Tidings of Love

by Alicia Hunter Pace

  “Fine,” she said, yanking her hand away, sinking back to sit on her heels. “You take over.”

  He turned the dial, listening for a clear station. Julia busied herself going through the couple’s music collection, and he couldn’t stop staring at the deep V of her sweater, where a hint of her pink lace bra peaking out. He fantasized about dropping his head to her neck, tracing his lips over her soft skin. And while he tasted her, he’d wait to hear her moan his name in pleasure, as if he was the only man in the world who could make her do that—

  “Gavin!”

  He blinked. Her voice was sharp, nothing like the way she’d say his name in his fantasy. “What?”

  “You’re going too fast,” she said, quirking her eyebrow at the tuner.

  As I recall, I always went too slow for you. His mouth twisted wryly as he turned the dial back. At last, he found a local station with a clear signal. There was no announcement about the weather, but a familiar Christmas song: “Grandma got ran over by a reindeer…”

  Julia grinned, and her smile shot straight to his heart. “I love this song.”

  He started singing, “You might say there’s no such thing as Santa…”

  Her eyes lit up. “But as for me and Grandpa, we believe…”

  Their mutual laughter was the first real moment between them that wasn’t strained with questions and longing. He hoped it would last. “I’ll leave it here. I’m sure a report will come on eventually. It’s not like we can’t just look out the window and see for ourselves.”

  “Right.” She sighed heavily at his reminder that she was still stuck with him. The light moment flitted away. With an inward groan, Gavin moved to the fireplace, wishing he knew the right thing to say. And, at the same time, wishing he could be as turned off by her presence as she was by his.

  Nevertheless, he was going to get some answers from her, and this time, she had nowhere to run. He had to know if Ashley was right, if Julia still had feelings for him. If she didn’t, he was in for a long night with an ex, and Ashley got his hopes up for nothing. If Julia did harbor even the slightest feeling for him, however, then he hoped it was only a matter of time, and patience, until he had her in his arms again.

  Chapter Three

  Julia didn’t know what she wanted. One moment, she wanted Gavin next to her, the next, away from her. She wanted him to hold her close in his arms, yet keep her at arm’s length. Why did she have to feel anything? Why couldn’t she just forget what it was like being with him?

  Because doing that was like asking her to forget her own name.

  “What are you doing alone on Christmas?” she asked, breaking the silence. “I mean, why aren’t you with somebody for the holidays?”

  “What are you doing alone on Christmas?” he countered.

  “Please don’t answer my question with a question.”

  “Here’s your answer then: I chose to be.” He poked at the burning logs, the fire reflecting in his hard gaze.

  Of course he had a choice. After she broke it off, her friends kept chitchat about Gavin to a minimum, but it was easy to assume he had moved on quickly. He was just too famous, too handsome, to be single for long. “I don’t mean to pry. I was just wondering why you’re not spending Christmas with…” She gestured with her hands like she always did when she tripped on her words, “with one of your…you know, a woman that you’re…when I know you have plenty to…” For Pete’s sake! Stammering was so unsexy.

  He looked at her in bemusement. “Christmas should be spent with people you care about, and people who care about you. Weren’t you thinking the same when you said yes to Ashley’s invitation?”

  Julia nodded. “Ashley and Bruce are like my family.”

  His gaze softened, melting on her, and his deep voice was gentle as he said, “Yeah, I know.”

  He did know. She told him so much about her past, including the story of how her parents had died in a car accident when she was in college. She’d had no siblings, no relatives to lean on. Julia had never been so open with a man before. Usually, she was more reserved when it came to guys, but Gavin’s open nature and honesty about his own past broke down her defenses day by day. At first, she’d shared small things, like how Dutch had been her first language. Her grandparents had raised her in Belgium until she was eight years old, while her parents looked for jobs in California. He’d been so impressed by her stilted Dutch, and his enthusiasm had inspired her to start writing old childhood friends she’d neglected for too long. Then she started sharing a little more, from the good to the bad. And before she could put up her guard and slow things down, she’d realized she had no guard at all when it came to Gavin. It was too easy, and she didn’t trust easy.

