by Bry Ann
“Sam, I’m sorry... I was tired, and I should have called you. I hope….”
“It’s Alexa,” my psycho rocker best friend said abruptly, cutting off my nervous rambling.
“Alexa?”
“Yeah, Sam told me to try calling you. Are you a fucking idiot? If she tells Logan, your little love quest is fucked.”
“I know! I know,” I grumbled. “And that’s not what this is!”
“Isn’t it?” she asked amused.
“Well it was,” I mumbled.
I could feel her tone change. Alexa is not an emotional person. In fact, she makes Sam seem like a freaking open book, but Alexa has little fluctuations in her voice where you could feel her concern despite her tough words. “Fuck. What happened?”
“Not now,” I mumbled. I heard Gunner sip his coffee purposely loud. Asshole.
“Okay. Are you safe and all that shit? Sam’s cool and hasn’t said anything to Logan, but Sam’s in mommy mode over you and in a full-on panic over here. Logan’s been extremely perceptive of her feelings and keeps questioning her and she is trying to put him off but… anyway, are you good? Other than heartbreak,” she added quickly.
“Yeah, think so.”
“Think so?”
“No, we’re good.”
“So, you are with Gunner right now?”
“Obviously. I feel like that’s already been implied!”
“Haha yeah well, I’ll let you go. I’ll tell Sam you’re fine and to stop throwing a tizzy. But Dana…” I froze at the sudden change in Alexa’s usually light tone. “Call me. Like if something's up. I'm here and I don’t have a life so just… you know, give me a fucking call.”
“I will. Promise.”
“Okay.”
With that she hung up and I set the phone back down on the table relieved. I let out a deep sigh and sat back on the couch with my coffee now in hand.
“I take it she didn’t tell Logan.”
“No, she didn’t.” Then I turned to him seriously and raised an eyebrow. “Should she?”
With that Gunner sighed and set his coffee mug down. He came to sit down next to me. Instantly my body became aware of his nearness. My heart rate picked up, my breath quickened, and a dull aching need spread throughout my body. I hated it. A huge issue in therapy I had been trying to work on is my hatred for feeling any sort of sexual feelings. I hadn’t so much as been touched in a sexual way since my rape, and the idea of it still made my stomach whirl with nausea.
“I owe you an explanation now. Don’t I?” Gunner said when he was seated next to me.
I turned to meet his gaze and nodded, briefly letting my eyes flicker to the intricately designed tattoo on his shoulder. Gunner sighed again.
“You know of my parents’ murder? You remember, right?”
I immediately lifted my eyes to his, more intrigued now.
“Yes,” I said hesitantly. “Of course.”
“The people who did it have never been caught, and they are aware of the fact that I exist. They are aware of who I am and what I do.”
My eyes went wide.
“How do you know that?”
I felt my hands shaking. I could feel the rage emanating off of him. Gunner was trying to control it for me. He always did. In fact, this is the angriest he had ever really been around me. It was like an energy that took up the entire room making it hard to breath.
“They’ve been sending me letters since I was a boy. Taunting me. Fucking with my head. I went to the cops about it and nothing came of it. That’s why I sort of went down the lawless path, because fuck them for not finding out who killed my family and fuck them for not being able to stop these letters. Fuck it all.”
I stood there stunned. I had always been able to deal with Gunner’s revelations. Always. When he told me about Tim and what he was doing to girls, when he told me about his parents’ death, when he threatened everyone after he found out about my rape … and then my suicide attempt … and then again when I told him about the press it all received, but this was so different. I felt like every piece to Gunner’s complicated puzzle came together in one horrifying masterpiece.
“Gunner I…” I stuttered as a tear slipped down my cheek for him. I wiped it quickly. He turned to me and gave me a resigned expression.
“I left to track them. I was done Dana. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t. Almost fifteen years of this now. This torture. They thrive off of it because they know who I am. The power I hold in their world, and yet I still can’t stop them, and I don’t know where or who they are.”
I cleared my throat hoping it would clear my thoughts too.
“What triggered it? What triggered you to finally come after them?”
He turned to me and looked so agonized I felt my own heart break.
