by A. J. Markam
“Sold,” Shyvock said. “To the very short man in black robes.”
“Human!” Orlo squeaked from behind the platform, addressing me. “Have the golems stopped attacking?!”
The golems showed absolutely no signs of relenting.
Of course, Orlo couldn’t see that from where he was hiding behind my platform.
“Yeah, they quit – come on out,” I said.
Orlo peeked out, only to have to dodge a giant metal hand.
“You will pay for that!” Orlo screamed at me as he started hurling spells again. “Hunter, kill the golems!”
“Give me the gold first.”
“I can’t give you the gold if I’m dead! It’s locked away in a bag only I can access, and only with an elaborate spell! Kill them and I will give you everything!”
“Succubus,” Shyvock shouted.
For a second I expected to see Alaria, and my heart leapt in my chest.
Then I realized he was addressing Soraiya, who was still zipping through the air. She had wisely chosen to fly close to the golems’ bodies so that they couldn’t target her with their missiles or arm cannons without destroying each other.
“What?” Soraiya yelled at Shyvock.
“What is the easiest way to kill the golems?”
“Head shots! Their souls are contained within their heads!”
“Get out here, gnome, and help me!” Shyvock shouted as he drew several more arrows from his quiver.
Orlo darted out from behind my platform and raced to Shyvock’s side, then began hitting the nearest golems with spells as fast as he could. His Hellstorm was particularly impressive, as chunks of burning sulfur as big as cinderblocks rained down on his targets.
Shyvock aimed for the nearest war golem’s head, let loose an arrow, and hit the robot’s goggled left eye dead on. There was the tinkling of shattered glass, and then the head blew up from the inside, leaving a smoking, twisted blob of metal atop the robot’s neck. The rest of its body was completely untouched, and it froze in place like a statue, arms extended midair.
Shyvock’s accuracy was unparalleled – but there was just one problem. As soon as he attacked the first golem, he immediately drew all the others’ aggro onto himself. And they had already seen what he had done to their companion, so this time they were ready for him.
Missile after missile sped through the air on spiraling plumes of smoke.
Astoundingly, the Hunter was able to shoot most of them out of the air, causing them to explode midflight – but two missiles slipped through and exploded against his body, knocking him backwards and taking 25% off his hit points.
I couldn’t believe my luck. The war golems might just finish off both the gnome and the Hunter for me.
The only problem was, if they didn’t, I was still strapped to this damn platform.
That was when I felt the straps around my wrists come free.
“What?” I said in amazement. I turned around –
And saw Stig’s grinning mug peeking around the edge of the wooden platform.
“Hiya, boss.”
“Stig!” I whispered ecstatically. “Where’s Alaria?”
“Who do you think’s freeing you?” a digitized voice said from behind the platform.
Seconds later the leather straps around my ankles gave way, and I slid down to the ground.
I whipped around behind the platform, and there she was – my beautiful demoness, shining silver in the light of the explosions all around us.
I grabbed her to me and kissed her passionately.
She laughed, then backed away and looked down at my jutting boner. “Wow, I THOUGHT I felt something down here… been enjoying yourself in my absence?”
“NO,” I hissed. “They gave me some kind of drug, and now I can’t come.”
“Ohhhh – Satyr’s Phallus,” she said with a nod.
“Yeah! What the hell is that?!”
“It’s a plant men eat to prolong ejaculation. How many berries did they give you?”
“They made me drink an entire bowl!”
“A BOWL?!” Alaria’s glowing yellow eyes went wide. “Goddess – how long have you been hard?!”
“Ew,” Stig winced, and averted his eyes from my crotch.
“At least eight hours, but we have other things to worry about!” I said as I peeked around the wooden platform at the battle.
“Aw… we could’ve had fun until it wore off,” Alaria said mischievously.
I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I was pretty much put off of sex for the rest of my life. Or at least that’s what it felt like at the moment.
