by Bry Ann
I didn’t even wait for him to talk I just ran in his arms and cried. He seemed super thrown off guard but put a strong arm around me and held me there for a second until I could pull myself together. Finally, I did. I wiped my face and pulled away.
“What happened? Are you okay?”
“I’m… Sam’s mom died, and she’s been depressed and then detached and then she… she left. No goodbye. Just nothing. We were friends. Everyone leaves!” I shrieked. “Why did she leave us?”
“Shhhh...Dana …. Shhh,” Gunner looked panicked about all the noise I was making. My body shuddered with the strength of my emotions, but I quieted. “Why does this bother you so much? What do you mean “everyone leaves”?”
“I loved her Gunner. I did. She seemed…” I fought my tears again. “She seemed to love me too. No one loves me but Logan, and I really only get half of him. I’m so lonely.” I slumped to the ground and cried again.
“Every seems to have such an easy time leaving me. My parents, my friends from treatment, Logan a lot of the time, Sam… everyone leaves.”
“I’m still here… against all odds,” he mumbled.
“Yeah but we hide. It doesn’t count. Not really.”
“For your safety. I assure you. I am not embarrassed by you Dana.”
“Well I appreciate your assurances but… Look, I’m sorry I dragged you here. I’m such a disaster. I’m so sorry.”
“Dana,” Gunner sighed. “Lift your sleeves. Please.”
“What?” I paled.
“Your sleeves. Lift ‘em.”
“NO!” I yelled wrapping my arms protectively around my waist. “You're trying to embarrass me. I fucked up in the past. Don’t remind me. Is your point that people leave because I self-harmed?!”
“No, no,” he emphasized. “My point is that I know why you’re here. You fucked up, didn’t you?”
I looked at him with complete doe eyes.
“How did you know? How?”
“Call it a sixth sense. Lift your sleeves. Let me see the damage.”
“I can’t. It’s too...personal. Fucked up. Somethings deeply wrong with me and no one has any idea.”
“I do and I’m trying to fucking help you so please lift your sleeves. It could be infected or some shit.”
I scoffed.
“I’m careful geez. I know how to cut myself safely.”
I reeled back, and Gunner laughed. He couldn’t help it.
“Holy shit Dana. Do you hear yourself?”
Begrudgingly I ignored him and rolled up my sleeves, looking away.
“Okay, thank you,” he said calmly after looking at my arms for a few seconds. No shit. No how could you. No, you’re so fucked up. Just a thank you.
Still a little thrown off I rolled down my sleeves and took several steps back.
“You need to get those cleaned up Dana. I wish I could, but I don’t have anything around to clean it with. I have to put your safety first. Dana those are bad. When was the last time you did this?”
“Honestly years. I promise. I’ve been a good place… for me at least. I’m just so damn hurt, so damn upset and so damn fucking damn alone!”
“Okay wow language Day.”
I laughed. We both knew he could give a shit what kind of language I used. He used that and then some.
“Dana,” he said seriously.
“I know, I know. Okay?” I said cutting him off. “They are bad I know. I’m fucked. I…”
“No Dana!” Gunner snapped. My head shot up. He rarely snapped at me. “You aren’t fucked up. How can I get that through your head?! Men like me are fucked up. THAT is fucked up. Okay? Dana, those cuts are bad. Like severe. One or two probably need stitches and you’ve told no one. You wouldn’t have even told me if I hadn’t called you out on it first. I hate to sound like a pussy bitch, but are you talking to your therapist about whatever is eating at you? I know you are upset about Sam, but those cuts… Dana, those have been building up long before Sam left.”
I bit my lip. I knew he was right, but I’d worked too hard to gain the freedom I had. I didn’t want to lose it again.
“I hear you.”
“Do you?”
“I hear you, I promise.”
“Okay then. I’ll let it go but clean those the fuck up. I want to see you tomorrow. If they aren’t cleaned, then… I don’t know I’ll be mad.”
I busted out laughing.
