything different for me. You’re beyond perfect.”

  I asked, “So cooling it isn’t an option?”

  He put his hand on my cheek. “I love you so much. I don’t want to cool it but it would make me so happy to make you happy.” He grinned and shook his head. “There’s no pressure. But just read about the techniques and don’t be embarrassed to ask me to do them or use something to help you because you’re my everything.”

  I smiled at him, grateful that he was so thoughtful and academic. “I don’t feel embarrassed now that you’re sharing your little textbook approach.” I worried that he was going to ask me to blow him. “You’re okay with me not wanting to do any nasty stuff?”

  “I promise that I’ll never ask you think it would be disrespectful to you. Kate made it very clear to me the way girls felt about it. And just for the record, just about every guy in the school was telling me that their girls were blowing them. I just asked Kate what she thought and quickly learned that the guys were more than exaggerating. I thought I’d just start with the first technique without telling you what I was up to but then decided that I want your input before I do anything, ya know, make sure it’s what you want.”

  I asked, “Do you want me to read them and circle what I want to try?”

  He smiled at me and nodded his head. “Remember, you’re in control. Okay?”

  I nodded and looked at him intently, “There’s more. What’s up?”

  “Well, I talked to my parents. I asked them if I could sleep here. I just don’t get to see you enough. I think about you constantly and want to be with you more. It’s your house, your wishes, but I sure would like to. It’s not to have sex all the time. It’s to be with you. I need you.”

  “What did they say?”

  “They said okay but that I should talk to you first. I traded shifts at the restaurant so I can see you this weekend, but we barely see each other during the week. Please don’t get freaked out.”

  “Señor Self-righteous, you’re a confusing mix of rules. I’d love to have you live with me but I warn you, I won’t want you to leave.”

  “Well, I won’t exactly live with you. I’ll just have the flexibility to come here after work and stay after our dates. I should still be home to study before big tests or if my parents or Janet need me.”

  I slouched, “I have to tell you the truth before we ‘kind of’ live together. I don’t like it non-committal, casual. I’m also worried that having sex isn’t helping me but I’m scared to death that I’ll lose you if I say no.”

  “I freaked you out?”

  “Not exactly, I just have a lot of fear of being alone again. I have trust issues.”

  Manuel embraced me. “How about I stop with the bullshit? I want to live with you even though it’s against my religion. You’re right that I’m conflicted but I love you so completely, am so committed, so blessed. Please trust me while I sort out what I believe. What I know is that our love is so good. There’s no way it could be sinful. What is wrong is you always being alone, living by yourself, and being so adult. I want to be by your side, with you, supporting you. I don’t want to ever leave you.”

  Contentment washed over me. I cuddled into him and started reading.

  ~ | ~ REACTIONS

  To show the world that I forgave Evan but kept my self-respect, I was attending his Friday night premiere of Inert Reactions, which he warned me was really going to suck. Manuel, Franz, Mitch and Beth were coming with me.

  “Franz, I thought you were bringing Tony?”

  He pouted. “I’m not a slut. I’m not interested.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. Franz, do you get lonely?”

  “No, I’m holding out for love. Speaking of love, where’s Manny?” He had finished dressing me and doing my makeup. He was working on my hair. We needed to leave in thirty minutes.

  “I’m here!” Manuel yelled as he came in the house. “Sorry I’m late! Mitch and Beth should be here in a second.” He came into Mom’s bathroom where Franz was finishing up.

  “Hi Franz! Nice to see you.” Manuel shook his hand. “Wow, you look pretty. You’re gorgeous without makeup, too.”

  “Thanks.” I beamed from the praise. Franz also beamed with pride for making me look so pretty. “Why are you so happy?” I asked.

  “I had a really good day at school and stuff. I got an academic scholarship to UCLA, full ride, room and board, plus a stipend for books,” Manuel smiled.

  Franz clapped. I got up from the chair and hugged him. “That’s awesome, my man!”

  “Yeah, I’m really happy. So can I wear this?” Manuel was in a black tee, cargo pants and flip flops. I looked at Franz. He looked shocked. I laughed.