Besides, we had other problems. Shyvock had taken down two more golems, whose heads looked like metal watermelons blown apart from the inside out. Soraiya was darting to and fro to distract them, and Orlo was giving them a supernatural ass-whupping as well.
I had hoped that the robots would be my salvation, but it was steadily looking like my enemies were going to be victorious instead.
“The war golems aren’t going to last much longer,” I whispered. “We need to come up with a plan.”
“Maybe you should get dressed first,” Alaria said as she held out my clothes.
“Where did you find them?!” I exclaimed happily.
“Down at the base of the volcano where the elves left them.”
I checked just to make sure –
All my bags were there. Which meant that I should still have all the healing potions I’d bought at the outpost.
I checked the bag inventory window to make sure they were all there, and saw Grung’s head.
Grung…
I looked out at the battle just as Shyvock shot another arrow into one of the golem’s eyes.
Its head exploded like a popcorn kernel, leaving behind a metal husk. The rest of its body froze, completely untouched.
That’s IT!
I turned back to my demons. “I have an idea.”
I quickly unfastened one of my bags, opened it, and spilled Grung’s head out onto the ground with a CLUNK.
“GREETINGS, FRIENDS.”
“We need your help to beat Orlo and Shyvock, Grung. Will you help us?”
“I WILL DO EVERYTHING I CAN.”
“Okay, then listen up.”
43
I quickly explained my plan to the others. Just as we were about to set everything in motion, though, there was a final explosion – and then all the sounds of battle suddenly ceased.
“There,” Shyvock’s voice boomed out. “All dead.”
I peeked out from behind my four-foot-wide wooden barrier.
All the war golems’ heads were either gone or turned into twisted balls of scrap metal.
The bounty hunter was uncorking vials and downing them through the slit in his mask. I watched the counter showing his Health go from 70% to 75% within seconds.
“Pay me, gnome,” the bounty hunter said as he tossed the empty vial out into the volcano and then uncorked another.
“NOW?! With that thing in the sky bearing down on us?!” Orlo raged. “Are you insane?!”
Shyvock nocked three arrows in his bow and pointed them right at the gnome’s head. “When it arrives, I will deal with it. Until then, pay me.”
The tiny Warlock grumbled, then gingerly opened the bag at his waist and fished out his iron lockbox. He put it on the ground in front of him.
“There, you flea-bitten fool,” Orlo snapped. “I’ve fulfilled my end of the bargain.”
“Open it,” Shyvock demanded.
Orlo grumbled, then flipped open the lid. The box was filled to the brim with golden, shimmering coins.
Shyvock let up on his bowstring slightly and walked over to the box, peering down at the treasure.
Suddenly, Orlo blasted Shyvock with blue lightning, using Soul Suck to rip hit points out of the Hunter and bestow them upon himself.
“FOOL!” Orlo roared. “Did you think I would give up my hard-earned money so easily?!”
Shyvock didn’t take it sitting down. He stumbled backwards and fired all three arrows into Orlo’s body. They exploded – but even that was only enough to knock off 30% of the gnome’s hit points.
Orlo hurtled backwards 15 feet through the air and shrieked in agony, but he still had over half his Health when he landed.
However, Orlo immediately hit Shyvock with Soul Suck again – so for every hit point he’d lost on the arrows, he gained back at least half from the bounty hunter.
As Orlo continued his assault, he shouted, “Soraiya, attack him!”
Soraiya’s diamond collar glowed, and she had no choice. She immediately went into a divebomb from the air.
She hit Shyvock at full speed, sending him tumbling to the ground.
For a couple of seconds, there was a massive tussle between the Hunter and succubus – and then Shyvock whipped around and threw her as hard as he could back towards Orlo.
She hit the ground and went somersaulting past Orlo, where she clanged into the foot of one of the dead golems.
Meanwhile, Orlo busted out a few Warlock tricks I’d never seen before.