“The letters started small. Just a ‘I know who you are’, ‘we see you’... that shit. Stupid stuff. Then it progressed to details about my parents’ murder before I arrived, and that was hard to take. Then it….” his voice caught, and he cleared it. “Then it was pictures of Iris’s murder. I didn’t love her anymore. She was a junkie through and through. It was bound to happen at some point. She never paid off her shit,” he added quickly in response my horrified expression, “but still she was the first … and last girl I ever loved.” Cool thanks.
“I felt like … well I didn’t want pictures of her body parts sent to me. Jesus! At that point my childhood was dead. Whoever I was or was supposed to be was gone. I didn’t change my name because I didn’t need to. I was so different. I was cold and ruthless in my pursuit to have power of my own… and I got it, but I’ve paid the ultimate price. Then you got taken and I saved you and Sam, effectively losing my slot in Tim’s crew and….” he eyed me suspiciously and I felt my heart rate increase, “and letting the men who killed my parents, also drug lords- remember the nature of the crime, know I had someone in my life who mattered.” I went pale.
“They didn’t, maybe don’t, know who you are, but I don’t know who they are or if they are following me here. All the spots I picked were safe for us to meet before. I was sure of it, but here... I don’t know. I’m not protected by my affiliation with Tim anymore. I told you, you shouldn’t have come.”
I wish I was brave. I wish I was more the girl Gunner should have in his life. Strong and ready for this type of situation, but this all scared me shitless. Back in Nashville I knew Gunner wouldn’t let anything happen to me, but he didn’t even know who these people were or what he was dealing with. I mean if he could stop them he would have done so at some point in the past fifteen years.
“I’ll keep you safe,” he tried to assure me. “Know that. I’m well trained Dana.”
“Should we tell Logan? He has security. A team. He can…”
Gunner’s jaw clenched. This was his parents murder and he wanted his own revenge. In a weird way I sort of got it. A very mild version of getting it. I wish I could have kicked Tanner’s nuts in before he was arrested. I was sure that Gunner wants to do a hell of a lot more than that to the people who killed his mom, dad and ex-girlfriend though.
“Dana, the cops couldn’t stop them before. Trust me. I have tried.”
I could see by his face he wasn’t lying, though if he wasn’t so serious I wouldn’t have believed him.
“We can still use Logan’s security and reach though,” Gunner added.
“How’s that?”
“I will take you back to his place. Tell him something to make him think you need to stay there for a while. I don’t even know if these people know who you are yet, if in the off chance they do, Logan’s house is a fortress after what happened to Sam. They aren’t gonna get you there. I’m sure of it. I helped Logan with the security myself.”
“You did?”
“Yeah,” Gunner smirked, “He wanted insight from a criminal. What I would do to get in, stuff a sane person wouldn’t see. It’s genius actually.”
I smiled at my brother. It was kind of was genius, an
d so like him to take advantage of a situation and use a connection to his benefit.
“And you agreed to help him?” I asked looking at him with wide eyes and a suspicious glare.
Gunner instantly frowned.
“I may hate Logan, but you are my friend and that’s your childhood home and the home of your brother and basically sister in law. Of course, I did. What kind of fucking question is that?”
He sounded genuinely upset that I would ask something like that, so I tried not to let my surprise show, so I didn’t upset him further.
“I wasn’t thinking,” I mumbled, but heart was still pounding in my chest.
“So, can I trust you to not say anything to Logan about this? Not yet. It won’t affect you in any way once you are back there. I need to get this done Dana, and I know from experience the law won’t give it the priority I need it to be.”
“You know you can trust me,” I said firmly.
“I know.”
“When do I get to go to Logan’s?”
Aka, when can I stop feeling so freaking scared and emotionally confused Gunner!
“I need to check the area first. I need to know it’s safe to leave here. We will have to fly commercial or drive. I need to check all this shit out before I take you back. I’d send you alone, but if they know who you are because you came to my hometown and contacted me, then you are in danger on your own. You’re better off with me there. However, with me there who knows… I just need to be sure. I don’t trust anything I’m not familiar with even if things don’t seem dangerous. We may not be in any immediate danger at all. I’m just being cautious.”
