Dreaming About Daran (Whitsborough BayTrilogy Book 3)

by Jessica Redland

  ‘Clare, I…’

  ‘Shh! I haven’t finished. There’s another reason why it would never have worked with Daran this time around. Even though I swore I’d never let anyone in ever again, somebody managed to wriggle his way in there without me noticing. Daran had no chance. My heart had already been given to someone else.’

  Ben bit his lip. ‘Does this person know?’

  ‘Only if he believed what her sister told him.’

  Ben grinned. ‘What are you saying, Clare?’

  ‘I’m saying that I didn’t properly realise it until this evening but, somewhere along the way, my friendship towards you turned into so much more. It’s not going to be easy, and I know I have a pile of shite from my past that I still need to address, but if you’re prepared to take that rough road, then I’d like you to be king of all my moments from now on. I never thought I’d say this to anyone ever again, but I love you, Ben, more than I ever thought possible.’

  Ben took a step closer to me and gently cupped my face in his hands. ‘I’m prepared to take that rough road,’ he whispered. Then he bent down and kissed me. Despite years of dreaming about Daran, the reality hadn’t lived up to the dream when we’d kissed again. Kissing Ben, on the other hand, felt like a dream come true. The best dream ever.

  Epilogue

  New Year’s Eve

  ‘I now declare you husband and wife. You can kiss your bride.’

  No! Not Ben and me! Philip and Kay, of course. I’m not quite ready for that sort of commitment. Actually, that’s a lie because I’d jump at it, but he hasn’t asked me. Yet.

  I smile as Philip gently kisses Kay, and the guests whoop and cheer very loudly. Well, if you’re going to have a wedding on New Year’s Eve, you’ve got to expect a loud, rowdy bunch who’ve been on the beer all day.

  Ben hands me another glass of Champagne and my heart melts. Wow! That man looks so damn sexy in a tux. He looks pretty sexy out of one too. It took six months and regular counselling before I felt ready to go all the way, but Ben showed the patience of a saint (naturally). We actually did the deed on my 34th birthday. I had a demon to exorcise from that same evening 18 years previously. It hurt, physically and emotionally, but it was absolutely worth taking that first difficult step. I still have moments where fear grips me, but Ben is so incredibly understanding. He knows it will take time to fully free myself of my demons.

  Speaking of demons, I’m thrilled to say that Nia has exorcised hers too, and Jamie Doyle is currently serving time for assault and attempted murder. She’d gone home after our meeting on my last morning in Cork feeling inspired by our conversation. She packed some clothes, intending to seek refuge with my real mum, until she decided whether to take me up on my offer to join me in England. As she was walking down the driveway with her case, though, a taxi pulled up outside and Jamie got out. It was obvious she was leaving him, and there was no way he was going to let that happen. He thumped her in the stomach, then pinned her to the garage door by her throat. The taxi driver, an ex-Guard, pulled him off before he throttled her, and he made sure the book was thrown at him.

  Two weeks after we’d moved into the holiday cottage, Ellen came to stay. I was so excited to have my real mum visit and have four generations of my family under one roof. After we hugged, she said she had a little surprise for me. Nia appeared from around the corner. ‘I hear there may be a job going for someone with no skills or work experience,’ she said. ‘That sounds like something I might be able to do.’

  I have to say that, for someone with no skills or experience, Nia was instrumental in helping me get my business off the ground. Jamie Doyle had stopped her from having ideas, opinions and even thinking for herself, so it took a lot of coaxing, but she tentatively came to me one day with a brilliant suggestion for how I could price my services. I loved it. That one piece of encouragement was like unleashing a party popper because the ideas streamed out of her from that moment. I secured a regular contract with The Ramparts Hotel, Whitsborough Bay’s only five-star hotel, to do all their marketing and social media for two days a week, which acted as a brilliant platform for bringing in more local businesses.

  Sarah proved invaluable in clinching the contract with The Ramparts. She runs a business club called Bay Trade with Nick and two of his friends, one of whom happens to be the sister of the hotel manager, so a bit of trading was done and I was in there. I provided my services for free at first, confident that they’d want to pay when they saw what I could do. They did.

