The Second Randall Garrett Megapack

by Randall Garrett

  The rest of the page was blank. Malone wondered who Lieutenant Lynch was, and made a mental note to find out. Then he wondered what his name was doing in somebody else’s notebook. Maybe, he thought, it was a list of people to slug, and the car had made it up. But he hadn’t heard of anybody named Lynch being hit on the head by a marauding automobile, and he couldn’t quite picture a Cadillac jotting things down in a notebook for future reference. Besides, he had an idea that a Cadillac’s handwriting would be more formal, and prettier.

  He turned the page. On the next leaf there were more names, eight of them. The first one was written in red pencil and the others were in ordinary black. Malone stared at them:

  Mike F. Ramon O. Mario G. Silvo E. Alvarez A. Felipe la B. Juan de los S. Ray del E.

  All the names except Mike F. sounded Spanish, or possibly Puerto Rican. Malone wondered who they were. Juvenile delinquents? Other people to slug? Police officers?

  Maybe they were all the names of Spanish-speaking Cadillacs.

  He blinked and rubbed at his forehead with one hand. His head still hurt, and that was probably why he was getting such strange ideas. It was obvious that, whatever the notebook was, it hadn’t been written by an automobile.

  He turned the page again.

  Here there was a carefully detailed drawing of a car. Malone recognized it as a 1972 Cadillac without any effort at all.

  And it had been carefully colored in with red pencil.

  Wow, Malone asked himself, What the hell does that mean?

  He couldn’t find an answer. He turned the page, hoping for some more facts that might make some sense out of what he had been seeing, but there was nothing more. All the rest of the pages in the notebook were blank.

  He looked up at the cop and the doctor with a bland, blank face. “Thanks a lot,” he told Bill. “I thought I’d lost this book. I appreciate it.”

  “Oh, that’s okay, Mr. Malone,” Bill said. “Glad to do it.”

  “You don’t know what this means to me,” Malone said truthfully.

  “No trouble at all,” Bill said. “Any time.” He gave Malone a big smile and turned back to the door. “But I got to get back to my beat,” he said. “Listen, I’ll see you. And if I can be any help—”

  “Sure,” Malone said. “I’ll let you know. And thanks again.”

  “Welcome,” Bill said, and opened the door. He strode out with the air of a man who has just been decorated with the Silver Star, the Purple Heart and the Congressional Medal of Honor.

  Malone tried a few more steps and discovered that he could walk without falling down. He thanked the doctor again.

  “Perfectly all right,” the doctor said. “Nothing to it. Why, you ought to see some of the cases we get here. There was a guy here the other night with both his legs all mashed up by a—”

  “I’ll bet,” Malone said hurriedly. “Well, I’ve got to be on my way. Just send the bill to FBI headquarters on 69th Street.” He closed the door on the doctor’s enthusiastic “Yes, sir!” and went on down the hallway and out into the street. At Seventh Avenue and Greenwich Avenue he flagged a cab.

  It was a hell of a place to be, Malone thought as the cab drove away. Where but in Greenwich Village did avenues intersect each other without so much as a by-your-leave?

  “Hotel New Yorker,” he said, giving the whole thing up as a bad job. He put his hat on his head and adjusted it painfully to the proper angle.

  And that, he thought, made another little problem. The car had not only hit him on the head, it had removed his hat before doing so, and then replaced it. It had only fallen off when he’d started to get up against the lamp post.

  A nice quiet vacation, Malone thought bitterly.

  He fumed in silence all the way to the hotel, through the lobby, up in the elevator, and to the door of his room. Then he remembered the notebook.

  That was important evidence. He decided to tell Boyd about it right away.

  He went into the bathroom and tapped gently on the door to Boyd’s connecting room. The door swung open.

  Boyd, apparently, was still out painting the town—Malone considered the word red and dropped the whole phrase with a sigh. At any rate, his partner was nowhere in the room.

  “The hell with it,” Malone announced loudly to no one in particular. He went back into his own room, closed the door, and got wearily ready for bed.

  * * * *

  Dawn came, and then daylight, and then a lot more daylight. It was streaming in through the windows with careless abandon, filling the room with a lot of bright sunshine and the muggy heat of the city. From the street below, the cheerful noises of traffic and pedestrians floated up and filled Malone’s ears.