“Is that really your worst threat? “You’ll be mad”.”
Gunner smiled.
“I have lots of threats but none that I would ever make towards you, so I guess “mad” is all I got for now.”
“I hate making you mad, so I think that’s enough.”
“Good because I didn’t want to have to kick it up to angry or worse disappointed.”
I cringed. “
Dear God, not disappointed. That’s the worst!”
“I know.” He winked at me and headed for the door.
“And Dana?” he called before walking out. His eyes darkened. “Don’t ever pull that shit again. Just be honest with me and with your team of helpers. Tell the treatment staff where you got that knife from. K?”
“How do you know it was a knife?”
“Don’t ask me those kind of questions Dana. Because you’ll get answers.”
“Right. I’ll tell them.”
“I know.”
Then he was gone, but not without taking a piece of me with him.
Present Day: Chapter 9:
I stayed in the hospital for another two days, but I had no permanent damage. At least not physically. People visited and tried to talk to me, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk. I smiled a little and asked them about the things going on in their lives. Distraction. People were very easily distracted by their own problems. People always wanted to talk about themselves.
Gunner was the only person who saw right through me. I was unpacking up my stuff, slowly making my way around the hotel room when I felt a presence in the doorway.
“Hi Gunner,” I said without even turning around. I felt Gunner enter my room and start pacing. I continued packing.
“Okay you can cut the shit now.”
“Excuse me?”
I dropped the card I was holding.
“Yeah two days I’ve dealt with your niceties out of a courtesy, but I’m done. Talk to me. What the fuck is going on in your head? Lay it on me.”
“No, you cut the shit! How about that? You still haven’t told me what happened. How am I alive? How are you alive? What did they do to you before I got there?”
“Why aren’t you this fucking aggressive with everyone else?”
“Oh you just bring out the best in me I guess!”
“You lived because you distracted the men temporarily, so I could fight them off, saving my life. You saved my life. You gave me the revenge I needed on my parent’s killers. I can’t express,” he cleared his voice. “I owe you.”
“You don’t owe me a thing,” I mumbled. “The debt was paid when you got me the pig.”
He returned my sly smile.
“Did it help?”
“So much. I have no idea why a stupid stuffed pig brings me so much comfort.”
“Whatever works,” he shrugged.
“You’re my best friend Gunner. I was so scared I was going to lose you,” I whispered. It felt like all the air left the room.
“I told you I wasn’t going to leave you.”
I gave him a sad smile.
“Everyone leaves at some point.”
“You still feel that way?” Gunner asked as he took a step towards me.
“I think I always will.”
“Are you … okay?”
I turned to face him.
“I can’t lie to you so honestly, no.”
“I knew it. Is it because of Tanner? What you saw? What’s on your mind? How can I help?”
“It’s actually not that. Well sort of,” I sighed. “My life has fit in this box up
until now. I did the treatment thing, got out, made friends and found a family but… “
“But what?”
“I’m incomplete.”
“That is Logan’s family. I go home to no one. Alexa keeps me sane, but I know she’s keeping major secrets. I’m tired of my life and I’m not even thirty yet. It’s pathetic. Then everything happened and Gunner, I’m not suicidal but I really don’t have like this strong reason to live either. I mean I was scared to die in that cabin, but not really all that upset about it. Now, I mean I was choked out, I kinda thought I was going to die, and I just… I don’t what to go back to the same old, same old. I can’t handle it. Do you hear me? Do you understand?”
“I hear you,” Gunner said quietly. “I relate Dana. I…”
Then we were interrupted by loud screaming in the hallway.
“GET THE FUCK OVER IT AND LEAVE ME ALONE!” a female voice shrieked.
“YOU ARE SO FUCKING SELFISH! YOU LEFT ME. BROKE MY STUPID FUCKING HEART ALEX!”
“Alex...Alexa?” I looked at Gunner curiously and bolted for the hallway. Sam was with Alexa trying to restrain her and Rex was across from them. I ran over to Rex and put my hand on his arm.
