by Bry Ann
Logan came in last, but of course, his entrance was graceful and calm unlike the rest of ours. Two body guards went in the car in front of us and the other two followed behind.
“Everyone good?” Logan asked.
We all nodded. Jazmine kissed my cheek and crawled off my lap. She shifted her way through everyone in the crowded car so that she could sit by Logan. My heart almost exploded, seeing my daughter finally with her father. Alexa smiled too, something she rarely did. Dana grabbed my hand and squeezed it.
“You’re a great daddy,” Jazmine said calmly and then lied back and put her dirty little feet on his lap.
Of course, he was wearing a fancy suit. He didn’t seem to mind one bit. I smiled at him and he smiled back, but the smile conveyed so much more than happiness. It was love. True familial love.
Dana quickly pulled out of the backlot of the hospital. Once we were out on the road, I turned to Logan.
“Interesting car choice?”
Logan didn’t seem like a subtle four-door car type of guy. Plus, this was a pretty crowded choice when he knew we would all be coming.
“It’s not mine.”
“Oh?” I asked.
“It’s yours,” he said as he rubbed Jazmine’s hair back.
“What?! No, I couldn’t! Alexa and I share. I’ve never…”
“Sam,” he said looking at me amused. “You know you need a car. I’ve wanted to buy this for you since the second I found out you didn’t have one. I knew I’d insult you though, so I refrained, but now you’re with me, and you had my daughter and still have no car. Well, you share with Alexa, but you know. A thank you will do.”
“I’ve never had a car to myself,” I whispered. I was in such a state of shock that everyone in the car laughed.
“I know.”
“Thank you. I mean it. Thank you. You didn’t have to.”
Logan was about to say something super nice I am sure but was cut off by Alexa.
“Well thank God. Now I can have my freaking car back.” She laughed. We all laughed and told stories the whole way home. This was family. I was laughing at some stupid joke Logan made and looked out the window. As I stared at the trees passing by I could almost feel someone squeezing my hand, but no one was there. My mom. She was with us. Of course, all of my family was in the car.
Chapter 22:
Two months went by, and it was almost hard to believe life just kept going after what had happened. When something tragic happens, it almost feels like the world should stop or change or something, but no. You get back in the real world, and everyone just keeps going. Things found their natural place after I got out of the hospital. Dana got settled in her new downtown Nashville apartment, and I guess it should be said I officially moved to Nashville as well. That was always a given. It was Logan and I’s plan. Logan would permanently move to Nashville and so would I. Logan no longer would hold residence in LA. He’d fly out for work once and awhile, but for the most part, he would only take work in Nashville. He had missed five years of Jazmine’s life and didn’t plan on missing anymore. Alexa moved to Nashville as well, because we were her family.
She was my family.
The first person, outside of my mom, I truly let in my life of my own free will. I loved her, and so did Jazmine. She got an apartment not far from Logan and we helped her get settled and find a good job. We had funerals for the men who died protecting us when Tim and his goons came by. That was one of the hardest days of my life. I felt so guilty. I bawled my eyes out and apologized to their wives profusely. All of whom were saints and didn’t blame us in the slightest. Logan paid for their funerals. Along with that, he gave the families a substantial amount of money to help them cope with the huge transition their life was about to make. We got most of their numbers and made it our goal to stay in touch with them, and make sure they were doing okay. Money didn’t fix everything. They needed someone to care. We made it our goal to not just be there for them financially, but personally as well.
Logan and I were together, officially. We didn’t make a big skeptical of it. It just happened naturally. Dana and Alexa were both settled in their respective apartments and Jazmine, and I lived with Logan. Jazmine had her own room right down the hall from ours and Logan, and I shared a room. I was hesitant to do that at first, but we took baby steps. I slept in a sweatshirt and full sweats for a long time. Logan let me for a while, but eventually he made me talk about it therapy. Not because he was trying to push me into something I wasn’t ready for, but it was getting unhealthy. It was summer and hot, and I was sweating my brains out trying to keep as many clothes on as possible. My therapist was amazing. She helped me deal with the aftermath of what happened; the nightmares, the flashbacks, and the self-hatred. She seemed to understand everything I was going through and gave very helpful advice. Logan was great at talking to Jazmine about the struggles I was having without forcing her to grow up too fast. I got to the point where I could sleep in normal pajamas, but we hadn’t done anything intimate. Logan didn’t even breach the topic.
He knew I wasn’t ready and didn’t make me feel the slightest bit bad about it. He tried everything he could to make me feel beautiful, but the scars that now covered my body were not something I was great at handling yet. All the mirrors in our room were covered for my sake. My therapist agreed that was best until I was a little further along in my recovery. Another thing that really helped was every Saturday morning Alexa or Dana would watch Jazmine while Logan took me down to the lake for a few hours. Somehow the lake had become my security blanket over the years, and Logan knew that. The lake became the place Logan would take me when I needed grounding. I would occasionally have panic attacks or blinding nightmares, and Alexa or Dana would come over so Logan could take me down there to calm down.