  “Julia, I want to ask you…are you happy?” He replaced the poker and sat down across from her.

  Happy? She wondered if it was the wine, the question, or the heat of the fire that made her want to fan her face—or just him. “What do you mean?”

  “I guess what I’m asking is, have you found what you were looking for since you ended things with us?”

  Heart pounding, she felt her defenses shoot up. “What do you care about what I’m looking for?”

  “Care? I guess I shouldn’t, especially after all this time.” He shrugged, crossed his arms, and narrowed his eyes. “I’m just curious if you are still making a game out of finding a guy, seducing him, and once he really cares about you, once you have him on his knees, cutting him off like a bad dream?”

  Contempt shot through her and she pushed to her feet. “Excuse me?”

  “Well?” He looked up at her lazily. “Do you?”

  “How dare you say that?” It hurt to hear him say something so callous. As if she treated him like a toy and nothing else. Wasn’t that what he’d been doing? What they agreed on when they first met? Unbelievable. Like he was so innocent. “Who do you think you are?”

  He rose, steadily meeting her eyes, towering over her. “I’m the man you used and led on for your pleasure. The one who had to chase you down because you dumped him with a few choice words on a to-do list notepad.”

  “Used you? Led you on?” Her fists curled at her sides. “This is crazy. You were barely broken up with Brooke. It was all over the magazines. Everywhere I went, I kept seeing you and her on the cover, everyone wondering if a reconciliation was in the works.”

  His brows knitted together. “Barely broken up? First of all, Brooke and I had been over long before the media finally let our relationship die,” he told her. “Our relationship had been done for at least four months before the media got word of it and started to tag me as a cheating and a lying boyfriend. All of which was totally fabricated to sell copies. I told you Brooke and I didn’t even speak to each other anymore, and a reconciliation was just tabloid rumor. If you’d talked to me instead of reading the stupid magazines, you would know that.”

  “The media doesn’t make up everything, Gavin,” she said, scrambling for another attack. “Don’t even think about denying the fact that before you and I were together, you were seeing a different girl every other week.”

  “Just because I spent time with different women—some of whom were just friends by the way—doesn’t make me some heartless womanizer. You were the only girl I was involved with, and I thought I’d made it pretty obvious after spending every free moment I had with you, and no one else. You were the one that broke it off with this supposed player.”

  True. It was either that or take a risk that would eventually break her heart. So what if she and Gavin had chemistry? Amazing sex? A fast friendship? It didn’t mean he wouldn’t trade her up the next week when he got bored with her. He was meeting outgoing, trendy, worldly women from Hollywood to Hong Kong. The kind that only ate organic and knew every designer’s first and last name. She worked for a bank, cooked with and ate real butter, and her big dream was to own a jellyfish tank some day. Gavin had been on a reality show, had traveled around the world, and his agent had been hounding him about offer
s to come back to TV. He’d given it serious consideration because the money was tempting and frankly, Julia couldn’t blame him. But knowing he could be back on TV and along with the rumors Brooke wanted him back, Julia decided it was best to end it. She didn’t want to be with someone whose lifestyle moved so different from her own, and she had an aversion to their relationship eventually being pushed into the spotlight.

  “It would’ve never worked anyway, and you know it, Gavin,” she said in a quiet, hopeless voice, unable to meet his searching eyes. “We’re too different.”

  She turned, and he grabbed her arm. “Too different?” he murmured, tilting his head, forcing her to look at him, the intensity of his blue, smoky eyes hypnotizing her. “Were we so different when we talked about growing up in big cities? Wishing we had backyards instead of apartment rooftops to play on? Sharing our dreams, our heartbreaks. Me losing one of my best friends to cancer, and you losing your parents to a car accident?” His roughened hand slid to her cheek as his eyes roamed to her mouth. She was amazed how much will it took to stand there, feigning no reaction, with her entire being alert and alive at his light stroke. She didn’t have the strength, or the heart, to push him away just yet.

