by Bry Ann
“I honestly don’t care.”
I sigh. “Alright. Stay in touch. Regardless of how things have played out, you are still family.”
He grunts. With that, we both hang up. That man is hurting so deeply I am not sure he can ever come back from it. I walk back to the room and set my hand on Alex’s shoulder. She turns to me looking exhausted. Her eyes are puffy and surrounded by dark circles. She is makeup-less, which is rare for her. She looks so young without makeup. The hardass look is gone. Her clothes are dirty. She just looks worn. I am sure Anatoli wouldn’t want her this way. I barely know the guy, but I do know that.
“Alex, let's go home for a bit? I’m sure Tobias will call us if anything changes.”
Alex snorts. “Tobias would rather slit his wrists than call me and update me on his brother. He got shot for me.”
Just then, awkwardly, Tobias re-enters the room. He casually crosses his arms over his chest.
“You are right. I would rather slit my wrists, but Anatoli would slit mine for me if I didn’t. So I’ll call you. Get out of here and take a fucking shower.”
Alex looks genuinely surprised. Her eyes go wide as she stares at Tobias.
“You sure?”
Tobias flicks his head. “Go.”
I grab Alex’s arm and help her to her feet. She’s a little weak and wobbly. She needs food, sleep, attention. She’s emotionally and physically drained. It doesn’t take us long for us to get back to my place. Alex is absolutely dragging. I mean her feet are barely coming off the floor as she walks. The second I shut my front door she throws her shirt off and throws it in my living room. She is half asleep. She strips her pants in the bedroom and leaves them on the floor. Barely conscious, she crawls into bed. She really needs to shower, but it can wait. I shake my head and throw my shirt and pants off. I crawl into bed next to her and wrap my arm around her waist. She moans and snuggles close to me, tucking her head into my chest. I love this. Just her. No pretenses. No walls. It means the world I’ve earned this kind of trust from her.
“Safe…” she mumbles. Something in me explodes. She’s never had that. Not once. Not ever. I kiss her neck.
“From now on baby.”
She moves her head into the crook of my neck. “Thank you.”
We fall asleep like that. I don’t wake up until hours later when my phone starts ringing. I jump out of bed and run out of the room to answer it. Alex is still out like a light. It can’t even be been past three o’clock in the morning. I don’t want to wake her.
“Hello,” I answer with a hoarse voice. “Rex speaking.”
“Don’t you sound bright.”
I don’t know the man well, but from his cold, detached tone I instantly know it’s Tobias. Not to mention, who else would be calling me right now?
“What’s going on? Is Anatoli alright?”
“He’s perfectly fine. He’s up and talking. He finds it amusing we were so worried.”
“That’s really good to hear. I will let Alex know.”
“Is she asleep?”
“Out like a light. She passed out the second she got inside.”
A long silence ensues. “Let her sleep.”
“She’d kill me.”
“No, this is what Anatoli wants. Let her sleep. Shower. Then take her out today. Get her out in the world. Let her know later tonight Anatoli is okay. Let her have a normal day.”
“She will completely kill me when she finds out I knew he was okay and didn’t tell her.”
Tobias lets out an amused scoff. “And what? Humor you to death. Take the girl out. If you tell her she will want to be here drilling Anatoli. Let her live a bit.” He pauses. “This is Anatoli’s wish.”
Interesting. All Alex has talked about is how heartless this guy Tobias is, but if I didn’t know better I would say he cares. He is doing this to help Alex not turn out like him.
“Got it, man. Will do. Thank you for the update and… advice.”
“Mmm-hmm. Yep.”
