Tidings of Love

by Alicia Hunter Pace

  He moved to the kitchen, the final room needing his attention. He glanced out the window at the snowballs they threw. Grabbing a broom, he swept away evidence of where they gathered snow by the door, not wanting to give Eloise any hint as to what happened to the fairy house’s pinecone chimney. Penelope would have been proud of him for thinking of such a thing.

  He enjoyed her company, her playful spirit. Why she couldn’t see how much he cared? How much he could offer her? He closed the patio door and surveyed his surroundings. Catherine’s strong presence loomed everywhere.

  Carson considered his next course of action. He wanted Penelope to stay in town at least. Even though she said hurtful things, pointing out the hypocrisy in his life, he couldn’t hold that against her. Not when he looked at his home as she might. At the sound of a car outside, he quickly threw on clothes, hoping like crazy she’d come back after her anger subsided, but knowing better.

  When he got to the door, the Pattersons let him know their displeasure at being kept waiting. Eloise jumped up and down until Carson swept her into a huge hug. He thanked them for bringing her home and offered them coffee. To his surprise, they accepted.

  Walking toward the kitchen, Sue hissed in his ear, “You have a problem.”

  He turned to her, confused. How does she know about Penelope? “What is it?”

  She glanced pointedly at Eloise. “Little pitchers have big ears.”

  He hoped his face didn’t show his frustration. To her credit, Sue usually sent Eloise out of the room before giving him a lecture.

  They sat silently at the kitchen table, except for Eloise telling him about the pancakes she had for breakfast. After a few moments Sue nodded to her husband. Pappy clapped a hand on his granddaughter’s shoulder. “Why don’t you show me that pretty picture you got for your birthday? I haven’t seen how it looks on your wall.”

  “Okay!” Eloise gleefully grabbed his hand and led the way.

  As soon as they left, Sue turned to him, eyes narrowed. “I’m not even going to bring up why you decided to miss this family event given how it usually goes, but would you like to know what happened during Santa’s visit with the grandkids?”

  Carson swallowed hard. Last year, right in front of Santa, Eloise pushed one of her cousins hard enough to knock off his glasses. Then in the spring, she hit the Easter Bunny. He’d been surprised when Eloise received an invitation this year, particularly since this was the first time in a long time she’d been invited to stay overnight and participate in all the activities.

  “The other children all climbed up on Santa’s lap and asked for nice things. A new video game. An American Girl doll. A couple of books. A power wheel. But not Eloise. She told Santa she didn’t want any toys this year. She wants Miss Penny to be her new mommy.”

  Carson cringed at her mocking voice.

  “He asked if there was anything else she wanted. She said no, but it was okay because she had toys and books but she didn’t have a mommy. You have to watch out for that woman. Don’t think I can’t see what’s going on. She’s filling Eloise’s head with all sorts of nonsense, probably trying to find a sugar daddy so she can sit around all day playing dress-up. The nerve of that girl telling Eloise she doesn’t have a mother when she has Catherine. A mother’s love never ends, you know.

  “And you … you took down that nice family portrait that used to hang in the hallway. Don’t think I wouldn’t notice how you’re cutting Catherine away to make room for that flaky tramp. I thought you were too clever to be taken in by nothing more than a pretty face, but apparently I was wrong.”

  “That’s enough, Sue.”

  “I’m not finished yet!”

  “This is my house — ”

  “Paid for by my daughter’s blood, sweat, and tears. I will not have her replaced by that woman. Why, she doesn’t even teach the girls proper dancing! She just tells them to run around or roll on the floor. She probably wrote that stupid poe — ”

  “Enough.” He spoke through gritted teeth, hoping she could hear him over the sound of her own voice. She’d made more accusations than he could handle right now, some old, but mostly new ones. “Let’s calm down and use our inside voices. Eloise can hear you.”

  At that, Sue settled into her chair.

