Dreaming About Daran (Whitsborough BayTrilogy Book 3)

by Jessica Redland

  She shook her head, her eyes taking on a distant look, as though remembering what had happened. She looked back at me. ‘I suppose I’d better start from the beginning. First of all, you must stop calling me Mrs Shaughnessy. Don’t panic, I’m not expecting you to call me Ma, but I feel like a schoolteacher when you call me Mrs Shaughnessy. And I’d rather you didn’t call me the Black Widow either.’ She winked at my shocked expression. ‘Or any of the other names the kids called me. Please call me Ellen.’

  I sat on the sofa next to Ben, with a cup of coffee, on the morning of my Da’s funeral, and heard how my parents had kept the secret of my birth.

  Ellen had been brought up in a village about 20 miles from Ballykielty and met her husband, Cormac Shaughnessy, at a céilí held on the farm where he worked. It was love at first sight and they were married within six months. She was 19 and he was 23. Ma and Da had been married for a year at that point and had just discovered that Ma was pregnant with Aisling. Cormac and Da were best friends, so they used to double-date but the women never quite hit it off. Ellen said Ma was always very aloof, which didn’t surprise me at all.

  Tragically, Cormac was killed in a farming accident two years later, leaving Ellen a widow at only 21. They’d just bought a house over the road from Ma and Da, and had been planning to start a family, when their future was suddenly snatched away from them.

  Naturally, Ellen was distraught, and so was Da. He and Cormac had been best friends since they were toddlers. Ma, on the other hand, told Da she never really cared for Cormac, and that he should get over it and focus on his own family instead. This didn’t go down very well with Da and he stormed straight over the road to offer his comfort and support to Ellen.

  It started off as support as they both grieved, but it quickly developed into a genuine friendship. Da would confide in Ellen about the difficulties he had at home and how Ma had become increasingly distant since Aisling was born.

  On what would have been Cormac’s 26th birthday, a couple of birthday cards arrived for him from overseas relatives who somehow mustn’t have heard about his death. It tipped Ellen over the edge. She bought a load of strong painkillers, intending to join Cormac. Da went to visit, even though Ma tried to order him not to. He found her with a glass of brandy in her hand and 50 painkillers neatly lined up on the dining table.

  ‘He asked me why I wanted to end it,’ Ellen said. ‘I told him that I had nothing to live for. I had no job, no children, no husband and no family in the area. I didn’t even have any friends locally because all of mine were back home in Kellerpatrick. He said that he thought we were friends and that he needed me to stick around because he’d already lost one friend he loved, and he couldn’t cope if he lost another.’ She smiled at the memory. ‘I got the impression that he meant “love” in a non-friendship way and I realised at that moment I was falling in love with him. We had a few drinks, we toasted Cormac’s birthday and, well, one thing led to another…’ Ellen blushed. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll spare you the details.’

  Within a couple of weeks, they both knew they wanted to be together. Even though Ma had no idea, things were getting worse at home. She always seemed to be angry or frustrated about something. She hadn’t taken to motherhood and was constantly trying to farm Aisling off to friends or relatives. Da decided he was going to leave her, but Ma announced that she was pregnant again. With twins. Ellen had agonised over letting him break up the family unit when it was just Aisling, but she point-blank refused to let him when she knew about the twins.

  ‘I gave him an ultimatum, so I did,’ she said. ‘Stay with his family and keep me, or leave his family and lose me. In theory, staying gave him the best of both worlds. He got to enjoy his children and still have me, but it wasn’t that simple. Looking back now, I think your mother had postnatal depression, but it wasn’t really a thing back then, so she went without the help and support she needed. The birth of the twins darkened her mood even further. When she fell pregnant with Nia, things hit rock bottom. She had a really difficult pregnancy and a very long labour. She nearly died, did you know?’

  I shook my head. ‘They never talked about things like that. All Ma would say was that Aisling screeched and gave her an instant migraine, the twins were the ugliest babies she’d ever seen, that Nia was pale and weedy and stayed that way as she grew, and that she knew I was trouble the moment I was born. She was such a wonderful mother.’

  ‘You poor treasures.’