“You always are.”
Gunner’s stare intensified.
“With you. I don’t take risks when it comes to your safety. Nothing’s gonna happen to you Dana.”
I looked at him and gave him a shy nod. “Can I use the room... to get dressed,” I quickly added in response to his frown. “Or you can stay in the room while I get dressed.”
“I’ll stay in the room and get ready too. Let me know when you’re done.”
“Won’t be long. I'm just changing into the same outfit as yesterday. All my clothes are at the hotel. I need to go get them.”
Gunner’s jaw clenched.
“I’m not gonna stay locked in here!”
“I know. I know,” he grumbled.
“Especially when we don’t even know if we have an immediate threat.”
“I know!” he snapped. “Get dressed. We will go get your clothes.”
With that he selfishly went back into the room and left me to change out in the living area.
I quickly threw on my clothes and then called out to let Gunner know I was ready. While he was still getting ready I walked in the kitchen, only to realize he had no food. I felt him enter the kitchen, so I turned around with a frown.
“Do you not eat? Why’s there no food?”
“I just got here,” he reminded me. “We’ll get food on the way.”
“Okay… um, can we stop by Ray’s?”
I ran my hands through my hair. I was totally unsure how Gunner would react to this since it held a lot of memories for him.
“I mean we don’t have to. I just like their food. The ladies there… they just… they make me happy. Sorry. I'm sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Gunner responded slowly. “What the fuck? I’m in my childhood home. I might as well go to my fucking childhood diner too.”
His words said one thing but his gestures another. He slammed everything he touched, and his hands were clenched at his sides.
“Gunner,” I said walking over to him and putting my hand on his shoulder. “It’s fine. Let’s get my clothes and head to the store. Okay? I can eat something from there.”
He nodded, letting out the breath I could see he had been holding.
Dana- 15 Years Old:
The time after my suicide was chaotic to say the least. Despite not being my intention, I had caused huge issues in my family and I felt awful. After I got clearance to leave the hospital I was immediately thrust back into my normal life, thanks to my parents. The only thing that changed was I saw a therapist once a week. To say this pissed Logan off would be an understatement. Logan was furious with my parents. Furious. Hearing him so angry at them made me feel bad because they’d always gotten along. The other part of me, the evil part, was happy he was mad at them. Was happy that he stops living in his oblivious state of bliss where I somehow was okay when he was gone.
I kept my promise and didn’t try kill myself again. In fact, I hadn’t even cut myself since I got out of the hospital. I focused on my schoolwork, making necklaces and any other miscellaneous task I could think of to keep me busy and avoid feeling. Although Logan still worked a lot, I could see he was making a huge effort to not travel as much. Anytime he was home he would try to talk to me, sort of like old times except this time all he wanted to hear about was me and my feelings. I would have given anything for him to have been that way when I was 13 and normal but this version of me didn’t want to open up to Logan, to anyone. I wanted to keep everything locked away. Besides Logan sort of felt like a close stranger to me now. He’d been gone so much, and for such crucial points in my life, everything felt different. He was different, I was different. I just didn’t know how to talk to him anymore. I could see the pain and guilt in his eyes every time I pretended I was okay, but he always let it go. He’d pat my head, give me a kiss and strut out of the room back out to whoever else needed him. Logan never lacked for things to do or people to see. That was always a guarantee.
I will never forget the day Logan’s reality became mine as well. I was heading back from school in my usual numb, oblivious state. Logan and my family, I’ll give them credit for that, went out of their way to make sure no one knew I was Logan Prescott’s sister. I kept my last name because it’s not like it's that unique and I wasn’t trying to use an alias and go undercover or anything. I just didn’t want guaranteed popularity, because girls wanted to sleep with my brother. I also didn’t look like Logan enough to be recognized. Well, I mean I have similar traits, but I am not nearly attractive enough in other people’s eyes to Logan Prescott’s little sister. It worked for me.
Anyway, I was heading back from school when everything changed. Some girl with red hair and big blue eyes came running at me screaming with her iPhone in hand. I panicked. I tried to run away and that’s when the reality of my situation crashed into me.