  “I think you can. Just walk with Franz.” I joked. He could wear whatever he wanted to wear. We were not on an official date. I was going as a celebrity to support the studio’s project but Franz, Manuel, Mitch and Beth were going for fun to support Evan as friends.

  Franz responded, “No way! You’re walking by yourself, Manny. I can’t be associated with that look!”

  Manuel and I laughed. “Fair enough, Franz.” Manuel patted Franz on the shoulder. “So, I just make room for you, my gorgeous girlfriend, while you pose for some photos but otherwise you’re my date?”

  “Yep. Just don’t hold my hand or anything so there won’t be any speculation. Sage and my security guards will escort me from the limo. I will do a few interviews about why I forgive Evan, so I’ll meet you guys in the lobby. Then we can make out in our seats, my man,” I joked.

  Manuel smiled, “It’ll be nice to catch up with Evan. I’m happy that he’s okay with us dating, mi cariño.”

  Franz laughed. I knew that he was thinking that he liked Evan over Manuel so I punched him lightly in the shoulder.

  Manuel looked at me again. “Are you wearing that? It’s so short.”

  Franz put his hands on his hips and exhaled loudly. He responded, “I’m so sure, Manny. Just ruin the mood. She looks stunning. Is it your intention to criticize her all the time? Does that make you feel more manly or something?”

  Manuel replied, “No. It’s just so revealing. Isn’t Marie above looking sleazy?”

  “She’s a goddess. Ugh!” Franz stormed off.

  Beth and Mitch arrived. She looked beautiful in a black sundress and low-heeled sandals. Beth was tall and looked like a swimsuit model. She had short dark brown hair naturally highlighted in golden streaks from the sun and chlorine. Her body was tanned, toned, and perfect. Like me, she had larger breasts than what you’d expect from her being an athlete. Most female athletes don’t have a lot of body fat so the breasts, being composed of body fat, are usually small. Not mine and not Beth’s. From exercising constantly, her skin glowed with health, clear of any imperfection. She didn’t wear makeup normally, but she wore a pearlescent pink lipstick and mascara that made her royal blue eyes shine. She was so naturally beautiful that several times a year she was offered modeling contracts. But she had no intention of ever being a product and never gave modeling another thought.

  Mitch looked out of place with the rest of us. He was wearing a suit.

  I shared Manuel’s news, “Manny got a full ride to UCLA!”

  Beth crossed her arms and guffawed, “Figures! That’s so unfair!”

  “What?” I stammered.

  Beth explained, “Need-based minority academic full-ride bullshit, Manny. You’re dating Marie Michael, your mom is worth several million dollars, you look as white as me and you claim financial need. My family has negative cash flow so I have to swim my ass off to pay for college. Your family or Marie could pay for your education in a
heartbeat but you get the scholarship with no strings attached while I have to slave for my athletic scholarship so I can get the education.”

  Manuel shrugged his shoulders, “I am Latino, even if I don’t look like it, and I do live in an apartment.”

  “Yeah, an apartment complex your mom owns!”

  “Technically, her trust owns it.”

  “Whatever, Manny. You have to live with yourself. You just took away a scholarship from someone who actually needed it.”

  We all left the house nervously, said hello to Sashi, and got settled in the stretch limo. I sat between Manuel and Franz.

  Manuel immediately addressed Franz, “Hey, Franz, I know you guys both saw me roll my eyes last time you did Marie’s makeup. I’m sorry. I thought you were being overboard dramatic, and I don’t like Marie made up and revealing too much of her body. She’s more beautiful without the glop on her face. I’m sorry that insults you. I know that it’s your job to make her look sexy, but I’m just uncomfortable seeing Marie that way. Like right now, I mean, look, nothing is covering her legs all the way up. I’m modest and want her dresses to be longer. No one has a right to see her body through some tiny dress.”