  ‘So, how did I arrive on the scene?’

  ‘Like your ma said, we got a bit drunk on Cormac’s 30th birthday. Forgot the precautions. I was thrilled, though. I’d always wanted children of my own. As I said before, Cormac and I had been planning a family. I became very aware that time spent with your da was time I could have been building up a new relationship and having a family of my own, but I couldn’t leave him. I’d been fortunate enough to be blessed with love twice. I didn’t think it would happen again and, having seen your ma and da, I knew how destructive a loveless marriage was and what it could do to the children. I couldn’t go through that. I prayed to the good Lord to find me a solution that meant I could keep your da and have a child. I knew it was selfish, and God obviously thought so too, because he gave you to me and he took you away.’

  I frowned. ‘Surely it was up to you whether you kept me?’

  Da had apparently been ecstatic when Ellen told him she was pregnant. He wanted to leave Ma, but she wouldn’t let him walk out on four young children. She’d bring up the baby on her own, keep the identity of the father a closely guarded secret, and let him visit as much as he wanted. They’d managed to keep the relationship quiet so far – helped by her reputation as a man-eater caused by some serious flirting to throw people off the scent – so why wouldn’t they be able to keep it secret from then on?

  Somebody in the village had other ideas, though. Somebody wanted Ellen for himself and had been watching her. He’d realised she was pregnant, had spotted Da visiting and had reached the right conclusion. He threatened to tell Maeve and to make Ellen’s life hell. Ellen called his bluff, but strange things started happening. It started off as small nuisances: someone ordering 10 bottles of milk to be delivered instead of one, a copy of every national newspaper being sent to her and silent telephone calls. Then it became vandalism: all the heads cut off her prize roses, the word ‘whore’ daubed across her garage in red paint and her car tyres getting slashed. Finally, it became scary: a dead rabbit was strung up on her doorknob with a note attached stating: ‘It’s you next.’

  ‘I was terrified,’ Ellen said. ‘I got to the point where I was scared to use the car in case he’d cut my brakes.’

  ‘Who?’ I asked.

  ‘A man you don’t want to ever mess with,’ Ellen said, eyes downcast. ‘You know, they said it was an accident, but I’m convinced that he killed my Cormac so he could remove the competition, so I am. I don’t mean to sound like a big-headed eejit, but I’d been dancing with him at the céilí and he’d made it clear that he liked me. I found him a bit creepy, though. I was happy to dance, but it would never have gone further. And then I saw Cormac and I lost my heart. He’d turned on Cormac the next day and accused him of stealing his girl. Cormac laughed it off and said I wasn’t property so I couldn’t be stolen. He’d always been an awkward bugger to work with, but he made Cormac’s life hell after that. Cormac would joke that if I ever got a call to say he’d been in an industrial accident, I should tell the Guards who to investigate.’

  ‘Who was it?’ I asked again, a coldness engulfing me. I knew the answer.

  ‘Eoghan Doyle.’

  ‘Oh my God!’ cried Ben. ‘He’s not…?’

  I turned to Ben and nodded. ‘Jamie Doyle’s da. Eoghan Doyle was in and out of prison when we were kids. Theft, assault, fraud. When I was about 15, he got into a pub brawl. His victim was so badly beaten that he died. Eoghan was put away for manslaughter. That was obviously
what triggered his ma to change her and Jamie’s names.’

  ‘He’s been in and out of prison ever since,’ Ellen said. ‘They never had the evidence back then to pin Cormac’s death on him, but I knew.’

  She went on to explain that the vandalism and threats continued until Eoghan himself cornered her in an alley one night, held a knife to her throat and told her she could either let the world believe the baby was Ma’s, hand it over at birth and watch her baby grow into a fine young woman from across the road. Or she could keep the baby and know that it would never grow into a fine young woman because it wouldn’t live that long.

  ‘Could you not go to the police?’ Ben asked.

  ‘What could the Guards do? I had no proof and, if I told them, I’d have had to confess to the affair. I’d have been painted as the scarlet woman who moved on to a married man the moment her husband turned cold. I’d have ruined your da’s family, I’d have ruined my reputation and, with no evidence to put Eoghan away, I’d have put my baby at risk. Besides, the Guards already thought I was crazy for my allegations about Eoghan’s part in Cormac’s death. I know they thought it was some sort of vendetta against him at the time.’