Click. She really is going to kill me though. I groan and crawl back into bed. It’s amazing how natural it feels with Alex. How natural is has always felt with Alex. I wrap my arm around her again, but instead of sleeping, I think about my plans for tomorrow. I want to do something real. Not something extravagant. Alex gets to really live now. Freely. Although that is a very good thing, knowing Alex, it is going to be overwhelming for her at first. To always have your survival instincts in play, to constantly be in fight or flight mode and then just nothing, well, that would mess anybody up. She is going to struggle. I want to show her why life is worth living. I want to show her the past is worth letting go of. She’s done that for me. I feel closer to Mia now more than ever. I feel I am doing right by her by living. That is truly what she would want; to see us all happy, but not be forgotten. Little did Mia know she could never be forgotten. She’s why I will always hold Alex a little closer at night. Why I will always reach out to Blaze no matter how hard he pushes back. Why I will hold my mom close and never let her drown in sorrow. Why I will be a good mentor to those boys.
Because she would want me to. She showed me how to be a good human being without pretense. Me being angry dishonors her in the worst way.
Just like that, the idea comes to me. I know exactly what I will do with Alex tomorrow. I smile to myself because my plans are perfect. That happiness calms me like nothing else and I fall asleep. For the first time in a long while my body is relaxed and my mind free of worry.
I wake up to the sound of laughing. I pop my head up and look in the corner of the room. Alex is sitting there in shredded capris, a ‘Don’t Fuck with Me’ tank top and converse. Her makeup is done, unlike yesterday, and she is laughing at me.
“Were you going to sleep forever. It’s nearly 10 AM?”
I rub my eyes and slowly sit up, careful not to reveal why I am so flipping tired right now. She can’t know about the phone call.
“Big talk from a girl who nearly passed out on my floor yesterday.”
I see her cheeks turn slightly red, but her face gives no indication of her feelings.
“Fair. Well played Rex Carter. Did you hear from Tobias?”
Ugh, the hope in her voice kills me. I hate lying to her, but I know that one, Tobias will actually be mad if I don’t do what he says. Two, getting out and not sitting in a hospital room after everything is probably best for her sanity. Plus, I am not keeping it from her that long.
“Not quite yet, but it really hasn’t been that long. Remember Alex, Anatoli has seen much worse injuries than this. I am sure. He’ll be up before you know it.” Like now.
“Right. Yeah.” She fiddles with the hem of her pants, something she always does when she cares and doesn’t want to show it.
“I’m taking you out today.”
“I should be at the hospital with Anatoli. I'm sorry.”
“Let’s give Tobias and Anatoli their space today.”
“But…”
“But you know I’m right.”
“No, but he took a bullet for me.”
“Alex,” I crawl out of bed and throw my pants on. I crouch in front of her and grab her hands. “We will go tonight. Let Tobias have his space. He needs it.”
She sighs heavily. “Fine, but if he thinks I am a bad person or is mad at me for not being there I am going to hate myself and we won’t be friends anymore.”
I laugh and shake my head. “Fine, but I highly doubt any of that is going to happen.”
“I’m just saying.”
“I hear you. Let me get dressed and get some breakfast and we will go. Have you eaten?”
“I mean… kind of.”
“I’ll make you breakfast too.”
“Not necessary. I'm fine. I had something.”
“Coffee. You had coffee.”
“You don’t know that!”
“Yes, I do. Alex speak for ‘I kind of had food’ is code for I had something with zero calories, but don’t feel like eating even when I shoul
d.”
She throws her head back and laughs. “Wow. We have been friends for way too long. Fine. Make me a freakin’ omelet. You win.”
“Oh, so you have requests now?”
“Yes.” She rubs the top of my hair and stands up. I roll my eyes, knowing full well I am going to make her an omelet.
An hour later we are both dressed, fed and ready to go. She hops in the car first. “Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.”
I already texted my boss and let him know I was coming in today. I’ve been on leave. I told him it was a family emergency. My boss has known me forever. This is a small town. He knows what happened with my mom, Mia and what my father did. The second I told him I needed leave he told me to take as much time as I needed. I didn’t take leave right away. In fact, this is the first time I’ve taken it since their deaths. It’s really delayed, but he completely understood. I am grateful for that, but I have missed my boys.
We pull up to the high school and Alex looks at me thoroughly confused.