  He exhaled, slowly. Sometimes he wished he lived further from his in-laws. Most of the time, they helped care for Eloise, taking her after school, running her to dance class. Other times, they went too far. It would be easy to lash out today, but there was no point. He’d dealt with enough frightened, agitated patients to have learned a few skills.

  He reached a hand across the table, offering a soothing touch. “Sue, I know you’re worried that Eloise and I will forget Catherine, but that’s impossible. Eloise likes Penelope and I know she misses having a mother. She doesn’t always say it so directly, but I’ve seen the sadness in her eyes when every other child in a parent-tot class has a mother with them. I see it when I pick her up from school or at the playground.”

  “She has me.”

  “I know, Sue, and we’re both so fortunate to have you and Pappy. You’re a warm and loving presence in our lives. But that doesn’t change her seeing mothers everywhere and wishing she had one, too.”

  “There are plenty of other women out there, including a number at your hospital. There’s that nice neighbor of yours, too, whose daughter also took that class over the summer.”

  “Jen’s a great neighbor, but she has her own children and is happily married. Maybe I should’ve looked at hiring a part time nanny, but once Eloise started biting and hitting, that got hard. I’m pretty sure we’re still blacklisted at a few babysitting agencies. I’m not sure I can explain it, but somehow Eloise connected with Penelope.”

  He had, too, for that matter. His body and soul triumphed his sense of reason. Now he was left picking up the pieces. At least this time, he could prepare a bit for the inevitable Eloise breakdown.

  Sue scoffed. “That dance teacher is a bad influence with all her talk of fairies and other nonsense. Eloise is already too inclined toward make believe.”

  Carson struggled to keep his emotions in check, but he retained a calm demeanor. “I know her dance teacher is a bit of a free spirit, but she’s also managed to get through Eloise’s defenses. No one has done that since Catherine died — not you, not me, not that child psychiatrist. Penelope listens to Eloise and encourages her to talk. She’s helped Eloise find control of her body and her emotions. I don’t know how she’s done it, but I’ve seen a great improvement in Eloise’s behavior thanks to her influence. Haven’t you noticed it, too?”

  Sue begrudgingly nodded. “So keep her enrolled in that crazy class, but you’ve got to set some limits on that teacher.”

  “Actually, I can’t.”

  “You set limits with Eloise, and she’s strong-willed. That flighty teacher shouldn’t be any harder.”

  “Penelope won’t be teaching anymore.”

  “Have you been encouraging Eloise’s ideas about that teacher being her new mommy? I saw how you looked at her at that class last week as she pranced around half naked.”

  After last night, he couldn’t imagine Penelope doing anything half way, especially being nude. Besides, as he recalled, she had been wearing her standard dance fare: tights, leotard, and a skirt. If anything, she was more covered up than usual, wearing long sleeves and hiding her slender arms.

  “You’ll never find anyone as devoted as Catherine, but even you could do better — someone smart, mature.”

  “This is ridiculous!” His headache worsened, as had his mood. “I don’t have to justify myself to you. Catherine died, but I shouldn’t have to spend the rest of my life in a sort of monastic lifestyle. You’ll be happy to know Penelope is moving to New York.”

  Even he heard the anger in his voice and knew it would get him n
owhere. He took a gulp of coffee, trying to regroup. Remembering how helpful his in-laws had been the last few years, he tried another tract.

  “Sue, we both love Eloise and neither of us wants to see her hurt. She’s suffered enough heartbreak in her short life.”

  He dreaded his daughter’s reaction to Penelope’s departure. Now, more than ever, he couldn’t afford broken ties with his in-laws.

  This time Sue reached across the table, patting his hand. “Don’t add to it by playing the fool. The sooner that woman leaves town, the better.”