  He got up, turned over in bed, and tried to go back to sleep.

  But sleep wouldn’t come. After a long time he gave up, and swung himself over the edge of the bed. Standing up was a delicate job, but he managed it, feeling rather proud of himself in a dim, semiconscious sort of way.

  He went into the bathroom, brushed his teeth, and then opened the connecting door to Boyd’s room softly.

  Boyd was home. He lay in a great tangle of bedclothes, snoring hideously and making little motions with his hands and arms like a beached whale. Malone padded over to him and dug him fiercely in the ribs.

  “Come on,” he said. “Wake up, Tommy-boy.”

  Boyd’s eyes did not open. In a voice as hollow as a zombie’s, he said, “My head hurts.”

  “Can’t feel any worse than mine,” Malone said cheerily. This, he reflected, was not quite true. Considering everything it had been through recently, his head felt remarkably like its old carefree self. “You’ll feel better once you’re awake.”

  “No, I won’t,” Boyd said simply. He jammed his head under a pillow and began to snore again. It was an awesome sound, like a man strangling to death in chicken fat. Malone sighed and poked at random among the bedclothes.

  Boyd swore distantly, and Malone poked him again.

  “The sun is up,” Malone said, “and all the little pedestrians are chirping. It is time to rise.”

  Boyd said, “Gah,” and withdrew his head from the pillow. Gently, as if he were afraid he were going to fall apart, he rose to a sitting position. When he had arrived at it, he opened his eyes.

  “Now,” Malone said. “Isn’t that better?”

  Boyd closed his eyes again. “No,” he said.

  “Come on,” Malone said. “We’ve got to be up and moving.”

  “I’m up,” Boyd said. His eyes flickered open. “But I can’t move,” he added. “We had quite a time last night.”

  “We?” Malone said.

  “Me, and a couple of girls, and another guy. Just people I met.” Boyd started to stand up and thought better of it. “Just having a good time, that’s, all.”

  Malone thought of reading his partner a lecture on the Evils of Drink, and decided against it. Boyd might remember it, and use it against him sometime. Then he realized what had to be done. He went back into his own room, dialed for room service, and ordered a couple of pots of strong black coffee.

  By the time a good deal of that was awash in Boyd’s intestinal system, he was almost capable of rational, connected conversation. He filled himself to the eyebrows with aspirins and other remedies, and actually succeeded in getting dressed. He seemed quite proud of this feat.

  “Okay,” Malone said. “Now we have to go downstairs.”

  “You mean outside?” Boyd said. “Into all that noise?” He winced.

  “Bite the bullet,” Malone said cheerfully. “Keep a stiff upper lip.”

  “Nonsense,” Boyd said, hunting for his coat with a doleful air. “Have you ever seen anybody with a loose upper lip?”

  Malone, busy with his own coat, didn’t bother with a reply. He managed somehow to get Boyd downstairs and bundled into a cab. They headed for 69th Street. There he made several phone calls. The first, of course, was to Burris in Washington. After that he got the New York Police Commis
sioner on the wire and, finding that he needed still more authority, he called the mayor and then, by long-distance to Albany, the governor.

  But by noon he had everything straightened out. He had a plan fully worked out in his mind, and he had the authority to go ahead with it. Now, he could make his final call.

  “They’re completely trustworthy,” Burris had told him. “Not only that, but they have a clearance for this kind of special work—we’ve needed them before.”

  “Good,” Malone said.

  “Not only that,” Burris told him. “They’re damned good men. Maybe among the best in their field.”

  So Malone made his last call, to the firm of Leibowitz and Hardin, Electronic Engineers.

  Then he beckoned to Boyd.

  “I don’t see what I’ve been sitting around here for, all this time,” his partner complained. “I could have been home sleeping until you needed me.”

  “I need you now,” Malone said. “I want you to take over part of this plan.”

  Boyd nodded sourly. “Oh, all right,” he said.

  “Here’s what I want,” Malone said. “Every red 1972 Cadillac in the area is to be picked up for inspection. I don’t care why—make up a reason. A general traffic check. Anything you please. You can work that end of it out with the commissioner; he knows about it and he’s willing to go along.”