Even two months later the press was still an issue. They were always there. The only relief Logan and I got was Jazmine listened to us fully when it came to the media, and it didn’t seem to affect her new life. I was concerned that going from a quiet life in Wyoming to our life with Logan would be too much for her, but she loved her new life. She loved the fancy things, the people, places, and adventures that came with it. I didn’t handle the media involvement as well as Jazmine, but Logan gave several statements and worked with top publicists to try and stay on top of it. Within two months Logan’s album hit number one. It was weird because a lot of the songs were about how hurt he was when I left.
It made for great music though. I was amazed by his talent, but not surprised. It seemed everything Logan touched turned to gold. The best part of the whole album release process was watching Jazmine’s eyes turn into saucers when she saw her dad on a billboard or heard his name on the radio. It was the absolute cutest thing for both of us. Alexa seemed happy too. Having this new family in her life was something she had always wanted. She was a woman of few real words. She was loud but rarely said anything of substance. It was in her actions that I could see how much we meant to her. I still had no idea what her life was like before meeting me, but one day she’d tell me. Honestly, even if she never did, it didn’t matter. I was so glad to give her a little bit of what the world had given me.
One thing that brought me great joy was watching Logan’s house and office start to fill with pictures and knick-knacks of our life. His life. In all the years I’d known him the biggest thing I had always noticed was how empty he always had his personal space. Now his office had pictures of Dana and Jazmine, me and him and pictures of all of us in the various places we visited. His house was full of toys, clothes, dishes, and pictures. If you walked in his house, you would know he lived there now. I also shared my pregnancy pictures and pictures of Jazmine growing up with Logan. Alexa was right because those pictures meant the world to Logan. It was like he got a small piece of the first years of Jasmine's life. He kept them in a safe away from the rest of the world, but occasionally I would see him in the closet looking through them. Those were some of my best days.
Dana and A
lexa became great friends. In fact, I am pretty sure Alexa and Dana became better friends than Alexa and I. They hung out all the time. They saw movies every Friday night and went bowling every Sunday. I was always invited but rarely went. The only thing was Dana seemed completely distressed about Gunner. She tried to hide it, but as a woman who had spent the greater part of her life hiding her feelings about love, I could spot it in an instant. She would zone out at random times as if her brain was far away. Anytime Logan and I joked lovingly or kissed she would look at her feet. Of course, Logan didn’t notice, but I did. That is why I wasn’t surprised when one Friday morning she showed up at our door with two large duffle bags and a sad face. Logan answered the door.
“Dana?” I heard him say from the living room.
I knew why she was there and I made my way over to the doorway. Dana looked at me begging for help, and I looked back at her knowingly.
“Dana!” Logan repeated.
I grabbed Logan’s hand. “Hey, let’s have a seat in the living room.”
I looked back and forth between Logan and Dana. They both reluctantly nodded but Logan seemed very uneasy.
They all had a seat, and I sat next to Dana whereas Logan sat across from us.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
Dana looked just about ready to vomit. After years of therapy, her previous mental struggles only showed through a handful of times, and this was one of those times. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly. I remembered something my therapist told me on several occasions. “You can’t control other people’s reactions, only your own actions,” I whispered in Dana’s ear. She looked at me with an anxiety-filled gratitude.
“Okay, what the hell is going on?!” Logan yelled.
“Hey! Jazmine is running around here somewhere!” I scolded.
He looked down at his feet but still looked pissed. He kept glancing at the duffle bag Dana had planted by her feet.
“Logan so, um, I’m gonna do something stupid, and I don’t want you to be mad at me, but…” her eyes were watering like she was ready to cry. Dana looked like a child terrified of getting in trouble. The fears in her past were coming to the surface.
“Dana, what is it?” he asked sounding even more concerned now.
“Gunner left, and I’m going after him,” she said it so fast I almost missed it.
“What?”
“I have to. I need to know he’s okay. He never said bye.”
“Are you fucking crazy Dana? No! No. The answer is no!”
“Woah language! Jazmine!” I reminded him.
“Mommy?” I heard Jazmine ask from the other room.
“Stay in there, honey. We are having an adult conversation.”
“Logan, I’m sorry,” Dana said looking directly at her brother. “I’m going.”
I immediately walked over to Logan and held his shoulder trying to calm him. He held my arm like he needed me to stay calm.
“I can’t let you do this. It’s dangerous Dana.”
Logan’s anger was clearly a mask for how deeply he cared.
“I have to,” Dana said quietly. “Logan, I have to.”
“He’s dangerous.”
“We both know he’s not!”
“His life is.”
“That’s not his life anymore.” She leaned down and picked up her bags.
“This is a courtesy. I am an adult, and I love him. I'm going. I’m sorry Logan.”
“Dad, mom,” Jazmine said as she walked into the room eyeing all of us with scared eyes. “Why is everyone so mad?”
“We’re not mad sweetie.” I walked over to her and grabbed her hand. “Let’s go play a game so Dad and Aunt Dana can talk.”