  ‘What was in it for him?’

  ‘I suspect that, after I had you, he was going to expect certain… emm… favours from me. Fortunately, he got sent to prison just after you were born. When he came out, he found someone else to hound.’

  I had to ask the question. I knew she was a nasty piece of work, but could she really stoop so low? ‘Did Ma know about Eoghan Doyle’s threats?’

  Ellen shrugged. ‘I’d like to think not. I can’t be sure, though. They were quite pally.’

  ‘What does your gut tell you?’

  ‘That he told her and she asked him to make a few threats, but she had no idea how far he’d gone. She’s a nasty, bitter woman, is your ma, but she’s not evil. Not like the Doyles. ’

  The doorbell rang 10 minutes later. Ellen got up to answer and returned with Aisling and an attractive fair-haired man of about the same age.

  ‘I came to make sure you were all right,’ Aisling said, looking from me to Ellen. ‘Both of you.’

  ‘We’re just grand,’ I said. ‘I’ve been finding out all about the skeletons in the family closet. ‘How’s Ma?’

  ‘Asleep. Dr Ellory gave her something.’

  ‘I’ll just pop the kettle on,’ Ellen said, indicating that Aisling and her companion should take a seat.

  I turned to him. ‘My sister’s being rude. This is Ben, a good friend of mine, and I’m Clare, youngest sister and trouble…’ I stopped and shook my head as I looked at Aisling. ‘Jesus! We’re only half-sisters.’

  ‘I don’t care how much blood we have in common, you’re still my sister and auntie to our children.’

  I looked at her companion again. ‘Our children? Is this…?’

  Aisling nodded. ‘This is Finn, my ex-husband.’

  ‘Lovely to meet you, Finn. Aisling didn’t say you were coming.’

  ‘That’s because I didn’t know he was coming, did I, Finn?’

  ‘I thought she might appreciate some moral support,’ he said. ‘And I had to see if the old bugger had really gone.’

  ‘I take it you were a big fan?’

  ‘Founder member of his fan club, so I was.’

  ‘Da had a go at him for not having the kids baptised immediately,’ Aisling said. ‘And for allowing me to work after I had the kids. And for bringing shame to the family by divorcing me.’

  ‘Not forgetting the lecture I got for permitting you to go on a hen weekend to Ibiza and leaving me with the kids, which was, of course, woman’s work.’

  ‘He never used to be like that,’ Ellen said, picking up the dirty mugs. ‘I know he didn’t always show it, but he really was a wonderful man. When you were babies, he was amazing with you all. He was like a mother and a father to you. She wore him down, though. He became tired and irritable. By the time he discovered you were pregnant, Clare, he was broken. He’d become nasty and bitter, like her.

  ‘The night he sent you away, he came to tell me what he’d done and why. I think he expected my support, but I was mortified. I demanded that he tell me where you were, so I could bring you back to live here and help you bring up the baby, or I could even bring up the baby for you, if that’s what you wanted. He stamped and swore and blasphemed. I told him that he could either tell me where you were or he could walk out of my house and never return. He never returned and I never did find out where you were. It was…’ Her voice cracked. She jumped up. ‘Who’s for tea and who’s for coffee?’ she asked, a little too brightly, darting into the kitchen before we could give our orders.

  Chapter 43

  The four of us moved to the village pub for a late lunch, leaving Ellen with her memories and the news that she was now a mother, a grandmother and a great-grandmother. I promised to see her again before I returned to England and she was keen to visit as soon as possible. I already liked her, and I suspected we’d become kindred spirits, united in having our daughters taken away from us, then being reunited with them years later.

  I couldn’t quite get my head around Ellen and Da being an item for 20 years. How hypocritical could one man be? After all the accusations he’d hurled at me about sinning, it turned out that Da had been the biggest sinner of us all!

  ‘It was very lovely of you to rush to Aisling’s side in her hour of need,’ I said to Finn, after our plates had been cleared and we’d got another round of drinks. ‘Not many exes would do that.’