  “Great,” Boyd said. “Do you have any idea how many cars there are in a city this size?”

  “Well, we don’t want all of them,” Malone said. “Only red 1972 Cadillacs.”

  “It’s still a lot,” Boyd said.

  “If there were only three,” Malone said, “we wouldn’t have any problems.”

  “And wouldn’t that be nice?” Boyd said.

  “Sure,” Malone said, “but it isn’t true. Anyhow, I want every one of those cars checked for any oddity, no matter how small. If there’s an inch-long scratch on one fender, I want to know about it. If you’ve got to take the cars apart, then do that.”

  “Me?” Boyd said. “All by myself?”

  “My God, no,” Malone said. “Use your head. There’ll be a team working with you. Let me explain it. Every nut, every bolt, every inch of those cars has to be examined thoroughly—got it?”

  “I’ve got it,” Boyd said, “but I’m damned if I like it. After all, Malone—”

  Malone ignored him. “The governor of New York’s promised his cooperation,” he said, “and he said he’d get in touch with the governors of New Jersey and Connecticut and get cooperation from that angle. So we’ll have both state and local police working with us.”

  “That’s a help,” Boyd said. “We’ll make such a happy team of workmen. Singing as we pull the cars apart through the long day and night and—listen, Malone, when do you want reports on this?”

  “Yesterday,” Malone said.

  Boyd’s eyebrows raised, then lowered. “Great,” he said dully.

  “I don’t care how you get the cars,” Malone said. “If you’ve got to, condemn ’em. But get every last one of them. And bring them over to Leibowitz and Hardin for a complete checkup. I’ll give you the address.”

  “Thanks,” Boyd said.

  “Not at all,” Malone said. “Glad to be of help. And don’t worry; I’ll have other work to do.” He paused, and then went on, “I talked to Dr. Isaac Leibowitz—he’s the head of the firm out there—and he says—”

  “Wait a minute,” Boyd said. “What?”

  “You mean I don’t have to take the cars apart myself? You mean this Leibowitz and Hardin, or whatever it is, will do it for me?”

  “Of course,” Malone said wearily. “You’re not an auto technician or an electronics man. You’re an agent of the FBI.”

  “I was beginning to wonder,” Boyd said. “After all.”

  “Anyhow,” Malone said doggedly, “I talked to Leibowitz, and he says he can give a car a complete check in about six hours, normally.”

  “Six hours?” Boyd stared. “That’s going to take forever,” he said.

  “Well, he can set up a kind of assembly-line process and turn out a car every fifteen minutes. Any better?”

  Boyd nodded.

  “Good,” Malone said. “There can’t be so many 1972 red Cadillacs in the area that we can’t get through them all at that speed.” He thought a minute and then added, “By the way, you might check with the Cadillac dealers around town, and find out just how many have been sold to people living in the area.”

  “And while I’m doing all that,” Boyd said, “what are you going to be doing?”

  Malone looked at him and sighed. “I’ll worry about that,” he said. “Just get started.”

  “Suppose Leibowitz can’t find anything?” Boyd said.

  “If Leibowitz can’t find it, it’s not there,” Malone said. “He can find electronic devices anywhere in any car made, he says—even if they’re printed circuits hidden under the paint job.”

  “Pretty good,” Boyd said. “But suppose he doesn’t?”

  “Then they aren’t there,” Malone said, “and we’ll have to think of something else.” He considered that. It sounded fine. Only he wished he knew what else there was to think of.

  Well, that was just pessimism. Leibowitz would find something, and the case would be over, and he could go back to Washington and rest. In August he was going to have his vacation anyway, and August wasn’t very far away.

  Malone put a smile carefully on his face and told Boyd, “Get going.” He slammed his hat on his head.

  Wincing, he took it off and replaced it gently. The bottle of pills was still in his pocket, but he wasn’t due for another one just yet.

  He had time to go over to the precinct station in the West Eighties first. He headed outside to get another taxi.