“Why are we at a high school? Are you going to make me volunteer or something? You aren’t trying to save my soul or some shit, are you?”
I laugh. “No. The soul saving “shit” is on you.”
“Wheww, good.” She mocks wiping the sweat from her brow.
“What am I gonna do with you?” I shake my head and get out of the car. Alex follows. When we are walking up to the building I throw a jacket at her. “You may want to wear this. A don’t fuck with me tee is not the most appropriate attire for here.”
“Well, why didn’t you tell me?”
“I forgot. Sorry. The jacket will be fine.”
She rolls her eyes and throws on the black zip-up hoodie I brought her. We walk in the high school. My boss/friend immediately greets me immediately.
“Rex Carter!” he takes several long strides towards me and wraps me in a hug. “I’m so glad you are okay.”
“Thanks, boss.” I wink. He hates when I call him the boss because we are such good friends, but it's become something of a joke now.
Mike, my boss, glances over my shoulder at Alex.
“Alex Ray?” Mike looks back and forth between the two of us. Mike knew Alex briefly when we were kids. Like I said, small town. I mean Alex and I were glued at the hip most of our childhood, but its been years since Alex has been around town.
“The one and only,” Alex responds, but I can sense her discomfort. Instinctively I walk over and squeeze her hand. Mike see’s the act of comfort and smirks.
“Ha! I always knew you two would end up together. Took you two long enough.” Mike looks positively thrilled about it. Alex, on the other hand, is beat red. I laugh and Mike and I do some cheesy bro handshake.
“The boys are looking forward to seeing you, Rex. They’ve missed you.”
“They said that?” I cock an eyebrow. These are tough boys, most without father figures, who need mentoring.
Mike laughs. “No, but I can tell.”
“Oh yeah, the football whisperer.”
“Damn straight.” I shake my head and head back over to Alex.
“What are we doing here?” she whispers.
“You’ll see.”
I can tell she is pissed, but I know this will be good for her when she gets off her high horse.
“So Alex,” Mike asks as we make our way down the hall. “What have you been up to since you’ve been gone?”
Both of us stiffen, but Alex regains her composure quickly, probably used to these types of questions.
“You know me. Just causing trouble, messing around. Getting into whatever mayhem I can get my hands on.”
Mike laughs. “How specific of you. What do you do? We’ve missed you around these parts. You are an easy presence to miss.”
I quickly look over at Alex. Her eyes soften, but conflict fills them. Her past, her childhood, has to seem like ages ago.
“Yeah, I’m loud,” is all she says.
Mike catches her tone and looks back at me confused. I shake my head. He picks up whatever it is I just communicated to him. We make small talk the rest of the way. Finally, we reach the locker room. Alex takes two steps back.
“Uh, why are we at the boy's locker room? Do I just wait out here or…”
“No,” Mike says. “Rex let me know you were coming. The boys know a girl is coming in. You are good.”
“I swear if I see anything…”
I cut her off laughing. “You won’t. Relax.”
Mike opens the door and slaps me on the back. “Glad you’re back buddy.”
I walk into the oversized locker room and am immediately swarmed by eleven boys. I laugh and greet each of them; Taylor, Tristen, Mario, Lucas, Peter, Frankie, Josh, Randoll, Guy, Michael, and Renner.
My boys.
When we are done greeting each other they all turn to look at Alex.
She gives an awkward wave.
“Hey, guys.” Then she shoots me the death glare, as expected.
“We missed you, coach,” Frankie says. He’s kind of the unspoken leader of the team. All these kids have had hard lives, but Frankie takes the cake. Not only was his childhood brutal, he rose above and now exudes leadership. I foresee great things for him.
“I missed you guys too. More than I can say. I am glad to be back. Now, you know that this program is not just about football. Yes, we play football and I am your coach, but we do other things. We have gone to conventions, listened to Ted Talks, done volunteer work. Today we are going to do something a little different. Something I drastically underestimated until recently. Call this a little ode to me being back.” All the boys look at me curiously.
“We are going to have some fun.”
