The Complete Box Set: Saving Her

by Bry Ann

  “I’m so happy,” mom cries. “You’ve always made my son so happy.”

  She pulls away sniffling and wiping her tears with the back of her hand.

  “Not always,” Alex mumbles. My mom laughs and shakes her head.

  “Come on you two.”

  My mom holds the door open. I kiss mom on the cheek as I pass. She stops me and squeezes my shoulder.

  “My son,” she whispers. “I’m so, so proud of you. You are a great son and an even better man.”

  I feel my heart swell with pride. People can call me a whoose. A pussy. Soft. Whatever shit they want to call me, but this here, having the women in my life love, respect and trust me, yeah, that’s the shit that means the most to me.

  “You are the best mom. I’m lucky.”

  I squeeze her arm as we make our way to the den. We both stop in the doorway when we see Alex. She is hunched over, spinning the ring around her finger like it’s the most precious jewel in the world, but she feels unworthy. I look at mom, heartbroken. She feels unworthy of the ring and that hurts me. So much. She puts a hand on my shoulder asking me to stay back. I hate it, but I do.

  I clean the kitchen and help my mom set the table. Approximately thirty minutes later both women walk back in. Both teary-eyed, but calm. That’s all I care about. I grab Alex’s hand and squeeze it. I notice she is wearing a large zip-up hoodie over her dress. Her earrings are gone, and most importantly she has stopped fidgeting and the ring is right where it is supposed to be on her finger. I look at mom and shake my head. She is incredible.

  Alex’s whole posture is way more relaxed. Mom thanks me for taking care of all the kitchen tasks. I take that time to look over at the food. Mom made all of our favorites. She called earlier to ask for Alex’s favorite foods. There is enough here to feed an army. Knowing my mom, which I do pretty well, a lot of this food will be shared with the homeless folks around town when we are done.

  We socialize a bit, but we are all hungry so we sit down for dinner relatively quickly. Mom says a prayer to start. Alex’s mouth twists uncomfortably as my mom recites the words to ‘Our Father’. I remember that she is not Christian. I kick Alex’s leg under the table letting her know she doesn’t need to feel bad or out of place for not being Christian. I know that is exactly where her head will go.

  The meal starts out light-hearted. My mom wants to know all about the proposal, which makes me and Alex burst out laughing because, well, it happened after a moment of intense fucking. How do we give my mom the fairytale story every mother wants? Mom and Alex then start laughing as I awkwardly try and fumble my way through the mom-approved version of the proposal.

  “I got it, son,” mom says through her tears of laughter. “I don’t need any more details. It was a moment of passion.”

  “Yes,” I say, taking a deep breath and relaxing in my chair.

  Alex wipes the tears from her face as the mood goes flat. Solem. In an instant. There is an emptiness in the air that we all feel. All of us glance at the fourth chair. She should be here. My sister would be so flipping excited about this. She would be over the top and I would be annoyed, but secretly touched because that would just be so her. She would throw a party and call all of us one hundred times about the wedding. She would send us candy and flowers and call Alex non-stop to see how she is doing. She would be one of Alex’s bridesmaids, but now there’s nothing. She’s gone. Blaze should be here. Hell, she should be here! I stand up from the table and excuse myself. I walk out to the back patio and overlook the garden my mom puts so much time and effort into upkeep. For the first time since Mia died I just lose it. For a long time the desire for vengeance covered up my pain. Then anger took over. Anger became my best friend. If it made me feel, boom I was pissed as all hell. Then Alex came back in my life, and I focused all my energy, all my feelings on hating her. Then I heard her story. Then protector became my role. I had to keep her safe, shield her from further pain, but in all of that I forgot my own pain. Behind all of the aggression and outward strength is a deep seated sense of pain and loss that just won’t go away no matter how hard I try to fill it. I miss my sister. I miss her so much it hurts.

  I feel the tears slide down my cheeks as I lean over the patio railing. I hear the glass door slide open, but I close my eyes and ignore it. I don’t want either of them to see me like this. They have their own pain. They miss Mia just as badly as I do, and they both carry misplaced guilt on top of that.