  “Were we so different,” he went on, his voice rasp as he feathered his fingertips down her jaw to her neck, “when we stayed up until morning watching old cartoons? When we made love to each other, were we so different? When we spent every possible night together, learning all we could about one another other and never getting enough?” He gave her shoulders a squeeze. “Answer me.”

  Her throat closed. How was she supposed to respond? Especially when he held her, when his lips were so close to hers? A hot lump grew in her throat, eyes burning. Tears? Really? She fought to keep them from spilling. “We had a few things in common…we had a good time, but…”

  He tilted his head the other way. “Just a good time?”

  Heat crept up her neck, to her cheeks, and Julia turned her face. Things between them those months ago were moving so fast, so right, that they had frightened her. To be close…to let someone in who would hurt her…she couldn’t believe she’d let it get so far. So she ran. In her mind, she had done the right thing, leaving before she got left. It had been her turn to do the leaving. Nothing seemed in her control ever since her parents had been taken from her, except her ability to shield herself from more heartbreak. She’d done it before, walked away from a relationship before she got in too deep, and not once did the guy fight for her. Gavin was the first one to track her down and call her on it. Even though he cared about her, she didn’t trust someone with a reputation and lifestyle like his. She’d told herself it was for the best, that letting him go was the safe, smart thing to do. Was he making this play now so she would rethink her decision or was all this smooth talking part of a plan for revenge for hurting his ego? Her heart closed off at the thought. “You…” she strove for strength. “You said you wouldn’t touch me.”

  He dropped his hold, and took a step back. “I’ll try not to make the same mistake twice,” he said in clipped tones.

  She shivered under his hurt gaze, instinctively rubbing her arms for warmth even though she stood next to the fire.

  Just then, a succession of three beeps sounded, interrupting the tension. Gavin marched to his coat hanging on the hook and retrieved his cell. “Bruce just sent me a text message. They’re with Eli and Betsy, but the main roads have been blocked off until tomorrow. They’ll be here in the morning.”

  At least they knew everyone was okay. But now she was definitely stuck with Gavin for the rest of the night, alone, with nothing but her pride to shield her.

  “I sent him a text back saying we’re fine.” He tucked the phone back in the coat, and then picked up his duffle bag. “I’ll be in the guest room.”

  She took a deep breath and headed to the kitchen, belatedly wishing she hadn’t pushed him away now. What a moody mess she was. Why couldn’t she make up her mind? Maybe if she knew what he was really doing, she could figure out what she really wanted.

  Chapter Four

  Distractedly, Julia wandered into the kitchen and opened a cupboard, surveying its contents even though she wasn’t that hungry. She wondered if Gavin had had eaten anything, knowing full well she was just searching for an excuse to talk to him, to apologize. She turned on the stove, found a can of soup and warmed it up. Food was always a good peace offering. She grilled a cheese sandwich to pair with it and, after making him a plate, went to knock on the door.

  “Gavin?”

  He was unpacking, his back to her. “What is it?”

  She cleared her throat. “Are you hungry? I made some soup. Well, more like I dumped a can in a pot and warmed it up.”

  He turned around. “Yeah, I could eat.”

  She set the bowl and sandwich on the small desk by the dresser. He gave her a murmur of thanks, never looking up at her, and she took that as a dismissal.

  With an inward sigh, she wandered back in the living room. She noticed the fire was dying down and the chill of the cabin had nothing to do with her and Gavin now. Might as well make herself useful. All she had to do was throw a log on there and poke at it, right?

  Bending down, she lifted a log and threw it in with the others a little too carelessly. Sparks flew everywhere, one stray piece of wood flying to the rug, the flames burning through it with ease. Panicking, she grabbed a blanket, smothering the small fire to a puff of smoke. When she uncovered it, she grimaced at the singed hole in Ashley’s rug. Wonderful.

  She blew a stray hair from her face and plopped down on her rear. “Ouch!” She scrambled up, realizing she’d landed on a hot burning piece of wood that had escaped unseen. “Omigod!”