  I smile at Sarah across the room, looking stunning in her deep-red bridesmaid dress. She’s put weight back on, thank God. She looks curvy and healthy now, rather than the gaunt woman she’d become after losing the baby. I convinced her to go for some counselling too, to help her accept that the loss of the baby and her fallopian tube wasn’t her fault. She had some good news following the tests. While there is some scarring on her other tube, there’s no reason why she shouldn’t conceive again. The thing is, Nick and she aren’t so sure they want children now. They’ve got a new puppy called Twix (with a dog called Hobnob and cats called Kit and Kat, spot the theme!) and they’re still absolutely besotted with each other. Sarah told me that they’ll give it a couple more years and they might try for a family then but, if it doesn’t happen, that’s fine.

  She must have registered me watching her because she looks over, raises her glass to me with a grin, and continues her conversation with Elise and Stevie.

  Aw, Elise and Stevie. Another fabulous couple. Melody was released from the special-care baby unit in late April and she’s adorable. Daniel has seen her once. He’s finally accepted that she’s his but isn’t bothered, which suits Elise and Stevie just fine because, let’s face it, he’d have been a useless lump of a dad and Melody’s better off without him in her life.

  Stevie adjusts his hold on Melody, who is just about the cutest and smallest bridesmaid ever, dressed in a frilly ivory dress with a red sash to match Sarah’s dress. I notice Elise place her hand on her stomach. There’s no sign of a bump yet, but I know – and Sarah knows – that Elise is eight weeks pregnant. She gathered us both together a couple of weeks ago and said that, although she didn’t want to announce it to anyone else until after the 12-week scan, she wanted to make sure that we both knew at exactly the same time, this time around. Good call.

  ‘What are you grinning at, Mum?’ asks Shannon, appearing by my side with a sleeping Luke in her arms.

  ‘This,’ I said, sweeping my arm around the room. ‘This time last year, I was in such a different place. I hated New Year’s Eve with a passion. And now I’m at the wedding of two good friends, surrounded by family I didn’t know I had.’

  ‘Are you crying?’ she asks.

  ‘No! Okay. Yes, I am! I swear that I’ve turned into an emotional wreck from the moment I knew you were still alive.’

  And it’s true. I cry at everything now. I cried when they moved out of the holiday cottage into a rental property with a year-long lease. I cried when Daran and I jointly gave Shannon away to be married to Callum on her 17th birthday in June. I cried when I waved them off on their honeymoon in Scotland for a few days, leaving me alone with Luke for the first time since Leeds. I cried when Shannon asked me to meet them at Lighthouse Point for a picnic, then sprinkled the ashes of Paul and Christine into the sea instead, telling me she’d finally found the place she could call her forever home. I cried when she secured a place at the local sixth-form college and when Callum secured another plumbing apprenticeship. And I cried when Shannon secured a part-time job at a school of dance and excitedly told me that the owner had plans to retire in the next five years. She’s now grooming Shannon to take over within three years, knowing that Shannon already has the finances in place to buy her out.

  ‘Auntie Nia looks lovely tonight and I reckon Philip’s son thinks so too.’

  I look across the room to where Nia is chatting animatedly with Mich
ael. Wow! I can practically see the sparks flying off the two of them.

  She really does look stunning. Her mousy appearance didn’t seem to fit with the confidence she found as she helped the business to grow and discovered her own self-worth. I’d marched her to the hairdressers in early September and ordered a full head of colour and a layered style. We went shopping for clothes, shoes and make-up, and giggled over glasses of wine one evening as she burnt her clothes from her former life. Actually, we just burnt one item – a cardigan she’d ripped a hole in and spilt paint on – and gave the rest to charity, as we couldn’t bear the waste, but the symbolism had been achieved. She stood taller after that; she laughed more; she even gained the confidence to go out and join a Zumba class and a photography club, where Michael just happened to be a guest speaker in October, having returned from his latest overseas assignment. They’ve been inseparable since. I’m going to miss her when she moves out, which I fully expect she’ll do within the next few months. We’ve been living together at Kay’s cottage, Smuggler’s View. Philip’s house sold and that gave them enough funds to buy their new home together. Kay’s had also sold, but the chain broke and the purchase fell through. I asked if they’d be willing to rent it to me instead, with a view to me buying it a few years down the line, when my business was more established and I could secure a mortgage. I absolutely love living there.