  “Rex,” I hear a soft voice say behind me. The patio door slides closed again. That’s not my mom’s voice. That’s Alex. I groan and drop my head. She can’t see me like this. “Rex,” she says again and softly places a hand on my shoulder. It’s so gentle it almost doesn’t feel like her, but I know it is. No matter what mood she comes in, I always know when it’s her.

  “Is it Mia?” she asks softly. “It’s okay if it is. You don’t have to be strong for me Rex. You don’t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Me. Your mom. We are strong women. We just need you here. We don’t need you to be “okay”, whatever that really means anyway. We are partners now, right? I’m your fiance. You can talk to me.”

  I keep my face down. “Yeah, it’s Mia. She should be here.”

  Alex stays quiet as she waits for me to talk. She starts to rub soft circles on my back, encouraging me to keep going. That’s her way.

  “I just miss my sister. It’s really nothing complicated. I just miss Mia. The world just feels empty without her. She’s always been there for me, ya know? Always. I and her have always been attached at the hip. She was so bright. So sunny. So her. I just don’t know how to do this,” the words get caught in my throat as the tears stream faster down my cheeks. Alex catches the pain immediately and rubs more gently as she kisses the back of my neck, “wedding without her. She would have been so excited. I mean just over the top.”

  “Yeah,” Alex says breaking her silence, “she totally would have been.” There is sadness in her voice. “But somewhere in heaven, or where ever she is watching us from, she is doing a little dance party with the angels. She’s still watching over you eating Twizzlers somewhere.”

  “Now I know you are lying. You don’t believe in heaven.”

  Alex’s hand falls from my back as she drops her tone. “No, I don’t, but you can’t really think I believe Mia is just rotting in the ground somewhere. I know she is somewhere. I’m just not sure that place is heaven.” I turn to Alex as she quickly goes wide-eyed. “I don’t mean hell!” she quickly clarifies. “Or wherever else. I just mean that I don’t know where good dead people go.”

  She looks at me like she is worried I am offended. Seeing her worried softens me. I put my finger to her lips.

  “I know what you mean sweetie.”

  I move my hand. We stare at each other for a minute. When my tears stop falling she slowly moves her hand up and wipes the tears from my cheeks. Her voice, her touch, her eyes, everything about her is soft again.

  “You know Rex Carter, I think we are going to make a good team.”

  That makes the corners of my mouth tip up. I close the gap between us. Our eye contact never breaks. I take one step closer to her for emphasis. I see her take a deep breath, but she doesn’t move.

  “Do you think that Rex?” she asks softly.

  “Yeah, I do.”

  A sweet smile spreads across her face. She gives me a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth like we are in high school or something. It is so genuinely sweet and endearing, especially coming from her, that it brightens up some of the darkness dwellings inside of me.

  “Should we head inside? Your mom is worried.”

  “Yeah.” I wipe some of the crap off my face and try to look as ‘fine’ as possible. I don’t want my mom to know I was out here crying.

  Alex nods and heads for the door. She slides the glass halfway open and then turns back to me.

  “And Rex, anytime you want to talk about Mia or anything else, I am here. Know that. I can handle anythi
ng you throw at me.”

  Then she slides the door the rest of the way open and walks inside, completely calm and collected. This is why all her sometimes cruel remarks, all her walls and all the times she breaks apart and needs someone to help her stay together are worth it. It’s because she is the strongest, most loyal person I have ever met. Kindness is something you have to earn from her, but when you do you have it, you have it unequivocally.

  I feel awkward walking back inside. Like, everyone knows I was crying. The man of the house lost it. It’s awkward, but as soon as I walk in my mom wraps me in a hug.

  “I miss her too,” she whispers in my ear. Then she gives me one of those forced smiles that lets me know she is there for me, and we go on with our night. It doesn’t take away the pain. If anything, I think we are all lost in our own little world of pain, guilt, and loss because we are celebrating this without Mia. But not being alone in the pain helps. Not having to hide it helps. Having people who cherish Mia and miss her the same way I do helps the most. We all want to honor Mia with our lives, and that makes some part of me feel better.

