Back in Service

by Isabel Sharpe

  His finger explored, stroking, touching, barely any pressure. Heat lightning traveled up her body. She forced herself to lie still, wanting to pull his head down to her, wanting him inside her, needing release from the building pressure.

  They had all night.

  His first kiss was so light she didn’t recognize his lips until his tongue traveled up the length of her sex, parting her labia, ending with the lightest touch on her clitoris. Kendra’s body jerked in reaction. She forced her breathing to slow, unfisted her hands, made her muscles relax.

  Torture. The very sweetest kind.

  He took his time, tiny touches and strokes with his fingers and tongue, adding to her arousal incrementally until she thought she’d go out of her mind. No one had ever taken time with her like this, the intensity building until an orgasm was simply inevitable.

  “Kendra.”

  “Yes.” She barely recognized the shaky tone as her own voice.

  “I would like to make love to you.”

  “Yes.”

  The word exploded out of her, making him chuckle. “You don’t sound very sure.”

  God, he was sexy. Looking at her with one eyebrow quirked in pretend surprise, as if he had no idea what he’d been doing to her.

  Then his smile faded. He undid his fly and stepped out of his clothes without ceremony, taking a condom packet from the back pocket of his shorts, rolling it on and sitting next to her, stroking her breasts, her stomach, gazing down at her body and then into her eyes.

  “I’ve thought about this a lot, about how I thought it would feel with you. This is so much better. Better than my wildest fantasy.” He waggled his eyebrows. “Some of them were pretty wild.”

  “Ooh.” She drew her hand down the center of his torso. “You’ll have to tell me about those.”

  “This is better because it’s real. Of course. But also because it’s finally you and me, Kendra. The place we’ve been heading to for a long time, I think longer than either of us suspects. Out in this garden where we can see the moon and hear the ocean and smell the eucalyptus.” He put one hand on her heart, the other on his own. “You and me.”

  Kendra stared up at him. She could say nothing. What did he mean? He almost sounded as if...

  He moved over her. She opened her legs for him automatically, not sure what was happening, why after all this time of good solid clarity, her mind was a whirl of confusion or why she had a sudden urge to cry.

  His penis nudged at her sex; she reached down and guided him in, felt him push, stretch her, push farther, in and out until he was filling her completely. Her body responded. Her brain still couldn’t grasp the moment or interpret her reaction.

  Instinctively, she stopped trying, shut down her thoughts and concentrated on the sensations. The weight and motion of his body on hers, the welcome intrusion of his erection, the occasional caress of the breeze. The sweep of his broad back, the smooth planes of his skin, the swell of his buttocks, contracting and releasing. The climb of desire as he changed his motion, his rhythm, the force of his thrust, as if he was intent on experiencing every angle, every inch of her, inside and out, and had all the time in the world.

  Sooner? Later? She couldn’t tell. Only that at some point her response gradually changed; her body was no longer content with simple arousal. Her hips moved faster. She tilted her pelvis, squeezed her internal muscles to hold him tighter.

  Jameson groaned and dug his hands under her buttocks, thrusting harder. A light perspiration broke out on Kendra’s body; she felt her face flushing. She wrapped her arms around him, one hand gripping his side, the other clasping the back of his head.

  The orgasm came on slowly, as if from a distance, gathered speed and power, rushing at her. She locked her legs around his, arched her back and let it sweep through her, holding herself rigid through the plateau of ecstasy, aware of Jameson’s body gathering itself, as well. As she burst into contractions he gave a low shout, pushed once more and held still.

  As if imitating the rise and fall of their climaxes, wind rose, gusted, then quieted again. Something rustled in the garden.

  Kendra lay clutching Jameson’s head, not wanting to let the moment go, aware of rising emotions that threatened to burst through her control. The steel wall was in danger.

