Lost

by Jennifer Davis

  Lia plops down onto the sofa that faces me, crossing her long, thin legs in front of her. At the end of her long stems are fluorescent green Manolos, with pencil thin, skyhigh heels. I’m 99% sure that if I stood up on those shoes they would simply collapse underneath me as they likely have a weight limit of 100 pounds. I’m insanely jealous of her tiny frame and how easily she can wear these tiny clothes and toothpick heels.

  “What are we drinking?” Lia says loudly enough for Enzo to pop his head in the room. Before anyone can answer, she pulls Max’s glass from his hands and takes a sip. I happily watch his expression become annoyed with her, but he doesn’t say anything. “Manhattans? How obvious. What about you, Jess?”

  “Just water.”

  “Booorrring. We need some tequila!” Enzo glances toward Max, who gives him a nod of approval, before running off to retrieve her request. It’s reassuring to watch his interactions with her tonight, affirming everything Max claimed was true. She’s just a young family friend, who even annoys Max a bit, but has no romantic ties to him.

  “We need some entertainment. And music!” Lia jumps to her feet to take care of these needs. She grabs a remote from a drawer in Max’s desk, and music comes singing through the speakers. The sound is classic, like an Italian opera, and her face immediately twists. “This is not party music. Make it stop.” She hands the remote to Max, who plays along and changes the tunes to more contemporary music. “How about a game? Some poker?” She looks around gauging our interest. “Ohhh! I know! Strip poker!” I cringe at the thought. There’s no way in hell I’m putting any more of my body on display next to hers.

  “Maybe just a card game where we keep our clothes on?” I suggest.

  “Uh, fine, but we will come up with a dare for the loser!”

  ***

  I escape the third round of Scopa, an Italian card game that I’m way too tired to play, by slipping into the bathroom. My tired eyes stare back at me in the mirror, along with the sparkling reflection of Italian marble and silver patterned wallpaper on the bathroom walls. I’m now sober, the only one who is, I might add, and exhausted from the day. I resign myself to the fact that today’s fun with my Lust is probably over, and push aside the painful realities of my relationship with Jack, especially after my shameful, yet oh so memorable, transgressions today. I pinch my cheeks and dab my shiny skin in an attempt to look more awake than I feel right now. Time to force my drunk boyfriend back to the hotel. Hopefully he’ll probably just pass out quickly and we won’t have time to fight. At least not tonight, anyway.

  “Close the door,” Max commands me, causing me to jump a little, just as I was about to exit the bathroom. My heart starts racing, uncertain of what’s about to happen but excited by the racy ideas entering my mind. It’s been hours since our hot kiss on the pier, and my craving for him has only gotten stronger with each second in his presence. I nod and quietly oblige, slowly turning the doorknob to silently close the door again. The door latch quietly clicks into place and a hopeful smile covers my face. Deep breath, Jess. Lust enters the bathroom from the adjacent bedroom, and I have a flash of memory from my last visit here. “My God, I’ve been waiting to get to you all night,” he says excitedly. “We’ve had all these distractions. And all I’ve been able to think about is you.” His eyes are filled with passion and longing, and I feel my body literally ache from the pull toward him.

  “Me too. Today was great.” I pause. “The time on the pier was…” I pause again, searching for the appropriate word to describe the mind-blowing, panty-wetting, overwhelmingly lusty make-out session that we had. I feel the heat in my cheeks, and everywhere inside me, as the memory returns.

  “Magnifico!” he says excitedly but hushed. He walks closer to me and I feel my pulse quicken with anticipation. I inch back against the counter, using a hand to steady my weakening knees. Lust envelopes me in his arms and plants his warm, salty lips on mine. Mmmmm. I groan into his mouth and begin to scold myself knowing Jack’s nearby, but I am immediately lost in his kiss. Everything inside of me turns to lust, feeling the chemistry through the pit of my stomach and the pit of my peach. My tongue explores his mouth, and our hands follow suit, finally having closed doors to touch each other freely. His body and his perfect bulge push against me, and I can’t wait to dive in. Without thinking, I reach down for his pants, furiously unbuttoning them. I have no plan for what comes next, what I’ll do with him, his body, or my fading morals. All I want is to have him, and all of him, touching me now.

  Lust’s hands slide beneath my dress, allowing his fingers to caress my skin. Thank God I shaved today. His fingertips begin to trace the line of my stretchy lace panties, and his right index and middle fingers alternate up and down my legs toward the exterior of my smooth peach.

  “Should we really be doing this?” I ask, forcing my lips to pull away from him. My brain quickly reminds me of my intentions with Jack. To get us back on track this weekend, or acknowledge what our fate is. I look at Max and his caramel eyes to find reassurance but only see a man I’m desperate for.

  “No. Probably not,” he responds with a wicked smile, then quickly grabs my face again. I melt back into him, overcome with the need to feel his body on mine.

  “Max? Maxi? Maxxximuuus?” Lia’s voice creeps into the bathroom, indicating she’s nearby, and approaching quickly. My heart races, wondering what she’d do or say if she saw us in here together. Or, more importantly, how Jack would react when she would inevitably tell him.

  “Are we cursed?” Max whispers to me, dropping his forehead against mine.

  “It certainly feels that way.” I sigh, wrapping my arms around his neck.

  “Stay here, I’ll sneak out when I hear her down the hallway, and then you can give it a minute and come out. Ok?” I nod my understanding.

  “Jess,” he pauses, staring deep into me. “This is only the beginning. Promise me?”

