by Bry Ann
“I think you are being a little dramatic.”
Rex laughed as he pushed himself up and started setting up my sleeping bag and moving his over.
“You don’t know what it’s like to be a girl. It sucks. You always have to choose between the pleasures of food or the satisfaction of being hot. Rex…” I started picking the skin from my nails, “I’ll sleep in here. You take the room. There’s a lock and stuff.”
“I’m not even going to respond to that.”
Rex took off his shirt and tucked himself into the sleeping bag in the middle of my living room floor. It was so ridiculous.
I headed for the doorway with my sleeping bag over my shoulder but turned back to him before I disappeared out of sight. “I bet you're so glad you came to my place tonight.”
Rex rolled around on his stomach and put his hands under his chin. “I had fun Alex.”
“Yeah me-too Rex.”
I quickly ran out of the room. I wanted us to be best friends again. I wanted it desperately. I trusted him, as much as I was capable of. I respected him. The problem was I liked him… a lot. I was super attracted to him, and his new smooth as fuck personality wasn’t helping me any.
I was pretty nervous to go to bed, because of my whole charade the night before. I wondered what Mia told Blaze about her destroyed spare bedroom. I tossed and turned for hours in bed. I wanted to close my eyes, but every time I did my eyes popped back open.
“Fuck this,” I whispered when I saw the sun start to creep up over the horizon.
I threw on an oversized t-shirt, because I slept nude. Once I was somewhat dressed I crawled out of bed. I paced around anxiously for quite a while longer. There was nothing to do. I didn’t want to bother Rex, but the more time that passed I convinced myself I could go in there and not disturb him. I walked over and leaned against the doorframe, watching him sleep. Creepy, but he was so peaceful. He didn’t budge once. The steady stream of his breath gently pushed the sleeping back up and down. I walked over to the edge of his sleeping bag and knelt down next to him. I moved the hair from his face and looked at him. Although he had changed so much and looked more mature, he still had the same youthful glow I remembered.
“This is strictly platonic,” I whispered to any empty room. I unzipped the edge of his sleeping bag and slowly crawled in.
Rex shuffled and turned to me with drowsy eyes.
“Alex, what?” he said, his voice gruff from being woken from sleep.
“Don’t,” I whispered feeling particularly vulnerable. He extended his arm and I tucked myself into his side. He pulled me in tight. I felt so freaking safe tears stung my eyes. I felt like such a girl. I never thought I’d need a man to make me feel safe and protected. I didn’t. I needed Rex though. I needed him like I needed air. He gave me something no one else did and no one else could. I was different around him I didn’t have to be such a harass all the time with him. I could eat skittles and cuddle in sleeping bags. Although it scared me, I knew that it meant something.
“Go to sleep Alex. You’re safe.” Rex whispered, like he could hear me thinking. Hell, maybe he could. The guy knew me too damn well. Against my better judgement I fell asleep. Sound asleep. I woke up with my head tucked into Rex’s chest. I tried to fling backwards, because it was no longer night and I had to keep my wall up in the light of day.
Before I could pull away, Rex tightened his arm, not letting me go anywhere.
“No way Alex. A few more minutes. After that you can go back to whoever you feel you need to be.”
I surrendered, mainly because of his incredible understanding. I relaxed my body and I felt him smile in my hair. Ugh, it was all so normal! I couldn’t have normal. My body started to shake, and I pushed myself away from the warmth of his body.
Rex sat up and hovered over me, eyebrows pulled tight.
“What’s wrong?”
“This is so normal.”
I felt like crying. I couldn’t believe this girl was me. The one who fell apart multiple times in the span of a week. I used to be so strong. I didn’t recognize myself. Rex brushed a stray strand of hair back and stayed quiet, letting me get out what I needed to.
“Rex, I can’t.” I sat up and pulled away from him. “I can’t just move on like Anna never died. Like I never failed her. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I’m only alive because Anna needs to be avenged. No one else’s baby is going to die at Pytor’s hand if I have anything to do with it.”
“Love can break the strongest of people.”