  Ben stays as much as he can, but he still has his job in Leeds. He’s been trying to convince them to set up a branch in North Yorkshire, but there’ve been so many stumbling blocks and funding problems that we don’t think it’s ever going to happen. Ben’s been looking for other jobs in the area, but he loves what he does, and I won’t let him leave because of me. We’ve managed with the commute so far and we’ll continue to do so. Somehow.

  ‘Are you looking at Michael and Nia?’ Elise asks, joining us. ‘That’s one seriously smitten pair.’

  I nod. ‘I think they’re perfect for each other.’

  ‘So do I,’ she whispers. ‘Michael certainly deserves to find love at last, and so does your sister.’

  As for the rest of my family, Aisling, Torin and Briyana moved over to Manchester during the summer holidays, and the kids have settled nicely into their new schools. Finn sold his house because, although it was a family home, he wanted their home together to be one they’d both chosen, rather than the one he’d intended to buy with her, even though she never actually lived there. Torin and Briyana came to stay with me for a weekend in October while Finn took Aisling away to Venice for her birthday. They came back married!

  Éamonn’s wife is expecting a baby in March, but it turns out that Ma was actually right about Keenan: he does prefer men. He isn’t in a relationship, as he’s struggling to come to terms with his sexuality, but he’s hoping to make this coming year the year he explores a same-sex relationship. I hope he does. After a slightly awkward start, I’ve grown to really like my brothers.

  I haven’t seen or heard from Ma. The twins tell me she’s very bitter and blames everyone except herself for everything that’s happened in her life. She’s pushed them all away. She’ll end up a lonely old woman. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer person!

  We see Daran and his kids regularly. They’ve been over here three times, and Shannon, Callum and Luke have been there twice. I joined them the second time. Daran’s kids think it’s brilliant having a big sister and brother-in-law to look up to, and Shannon loves being able to spend time with her dad. I’d stayed away from Daran for the rest of the Easter visit. He needed time to get to know our daughter, and to get over me. Things were slightly awkward at first when he came over for the wedding, but I made him sit down and drink a bottle of wine or two with me, and I finally got him to admit that he hadn’t really been in love with me for all these years; he’d been in love with the memory of what we’d had together. Although, it had taken a stern talking-to from his mum and sister Aoife after I turned him down to get him to realise this. He’s actually met someone else through his church. It’s early days and I’ve made him promise not to rush into anything, but I met her when we went to Ireland in November and I think they have a good chance, especially as she’s not trying to compete with a ghost of girlfriends past.

  Luke wakes up so Shannon excuses herself to feed him, as Sarah makes her way over.

  ‘This time two years ago, things were quite different, weren’t they?’ she says.

  I laugh. ‘Christ, yes! I was staying with you at Smuggler’s View, questioning why the hell you weren’t chasing after Nick when you knew he was the one for you.’

  ‘I was out with Gary and his work colleagues,’ Elise says, ‘with no idea that he was gay and that I was heading for a divorce.’

  ‘And you were hiding some pretty big skeletons in your closet,’ Sarah says to me.

  I glance around the room again. ‘Some of whom are in this room right now! What a difference a couple of years make.’

  Elise nodded. ‘I can’t believe how much has changed, how painful it was at the time, but how much better everything is now.’

  ‘To love, friendship and no more secrets,’ I say, clinking my glasses with them both.

  ‘To love, friendship and no more secrets,’ they repeat.

  ‘What’s this about “no more secrets”?’ Ben asks, putting his arm around me.