  • • •

  The next few days passed in a blur. He had only one surgery on his schedule, but lots of follow up appointments. He struggled to keep track of his cases, having to rely more and more on his notes. If only he could sleep better … but he hadn’t slept well since curled around Penelope in what seemed like another lifetime. Most evenings, Eloise fluttered around the house, wondering what the fairies would leave her the next time she rebuilt their house. Who knew an icicle would bring a child so much joy? She created paper dresses for the fairies to wear in their newly expanded house and hung up sloppy paper snowflakes she made by herself. She set aside her favorites to show Miss Penny. He knew Eloise would be crushed in a matter of days when Penelope left town permanently. This week, at least, she’d been delighted to receive a postcard from her. In one small way, Penelope had kept her word.

  He supposed she’d been right to ask for the chance to say goodbye to Eloise on her own terms. When she called, he would allow them their day of fun. He owed it to Eloise. He wished he had a better grasp on what he owed himself.

  On Friday, he returned home and checked his answering machine. As he scuttled around the kitchen, grabbing plates and cups for Pizza Night while Eloise put out napkins and silverware, Penelope’s sunny voice sang out. “Hi Carson, it’s Penelope Glazier. I have a line on some tickets for the special exhibit at the Art Institute for December twenty-fourth. I need to know tonight if that would work out or if you two already have plans. Otherwise, I’d like to take Eloise on the free day on the twenty-seventh. Please return my call when you have a chance.”

  “Daddy, Miss Penny called!”

  “Yes, sweetie.” She sounded so formal, like when she first called to convince him to register Eloise for the creative movement class. He missed her normal enthusiasm, the sense that at any moment she would burst into laughter.

  “You have to call her now, Daddy! I want to talk to her, please!”

  “Our pizza will get cold.” He’d be more comfortable calling later, in case unresolved issues from last weekend came up. Like him begging her to stay.

  Eloise looked ready to lash out either at him, the dinnerware, or the pizza box. The bridge of her nose seemed to narrow as she scrunched up the skin around her eyes. Distraction sometimes worked. So did moving her to another place. Tonight he tried a new technique — compromise.

  “We’ll call Miss Penny after you’ve had at least one slice of pizza.”

  His normally leisurely eater finished her pizza in record time. He groaned, realizing he’d shoveled in three slices during that same time. He looked up Penelope’s number for appearance’s sake, though he committed it to memory several weeks ago. It rang three times. He prepared himself to leave a message when a breathless voice answered.

  “Hello?” Why did she sound so out of breath? Did she have a man at her apartment? Had he misjudged her character?

  “Hello, is this Miss Glazier?”

  “Yes.” She sounded cautious.

  “This is Eloise’s father returning your call. Is this an okay time to talk?”

  “Certainly. I was practicing, so I’m a bit winded. If you don’t mind, I’ll put you on speaker phone so I can stretch and avoid a muscle cramp.”

  He exhaled. She had to be alone if she was willing to use the speaker phone. He relaxed, questioning his jealous response. She’d decided to cut him from her life, pursuing the spotlight. He needed to distance himself, even if he couldn’t manage a complete break until Penelope and Eloise shared their goodbyes.

  “You called about Christmas Eve, right? Actually, Eloise and I are going to Christmas Eve services with her grandparents, so that won’t work.”

  The background clonking stopped. She sounded different, that cool professional edge returning to her voice. “Actually, these are daytime tickets. I can get up to four tickets for a guaranteed ten-thirty entry into the Degas exhibit. If we went on the twenty-seventh, Eloise and I would have to arrive early to get in line for the special tickets and even then, we could end up with as late as a four P.M. entry time, if we even get in. I need to double-check the train schedule, but I should be able to have her back home no later than three on the twenty-fourth, if that would be acceptable. Degas did all the paintings and sculptures of dancers. I thought Eloise would like it.” Excitement returned to her voice as she talked about the museum.

  “I know who Degas is. I’m not a complete cultural dolt.” He scowled. Eloise aped his expression and he softened, amused by her efforts.

  “I never said you were.”

