by Bry Ann
Gunner took a seat on the left side of the couch and grabbed the remote to turn off the TV.
“Come here.”
I didn’t even bother to argue. I just sat right down next to him and he immediately pulled me into his side. I set my head on his shoulder.
“I’m tired of you crying alone.”
“I’m not crying alone.”
I held up the pig he got me.
“Well, I’m tired of you crying with inanimate objects.”
“You it brought for me!”
“That doesn’t make it not an inanimate object.”
He pulled me off him and held my face in his hands, forcing eye contact. I felt my bottom lip quiver.
“Let me go please.”
“I can’t do that Dana.”
“I love you,” I blurted out. My feelings were out of control. I was out of control. “You know that. I’ve told you. I can’t… I never wanted to ruin this. Our friendship. I tried so hard. I’m so sorry.” I had already pulled away from him and I just fell into myself and cried.
“I don’t expect anything from you. I know you can’t love or won’t or whatever, and it definitely wouldn’t be me even if you could, but … I... you have to stop being so nice to me. It hurts too much Gunner. It really, really hurts.”
Gunner looked a little shell shocked, but he pulled me into him further.
“Let me go!” I screamed and stood up. “Did you hear what I said? No one listens!”
“Dana…”
“No… I don’t want to hear whatever shit you’re gonna spin. Okay? Please go back to your room. I’m sure I’ll be back to normal by morning.”
“Normal, huh? Normal,” Gunner hissed, “you don’t want me to spin shit then that’s great! It’s not my style anyway. Normal for you is lying to yourself and everyone around you. So, no I don’t want to go back to my room, so you go back to “normal”. I want to hash this out now.”
“Hash what the fuck out! I’m in love with you. You can’t love. Consider it hashed.”
My body was on fire and my heart was burning.
“I can’t love, huh?” Gunner said his eyes darkening. I nodded defensively. “For someone who knows me so fucking well, you sure don’t know me at all,” he paused. “It’s not that I can’t love Dana, I’m scared to love. There’s a difference. Big difference.”
“You’re...you’re scared?”
“Yeah.”
I took several steps towards him. I saw his body stiffen. I walked until I was right up in his bubble. Since day one this man has made me someone else, someone bolder, more daring. It was the first thing that intrigued me about him. I stood in front of him, just feeling him out.
“You saved my life,” he whispered.
“You were worth saving.”
He looked at me incredulously and then grabbed both sides of my face. My body hummed with anxiety and electricity. Then he just backed off and crawled back into his shell.
“Do you want to watch a movie?”
My jaw dropped. It was like none of what I said even happened.
“No, I think you should go.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and turned around.
“Dana…”
“No go! Unless you want to answer my questions.”
“What questions?”
“Sit!” I commanded pointing to the couch. He raised an eyebrow and his jaw twitched at my demanding tone, but he reluctantly took a sit. Gunner hated leaving me during a fight. I knew I had him.
“What questions?” he repeated as I paced around.
“Rex, how do you know him? He told us some stuff, but I want to hear it from you.”
Gunner sighed.
“Some Russian traffickers killed Rex’s sister and held his mom captive. They dumped his sister's body in a dumpster outside their building. It was really too dangerous for someone to go in without any serious training. It was after my parents’ murders and I moved around a lot. I don’t even remember what state Rex is from or where I was, but Rex approached me after seeing me beating some guy up on the street...long story. I gave it to him, that took balls to approach me like that. I was still covered in blood dude. I gave him his chance to speak. He begged me to save his mom and sister. I sat in his face and told him I don’t save people. He didn’t back down. I punched him. He got up and followed me. Pleaded. At some point he started crying and that got my attention. Rex isn’t a small guy or a pussy as you can see. For him to cry…. Well, I let him finish. I asked for the details. I saw comparisons between his story and mine, so I went after them, in return Rex owed me his life basically,” Gunner laughed.