  He strained to lift his head; she made her fingers relax so he could, kept her eyes shut, concentrating on the smooth masculine feel of his body over hers, the tiny occasional pulsing aftershocks between their legs, some hers, some his.

  This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. She should be able to laugh now, to tease him, to smile and feel affection and relief and pleasure. Instead there was again a mass of confusion and conflict she couldn’t begin to understand.

  “Look at me,” he whispered.

  She opened her eyes obediently to his, their blue shade muted to gray in the darkness and flickering candlelight.

  And then everything was clear.

  With his arms around her she felt protected, safe, cared for. For once she was not in charge. For once someone else was taking the lead, watching out for her, keeping her safe.

  Kendra enjoyed the revelation for all of about ten seconds, then the pleasure was replaced by the piercing pain of vulnerability, more severe than she’d felt since right after her parents died.

  She was falling for him.

  “I can’t,” she whispered, then realized she’d spoken out loud and shook her head, no, no, no. Fear was making her stupid.

  “Kendra.” His brows drew down in concern. “You can’t what?”

  “I don’t know.” To her horror, her voice was thick with tears. God, no, she couldn’t cry. He’d want to know what was wrong. She couldn’t tell him. She couldn’t even begin to tell him.

  But the wave of grief was too powerful, too raw to be contained. Tears ran hot down the sides of her face. She pressed her fists over her eyes, as if the torrent could somehow be stopped. He’d think she was a lunatic.

  He rolled off her and sat up. She didn’t blame him.

  “It’s okay. It’s okay.” Strong arms drew her against him; gentle hands stroked her hair. “Go ahead.”

  His sweetness undid her. She cried until her tear tank was empty, for hours, it seemed. Through it all he held her close, caressing her, murmuring words of support and endearment. Never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined Jameson Cartwright capable of such deep tenderness.

  It only made her fall harder.

  She clung to him until her sobs quieted, then forced herself to let go, to sit up, then stand. On her own two feet. To stop being a wet blanket weighing him down.

  “Jameson.” She couldn’t begin to imagine what he was thinking. “I’m so sorry I lost it like that.”

  “Why?” He got up, too, took her hands, then slid his up her arms to cup the back of her neck.

  “Well, I mean.” She gestured stupidly at the chaise. “We were just... I mean, it’s not like we were... It was supposed to be just fun. And playful. Like we are.”

  “It didn’t turn out that way.” He started massaging the tight muscles under his fingers.

  “No.”

  “So?” He gave her that lazy smile. “That means there’s more between us than fun. Nothing wrong with that.”

  “But... No, there isn’t.” She blurted out the words, then didn’t blame him for smirking at her. “Okay, maybe.”

  He bent and kissed her. “I’ve got two bits of news for you.”

  “What?”

  “One, there is something powerful between us and has been for a whole lot of years. So it makes perfect sense that making love would jar some emotion loose. Because it did in me, too.”

  “Only you didn’t bawl all over me for an hour.”

  “I didn’t lose my parents and have to take care of myself al
l alone for the past two years.”

  She scowled at him, but not with any real anger. Just because he was undoubtedly right. “What’s the second thing?”

  Jameson took her shoulders, looking deeply into her eyes. Her heart started a slow and steady thump. What was he going to say? Something deep. Something romantic and so wonderful she wouldn’t be able to handle it.

  He jerked his head over her left shoulder. “When you threw them, your bra and panties landed in the pool.”

  12

  “I REALLY ENJOYED the show tonight.”

  “Thanks, Kendra.” Matty grinned at her across their late-night table at Green Street Restaurant, liking her more and more. Granted, she’d only met her for the first time about fifteen minutes earlier, when she and Jameson had come to the stage door after the show, but she was one of those people who instantly appealed.

  Not to mention Matty had never seen her brother so relaxed and outgoing and smitten. Around other girlfriends he’d always seemed vaguely apprehensive, as if awaiting judgment day. With Kendra he just looked happy. Matty might have had her last sleepless night over her baby brother for a while, though he and Kendra had a complicated future to work out, with Jameson about to go back to Keesler.