  Franz didn’t say anything. Manuel noticed the silence and continued, “I just want to clear up the misunderstanding that’s getting out of hand from the last couple times I’ve been around when you’ve gotten Marie ready. I like you. I don’t care that you’re gay. I don’t judge you. Marie thinks that because I’m Christian I don’t approve of your preferences. My beliefs are my own. I don’t put that on anybody. It’s my business, just like your choices are your business. You have to understand. I’ve learned tolerance of people’s beliefs. My dad’s an atheist and my mom changes all the time between some yoga ashram to some meditative Buddhist perspective based on how her body feels. My grandpa’s Jewish and grandma’s Catholic. I’m pro-life. Marie’s pro-choice. But it all works. You and Marie believe what you want. Do what you want. I’m not judging. I’m not Mr. Holier-than-thou.”

  Franz looked at Manuel, “Apology accepted, but the sooner you deal with the fact that your girlfriend has the best figure in Hollywood, the better. She’s a star and has an obligation to look larger than life. It’s my job to maintain her image so that she looks extraordinary in public.”

  Manuel acknowledged him, “I know. I just wish it could be different. I wish she could just go as herself with me. I wish she could wear more respectful clothing, leave more to the imagination.”

  I interrupted, “I’m me, Manuel. I have a mask on, but I’m me.”

  Manuel looked at me and smiled. “I know. I just wanted you guys to know that’s what bugs me.”

  “Thanks for telling me, Manny. That was mature of you. You should know that I’ve been telling Marie that I like Evan better. But that’s cool you apologized to me,” Franz smiled. “I guess it won’t kill me if you walk with me when we get out of the car.”

  Franz focused on Beth, “You’re absolutely gorgeous. What makes your skin glow?”

  “I wash and moisturize with Cetaphil. I’m wearing lipstick and mascara.”

  “I just have to know. What undergarments are you wearing?”

  Without being embarrassed, Beth answered with no emotion in her voice, “The bra is built into the dress. I’m wearing seamless boy shorts. You’re in a position of power as a stylist and should make a point to abolish the thong, be a trend setter so women wouldn’t think they should have to wear butt floss.”

  He begged, “Can I be your modeling agent?”

  She answered coldly, “No thank you. I don’t want to model and be an agent’s slave.”

  Franz didn’t understand, “But darling, you’ll be a swimsuit model when you swim for Poland in the Olympics. Your sponsors will own you. Your scholarship will own you, too. Just model and get the cash so you can pay your tuition at the school you want to attend.”

  Beth glared at Franz. She did not want to be exploited as an Olympian as her mother and I were as actors. Martin met with Beth and her parents when she received her first endorsement contract for swimming for Poland in the Olympics. They’d own her for four years and she’d get $300,000, but end up with $90,000 cash in the bank. She rejected the offer.

  Manuel and Mitch looked at each other apprehensively. Franz looked down.

  I interrupted, “Beth, you really do look pretty. I just wanted you to know that I love the clothes you always wear to school. I personally just wear the clothes Franz buys me, but I’d like to buy some clothes for myself that you wear. Where do you shop?”

  Beth snickered and looked at me wearily, “Target, mostly. When I splurge, like this dress, I go to REI. It was on sale. When my mom goes to an industry event to promote her TV show, she gets her dress from a second-hand store on Wilshire Blvd, probably something worn once by your mom. You forget that ninety-nine percent of actors in the business scrape by financially.” She glanced at Manuel, surely thinking I was a complete fake, and looked at me with tight lips. “I think my look is pretty simple, Marie. What do you like about it?”

  I honestly explained, “I love to run. I like that you wear running tights and running shoes all the time and wear a sundress over it. I assume that’s so you can ride your bike everywhere and to work. It looks pretty but also comfortable. I also like the pants and shirts you wear, the hiking girl look.” I smiled at her. “Do you mind if I copy your signature look?”

  Beth smiled, “Please don’t bullshit me, Marie.”

  “I’m not. I like you, respect you. It’s real.”