“I mean I told him I get a favor from him, any favor, and I didn’t care if it risked his life. He didn’t hesitate when he said yes. I got his sister's body and saved his mom. We’ve stayed in touch since. After I got their bodies I never planned on holding him to the favor thing, he knew it too His sister's body was hard. I wasn’t that much of an asshole to make him owe me after seeing his sister like that. We both thought they’d both still be alive, but we were brothers after that in a sense. When we left the cabin, I put his number in my pocket in case anything happened. I knew if anything happened he’d help. Not because I told him he owed me, but he wanted to. Because I had his back, he’d have mine.”
I paused for a second trying to absorb all that information.
“And you don’t know anything about Alexa and him?”
“I have no fucking idea, honestly. It’s weird.”
I nodded.
“What happened before I got there?”
“Dana…” Gunner groaned. “You don’t need to know that.”
“Yes, I do! Why do they hate you? What answers did you get? Why was Tanner there? Did they hurt you? Just why!”
Gunner took a super deep breath.
“Okay, okay relax. They don’t hate me.”
I frowned.
“No listen. It was a game. I was a good victim. Smart, powerful but with a glaring weakness. They saw that in me when I was seventeen. They had the ability to kill my family, and then to wait until I had a life, until I had something to lose. Then they’d kill me in the worst way. It really was just a game to them. Welcome to the world I lived in. Tanner was there just for you. To torment you. The Occidere wanted to get back at me, you were a great way to do that once they found out about you. Tanner was your weakness, and he wanted you. They simply teamed up.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, as for what they did. They just roughed me up a bit, wanted answers, to fuck with me. Nothing I haven’t seen before. I’m fine.”
“You passed out though.”
I knew the worry was etched across my face.
“Damn Sam. She wasn’t supposed to tell you that. It was only for a bit. I will repeat myself. I am fine. I was fine then too other than worried about you. Okay?”
“Okay. You can go now.”
“Geez, do I get any questions?”
“I said go! Thanks for the answers. I needed them.”
“Fine. I’ll go if that’s what you want.”
“It’s not what I want,” I whispered once he was gone.
I paced around my room for twenty minutes. I felt like I was going crazy. Why was I so fucked up from this? I just felt so angry at everyone. Finally, I grabbed my jacket, threw my pig to the side and walked out of my room slamming the door behind me. I stormed down the hallway and right as I passed Alexa’s room. She opened her door and yawned.
“Dana?” she asked when she saw me. “What are you…?” Then it hit her. “You’re going to get your guy… finally.” Then she grinned, stepped aside and extended her arm. “Go get ‘em.”
I rolled my eyes, shot her a quick smile and continued down the hall. I banged on Gunner’s door.
“What the fuck?” Gunner complained as he answered his door. He was in a pair of boxers and a white t-shirt, looking very hot. I stormed right in.
“Dana, what are you doing here? Have you lost
your mind?”
“Yes, I fuckig have! Because of you.”
Gunner ran a hand down his face.
“You know, I get more mentally exhausted dealing you than being on the street.”
I shrugged and jumped right in.
“Do you have feelings for me at all?”
“You’re my friend. Of course, I care about you.”
“No! No! You know what I mean Gunner!”
“Dana, we aren’t good for each other.”
“Quit thinking!” I yelled. “God, just feel for once! Do you like me?”
“Of course, I fucking like you! Don’t be dumb!” Gunner screamed back. “I mean seriously. Fuck girl!”
Gunner grabbed a book, moved it and slammed it on the table.
“Then quit being a fucking chicken. Just... you have to get over it! Your parents’ killers are dead, you’re out of your thing with Tim, you have immunity for your previous crimes, thanks to me I might add. Don’t get involved in drugs again. Talk about your shit, make friends, have a life! Quit fucking running. For someone so brave you sure are a coward.”
“What did you say to me?” Gunner said stepping forward, his eyes darkening.
“I said you’re a coward,” I hissed. “You don’t scare me. Never have.”