“Hey, come on. Let’s get some air.”
“Get off me Dana!” he yelled pulling his arm roughly away from me. I slipped backwards due to the sheer force of his pull.
“Hey!” Gunner yelled appearing out of nowhere and pulling Rex back. “Be careful!”
“Fuck,” Rex’s body softened and be backed away. “I’m so sorry Dana. Are you okay?”
I nodded and looked over at Alexa who was still fuming.
“Fucking assholes. All of you,” she muttered and tried to pull away from Sam. Sam, however, just tightened her grip.
“I am an asshole,” Sam whispered to her. “But you’re a bitch.”
Alexa let a smile slip from her lips.
“Damn I hate that I love you so fucking much.”
Sam let her go and Alexa softened. Sam, Gunner and I looked back and forth between Rex and Alexa hoping one of them would say something. When it became painfully apparent neither would Gunner cleared his throat.
“I’ll take each of you to your hotels. Alexa, you sit in back, Rex up front. Can you do that without killing each other?”
“I came here to check on Dana,” Alexa whined. “And we didn’t change rooms, so we are still in the same fucking hotel room that Logan booked us when he came down.”
Gunner let out an amused snort.
“Shut up Gunner! And it’s still fucking weird that you are just out and about now,” Alexa snapped.
Gunner shot her an extremely dark look. I knew that look so I jumped in and held Gunner’s arm.
“Okay everyone I think there’s been enough fighting. I get out of the hospital in ten minutes and I just want peace. Please.”
Everyone went silent and nodded.
“Sorry Dana,” Alexa mumbled. “I am a bitch.”
“Yeah,” Sam joked.
“Only made worse by rooming with you!”
“Damn right,” Sam said with a wink.
“Dear God, my friends are crazy,” I complained as I turned to Gunner, who was silently laughing.
“I should head out. Dana, I’m glad you are okay, and, well, thank you for saving this idiot,” Rex said playfully nudging Gunner. I waited for Gunner to look annoyed but oddly he didn’t. He just nodded. I wanted to hear from Gunner how he met Rex. I wanted to know more about their relationship.
“Of course,” I said with a nod. “Thank you for coming. I hope to see you around.”
He smiled, did some sort of handshake with Gunner and then Gunner walked him to the door, so they could talk before Rex left.
This left Sam, Alexa and I. Alexa smiled and gave me a tight hug. We were all able to have a heart to heart, but there was definitely unfinished business between me and Sam. After ten minutes of chatting Alexa sensed the tension. She glanced between the two of us and cleared her throat.
“Well, um, Rex is gone so I’m going to go find out where Gunner went and buy him that meal I promised. Don’t worry Dana, I won’t hit on your guy. He is hot though, even though he’s nuts.”
“Alexa!” I groaned.
“Love you girlie.”
With that she trotted off and left me and Sam alone. I looked at the floor and kicked at my ankles nervously.
“Want to go in your room?” she asked softly.
“Sounds good.”
We both headed in there and she closed the door behind us. Her brown hair had grown longer and the maturity she’d gained the past few years gave her a glow she didn’t have before. Today she just looked tired and stressed out though.
“Where’s Logan?”
“Oh, he’s checking on Jazmine. He’ll be back soon. He has me texting him like every hour. He’s so worried about you.”
“I’m sorry I made you cry. You never cry. I feel horrible.”
“Don’t be sorry. I just love you too dang much,” she joked. “But yeah, I’d prefer if you could lay low for the next few years. I’m going to be dead by the time I hit thirty-two if you keep going at this rate.”
“I promise. I’m done with the drama. I never, ever meant for you to get hurt.”
I got choked up. My voice was strained.
“Dana,” Sam grabbed my hand, “you are my sister. When Gunner called me and told me he was about to pass out and you were hurt I thought I was going to die. I called 911, Logan and rushed over. I stayed with you until the ambulance found the location. Gunner fainted but came to pretty fast. It was just awful. I’ve never been so scared.”
