Tidings of Love

by Alicia Hunter Pace

  “Sure.”

  Grandma Sue came over. “Let me do that.”

  “Thank you. Not that bag though. This has something for you, Eloise.”

  As she began to shrug out of her coat, Carson stepped in to help. When his fingers grazed the back of her soft neck, he heard her sharp intake of air. Her physical reaction surprised and pleased him. He mumbled an apology although his heightened awareness of her made him anything but sorry.

  “Why?” He liked the slight smile she offered as she held his eyes longer than was polite. “It’s a nice gesture. Your mom looks really familiar. Did you grow up here?”

  He put her coat in the closet, hoping his groin wouldn’t decide to give away how much he enjoyed that accidental touch. “Sue’s not my mom. She’s my … ”

  He didn’t know the term. It wasn’t like he and Catherine had divorced, so she wasn’t an ex, but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to say “mother-in-law” in front of Penelope. “Sue Patterson is the mother of my deceased wife. They’ve lived in town for years.”

  “Oh.” She sounded hurt for some reason. Fortunately, the sound of Eloise rustling a large bag distracted them.

  Penelope’s face lightened. “Let me help you with that, Eloise. Show me where to put it please.”

  The two dashed off to the other room. When Sue and Carson entered to start the games, they found Pappy snapping photos of the party guests. Beside Eloise, Penelope sat smiling and resplendent in a feather boa and fancy hat, looking once again like an overgrown child.

  Penelope convinced Pappy to put down the camera and join her and the children in a game of musical chairs. She went out in the second round after slowly hovering over an empty chair until Eloise giggled and slid in underneath her. Carson kept his camcorder on the game, but his gaze drifted toward Penelope as she cheered the girls and offered hugs to those left without a chair. He admired her enthusiasm, not only in the dance studio, but here in a smaller setting. He struggled sometimes to have the energy to manage one girl.

  She bowed out of playing “pin the wings on the fairy”, much to Eloise’s disappointment. Carson overheard bits of the Sue and Penelope’s conversation as they helped the girls with blindfolds and getting dizzy.

  “Mrs. Patterson, I’m sorry about your daughter.”

  “Thank you.” Sue pursed her lips.

  “I didn’t know Catherine very well. She was ahead of me in school, but I met her once or twice at your house. She was a lovely girl.”

  Scrutinizing the younger woman, Sue looked surprised. “I don’t remember you, but there were a lot of children in and out of our house through the years.”

  “I dated Johnny for a little bit back in high school. We even went to one of those formal dances. My hair was jet black then. How is Johnny?”

  “Now I remember you! John is doing well. He’s a lawyer, just like Catherine. He graduated from Harvard Law and now practices corporate law in New York. I don’t know why he couldn’t have stayed here. There’s plenty of work in Chicago.”

  He heard the arrogance in Sue’s voice. He should rescue Penelope before Sue started rambling about how proud she was that her children became high paying lawyers. But a sound from the hall caught his attention.

  “Really? New York’s been my home base for the last eight years. I’m headed back there for some auditions. Would you mind giving me his number or email?”

  Carson tuned away from the conversation as Eloise came running over to him, thrilled with her victory at the game and pleading for cake and ice cream. He couldn’t entirely focus on Eloise. Part of him thought about Penelope and John together. He didn’t like it.

  “He has enough girlfriends. He doesn’t need another.” Sue tried to look relaxed, but her voice betrayed her.

  “It’s nothing like that. Half the time I’m on the road, but sometimes I really miss home. It would be nice to know someone else there. Plus I could probably help him get tickets good enough to impress one of those women.”

  “How about I give him your information?”

  “That would be lovely. Thank you.”

  After Eloise indulged in a whole piece of cake and the frosting off two others, she turned to her presents in the living room. They’d decorated for Christmas already so Carson suggested using the couch rather than the tree as a backdrop for the pictures and the video.