  I glance over at Alex who is drinking a bottle of beer and laughing with my mom. For the first time in God knows how long both of them look genuinely happy.

  I am lucky.

  Really, really fucking lucky.

  Chapter 23 (Logan):

  I’m gonna kill her. Honest to God this woman is aging me.

  “We have to tell the kids,” I tell Sam when she stops crying enough for me to let go of her. She wipes the snot from her face, wipes her eyes and clears her throat.

  “Right.” Her voice is back to normal. Strong for the kids, but she is feeling anything but fine right now. I keep looking her up and down. I have no idea what happened to her. She seems okay. Her arm seems a little off, but other than that she seems physically unharmed. I don't know the extent of everything until I talk to her. I’m so freaking angry with her I can’t see straight, but what is driving me right now is finding out if those fucks laid a hand on her.

  Sam and I head up the stairs. Both of the kids are by the railing listening. The second they seem Sam the feeling in the air changes. Jazmine bursts out crying and runs at Sam. Sam grabs onto her, and squeezes her tight. I can see she is trying to hold back her own tears.

  “I’m so sorry Jazmine. I’m so sorry.”

  Jazmine squeezes her harder. One thing I’ve always admired about Jazmine since the day I laid eyes on her was her amazing ability to forgive.

  “You scared me, mom,” she says through her sniffles. “You scared me so much.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  A tear escapes from the side of Sam’s eye. She frowns and wipes it with her free hand. I glance over at Dusty. His arms are stiff by his sides and he has taken several steps back. I didn’t connect to Dusty the same way Sam did, but the longer he is here the more I think it was a good decision to bring him to our home. While Sam and Jazmine are having their moment I walk over to Dusty. The closer I get the stiffer his body becomes like he is steeling himself up for battle. He is much more comfortable around Sam than me. I can’t tell if it is because I am a male or if it is because he feels more comfortable around Sam because of her scars. Maybe it’s a little of both. At least something good has come from her scars because they damn near kill me every time I see them. I know she saved my little sister from something terrible, but I don’t know how to make peace with the fact that I didn’t save her in time.

  I crouch down to Dusty’s level, trying to make myself seem less intimidating. I also make sure my hands are visible to him so he doesn’t think to expect any surprises. Sam taught me that.

  “You can say hi to Sam Dusty. She’s happy to see you.”

  “Where was she?” His voice is harsh, and he still keeps his distance from us.

  “She had some business to take care of.”

  “Did they hurt her?” Dusty tries to keep his hard exterior, but I notice the way his voice softens and his jaw twitches. He’s way too young to suspect this stuff. To know exactly what went down. I want to reach out and hold him. I want him to let me help him, but I know he won’t. I sigh and give him direct eye contact.

  “I’m not sure buddy. I haven’t talked to her yet.”

  He nods. “You should talk to her and see if she’s okay.” His gaze flickers over to Sam.

  “I will buddy, but she missed you. I really think you should go say hi.”

  He stares me down, as seconds pass the slightest bit of his wall falls. He gives me a stiff nod and walks over to Sam who has now let Jazmine go. I lean back on my heels and run my hand over my face. Geez, what has this boy been through? He’s like a soldier preparing for battle at all times. I make a mental note to find him a therapist. He won me over when he had my daughter’s back that day at the school. He showed me his true colors.

  I watch Sam interact with Dusty. She really loves him, and I can tell he really looks up to her. I don’t think she realizes how much he does, but to him, she is a symbol of strength. That someone can overcome something awful and come out on the other side. No one really knows what she goes through behind the scenes though. Not that they should.

  Finally, I walk over to Sam and grab her hand. Jazmine is still crying so I walk over and give her a big hug. She wraps her arms around me and squeezes tight. It still blows my mind I have a daughter. I never saw my life going this way. I had fame, fortune, success, I didn’t realize how little that crap mattered until I met Sam.