  She looked at Manuel and asked him something with her eyes. He nodded his head. “Marie, I’m sorry I said you were a fake. I can’t stand Kate. She’s a bitch. I hated that Manny dated her.” She took a big breath. “I was also pissed at you. I thought you were playing Manny and Mitch.” She squeezed Mitch’s hand. “My boyfriend was completely enamored with you and I felt kind of second rate when he asked me to prom after you accepted and then rejected him. The press had you dating Evan at the time, and it looked real, so I thought you were a two-timer. Those times we double dated with you and Evan last summer, I thought you were an idiot not to like him more. He seemed completely into you. And then there was Manny. It was so obvious that he was in love with you. Since power-hungry, selfish Kate was your best friend, I thought you were manipulative, a tease. I was shocked when the guys explained that you have insecurities. I didn’t think about that.”

  “Thanks for explaining, Beth.” I shook my head. “I thought telling Manuel that I loved him would make him run for the door. All of Kate’s recordings had Manuel explaining to her how he only loved me as a sister and that he couldn’t possibly date his sister, that it’d be gross.”

  I looked at Mitch. “I thought you understood when I cancelled prom?”

  Mitch answered, “I did understand. That’s when I realized Manny loved you. There’s no way I was going to steal my best buddy’s girl. We talked and I got the okay to ask Beth. I thought Manny had a claim on her, not on you.”

  Beth added, “Yeah, I’m Manny’s second choice, too. Honestly, Marie, you’ve had the easiest life, ever. Everyone loves you. My mom gets paid nothing for being an actress after you factor in her expenses. You’re just rolling in success. It must be nice.”

  I gulped and held those beautiful blue eyes of hers with my intense ones. “Yeah, it’s really nice to be alone all the time, suffer from sever stage fright, starve so I’m not criticized or sued for looking fat, have the responsibility for the success of a business, and be an exploited brand. I’d rather be able to say “no” to a modeling contract, swim, and run free. I don’t feel sorry for myself—it is what it is—but you’re the one who has it easy.”

  Beth backpedaled, “Oh, Marie, I’m sorry.”

  Mitch added, “I’m sorry, too. I know it’s been so hard for you. You’re incredible, Marie.” Then he looked at Beth, “You’re not my second choice. You’re amazing. I love you.”

  “But you asked her firs
t. Manny’s been in love with her forever, and Evan dated me only because she dissed him.”

  I interrupted, “When did you date Evan?” At that moment, Beth’s friendships with the men I loved threatened me. I no longer liked her.

  She looked at me innocently, “Does that bother you, Marie?”

  “Yes!” I admitted. “I love him. And, he was dating me. You were dating Mitch.”

  Manuel interrupted, “This is getting out of hand. They don’t want to hurt you. Can we drop this?”

  I looked at Manuel and Mitch. Franz looked as surprised as I was but the guys knew. I demanded, “I want to know when you dated Evan.”

  Manuel sighed, “Come on girls. Marie, you and Evan could never see each other with your schedules. Nothing happened with Evan and Beth. He was uncomfortable dating someone in high school. Beth got back together with Mitch.” Manuel hugged me and raised my chin so I saw the sincerity in his eyes. He kissed me. “You girls would be great friends if you got over your jealousy of each other. Please try. Please don’t be like Kate.”

  I looked around the limo and breathed, “Such the soap opera.” Aware that there was much more I didn’t know, I was on the verge of tears and scared of losing control of my fragile emotions.

  ~ | ~ EVAN’S PREMIERE

  When we got to the premiere, I posed for pictures and did some grueling interviews. I waved to Evan when I saw him but didn’t interrupt his interviews or autograph signing. We were working. I was endorsing his film and helping him build credibility. I saw that Manuel watched me the whole time and smiled at him often. My last interview turned emotional when I admitted that Evan dumping me hurt a ton and that finding out that he dated another girl while we were dating sucked. The statement was true, the feelings were real, and my eyes watered. I shared too much. Sage saved me and escorted me to the lobby.

  “I love that you’re here with me.” I smiled and hugged Manuel in the lobby. I didn’t want to separate from him but we had to keep our distance. He smiled back.