“What?”
“It’s something my grandmother used to tell Mia and I. Alex, it’s okay to be torn up over what happened to Anna. It’s okay to feel broken and vulnerable. I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling, but you did not fail her. You did absolutely everything you could. You gave her your whole heart. What more could she have asked for?”
“Her life.”
“Oh, Alex.” Rex’s face curled up like he was in pain. He closed the space between us and slid his hand into my tangled hair. “Tell me how you escaped him sweetie.”
“I had help.”
“I’m glad you had someone.”
“Yeah.”
I realized I was absentmindedly tracing my finger over his chest. I immediately pulled it away. Rex grabbed my wrist before my hand was back down at my side. I looked up at him vulnerable and doe eyed. Rex pulled my wrist gently towards him. The next thing I knew I was near him and his lips were on mine. It was like a fire I had purposely dulled my whole life was sparked. I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him in closer to me. He groaned softly when his tongue slipped into my mouth. He gathered me in his arms, and we kissed like we’d been waiting our whole lives to do just this.
“Alex,” he whispered when we finally pulled away. He leaned his forehead on mine. “I know you’re tired of fighting and I know you’re filled with guilt, but don’t leave me. Not again. Please.”
His voice was so raw, and my emotions were so haywire from the kiss that I found myself nodding against him.
“I’ll think of something to help you honor Anna. I promise. I swear it Alex.”
Fuck, I loved him. This was Rex. My Rex.
I grabbed the back of his neck and shoved him down and planted my lips on his. He laughed and wrapped his arm around me, returning the kiss with just as much passion.
“Damn it Rex,” I whispered against his lips as he flipped me over.
“Shhh sweetie. Just feel.”
“I can’t… Rex… “
Before I could get much farther with my totally bullshit objections, Rex’s calloused hand was sliding under my t-shirt. I was all too aware I was in a sleeping back with him in just a t-shirt, no undergarments whatsoever. His hand slid down my body and landed on my clit, the little bundle of nerves that had never truly brought me pleasure before. I moaned and felt myself relax into the ground, trying not to move my hips. Trying not to beg for more.
See, I’d had sex a lot, but it was more rape and sexual coercion than anything else. I’d never enjoyed it. I’d never had an orgasm even though I’d pretended to load of times. No one had ever cared about my pleasure, and it was evident, even if the first five seconds of kissing Rex, that that’s what he cared about most.
I moaned and squirmed as he relentlessly fucked me his finger. My moans were half pleasure, half panic as the tension in my lower belly increased. This made Rex stop and pull his hand away. My body ached for his touch, but my mind was terrified. I couldn’t have both. I was a clusterfuck of emotions and given all the times I’d fucked I couldn’t understand why. Why couldn’t I just let myself experience the pleasure?
“Do you want this?” Rex asked softly.
“I…I…” My body was tingling. I was a mess of female hormones. “I want you, but I'm no good for you. I'm a hooker…”
“Was!” he interrupted firmly.
“Yeah and, oh, I’m clean by the way in case you were wondering. I'm scatterbrained. I…”
&
nbsp; Rex found my clit again. “I think I can help with that sweetie.”
“Yeah, I think you can,” I moaned. My hips jerked up involuntarily to meet his hand.
“You tell me when to stop. K? When it’s too much just say so.” He kissed my forehead. “It’s all you.”
Then Rex increased the pressure on my clit and I could hear myself whimpering, begging, nearly screaming in pleasure. I could see in Rex’s eyes that his ego was definitely boosted. It was fucking adorable and made me want to smack him upside the head. Then Rex slid his finger inside me again. I quickly dug my nails into his back.
“Rex…” I groaned. “In me. Now.”
He pulled his finger out of me and kissed me. Powerful. Forceful. Not soft and sweet. Perfection.
“Alex, have you ever had sex that didn’t hurt you here?” He placed a hand over my heart. God, how was one human so perfect? So, kind. I didn’t deserve him.
I tucked my head into his shoulder. He put his finger under my chin and lifted my head back, so I was facing him.