All the boys look back at me confused. Like they have never heard of this concept of fun before. I feel stupid for not doing this sooner. These boys need fun just as much as they need inspiration and hard work.
“We are going to first show Alex here how to play football.”
“We’ll hurt her,” Peter jumps in. He’s definitely the cockiest of the players on my team.
“We aren’t playing for real. We are playing flag football. Besides, Alex is one tough chick. I have a feeling she will hold her own.”
I look back at Alex and for one of the first times I cannot read her expression; awe, fear, anger, touched, I have no clue. I don’t like it.
“Then we are all going to get lunch as a group. Mike’s gonna drive. I’m treating. Sound like a plan.”
None of them say anything. They are all staring at me so utterly confused. Their idea of fun has always involved danger. I want to show them how fun the stupid shit can be.
“Okay. Everyone outside now.”
They all hop up and head out to the field. I have their respect so despite their hesitancy they do what I ask. I have personally been there for every single one of them on multiple occasions. When the boys head outside I take the three seconds we have alone to talk to Alex. I’m actually a little nervous because these boys are my life. I relax when I see her face. She looks… soft. Touched.
“You are so good with them Rex.”
“They are basically my kids,” I laugh. “When Mia died and everything was happening with my mom this is where I went. This is the work I dove into. These boys have been there for me as much as I have been there for them.”
“I’m so touched you would bring me here. That you’d share this part of your life with me.”
I feel a smile creep up on my face. “You’re gonna have fun today.”
Alex goes to speak, but Frankie appears in the doorway.
“Coach, you gonna make out with your girlfriend all day or are you coming out to the field.”
Alex smirks. I knew she’d like this kid. I laugh a little. “Respect Frankie. I’m coming.”
I throw Alex a ‘watcha gonna do’ look and we head outside. The boys all have put their flag on and are waiting for me. I put Frankie in charge of creating the teams. Of cours
e, he splits me and Alex up. He winks at Alex, the little brat. He can tell we will definitely be competitive with one another. He loves the idea of getting his coach all riled up. I love it too, and I love that he feels comfortable enough around me to do that. The kid I first met would have literally never done such a thing.
For the next, I kid you not, two to three hours we play. Hard. Alex doesn’t go easy on anyone and fits in right with the rest of the boys, not that I'm surprised. We are all red-faced, sweaty and laughing when we finish. I look across the field at Alex. She is sweaty, smiling while fist bumping Guy. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more full inside. I see Alex’s legs get a little shaky and her breathing get heavier. I decide it’s time to get lunch. The boys groan and complain about not wanting to stop, but I shoot them a hard look. I don’t condone whining on my team. Constructive criticism. Yes. Feedback. Yes. Expressing feelings. Yes. Whining. Yeah, that’s a hell no.
“We will play again if you all behave and get good grades. I will say this though. This is fun you guys can have on your own. This is the kind of stuff that is stupid, but fun and keeps you out of trouble.”
Frankie and Guy, the two kids who have by far gotten in the most trouble in their short lives, seem to really think on this.
“Will Alex be there next time we play?” Tristen asks. I am a little taken off guard by this. Tristen is by far my most shy and emotionally ‘damaged’ kid on the team. He was locked in a closet most of his life. He has trouble speaking out. His voice is high pitched and soft. I look at him softly.
“It’s up to Alex. I hope so.”
I smile back at Alex. She is looking at the floor and kicking dirt. Yep, she is most definitely hiding the tears in her eyes. I laugh to myself. That’s Alex. No one can ever know she has a kind heart.
We all go to lunch at a local Mexican restaurant. Mike joins us, which is cool because he is such a loud outspoken dude. He really makes the lunch much more fun. Not to mention he splits the bill with me, which is a help seeing as that it is eleven boys, two men and Alex. Not a cheap bill.
When Alex and I head back to my car we are both calm and just… happy. Like that calm sense of happy when everything in life just makes sense. When we get in my car I take a deep breath and don’t start the car.