  “I really need to talk to your mom for a few minutes guys. We will be right back.”

  “No, she just got back!” Jazmine yells and runs over to Sam, wrapping her arms around her legs. Sam sets her hand on Jazzy’s head. Dusty’s gaze flickers back and forth between the three of us.

  “It’s just a little while Jazmine I promise.”

  “No!” Jazmine squeezes Sam tighter. “You always say that and then mom goes away and gets hurt. She’s not leaving.”

  I look at Sam. She is barely holding it together.

  “I pinky promise Jazmine. Have I ever broken a pinky swear?” Jazmine’s grip loosens slightly. “I’m not going anywhere. I just need to talk to Log… your dad.”

  “You swear?”

  “I swear.”

  Dusty walks over next to Jazmine. “Jazmine, let’s watch a movie. I’ll let you pick.”

  Jazmine looks over atDusty with wide eyes and then narrows them.

  “Sure you will,” she grumbles, but she lets go of Sam. She stomps past Dusty all the way to the game room. I look at Dusty impressed. Dusty let out a smug grin and follows Jazmine. I look at Sam with raised eyebrows.

  “I love how he has her back.”

  “Me too. He’s a good kid.” Then Sam swallows. “We need to talk now, right?”

  “Yeah. Our room?”

  She gives me a stiff nod, but I see her hands shaking. She’s nervous. She damn well should be. She scared the living hell out of me. When we get to our room she sits on the edge of our master bed watching me carefully. I can see her guard is up.

  “Okay shoot,” she says, voice stiff.

  I cock an eyebrow at her. She is expecting me to yell at her. She’s expecting me to lose it. I manage to reign in my emotions enough to not start out that way. I don’t want to prove her right. I need answers and I won’t get them if Sam is on defense.

  “Did they hurt you?”

  First thing I absolutely need to know. Instantly some of the tension dissolves from her body.

  “No.”

  “Sam, I’m trying not to lose it here because I don’t know what you’ve been through, but I need you to talk to me.” Her gaze flicks up to me, and some of my self-control slips.

  “Do you know what I’ve been going through over here?! Do you know how worried I’ve been? Not even two years Sam! It hasn’t even been two years since I almost lost you. How would you feel if you trusted me and I just up and left, huh? I don’t think you’d like it! I trusted you,
Sam.”

  “I’m so sorry Logan. He didn’t lay a finger on me. I swear. All he did was chain me to the side of his bedpost so I was sitting on the floor. The only injury I got was a dislocated shoulder or something, but he fixed it. I saw some things,” Sam starts to pick at her pants, “but Alex is safe. We all are safe now. I couldn’t leave her.”

  “I get that Sam, but offering yourself up as bait! You have a family. Did you think of us?!”

  “Yes,” she whispers. “But I couldn’t not do it. I just couldn’t Logan.”

  “Sam, you need therapy. The kidnapping, now this. Fuck, you are killing me here woman.”

  “I didn’t want to cause you pain Logan,” her voice is pleading. “And I already go to therapy.”

  “No. You are stepping it up. I’m serious Sam. If you don’t I…” I run my hand over my face. “If you don’t I am going to put off the wedding for a while.”

  All the blood drains from her face.

  “You’re… you’re leaving me?” Before I can tell her no, I would never leave her, she just loses it. I mean it is so unexpected. I jerk back in surprise. Sam is not an affectionate person. I’ve learned to read the ways she shows love, but it’s rare that she is outright obvious with it.

  “Logan, please. I’ll do whatever. I’ll work at this. I’m sorry. I had to. Please don’t leave me. Don’t leave me! Don’t leave me.”

  Her crying turns to sobs as she continues to beg me. Plead with me not to leave her.

  “Sam! Sam!” I yell, trying to get her attention. I run over and grab her shoulders. She looks at me. She looks so young and vulnerable, all traces of the strength I know she carries gone. She looks terrified. Family is everything to her, and I know it would crush her to have her family broken apart. “I’m not…”