“I should. I could hurt you. Easily.”
I smirked, but it was not out of amusement.
“Yes, you can hurt me physically, but that would honestly be nothing to the pain you’ve caused me here,” I placed my hand over my heart. “My worst fear has already been realized with you so there’s really not much else you could do to scare me unless you plan to murder me.”
“I’m so fucking scared of hurting you Dana. I don’t know how to do gentle. I’m not a relationship guy. I don’t know how to be intimate with someone and not hurt them. This would be scary regardless, but it’s terrifying with you. I really, really hate myself for what happened back at the cabin. I couldn’t imagine if I had actually hurt you. Seven years of friendship Dana, a friendship I truly value. I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to do anything that could cause me to lose that.”
“I trust you Gunner. Like I really, really trust you. People are always at risk of getting hurt in a relationship, right? Please don’t think. Let loose. Live, for once in your life. Please.”
He took a step towards me. He was right in my space now. His hand found its way to my shoulder.
“Dana, last time I did, last time I lived, my parents were murdered. I just finished dealing with the consequences of that more than ten years later. How can I trust that you won’t get hurt?”
“You can’t, but you also can’t trust that I won’t get hurt if you keep pushing me away and hiding me.”
He laughed to himself.
“You should be a lawyer.”
“I’m not this bold around anyone else. I wish I was.”
“Why is that?” he asked as he gently traced his finger along my cheek.
“I... don’t know. The first time I met you I just felt like I wanted to yell at you,” I laughed. “It’s sort of been that way from day one.”
“I’m so flattered.”
I giggled.
“Are you going to stay in my bubble without kissing me forever or… how’s this gonna work?”
He busted out laughing.
“Oh, fuck you.” He winked. His tone was all play. He grabbed both sides of my face and looked me in the eyes. “You sure?”
I rolled my eyes and kissed him first. If this was a movie there would have been fireworks, because I’d waited so freaking long for this moment. Gunner was so careful I’m pretty sure I put more into the kiss… at first. For someone who ‘didn’t know how to be gentle’ he was sure careful with me. Once Gunner realized I was okay and actually enjoying myself, more than, he jumped in full force. His tongue slid into my mouth and I let him in wanting more. It took everything in my not to try and ease the burning between my legs. The kiss was in-freaking-credible. I had never been kissed by anyone, not for real, not more than like a peck, but I now understood what all the books talked about. This was magic.
Eventually Gunner pulled away and looked me in the eyes. His eyes were blazing. I was so glad to see I wasn’t the only one whose body was on fire. It scared and enthralled me at the same time.
“Fuck Dana, you can kiss.”
I turned bright red and pulled away, but once my face was out of his sight I smiled. Gunner came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I felt myself relax into him. I couldn’t believe this was happening.
“Let’s not talk, okay? I don’t want to ruin this.”
He nodded.
“Stay here for a bit… with me.”
I turned in his arms.
“If you rub my hair.”
“Are you negotiating?” he laughed.
“Yep!”
“You say you’ve wanted this for a while and now it’s happening, and you are negotiating!”
“I need to keep up with you.”
He shook his head and grabbed my hand, bringing me the couch.
“Go on.”
He rolled his eyes and flicked his wrist, gesturing to nowhere in particular, but I knew what he meant. I squealed and put my head on his lap. He rubbed my hair softly and did nothing else. It felt amazing and a sense of calm washed over me. I fell asleep. I didn’t want to wake up. In the morning decisions had to be made and reality had to be faced.
Dana- 26 Years Old:
Sam had been gone for almost five years. Logan and I had moved on for the most part. We weren’t so much mad that she left. What infuriated us and broke our hearts was that she never contacted us again, never let us know she was okay. She just walked right out of our lives.