“I’m not your sister yet,” I joked trying to avoid the awkwardness.
“Well actually….” Sam looked nervous.
“WHAT?!” I shrieked. “LOGAN PROPOSED! When? What the hell Sam? How did I just find out?”
“It was a day after you left. We had a date planned. He proposed. I wasn’t expecting it. I panicked Dana. My haggard appearance doesn't just have to do with you. I swear. I'm just a mess… you know.”
“Oh no. Are you and Logan okay?”
“Yeah, yeah we are fine. Logan was hurt at first by my reaction, but he gets it. He knows me and the hell I’ve been through. He apologized, and I told him not to. I want to marry him. I don’t know what my problem is. It just makes it all so… real.”
“Did you say yes?”
I bit my nails. She smiled and held out a beautiful diamond ring.
“Of course, Jazzy would have killed me if I didn’t. I’m not fucking stupid.”
I laughed. “I’m so happy right now I could cry. My brother, like my brother, is a dad and gonna be a husband. Holy shit, I never thought I’d see the day!”
Sam laughed too. “It’s hard for me to believe your brother was ever a playboy.”
I scoffed. “Well believe it because he was.”
“Anyway, I know you want to celebrate and all that, but I want to talk about a few things first.”
“Like?”
“You. Gunner. Your life.”
“Oh yeah. That. Just light conversation.”
“Yeah that. How’s Gunner doing?”
“He seems okay. We haven’t really talked about it much. He feels bad, but I don’t know other than that.”
“How are the two of you?”
“Fine!” I snapped, feeling my mood shift dramatically. “Just swell. Great friends. Always great friends. Friends forever.”
“He does care about you Dana. I’m so sorry though. Gunner’s just…” she sighed. “Hurt. I think beyond repair.”
“Well me too!”
She looked a little taken aback.
“What’s your plan going forward? You don’t want to come home, do you?”
“No, I don’t.”
Her eyes welled up, but I held them back.
“I understand. I don’t like it, but whatever you need I’m here, and so is Logan. I’ll make sure of it.”
; “Thanks Sam. If there’s anything you need, let me know.”
We hugged, but there was a distance between us. She had a family with Logan. I was emotionally distant. I didn’t feel the same bond with her I once felt, even though I loved her just as much. I had a feeling those feelings were reciprocated.
“Love you Day.”
Then she left and for some reason it felt like a chapter of my life left with her.
Present Day: Chapter 10:
Logan, being who he is, got us each our own room. Obviously, except for him and Sam. They bought one more day at the hotel and then decided to head back to Nashville to be with Jazmine. Alexa was going with them. She and Rex fought every time they saw each other, and nobody could get find out why they hated each other so much. Even Gunner didn’t know. They both were so tight lipped about the whole thing except for when they were fighting.
I was so immensely grateful to have my own room. We all went out to an awkward dinner, Logan’s idea/demand, and then I finally got a chance to come back to my room. I immediately put on my pajamas and sat on the couch with my pig and put on Desperate Housewives reruns. I was distracting myself from crying. Logan and I talked, and he said he’d pay for me to stay for a few more days until I was ready to come home. I didn’t tell him I needed that time to think about the fact that I didn’t want to go home. I wasn’t planning on coming home. I told Sam, but I knew Sam would keep my secret. She’d more than proved herself.
Around ten o’clock there were a few knocks on my door. I rolled my eyes and walked over with my pig under my arm. I was tired, not thinking and really expected it to be Logan checking on me for the umpteenth time.
“What?” I snapped as I opened the door.
“Well hello to you too.”
It was Gunner standing in the doorway with a cocked eyebrow and a small smile.
“Oh, it’s you. I was expecting Logan.”
I stood awkwardly in the doorway in my blue pajamas holding my pig. Gunner smiled and brushed right past me, walking straight into my room.
“Well by all means come in.”
“I did.”
I shook my head, trying to hide my smile as I shut the door. Gunner always made me smile when I didn’t want to.