  CHAPTER 4

  The door didn’t say anything at all except Lt. P. Lynch. Malone looked at it for a couple of seconds. He’d asked the desk sergeant for Lynch, shown his credentials and been directed up a set of stairs and around a hall. But he still didn’t know what Lynch did, who he was, or what his name was doing in the little black notebook.

  Well, he told himself, there was only one way to find out.

  He opened the door.

  The room was small and dark. It had a single desk in it, and three chairs, and a hatrack. There wasn’t any coat or hat on the hatrack, and there was nobody in the chairs. In a fourth chair, behind the desk, sat a huskily built man. He had steel-gray hair, a hard jaw and, Malone noticed with surprise, a faint twinkle in his eye.

  “Lieutenant Lynch?” Malone said.

  “Right,” Lynch said. “What’s the trouble?”

  “I’m Kenneth J. Malone, FBI.” He reached for his wallet and found it. He flipped it open for Lynch, who stared at it for what seemed a long, long time, and then burst into laughter.

  “What’s so funny?” Malone asked. Lynch laughed some more.

  “Oh, come on,” Malone said bitterly. “After all, there’s no reason to treat an FBI agent like some kind of a—”

  “FBI agent?” Lynch said. “Listen, buster, this is the funniest gag I’ve seen since I came on the force. Really a hell of a funny thing. Who told you to pull it? Jablonski downstairs? Or one of the boys on the beat? I know those beat patrolmen, always on the lookout for a new joke. But this tops ’em all. This is the—”

  “You’re a disgrace to the Irish,” Malone said tartly.

  “A what?” Lynch said. “I’m not Irish.”

  “You talk like an Irishman,” Malone said.

  “I know it,” Lynch said, and shrugged. “Around some precincts, you sort of pick it up. When all the other cops are—hey, listen. How’d we get to talking about me?”

  “I said you were a disgrace to the Irish,” Malone said.

  “I was a—what?”

  “Disgrace.” Malone looked carefully at Lynch. In a fight, he considered, he might get in a lucky punch that would kill Malone. Otherwise, Malone didn’t have a thing to worry about except a
few months of hospitalization.

  Lynch looked as if he were about to get mad, and then he looked down at Malone’s wallet again and started to laugh.

  “For God’s sake,” Malone said. “What’s so damned funny?”

  He grabbed the wallet and turned it toward him. At once, of course, he realized what had happened. He hadn’t flipped it open to his badge at all. He’d flipped it open, instead, to a card in the card case:

  KNOW ALL MEN BY THESE PRESENTS THAT

  Sir Kenneth Malone, Knight, is hereby

  formally installed with the title of

  KNIGHT OF THE BATH

  and this card shall signify his right to

  that title and his high and respected position

  as officer in and of

  THE QUEEN’S OWN FBI

  In a very small voice, Malone said, “There’s been a terrible mistake.”

  “Mistake?” Lynch said.

  Malone flipped the wallet open to his FBI shield. Lynch gave it a good long examination, peering at it from every angle and holding it up to the light two or three times. He even wet his thumb and rubbed the badge with it. At last he looked up.

  “I guess you are the FBI,” he said. “But what’s with the gag?”

  “It isn’t a gag,” Malone said. “It’s just—” He thought of the little old lady in Yucca Flats, the little old lady who had been the prime mover in the last case he and Boyd had worked on together. Without the little old lady, the case might never have been solved; she was an authentic telepath, about the best that had ever been found.

  But with her, Boyd and Malone had had enough troubles. Besides being a telepath, she was quite thoroughly insane. She had one fixed delusion: she believed she was Queen Elizabeth I.

  She was still at Yucca Flats, along with the other telepaths Malone’s investigation had turned up. And she still believed, quite calmly, that she was Good Queen Bess. Malone had been knighted by her during the course of the investigation. This new honor had come to him through the mail; apparently she had decided to ennoble some of her friends still further.

  Malone made a mental note to ask Boyd if he’d received one. After all, there couldn’t be too many Knights of the Bath. There was no sense in letting everybody in.

  Then he realized that he was beginning to believe everything again. There had been times, working with the little old lady, when he had been firmly convinced that he was, in fact, the swaggering, ruthless swordsman, Sir Kenneth Malone. And even now…