  “How’s the knee, Jamie?”

  “Jamie?” Kendra gave Jameson an incredulous look. “I’ve never heard you called that.”

  “Ha!” Matty gestured to her brother with her wine. “There’s worse. When he was little, we called him Jam-Jam.”

  Kendra clapped her hand to her mouth to muffle a snort, then lowered it and blinked sweetly at Jameson. “Jam-Jam... What a lovely name.”

  “Hilarious.” Jameson rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “What about you, Fatty Matty?”

  “Argh!” Matty clutched her chest. “Not that one!”

  “Oh, ouch.” Kendra winced in sympathy. “That is horrible. Especially since you’re anything but heavy.”

  “Used to be.”

  “Ouch again.” Kendra lifted her glass. “I’m a member of that club, too.”

  “Then you know. I think that nickname was one of Hayden’s.” Matty made her disgust plain. She and her twin brothers got along pleasantly now, but that was about it for closeness. They belonged to another era. “Kendra, what kind of insulting nicknames did you get hit with?”

  “There’s not much you can do with Kendra. My brother called me Kenny, not that clever, but it annoyed me so he did it. Mom and Dad just used endearments like honey or sweetie or ladybug. At school I got teased for being me.” She patted Jameson’s arm under the table. “Mostly by your brother.”

  Matty waved away the comment. “Boys are too dumb to show attraction in normal ways.”

  “We learn, though.” The look he gave Kendra was pure adoration.

  Kendra threw him a quick nervous smile and ducked her head.

  Uh-oh. What was that? Embarrassed to show her feelings in front of the sister, or she wasn’t quite feeling the big love yet?

  If it was the latter, silly, silly girl. You didn’t take that kind of devotion for granted, because it didn’t strike often. No man had looked at Matty the way Jameson had just looked at Kendra for a long, long time. No one since Chris.

  “Excuse me, guys, I’ll be right back. It’s been a long time since intermission.” Kendra stood and headed for the restroom.

  Matty beamed at her brother. “She’s great, Jameson.”

  “Yeah, she’s okay.” His smile belied his casual tone. “I hear I have you to thank for siccing her on me.”

  “Me?” Matty thumped her hand to her chest. “I have no idea what you’re—”

  “I beat it out of her.” He lifted his glass in a toast. “Thanks, Matty. You’re a pain in the ass, but your heart is in the right place.”

  “Thank you, brother dear.” She rested her chin on her hand and speared him with a look. “Have you gone over to see Mom and Dad yet?”

  “I will.” He shifted irritably. “I should, I know. And I will.”

  “How’s Mike doing?” Matty had never met Mike, but would worship him forever because his apartment had saved Jameson from being driven crazy by their mom and dad during his recovery.

  “He’s loving the training. Working hard, studying hard.”

  “You’ll get there.” She watched his face carefully. He wasn’t as hard to read as her other brothers, but still a tough one.

  “It’ll be a long haul. But yeah. They’ll probably put me on a desk job until I’m ready to start up again.”

  “How will you and Kendra leave things?”

  “Well, Ms. Nosy.” He reached to tweak her nose, knowing she hated it.

  “Off me, you pig.” She reared back in plenty of time. “Now go on. You and Kendra...”

  “Too soon to tell.” He was all brisk business again, leaning back, stretching his legs to one side of the table.

  “But you’d like to stay together.”

  “Yeah.” He met her eyes, and Matty saw the vulnerability. Oh, gosh. He’d been through so much.

  “She feel the same?”

  “As I said, it’s too soon to tell.”

  Matty nodded, heart aching. How could Kendra not fall for him? If she broke his heart, Matty would have to take her out personally. “Any chance you’ll give up this Cartwright idea of devoting your life to the Air Force?”