“Tell me sweetie.”
“It... well, depends on how you look at it I guess.”
“Alex….”
“No. Okay! Happy?”
“No sweetie.” He kissed me again. “That doesn’t make me happy.”
He started kissing me and two fingers slipped inside me again. I could feel my hips moving up to meet his hand, but I didn’t care. When his fingers slipped out of me I put my hand on his chest.
“Condom. I have some in the bottom drawer right outside the kitchen just in case.”
He grabbed one and slipped it on before grabbing his cock, stroking it once and lining himself up with me.
“You sure about this? We can’t go back if we do this.”
“Our friendship is already awkward Rex. For lack of a better term it’s been fucked for a while.” He stared at me, waiting for my specific okay, and not my usual sarcasm. I cupped his cheek in a rare moment of softness for me. I felt his small stubble scratch against my hand. “I’m sure Rex.”
He lowered himself into me. I know he was trying to be careful, but my libido was spiked, and he was going so fucking slow.
“Rex,” I groaned and started moving my hips. “Harder please.”
“What?”
“Fuck me harder Rex!”
He smirked. Apparently, that was all he needed to hear, because Rex lost it. He thrust into me like he was trying to take away the confusion we both felt… the pain we’d endured. Thrust after thrust he fucked out any bit of denial I was holding onto. I’d never experienced anything like this. How could sex be so drastically different depending on who it’s with. We all have the same parts, but sometimes it’s gross, sometimes it hurts, sometimes it breaks you, sometimes, like this moment, it heals you. It pleasures you. It wraps around your heart and starts to heal all the broken little pieces.
By the time he was done I was a quivering mess, and, yes, I had my first orgasm. Multiple actually. It was mind blowing to me that what Rex and I had just done was the same thing that had been done to me in the past.
I laid on the floor with my hand over my chest. I wanted to cry, to be emotional, but instead I smiled. A full smile that made its way into my chest. Rex leaned over me with a curious look. He knew me better than to be offended. He knew my mind was crazy and skipped around fast.
“What?”
“We just fucked in a sleeping bag in the middle of my trashy, empty living room, and, like, holy shit I just had sex with you. I just had sex with Rex Carter.”
There were so many emotions I didn’t even know how to start processing them.
“Hey,” Rex whispered and placed his palm on my cheek. “That was good Alex. Let it be good.”
My smile died, and I held his gaze. “Do you get me Rex?”
“I got you sweetie.”
“Okay,” my mask slipped on. “Help me up. We have to get dressed at some point.”
“Yeah, we should probably head over and meet Blaze.”
… and the nerves were back.
“Right, yeah, of course.” I fumbled over my words and turned to grab the clothes I planned to change into.
“Alex, Blaze is nice!” Rex called after me.
“They all are,” I mumbled sarcastically once I was in my room.
I was totally being a bitch now, but I always was when I was scared. I quickly changed into a pair of ripped blue jeans, a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and a pair of converse. I tied my hair up in a messy bun, but left half of it hanging over my face. Once I was done I headed into the living room to meet Rex. He looked incredible. I literally had to stop and stare at him for a second. He was wearing a pair of black suit pants, a plain V-neck white tee that laid over his pants casually and on his arm was a zip up hoodie. It seemed so mismatched, but somehow it worked and was incredibly sexy.
“I’m thinking you either like this outfit or are thinking about our mind-blowing sex last night?” Rex laughed. I realized I was totally openly gawking at him. I felt red creep up on my cheeks, so I ducked my head and shrugged, attempting for casual.
“You look good.”
“Alex, babe, you just stared at me for like a minute straight. You think I look more than good.”
He tipped his head back and started laughing. I grumbled and followed him out the door. He was right, but I couldn’t let him know that of course. Rex held the door open for me, once again proving he was the nicest man ever. I’d never met anyone who held open a door for me.
The whole way to Mia’s I was a nervous wreck. I fiddled with the rips in my jeans and pulled out strands of my hair, a terrible habit of mine. When we were almost at Mia’s Rex turned to me, his gaze soft.