  ‘We’re just reflecting on the past couple of years,’ I say, ‘and how much better life is with everything out in the open.’

  ‘You don’t like secrets, do you?’ Ben says.

  I shake my head. ‘You know I don’t.’

  ‘Would you be mad at me if I said that I have another little secret? Wait here.’

  ‘Ben!’ But he disappears into the crowd. I glance at Sarah and Elise, but they shrug. They know something, though. I can tell by the mischievous twinkles in their eyes.

  A spotlight illuminates a microphone on the stage at one end of the function room and Kay steps up to the mike. ‘Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Philip and I have had an incredible day and would like to thank you all for celebrating New Year’s Eve and our wedding with us. We know that many of you might have had other plans, but Philip proposed to me on this night last year, so it seemed fitting that we married on the anniversary of our engagement.’ She pauses for applause and cheers. ‘The last time I stood in front of a microphone and made a speech, it was at my 60th birthday party a year gone June, only I’d lured everyone there under false pretences. It was actually an engagement party for my wonderful niece, Sarah, and her gorgeous husband, Nick, who I’m delighted to say that I fixed up. I can’t take credit for this one but, tonight, I’m hoping I’ve done the double…’

  She moves aside and Ben steps into the spotlight. ‘Hi, everyone. For anyone who doesn’t know me, I’m Ben, Kay’s nephew. I won’t take up much of your drinking time, but I have an exciting announcement that I want to share with you. As many of you know, I work for a charity that helps find and support missing persons, particularly children. It’s based in Leeds and I helped set up a new branch in Birmingham at the start of this year. I’ve been trying for months to convince them to let me set up a branch in Whitsborough Bay. There’ve been all sorts of funding problems, and it looked like it might never happen, but at the start of December I got an early Christmas gift when they confirmed the go-ahead. From February, I’ll be heading up a new branch right here in the Bay and living here permanently.’ Ben pauses for more cheering and I’m aware that I’m grinning from ear to ear. That is the best news ever. We really didn’t think it was going to happen. Being able to curl up beside Ben every night will be such a dream come true.

  Ben holds his hands up to calm the audience. ‘There’s something I’ve wanted to do for a while, but I didn’t think it was fair while I was back and forth between here and Leeds. Now that I’m moving here permanently, I think it’s time. Clare? Can you join me for a moment?’

  Oh. My.
God! My legs are shaking so much, I don’t know how I manage to put one foot in front of the other. I step onto the stage and smooth down my dress. Ben is kneeling and he’s holding the king between his fingers. My heart is beating so fast, I feel quite light-headed, although that could be the Champagne.

  ‘In March, you presented me with this and asked if I would be king of all your moments. I hope I’ve lived up to your expectation of what being your king would mean.’

  I nod, tears swimming in my eyes.

  He reaches into the pocket of his tuxedo jacket. I laugh as he pulls out a white king. ‘You will make me the happiest man alive if you agree to be the king of all my moments too. And, because you can’t exactly wear this, I’ve got you one of these as well.’

  A gasp goes around the audience as he delves into his pocket and holds out a ring. ‘Will you marry me, Clare?’

  I reach out my left hand towards him, tears streaming down my cheeks. He looks into my eyes, then slips the solitaire diamond onto my finger. ‘Yes,’ I whisper. ‘Yes!’

  Ben stands up and kisses me gently, as the audience erupts.

  I used to hate New Year’s Eve. Not anymore. And I used to dream about Daran all the time but, for the past 10 months, all I’ve done is dream about this day with Ben.

  At Sarah’s wedding just over a year ago, Elise had suggested I wasn’t as cynical about weddings as I liked to make out, and that I simply hadn’t met the right person yet. She was right about the cynicism; it had just been an act to protect myself. As for the right person, I’d already met him. I’d met him when I was 14. It had been real, it had been passionate, it had been amazing and, if things had been different, it probably would have lasted until the end of forever. But, as Daran’s sister Aoife had said: Sometimes the past is called the past because it’s passed. The time for Daran and me to be together had definitely passed and it was time for us both to build a new life.