  Carson took delight in his daughter’s courteous behavior toward her friends. She said thank you for each doll, puzzle, and game she received. Second to last, she opened Penelope’s gift. She tore into the large box with delight, her smile growing as she lifted the lid. “It’s so pretty. What is it?”

  “Go ahead and pull it all the way out of the box.”

  Eloise obliged, pulling out a pink tutu and a sequin imbued pink leotard that looked both impossibly small and yet huge for her lithe body. Her wide eyes brimmed with excitement.

  “Keep going!”

  With Penelope’s encouragement Eloise once again dug into the box and pulled out a shorter white tutu. She uttered “wow” before running to Penelope and hugging her with such force that both of them rolled backward onto the floor.

  Carson, Grandma and Pappy all gasped, but Penelope laughed as she rolled to a seated position, pretending to brush dust off herself and Eloise. “Now, what were you pretending to be right now? A football linebacker? A lion attacking its dinner? Or perhaps something else?”

  Seeing the concerned look in her daddy’s eyes, Eloise stammered. “I just wanted to give you a hug. The tutus are so pretty, just like real ballerinas wear.”

  “I like your excitement, but I’m glad you didn’t get hurt. Now, I have a secret for you. The pink costume was mine when I danced with the city ballet when I was fourteen. I thought you might like a real ballerina costume for dress up. The white tutu should fit now. You can wear it for the last creative movement class if you’d like.”

  “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” This time, they managed to remain upright as they hugged.

  “Don’t you have something else to open, too?” Penelope gently teased as she pointed back toward the table where one present remained.

  Carson’s heart sank briefly as he suspected his daughter would dismiss everything else after getting her very own tutu. He’d spent a lot of time thinking about her gift.

  She turned to the table and tore the paper off a large rectangular package. She sucked in her breath before shouting, “Oh, Daddy! Is that me? It’s so pretty!”

  Carson put down the video recorder and sat beside Eloise. He leaned his head against hers. “It’s you, sweetheart.” He felt a tear welling in his eye as his daughter cried over and over, “It’s beautiful!”

  When Penelope jumped up and grabbed the video camera, he gave her a grateful smile. No matter what ups and downs he and Eloise had, thanks to Penelope, he’d be able to relive this moment.

  “Eloise, can you show us what it is?” Penelope prompted.

  He helped his daughter rotate the canvas showing everyone the portrait he commissioned. He suspected connoisseurs would dismiss the painting as kitschy, but Eloise loved it and only her opinion counted. He’d given an artist a photo he’d taken during the fairy class performance. The artist replaced the studio background and Penelope’s arms with fantastic flowers and a woodland scene. Posed with arms and legs extended, in this painting Eloise flew unassisted.

  Smiling so hard her body shook with excitement, she wanted all her friends to come close for a look. The sound of sniffles being stifled made him glance at the other adults. The tears on Sue’s face didn’t surprise him, but the ones on Penelope’s did.

  • • •

  As parents arrived to pick up their children and Grandma Sue and Pappy prepared to take their leave, Penelope slid in beside Carson as he stood in the entryway. She noticed a few grays peeking thro
ugh his dark hair along his temple. The overall effect was simply sexy. Today, he’d deftly handled the party and interacted with his daughter using warmth and humor that she hadn’t noticed before. Initially she’d found him attractive but stuffy. She suspected his rational, logical side still dominated, but he generously displayed his affection for Eloise, even indulging her creative side with the dress up clothes. She liked the idea of getting to know the man beneath the businesslike demeanor.

  But there was a problem — two, actually. As she lined up auditions, she expected to have a job by January and so far all involved lots of travel or moving across country. The second presented the tougher issue to overcome. Evidence abounded throughout the house. Carson still loved his deceased wife. Photos of her occupied every corner and hung prominently in the hall. Although several years had passed, he didn’t seem ready to move on. He was emotionally unavailable and in love with someone else. The same as pretty much every man she’d met.