He summoned a couple of vicious-looking Hellhounds – basically a high-level upgrade from my imp quartet – to savage Shyvock.
The Hunter used his Bowie knife to fend them off, slitting one’s belly and beheading the other – but by then a horrific tentacle monster had appeared from a portal in the ground and was grabbing at Shyvock’s feet, sucking his life force from him with every touch.
Jesus, high-level Warlocks could summon some nasty shit…
I was so consumed by the grotesque spectacle that I didn’t notice Soraiya standing up behind Orlo until it was too late.
When I glanced over, I saw her reach inside her corset and draw something out from under the leather.
Three arrows.
Then, with a hateful look on her face, she slammed them down into Orlo’s unprotected back.
The resulting explosion sent the gnome sprawling across the ground.
It also dropped him to 42% Health.
His back still smoking from the explosions, he turned around with a look of absolute hatred. “You Varis-damned, treasonous WHORE!”
Apparently a demon could attack its own master if it hadn’t directly been ordered not to. At least, that was the only way I could figure that Soraiya had managed to attack Orlo.
She’d lied and subverted his will throughout the last 36 hours, though, so I guess stabbing him in the back – literally – was only a physical manifestation of what she’d been doing all along.
And now she was going to pay the price.
Orlo began to cast a spell that I was sure would be the absolute death of Soraiya –
Until three more arrows THOCK THOCK THOCKED into his back and exploded.
BOOM!
Orlo went flying across the volcano’s ledge and lay still.
Wait – that was it!
I knew what we had to do to beat them, and I whispered it into Alaria’s ear.
“Are you sure?” she asked warily.
“It’s our only shot! Go!”
She ran towards the outer edge of the volcano, keeping the wooden platform between her and Shyvock, and then leapt off the rocky ledge into the night sky.
I heard the CLICK of the fins expanding from her back and the ignition of her rockets a second later.
She was flying – but down in the valley, out of sight of everyone atop the volcano.
I glanced around the wooden platform to see if anyone else had heard.
Soraiya had, and was looking at the empty night sky in confusion.
If Shyvock had heard the noise, he didn’t show it.
Orlo was beyond caring. He lay in a fetal position, smoke curling out of his charred robes. The Health bar above his body held no more than a sliver of red.
He stared up at Soraiya in equal parts fury and bewilderment.
“How… could you…?” he choked out.
“Burn in Hell, you little toad,” Soraiya sneered as she drove the stiletto heel of one of her shoes into Orlo’s head.
There was a sickening crunch, and then the gnome lay still as his Health dropped to zero.
I didn’t know how to react.
On the one hand, somebody else had done all the hard work of taking down a Level 90 Warlock! YES!
On the other hand, Orlo was the only sure bet we had to get Alaria back into her body. I knew that Soraiya said she could do it, but I didn’t trust her – especially not after she’d brought Shyvock here.
And so I seesawed between joy and panic.
Then the joy dropped out and the panic took over completely as ‘60,000 XP’ floated through the air.
A yellow pillar of light flashed down all around me and trumpets sounded as more words appeared:
Level 25!
Which would’ve been awesome, normally. I had shot up an entire level in one fell swoop, and gained the ability to summon a new demon.
Unfortunately, pillars of light and trumpet blasts are not the most helpful thing when you’re trying to hide from someone.
Shyvock’s voice called out, “I know you’re there, little warlock. Come out and make it easy on yourself.”
“Don’t hurt him!” Soraiya yelled. “I told you, I need him to free me from – ”
THHHP THHHP THHHP –
THOCK THOCK THOCK.
Soraiya screamed in pain.
I couldn’t help myself – I peeked out from behind the platform to see.
Soraiya was kneeling on the rim of the volcano, several arrows sticking out of her body.
“Why?” she screamed in rage. “I helped you! You could have trusted – ”
THOCK.
Another arrow pierced her left shoulder and knocked her onto her back.