“You are Logan Prescott’s sister!!!” she screamed as she chased me down the street. Then other people started to chase me. Cameras. I panicked. I ran into a restaurant where a few people followed, but most waited outside knowing I couldn’t stay in the restaurant forever. A quickly weaved in between the tables as I rushed passed everyone, leaving their stunned faces behind me. Why were all these people chasing me? I’m just his sister, I’m not Logan himself. It made no sense! Finally, I got myself safely locked in the private restroom. A few people knocked, but to my relief most people left. I knew there were still cameras outside though. Apparently, there was some rumor or something, and they wanted me to confirm or deny it. I had never been faced with this reality before, but Logan was also at a level of fame he had never been at before. I immediately pulled out my phone and texted Logan.
Me: Logan, 9-1-1. I'm trapped inside that restaurant by my school off third. It’s surrounded by cameras. I’m freaking out. What do I do?
Logan responded so fast that I knew he was expecting my text to some degree, and/or he had his phone in his hand already.
Logan: Stay in the bathroom. I’m coming.
Me: You? There are so many cameras Logan.
Logan: Don’t worry about it. I have a team.
I leaned against the door and slid down to sit on my butt. I tucked my head in my knees and fiddled with the bottom of my jeans as I waited for Logan. I heard muffled voices outside, and once in a while someone would knock on the door, but the second someone so much as tapped on my do
or the restaurant manager would come over and tell them to stay away. Thank God for him.
I think it took a half hour for Logan to reach the restaurant.
“Dana, it’s me. Let me in,” a hurried voice said.
I had never been more relieved to hear Logan’s voice. I quickly peeled myself off the floor and opened the door. The second I opened to door Logan hurried in and shut it quickly behind him. Logan looked tired, stressed and worried… and way beyond his seventeen years.
“You okay?” he said holding my shoulders and searching me up and down, trying to see if I was injured in any way.
“Yeah, yeah I’m okay. No one hurt me. I just… why are they chasing me?”
“Let’s get you home and cleaned up. We can talk about everything then. Sound fair?”
I nodded, trying not to choke on my own air at the thought of going back out there. He grabbed my hand and gave my shoulder a supportive squeeze.
“I know it’s scary. I get scared too.”
“You do?” I asked in awe. Logan just seemed so unfazed by everything. Everything fazed me.
In response to his question Logan turned around and leaned down to meet my hesitant gaze.
“Of course, I get scared Day. We all do. I am just used to it by now, but the first time a guy with a camera ran after me I wanted to cry in a bathroom too.”
“You did?” I asked giggling.
“Yep,” he smiled and squeezed my hand. “Let’s go.”
Logan gave my arm a gentle pull and soon we were out in the main area of the restaurant. No one with a camera was in there, and immediately a security guard came to stand by our side as we headed for the double doors.
“Did you tell the manager of this place to make sure no one bothered me?” I asked as Logan pulled me out.
“Yeah, I may or not have called personally and told him that my little sister was hiding in his restaurant and he would be well compensated if he made sure no one bothered her until I got there.”
He didn’t even turn around as he spoke. That was Logan. He just handled shit. I would have been more touched by it if I hadn’t been suddenly dragged out of the restaurant and into a crowd of screaming people. I instantly tucked my head into Logan’s side and heard Logan shout something to his bodyguard. It took me a few seconds to realize that after whatever Logan shouted at the bodyguard, the bodyguard was no longer near him and was now protectively blocking me. That made me smile in spite of my fear. It took less than ten more seconds before Logan's bodyguard was pushing me into Logan’s new gray car with silver rims. I was sitting in the car next to Logan, and the bodyguard was shutting the door. Right before the door slammed shut I heard someone shout, “Is it true you tried to kill yourself?” I instantly stiffened and my blood ran cold. I couldn’t process what was going on around me. They all knew about me. They all knew about my suicide attempt. I was going to be a joke. I couldn't do this. My head kept whirling and whirling until I felt a cold glass of water splash on my face and I realized I was sitting in on a cushy couch in our all white and gold living room. Logan was crouched in front of me with his brows furrowed and his jaw pinched tight.