  “You put together a great party. If you show me where to find a garbage bag, I’ll clean up while you and Eloise relax bit.”

  Turning his head, he met her gaze, touching his hand to her arm and making her tingle inside. “You don’t have to. You’ve already been generous with your time, Penelope.”

  “I insist on doing something. You worked hard to make this a special day for her. Besides, being an adult guest at a child’s party, well … I feel guilty for not doing more to help. Where are the garbage bags?”

  “Follow me to the kitchen. You don’t have to do this, but I appreciate your help.”

  She smiled. “I know.”

  Reentering the formal living room turned playroom, she leaned in the doorway, watching Carson and Eloise sort through the presents she unwrapped earlier. With the Christmas tree tucked into the alcove of the bay window, fireplace mantle decorated with greenery and poinsettias, and father and daughter huddled over a new toy, they looked the image of holiday bliss. She pictured Christmas morning with Eloise running down the steps, delighted at the sight of sparkly presents under the tree. Her heart ached with a longing she never knew she harbored. She walked into the room, ready to say her goodbyes.

  “Miss Penny, will you play my new game with me and Daddy?”

  “That sounds lovely, but I hate to wear out my welcome. I don’t want to get in the way of whatever you and your dad are doing today.”

  “Have a seat.” Carson patted the carpet. “In fact, why don’t you stay for dinner? It’s nothing fancy, but it is Eloise’s favorite — grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.”

  The corners of Penelope’s mouth lifted into a smile. “That sounds great. Thank you.” She gracefully sat down of the floor, folding her legs beside her. “I can whip up a salad if you’d like with the lettuces taking up space in your fridge. That way I won’t feel like a complete mooch.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  “Me too!” Eloise said. “I’m so excited you’re staying for dinner. You can be pink for the game, even though it’s my favorite color.” Eloise extended the pawn toward her.

  “That’s sweet, but it’s your birthday. You should be pink. I’ll be green.”

  After the second game, they moved to the kitchen. Eloise wanted to help stir the soup so they all made dinner together. Carson manned the stovetop while Penelope chopped vegetables and threw together vinaigrette with pantry ingredients. Eloise loved tearing up the lettuce and showing off her table setting skills.

  Handing her the salt she’d requested, Carson asked, “Have you cooked much with kids?”

  “Occasionally. I have a couple of nephews but they only want to help make cookies or frost cakes. Eloise is better helper. You’ve done a great job with her.”

  Blushing, he fanned imaginary stove fumes away from his face. “Thanks. After her mother died, she’s had to take on some extra responsibilities. It was rough for a while, but lately it’s been better.”

  Over the course of dinner, conversation flowed easily at first. Penelope admired both the birthday and Christmas decorations. Eloise promised to show her all her favorite ornaments after dinner.

  Still glowing over her tutu, Eloise peppered Penelope with questions. “Are you a for real ballerina?”

  She laughed. “I dance, but I’m not a ballerina. I performed several ballets while in high school, but I decided not to become a professional ballerina. I loved being on stage though. I performed with a modern dance company for a couple years, and that was a lot of fun, but I also practiced singing. One day I tried out for a musical and I got it. Guess who I was a few months ago?”

  “Were you Barbie?”

  “No, even better. I was Peter Pan. I spent lots of time with a fairy. Best of all, I got to fly.”

  “Wow.” She knew Eloise would be impressed. She didn’t expect the follow up. “Why did you stop? That must have been the best job ever.”

  Months after the accident, thinking of the broken harness still made her ribs ache. Rather than endure more painful questions, she decided on make believe. “One night Tinkerbell told me I should teach more little girls how to fly. Do you think that was a good idea?”

  “Yes! I love flying!”

  From the corner of her eye, she noticed Carson’s fork poised mid-air. His quizzical gaze bore into her. Fortunately, he didn’t ask any follow-up questions.