“Me, trust you?” Shyvock chuckled. “You, who betrayed and murdered your master? Why would I ever put my faith in a treacherous little whore like you?”
“You… ASSHOLE…” Soraiya managed to choke out from between gritted teeth.
Shyvock walked towards the iron lockbox that Orlo had left behind.
“The traitoress is upset when someone smarter betrays her. It is a sad commentary on your lack of intelligence. Your guile began your fall; your stupidity completed it.” Shyvock reached the iron box and knelt to pick it up. “Minutes from now, when you are burning in Hell, remember this moment and – ”
“Go!” I hissed.
Stig took off at a gallop and raced straight for the iron box.
I took off in the opposite direction, though I glanced over my shoulder so I could see what happened.
Stig slammed into the lockbox and tackled it like a football player, flipping over with it and carrying it along with him just by the sheer force of his momentum.
I’m sure the box weighed as much as he did – maybe more – so the effort he had to expend was tremendous.
It sure as hell took Shyvock by surprise.
The Hunter roared, stumbled to his feet, and drew back his bow.
By this point, Stig was carrying the box as fast as he could away from Shyvock.
THHHP.
THOCK.
The arrow shot clean through my poor imp, and he exploded in a ball of fire.
The box kept up its momentum, though, and tumbled across the path towards the edge of the volcano, sliding right up to the rim.
“NO!” Shyvock roared as he ran for the box.
He was distracted enough not to notice Alaria flying above him – that is, not until she cut her engines, fell from the sky, landed on his back, and grabbed a handful of arrows from his quiver.
Shyvock spun around in confusion, grabbing for her over his shoulder.
She fired her rockets again, somersaulted in the air over the top of him – and slammed the handful of arrows down onto Shyvock’s helmet.
I held my breath, expecting a massive explosion –
But nothing happened.
Shyvock grabbed her hand with the two d
ozen arrows clutched in it and yanked her away from his helmet. He held her up so that he could look her directly in the eye.
“You have to ARM them first, Hellwhore,” he sneered.
That was when she fired her palm-mounted death ray.
Maybe the arrows had to be armed to explode on impact, but they sure as fuck blew up when an energy beam hit them.
They erupted in Shyvock’s face –
And took Alaria’s entire arm along with them.
I screamed in terror as her body exploded backwards from Shyvock onto the ground.
Shyvock roared in agony as he clutched at his flaming helmet. The point-blank explosion had done a number on his remaining hit points, knocking them down to 17%.
Alaria’s body tumbled and scraped across the basalt. When she finally stopped, her right arm was gone below the elbow, turned into a charred stump just like her left.
Not only that, but the explosion pushed the iron lockbox off the rim of the volcano.
We could all hear it clatter down the steep slope into the lava below, where it landed with a glunk!
Shyvock bellowed as he ran to the edge of the volcano, then turned in fury towards Alaria.
One side of his helmet had been shredded, and smoke poured out of the gaping hole where his left eyepiece had once been.
“That was very painful, Hellwhore,” he snarled. “Let me show you.”
He seized her by the neck, raised her into the air – and threw her over the edge into the lava.
“NOOO!” I screamed.
The most horrifying part of it was, I couldn’t immediately do anything to save her.
I only had one shot, and I couldn’t fuck it up, or both my demons’ suffering would have been in vain.
In the precious seconds that had passed since Stig grabbed the gold, I ran for the nearest golem, scaled its body, reached the neck, and unplugged the cable from the blown-up head.
Then I plugged the cable into Grung’s head, which I cradled in my arms.
There was a spark of electricity, and a shudder went through the golem’s body.
“KILL HIM!” I roared.
The golem’s body, completely untouched by Shyvock’s arrows, suddenly came to life – and the hand cannon on its left arm pointed at the Hunter.
BLAM!
A blast of crackling energy burst out of the gun barrel, slammed into the bounty hunter, and knocked him backwards, down into the seething cauldron below.