  Gavin appeared at the bedroom doorway. “What’s wrong?”

  Julia jumped up and down, swatting at her bottom. “I think I’m on fire!”

  He raced to her side, concern and worry etched on his handsome face. Then after he inspected her, she noticed amusement in his eyes. “You’re more like—smoldering.”

  She groaned. “Is it bad?”

  “I’d think twice about wearing these pants in public.”

  “Oh, you’re kidding me.” She attempted twist the other way to see the damage. She felt around, her fingers grazing over the damaged fabric of her backside.

  “How did this even happen?” he asked.

  She gestured hopelessly and faced him. “I was trying to get the fire going again. You made it look easy.”

  “Well, you get an A for effort, an “E” and an “F” for Epic Fail.” He chuckled at her playful scowl. “Go change, and I’ll take care it.”

  She sighed, grabbed her suitcase, and stalked to the other bedroom to put on a pair of jeans. With a grimace, she tossed her ruined pants in the garbage, and decided she should unpack. But in here? Essentially there were two couples, then her and Gavin. She wondered exactly what Ashley had in mind for sleeping arrangements. If Eli and Betsy were going to share a room—then what did Ashley expect Julia and Gavin to do? Maybe she assumed Gavin could sleep on the sofa…maybe she was secretly hoping Gavin and Julia would get back together if forced into close proximity. The fact she would even attempt it without Julia’s consent didn’t make sense. Someone had to give Ashley the impression a reconciliation was possible.

  Could it have been Gavin? But he said he didn’t know I’d be here.

  She was so confused. Plopping on the edge of the bed, she rubbed her temples. Oh, Ashley! I wish you were here to explain yourself.

  Suddenly, the lights turned off. She gasped in the darkness.

  Carefully, she found the door and stuck her head out. The firelight made it easy to see Gavin crouched by the gate. “What happened?”

  He swiped his hands and rose. “Lost power. Must be the storm.”

  “I think I know where they keep candles and matches.”

  It took some digging around, but they found extra candles in the kitchen, and then safely lit several around the cabin to
keep from tripping over anything. “Look what I found.”

  “A candelabra?” She smiled. “Bring it over.”

  He set it down on the dining table. “Is that what it’s called? It’s a little out of place. Don’t these belong in old castles?”

  The brass piece looked antique, heavy, with seven holders to fill.

  Julia grabbed extra long candlesticks she’d left on the counter, and arranged them in the holders. “No, it’s beautiful. Watch.” She struck a match and lit the wicks, admiring its ornate appeal.

  Gavin seemed to agree. “It is,” he said softly, lifting his gaze to her.

  Her heart tripped, wondering if he meant the candelabra or her.

  Breaking the spell, he pointed behind him, walking backward, raising a brow. “I also found some marshmallows, graham crackers, and a bag of chocolate bars…”

  Her weaknesses were presenting themselves one after another. Marshmallows. Chocolate. In the semi-dark with Gavin Beckett.

  They sat across from each other at the dining table with the candelabra between them, burning their s’mores over the candlelight.

  “Be careful you don’t let the melty stuff fall on the table. I already owe them a new rug,” she said before blowing off her gooey confection and placing graham crackers around it.

  Gavin bit off a piece of his s’more and winked at her. “Well, we could use the fireplace, but I’m worried you’ll catch us both on fire.”

  “Ha ha.”

  “Also…” his words trailed as he looked her over, “at the fireplace, there wouldn’t be a table between us. And I might get the urge to touch you again.”

  She gulped her treat down her dry throat, shifting in her seat. Low lighting and pure sugar had the strangest affect on people. It made Gavin dangerously seductive. “So,” she said, abruptly changing tone and subject. “Bruce mentioned you’d started your own business!”

  His mouth twitched at her obvious deflection to his comment. “It’s true. I quit the Hollywood scene after all of my contract obligations were fulfilled, then I used the cash I won to open a specialty shop for triathlon training, called ‘Tri-It.’” A wide, proud smile spread across his face. “It’s small, but it’s doing good. The show helped me build my dream.”