  Finn shrugged. ‘She’d had a challenging relationship with Pádraig, but I knew she’d still be upset. I wanted to be there for her.’

  I watched a tender look of adoration pass between them. My head might have been slightly fuzzy from a couple of afternoon drinks, but the love was definitely coming from Finn’s direction as well as Aisling’s. If I raised the subject, maybe they could both open up about their feelings. I thought about her meddling in my relationship with Ben based on non-existent looks. Well, this time there were definitely meaningful looks. Before I had time to think about the consequences, I said, ‘You wanted to be here for her, or you were after another weekend of friendship with benefits?’

  Finn nearly dropped his pint. ‘You told her?’

  ‘Yes. No. Yes. She’s the only one who knows, though. I promise.’

  ‘Perfect set-up you’ve got going there, Finn. Get to see the kids and have a shag every month or so, and date who you like in between. Whereas Aisling remains hopelessly—’

  ‘Don’t do this, Clare.’ Tears pricked Aisling’s eyes. Bollocks. I wasn’t trying to upset her; I was trying to help her. But what did I know about love, anyway? I’d refused to let it in after Daran.

  I smiled reassuringly. ‘Sorry, both of you. Feels like it’s all been about me for the last few days, so I’m resorting to dirty tactics to divert the attention.’

  ‘Don’t be doing it again,’ Aisling muttered. ‘Life’s complicated enough without anyone else meddling, so it is.’

  There was an awkward pause while everyone took a sip of their drinks. ‘So,’ Ben said. ‘At the risk of keeping the attention on you a little longer, I have something you might like to see, and this is the first opportunity to show you.’ He dug his phone out of his pocket and tapped the screen a few times. ‘Let me just turn the volume up. Here we go.’

  He handed me his phone. A close-up of Callum filled the screen. ‘Hi, Clare,’ he said. ‘I’m really sorry to hear about your dad. Shannon and I wanted to tell you that we’re thinking of you, and there’s no need to, like, rush back from Ireland. Luke’s fine. We’re getting all the help we need at the hospital so you take your time and do whatever you need to do over there.’ He grinned and gave a thumbs-up into the camera.

  ‘She’s going to think we don’t want her to come back,’ came Shannon’s voice.r />
  Callum turned away from the camera. ‘I didn’t say that. I just said not to rush back. I didn’t say don’t come back.’

  ‘Well, she might think we don’t want her to rush back and she might stay forever.’

  ‘I hardly think she’s going to—’

  ‘Just give me that thing.’

  Everything went blurry and I heard Shannon muttering, ‘If you want a job done well, do it yourself.’ Her face then appeared on the screen. She smiled and waved, ‘Hi, Mum!’

  I grabbed Ben’s arm. ‘Rewind it.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘I think she called me Mum.’

  He fiddled with the phone and handed it back to me.

  ‘…well, do it yourself. Hi, Mum!’

  Tears pricked my eyes. ‘She did! She called me Mum. She usually calls me Clare.’

  Aisling reached for my hand and squeezed it.

  ‘What Callum was trying to say is that we know what happened and…’

  I turned to Ben, eyes wide, my heart racing. ‘They know?’

  Ben shook his head. ‘No! They know your mum had a go at you and asked you to leave the wake. That’s all they know. I hope you don’t mind.’

  ‘That’s grand. I just wouldn’t want Shannon to know… other stuff. Sorry, Ben, can you rewind? I missed the rest.’

  ‘…what happened and we hope you’re okay. I’ve had a lot of thinking time while you’ve been away and I’m really sorry I’ve given you a hard time. Your mum sounds like a right cow, and I should be grateful that it’s not hereditary and that you’re really nice.’

  ‘Really, really nice,’ Callum shouted in the background.

  A tear slipped down my cheek at that point.

  ‘Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I’m going to make a special effort not to be such a stroppy cow when you get back and you have permission to send me to the naughty step if I am.’

  The camera moved away from Shannon and focused on Luke asleep in a cot next to her bed. ‘Luke misses his grandma,’ Shannon said, ‘and apologises that he fell asleep before he could tell you himself. And I miss you too.’