  “The twenty-fourth is fine on one condition — I get to join you. You said you could get up to four tickets.” He justified his presence under the guise of protecting Eloise, but really, he wanted to watch Penelope sharing her joy with Eloise. He missed her more than he wanted to admit.

  “Great!”

  “And don’t worry about the train schedule. I’ll drive.”

  Chapter 7

  After breakfast, Penelope changed clothes four times trying to find the right outfit. She wanted something casual, yet sexy. Something that said, “Eat your heart out, Carson,” without being over the top. She settled on a blue knit wrap dress with boots and a trench coat. She took similar care with her hair and make-up, striving for pretty, not fussy. Lastly, she put on a silver basic chain necklace, the only grown-up looking jewelry in her possession. She slipped two blank notebooks and a small pack of twist-up colored pencils into her purse. Anxious for their arrival, she put on some music and sang along.

  As much as she wanted to see Eloise today, seeing Carson would be bittersweet. She didn’t understand why he’d been so angry that she was auditioning. She never hid her intention to do so. If she focused on his hostility, she could avoid her own guilt. She couldn’t forget the look of shock and hurt on his face when she accused him of loving his dead wife. She spoke in anger, saying words best left in her head. She wasn’t proud of her actions, at least not those during the light of day. The night, on the other hand …

  Pounding on the door startled her. She hoped they hadn’t been out there long. She opened the door. Heat rose in her cheeks at the sight of him. She quickly shifted her gaze to Eloise, resplendent in her purple coat. Her smile softened.

  “Come in while I get my coat.”

  Eloise bounded in and Carson followed, looking less delighted than his daughter.

  She watched as Eloise’s eyes grew wide as took in the space. “I brought you a present, Miss Penny! That looks just like dance school with all the mirrors! I can see your bed! Do you have a bathroom? Why is your Christmas tree so small? Were you singing just now?”

  She laughed and swung Eloise around twice. “One at a time. Those mirrors are my pretend studio. You can see my bed because I have just one big room for everything, not separate rooms for sleeping, playing, and eating like you do. I do have a bathroom, and you could use it if you would like.”

  “No, thank you. I want you to open your present now. I wrapped it myself.”

  “Okay. Let’s go by my little tree. I only have a little tree because I live in a little apartment. My parents live in the house by the driveway. I helped them decorate their big tree and I’ll spend Christmas Day with them. I’ll turn off the music — and yes, that was me singing.”

  She struggled through many layers of tape
, until Eloise helped her find the box hidden underneath the paper. Lifting the lid, she exclaimed, “How lovely! Did you make these snowflakes for me?”

  “Yes.” The little girl beamed with pride, reminding her of their moments in the classroom.

  “Thank you.” She wrapped the girl in a hug. “I’ll put them on my window later today, all except for this one. I’ll fold it up right now and put it in my wallet so I’ll always have something special to remind me of you.”

  “I’m right here, silly.” Eloise gave her a big wet kiss on the cheek. It was so sweet, she just wanted to wrap her arms tighter around her and never leave. Her eyes grew moist at the thought of not watching her grow into the wonderful person she would be.

  A loud clap interrupted the moment.

  “Let’s go, girls. We don’t want to miss our tour time at the museum.”

  • • •

  Glimpsing the long list of entry times with the words “sold out” beside them, Penelope sighed with relief and rubbed the tickets in her hand. She owed her parents’ friends a big thank you for the tickets. Even with advance tickets, they waited in line for fifteen minutes before entering the special Degas exhibit. Fortunately Eloise chattered away, making the time fly by. By focusing on Eloise, she could try to forget the taciturn man beside them.

  As they neared the ticket collector, she pulled out the notebooks and two plain pencils, handing one of each to Eloise.

  “I saw how nicely you wrote your name on the card for me today. I thought you might like this book so you can write down your favorite works of art. I’ll write down mine, too. Either your daddy or I can help you if the words are too long. I even have some colored pencils in case you would like to make a drawing of the art.”