“Alex, it’s gonna be okay. There is no reason to be this nervous.”
“Easy for you to say! You are the only nice man I’ve met, other than Anatoli, but even he fucked me over initially!”
I needed to learn to filter.
“Alex…”
“Don’t you dare! I don’t want your pity bullshit right now. I need to get my balls back, okay? I’m gonna go in there, throw my shoulders back and pretend like the idea of speaking with him doesn’t make me want to rip out each one of eyeballs. That’s the end of it.”
“Okay. Roger that. Message received loud and clear.”
“Good.”
We pulled up to Mia’s apartment complex, Rex turned to me before putting the car in park.
“Ready to do this?”
“I don’t have much of a choice, now do I?”
Rex smiled and got out of the car. I followed several steps behind him. When we hit the doorway, I grabbed Rex’s hand before he could turn the key in the lock.
“About this morning…”
“I won’t say a word until you are ready. Don’t worry.”
“Okay.” I nodded.
Not worrying in that moment felt like an impossible task. My body was shaking, and my heart was hammering in my chest. I definitely had some kind of PTSD or something from all the shit I’d been through. It wasn’t normal to be this scared to meet a guy. Especially a guy my friends trusted. I attempted to do what I said I was going to do, what I’d always done, throw my shoulders back and bring out the badass bitch inside of me. It didn’t work. It never seemed to work with Rex around. The wall I’d spent so much time building seemed like it was built of paper cups when I was around the Carter family. It was unsettling, and frankly terrifying.
“Alex. You seriously need to relax. I can see you shaking from over here. It’ll be okay. I promise.”
The door swung open and Mia glanced back and forth between the two of us. Rex dropped my hand immediately, but of course Mia caught it. She looked at both of our hands, quickly noticing that mine were shaking. The crease between her eyes tightened. Once she was done taking the two of us in her head snapped up.
“I heard you two talking,” she mumbled. “Thought I’d open the door since neither of you were knocking. Sorry to interrupt.”
At that last sentence a slow smile spread across her face.
“You weren’t interrupting anything. We were just…”
Just then a bear of a man popped up behind her. He looked like a guy who grew up hunting in southern Alabama. He had broad shoulders, was slightly heavy (but the hot, muscled, cuddly kind) and was wearing a red plaid button down over a t-shirt. He had a slight beard and brown hair with a tiny hint of red.
“Should we take this inside?” he asked. He put a hand on Mia’s shoulder, lifted his chin to acknowledge Rex and then his eyes met mine. Just like that the badass bitch, defensive Alex was back. I threw my shoulders back and stiffened slightly, like I always did around strangers.
“I’m Alex,” I offered.
“Blaze, it’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.”
I cocked an eyebrow at Mia and she smiled at me like we were sister’s or something. My love for her would forever know no bounds. She opened the door wider and we all entered the living room. Mia and Blaze sat on chairs across from us, and Rex and I sat on the couch.
There was a long awkward silence that ensued, and it was made worse because I knew it was all my fault. Rex, Mia and Blaze already each other. I had fix this. I had to make everyone feel less awkward. I dug my nails into the skin of my palm and opened my mouth.
“So, Blaze, what do you do?”
“I will be working for a tractor company, on the business end.”
A laugh slipped out before I could help it. Everyone whipped around to look at me.
“Sorry. You just look so southern. I pegged you as an Alabama boy. It’s ironic you work for a tractor company.”
I saw Rex’s mouth twitch like he was going to smile, Mia did smile, and Blaze let out a very small, insincere smile only after seeing everyone else’s reaction to my outburst. Blaze was just as unsure of me as I was of him. I could see it in his eyes. Of course, we both had our reasons for not trusting the other. I was distrustful of virtually everyone, because everyone I knew, with the exception of Rex and Mia, had hurt me in one way or another. Blaze didn’t trust me because I was this random girl with dyed hair and a spunky attitude thrust into his fiancé’s life. I could tell by the way he looked at Mia, and the little ways he’d put his hand on her that he loved her dearly and was furiously protective of her.