I shot them both a warning look and took Jazmine to the other room to play make belief hopscotch, something we did all the time when I had no money to entertain Jazmine. Ironically, she still loved it even though Logan could give her anything she could ever want now. After about an hour Logan came back in looking exhausted. I looked up at him from the floor where Jazmine and I were playing.
“You okay babe?”
“Yeah,” he sighed. “I have to let her make her own mistakes, don’t I?”
I stood up and kissed him.
“It may not be a mistake. We don’t know, but living her life regretting not taking a chance on the person she loves. Well, I think that’s the worst mistake she could ever make. Besides if she finds Gunner he will protect her. I’m sure of that.”
“Okay,” he groaned. “Who are you with the wise love advice?”
I laughed and pinched his side.
“She told me to tell you she loves you so much, and she owes you forever for what you’ve done for her. She said she'd be back soon, but couldn’t handle saying goodbye to you.”
I smiled. “I love her.”
“I know. You took to her faster than you took me. It drove me crazy.”
“Jealous,” I smiled leaning into him.
“Completely.” He planted his lips on mine.
“Mommy!” Jazmine yelled disgusted and stormed out of the room. I laughed and then sighed.
“I have to go after her,” I groaned.
“Okay but first do you think Alexa is busy tonight?”
“Probably not, why?”
“Because, if you will, I want to take you on a date tonight.”
“You do?” I smiled and squirmed. Butterflies spread throughout my body.
“Hmmm-hmmm,” he groaned, and I could tell he wanted me, the same way I was beginning to want him again.
I smiled and pulled away leaving him hanging. When I hit the doorway, I turned back to him.
“Then who am I to say no Mr. Prescott.” I winked and went after my daughter.
Our daughter.
This was definitely worth fighting for.
Epilogue:
No one knows what the future will hold. I certainly don’t. Years ago, I never thought I’d let anyone love me again. Now I counted on love to get through the darkest parts of my life. It was still not easy for me. Luckily, I had a mother teach me how to love and in her death, gave me the greatest gift she could.
A letter.
A letter that reminded me of exactly who I wanted to be and in my darkest times, when I looked down at my wrists and wished I could follow through with what I did that night, I reread that letter and crawled into the arms of the man I loved.
The man who gave me the greatest gift of all, our daughter. The little girl who forced me to unlock the door of who I was capable of being. Dana was still on that journey, and it killed me that I couldn’t help her, but it was her journey to complete. Whether it initially ended in heartbreak or it ended in passion, it was a journey she had to take. I was still trying to take mine and Logan was still trying to take his. We were all new at this and had a trail of pain and heartbreak behind us, following us around everywhere we went. One day, I hoped to marry Logan. We had even discussed adopting a child, just like I was adopted and loved. Until that day, however, I would focus on the family I had and the parts of myself that still needed healing. But until then…...
Our journey had just begun.
Stay Tuned For Dana and Gunner’s Story…..
SAVING HIM
Dedication:
To rape survivors.
To people who have lost their way in life.
To real love.
“Real power comes when we stop holding others responsible for our pain, and we take responsibility for all our feelings.” - Melody Beattle
Saving Him
Copyright © 2018 by Bry Ann
This book is a work of fiction, the characters, incidents, and dialogues are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author, except for the use of b
rief quotations in a book review.
ISBN – 978-0-9995318-2-2
Dana- 13 Years Old:
Thump. Thump. Thump.
I could hear the pounding footsteps of my brother, Logan, storming towards my room before the door came flying open. He had a bad day. It was always clear when he did. Logan is a lot of things; subtle has never been one of them.
The second the door flew open the smell of smoke overwhelmed my senses. I took in Logan’s six-foot-tall frame and instantly knew he had been on set all day. His shaggy blonde hair was all done up and his eyes were glazed over from staring at a camera all day long.
“Were you smoking?” I asked from where I was lying on my bed, letting my feet swing wildly.
He shot me an amused smile and sat down next to me.
“Yeah Dana, I was on set smoking my brains out. A combo of weed and cigs. I’m 15 stupid. The producers were smoking.”
“It’s not like you haven’t done worse on set before Logan!”
He rolled his eyes and stood up again. He hated it when I criticized his Hollywood lifestyle, but I didn’t care. I hated that he was involved in a world that changed him and took him away from me. Everyone pulled him in so many different directions it was really hard to get Logan to just be my brother anymore, a regular guy. I missed it so much.
“I got cookies!” I said as I went into my bedside dresser.
Once I had them in my hand, I waved them in front of him. “And you look like you need to vent so we can make a deal. You get cookies and get to say what’s on your mind if you braid my hair again.”
I smiled. I loved when Logan braided my hair, because I knew I was the only person in the world he would do it for.
“Fine,” he rolled his eyes. “Sit down on the floor.”
I jumped off the bed, set the cookies on the dresser for him and sat crisscross at the foot of my bed. Logan sat above me, grabbed my hair and began to braid my hair in perfect tiny braids. What I loved more than anything is that my celebrity brother knew how to braid hair and did it for me willingly. We were both silent for a minute, but by the way he was yanking on my head I knew it was only a matter of time before he began ranting. Finally, I gave up on waiting for him to speak.