  “For that, I’ll have to say it’s too soon to tell.” He checked over his shoulder to see if Kendra was on her way back yet.

  “Right, right. Shutting up. Butting out.” Matty flung herself back in her chair and buried her nose in her wine, gratified when he chuckled.

  “You want to have lunch tomorrow? What is that, Saturday?”

  “Mmm, I can’t, I’m busy.” Immediately she started blushing.

  “Yeah?” He was watching her closely, which made her blush harder. “Who’s this guy?”

  “What guy?”

  “Matty...”

  Matty inhaled slowly. When she’d told Jameson about Chris shortly after they broke up, Jameson had come close to driving to Pomona to beat the crap out of him, more figuratively than literally. She hoped. But she couldn’t lie to her younger brother. “Chris Hamilton.”

  “What?” His face crumpled into disbelief. “The Creepy Professor?”

  “It’s just lunch.”

  “What does he want?” Jameson was sitting straight now, all military posture and protective instinct. “How did he find you?”

  She shrugged, why does it matter? “He came to my show. We talked after.”

  “Don’t trust him.”

  She raised her left eyebrow. “Do I look stupid to you?”

  “No. Sorry.” He laughed shortly. “He just totally messed with you.”

  “Believe me, I remember.” She put a finger to her chin as if she’d just thought of something profound. “Gee, kind of like you messed with Kendra in school.”

  “Oh, come on.” He folded his muscled arms across his chest. She remembered when they’d been skinny sticks. “Not remotely comparable.”

  “No?”

  “I was a kid doing stupid kid stuff out of unhappiness I didn’t understand. He was a grown man—”

  “Doing stupid grown-man stuff. I know. But he still swears nothing happened with Clarisse. And I know for a fact she was psycho.”

  “Oh, God.” A look of horror grew on his face. “He’s playing you. He still wants you.”

  “Am I interrupting?” Kendra approached the table and sat down, looking between them. “Uh. Should I go back to the bathroom?”

  “No, no, you’re fine.” Matty giggled and held up her hand. “Jameson is in caveman mode because a guy who was horrible to me six years ago wants to have lunch.”

  “Really?” She looke
d at him curiously. “That horrible? Worse than you were?”

  “Much.” He glared at Matty, who grinned smugly. “You’re going to give him another chance, aren’t you?”

  “Only if he earns it.”

  “I gave you one.” Kendra nudged him with her shoulder.

  “See?” Matty smiled appreciatively.

  “It’s not the same thing. This guy was her professor. He knew better.”

  “Excuse me.” Matty raised her hand like a kid in class. “I knew better, too.”

  “He cheated on you with another student.”

  “Actually, that was just my assumption.” Matty spoke calmly to balance her brother’s temper. She’d laid it on thick six years earlier out of the horrible pain she was in, painting herself as the innocent victim and Chris as the heartless predator. She could see why Jameson wouldn’t buy a new version now.

  “She was naked in his apartment!”

  “She was a very disturbed girl. He still says he didn’t touch her.”

  Jameson’s eyes narrowed. “How many times have you seen him?”

  “Twice. We had drinks once, dinner the other night.”

  Kendra’s head was going back and forth following the conversation.

  “I can’t believe this.” He turned to Kendra. “What do you think?”

  “Me?” Her eyes shot wide. “I’m not touching this one.”

  “No, I’m serious. You counsel people. You heard the problem. What do you think?”

  Matty watched her, curious, nodding when Kendra turned her gaze to assess Matty’s reaction.

  “Bearing in mind I know almost nothing.” Kendra laid her hand on Jameson’s arm. “I’d say give your sister the benefit of the doubt here. I don’t know this guy, and it sounds like what he did was a lot more serious than what you did, but I had certainly written you off, Jameson. Now that we’re older, I can understand more of what you were going through and how you felt. But you think my father would be happy to find out I’m dating you now, after all the stuff I told him about you, all the times I came home in tears over something you’d done?”