  • • •

  After they cleaned up dinner, Penelope held Carson back as Eloise bolted for the Christmas tree. “It must be hard finding time to create all this holiday magic as a single dad. When can I babysit for her so you can go out and run errands or whatnot?”

  The last time he left Eloise with a babysitter other than her Grandma and Pappy, she bit the babysitter and broke the skin. In two different places. Yet he needed time to shop for Christmas presents and knew Eloise would behave for her.

  He hesitated. She glowed when talking about performing. At some point, she’d go back to her career and Eloise would fall to shambles again after losing not just a friend, but a trusted adult. He’d be left picking up the pieces. Still, her generosity touched him. “Would Friday night work? The stores aren’t supposed to be crowded then.”

  “Great. What time should I come over?”

  “Would five-thirty be too early?”

  “I’ll see you then.”

  They walked into the living room where Eloise stood in front of the tree tapping her foot impatiently. “There you are.” She touched a small pink bear hanging at her shoulder height. “I got this one my first Christmas. I don’t remember getting it. This one is a pretty bird and this one used to be my mommy’s and this is the last one she ever gave me. Isn’t it the best one of all?”

  Penelope touched the silver rocking horse reading the inscription Carson had read so many times to his daughter. I love you forever, Mommy.

  Chapter 4

  Music filled the air and lights twinkled as Carson walked around the mall. He pulled a short list out of his wallet. He’d already bought a present for his parents and had it shipped directly to their house. They would spend Christmas with his brother this year, but he regretted that they wouldn’t see how much his daughter had changed until they went on the annual family ski trip in January.

  He had bought a few things for Eloise already but now he had her Santa list, too. He also needed to buy gifts for the hard to please Pattersons. Between the small specialty toy stores, home decor shops and the big department store anchoring one corner of the mall, he hoped to finish all his shopping tonight. He disliked shopping in general, but he liked finding ways to bring a smile to his daughter’s face.

  Wandering in and out of stores, he covered most of his list. He had so many bags for Eloise he’d put one round in the car already, but the feeling that he was forgetting something — or someone — nagged at him. Checking his watch, he had plenty of time before the stores closed
. He looped past the food court and theater as a movie let out. Couples spilled out. Everyone seemed to be holding hands and smiling, except him. As he walked past a store with frilly, shiny, and sparkly bangles and baubles, he decided to pop in to find a headband to go with the bright red holiday dress Eloise picked out in a catalog. Seeing the silver fairy necklace as soon as he entered, he realized who he left off his list.

  He thought about Penelope more than seemed appropriate. None of Eloise’s other teachers invaded his thoughts the way she had. He had physical needs and desires. But the frequency with which she appeared in his dreams left him restless and tired. Every morning, he ran through his personal litany of objections. She was too young. She had to be at least twelve years younger than him since she went to high school with John. She acted too much like a kid to be capable of disciplining one. She was going away. She would leave him and Eloise and break both their hearts. He couldn’t go through that again.

  He should put down the necklace before he reached the register, but it still hadn’t left his hands, even as he sorted through the headband display. The chain caught on one of the bands — what could have become a tangled mess actually turned out fortuitous. When he reached for the chain, he spotted a headband the perfect shade of red to match his daughter’s dress. As he gently unwound the chain from the headband’s bow, the fairy charm fell against his palm. The fairy’s legs crossed delicately about mid-calf. Penelope had folded her legs the same way at the kitchen table last week. He grinned as he paid for both items — and not because he had finished his shopping.

  Walking across the parking lot, the cool air slapped his face. Stars twinkled, a sight leaving him awed. Perhaps, he should stop moping and move on. Damn the consequences.

  • • •

  Penelope curled up on the couch with a cup of hot water and lemon and an unread book. She tried to read but couldn’t focus, so she pulled out her knitting. She had to keep busy or curiosity would drive her to look more into Carson’s life. If he came home to find her rummaging in his medicine cabinet or underwear drawer she’d be mortified. Her legs twitched. With considerable self talk, she managed to confine her impulse to explore the living room.