Logan was a whole different person now. Way smarter, way more serious and way more grown up. It really astounded me to see the man my brother was becoming. He was no longer immature and no longer oblivious to the power he held. He was well aware of his power and extremely smart about the way he handled it. He treated people well but demanded respect and did what he had to set himself up for success. The good thing was Logan and I had grown a lot closer. I had grown up and gotten over a lot of my issues, gotten feistier, and overall, we just got along a lot better. We were able to work out some old childhood stuff. I was extremely grateful for that.
A week later I was at our childhood home grabbing some stuff for my new apartment when my phone starting dinging. Slightly frustrated by the distraction I picked up my phone and immediately dropped it when I read the text.
Logan: I can’t call, or I’d tell you this via phone. Sam is here and Dana, she has a kid. Dana, it’s mine. We are on our way over.
WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL? That’s all that kept playing in my mind. I was so angry. So shocked. Fire was storming through my body. Why would he text me this information?! I decided to send him a low-key text back though, because I knew my brother was probably freaking out.
Me: I’ll be here. I love you. I'm here for you. It’ll be okay.
Logan: Thanks Day. I’m trying not to puke on them.
Me: Lol. Puke on Sam, not the kid.
Logan: ;)... Tempting.
I laughed and tossed my phone to the side. Holy shit, this was a plot twist. When Sam came over I thought I’d hate her guts, I wanted to, but the look of absolute shame on her face made it really hard to hate her. She clearly felt horrible. Anytime Logan came within a foot of her she would start shaking. We all entered the living room and then out from behind Sam’s leg came the most beautiful blonde little girl I’d ever seen. She looked so much like Logan but had Sam’s eyes. My eyes popped. It was the weirdest, most alarming thing I’d ever seen, but also the most heartwarming thing as well. I instantly loved her.
Logan and Sam had some kind of argument/date/rekindling thing to go do and in the moment, I could give two shits about them. All I wanted was to be with this adorable little girl who shared my name. She literally was the cutest thing. The whole
two or so hours we were together she went on and on about this girl named Alexa, how big the buildings were here and how cool “LP”, aka Logan, was. It literally killed me that she called Logan LP. It was so funny! My brother was used to getting Mr. Prescott or if you were super close with him Logan, but he’s people gave nicknames to, making it all the funnier. I couldn’t stop my curiosity from getting the best of me. While I played with her I drilled her endlessly about Sam. I kept trying to find a fault in Sam. As bad as it sounds I wanted to find a fault in Sam’s parenting. I wanted a reason to be even more angry with her because I was so hurt, but other than lying and hurting my brother she sounded like she was an amazing mom to Jazmine. I mean the results were evident. Jazmine was an amazing little girl; fun, polite, religious and kind. It was hard for me to believe all the things Jazmine told me Sam did for her. She took her to church. She showed her how to have fun even though they struggled financially. She instilled a healthy relationship with food in her, not one based on restriction, but one based on how her body felt. She was confident and sure of herself. I found myself wanting to know all about what Sam went through these past five years to make her such an amazing mother.
Several hours later Sam and Logan came back. The second I laid eyes on Sam I found I was still so angry at her. I tried to scold her, threaten her, but Logan stopped me both times. I became super curious about what the hell they had discussed. Logan no longer seemed mad at Sam. He seemed… relaxed.
Once Sam went to bed Logan explained everything to me. He explained how Sam had a breakdown, how she said she hated herself, how she didn’t think she’d keep Jazmine and by the time she knew she would time so much time had passed, and she became scared he’d hate Jazmine like her father hated her. Instantly all the anger dissolved from my heart, the same way it had with Logan. We both knew scars. She screwed up big time but we both weren’t willing to hold it over her head. Especially because she seemed like she was too busy holding it over her own.
The next morning, I wanted to make up to Sam right off the bat, but she was still asleep. Logan was on the couch with his flipping daughter being so cute my heart melted. I immediately decided we needed kid food; pancakes, sandwiches, cookies. I grabbed Logan’s credit card and went to the store, humming as I bought every piece of crap food I could find. My goal was to have Sam kill me. Jazzy had no grandparents so I would have to do.