  “Promise,” I say without real thought to what these words mean. I kiss him excitedly, my heart still pounding as he sneaks away. I take a breath and reflect on his words. If this is really the beginning with him, am I really prepared for the end with Jack?

  thirty-six

  Are you sure you have to leave me? I don’t think I can wait two weeks.

  I smile wildly at the words on my phone from my favorite 212 phone number. My heart races every time I see a new message from him, which has been often since our mind-blowing make-out in New York. I recall his last words to me: “this is only the beginning.” At the time they seemed so full of promise, hope, and Lust, but I had no idea where they could actually lead. Now they’ve brought us to the verge of exploring something more, which we have plans to do after we’re both back in the US over Memorial Day.

  The thought of spending Memorial Day weekend with my Lust tingles everything inside of me, but my heart can’t ignore what it requires for me and Jack. The only man I’ve ever loved, who seemed so perfect for me, and who in many ways I do still love. Although things haven’t been the same since I moved in with Jack, I’m still not quite ready to let it all go. But, I’m not a cheater like my mother, so I have to decide: do I end it all with Jack for a weekend of Lust? I know how strongly I feel for Max, but his reputation makes me question whether it would ever be anything more than that. But will I ever get him out of my mind otherwise?

  “Jess, snap out of it!” Sarah commands me with a lighthearted smile. “We’re going to China!” she shrieks in a purposefully muted tone, not wanting to disclose how we came to be sitting in these first-class seats, ones which nearby passengers have paid five figures for. Come on Jess, be grateful for this opportunity. I will myself to remember these words. The truth is, I am. I’m grateful for my job, this awesome opportunity, and for the great friends that I’m going on this venture with.

  “Sorry!” I say, trying to mirror Sarah’s excitement and disguise my distraction. I think I’m most excited about the shopping!” I volunteer, my mind consumed by the characters on my screen. How should I
respond?

  “Yeah, never mind the amazing new country we get to explore. We get to shop for knockoffs!” Ben says in a mocking tone, which makes both me and Sarah giggle.

  “Be careful what you wish for, because I’m pretty sure I’m not getting on a flight home until we have done just that!” I proclaim.

  “Ditto!” Sarah mirrors my sentiment. Oh, Ben, you thought you were here as a translator, but I think your true Mandarin test will come in the shopping mall.”

  Ben smiles and rolls his eyes at us. “Gee, can’t wait. But remember,” he pauses, “I’m here as translator and chaperone, so what I say, goes!” he attempts to say with authority.

  “Bull shit!” I softly yell back at him. “You’re here because you took a semester of Mandarin, which is far more than the two hours of Rosetta Stone that either of us have had.”

  I pull up the screen again, knowing we’re minutes away from takeoff.

  Will you miss me terribly? You can always change your meeting from Paris to Shanghai ;)

  I quickly type the words, and after hitting send, I glance at my last conversation with Jack. We’ve barely spoken since our return from New York. His endless work trip has had him away since hours after we returned home, and now I’m off to China, forcing more distance and deferring any breakup, if that’s our fated path, between us. It hurts my heart to even consider the end, but I can’t ignore the strains we’ve felt in our relationship. And dreaming about Lust has certainly distracted me from the thought of letting my love go. My thoughts of him are confounded with guilt, but the fantasy of him, of us, has caused me to painfully consider the end of me and Jack.

  I peer at my phone, knowing that technically it’s supposed to be in airplane mode now that the plane is in motion, and stealthily check my messages.

  Of course. Just bring me back something nice.

  Anything in particular you want?

  Yes, I know exactly what I want

  You

  His words excite me, embracing the feeling of how badly I want him too. These same feelings allow me to shrink the thought of his reputation, and if I’m really ready to end it with Jack. I feel the propulsion of the jet engines beginning, telling me we’re seconds away from being airborne, and forcibly disconnected for the next fifteen hours.

  ***

  The Shanghai airport looks similar enough to any other large, modern airport in the world, except that I can’t read any signs, save the globally recognizable emblems of Starbucks, Burger King, and Pizza Hut. Wow, no wonder people hate America, that’s what they associate with us halfway across the world—fatty fast food and designer coffee.

  Thankfully, Global arranged for us to have a driver all week, and he quickly whisks us away to our hotel. We drive through the city and I enjoy the view of bright city lights as we approach our hotel, settled on a vibrant and affluent street, akin to a Rodeo Drive or Fifth Avenue in the US. Luxury stores, malls, and brands line the street, along with a full block of street vendors that sits within a five-minute walk from our hotel.

  Ping, our sweet, wrinkly, and nearly toothless driver drops us off at the front of the hotel and brings our bags inside while we check in. “So what’s on the agenda for tonight?” Ben asks, trying to stifle a yawn.

  “I’m thinking we all need some room service and a good night’s sleep. Any objections?” Sarah asks us.

  “None from me,” I say, catching Ben’s yawn.

  “Ok, I’ll give you party animals the night off. But rest up, we have a country to explore tomorrow!”

  ***

  After a quick unpacking, I venture into the lavish bathroom that I will call mine for the week. It has high-end stone and gold finishes, with ample space for a separate shower, two sink vanity, and soaker tub. Even the toilet has a separate water closet, which is a nice but unnecessary feature this visit, given that I’ll be the only occupant of my room. Some fragrant bath beads catch my nose’s attention, and I decide to try out the soaker tub before jumping into my spacious king size bed for a serious night’s sleep.

  I sink down into the warm water, too tired to wash my hair, so I pile it up in a heap atop my head. I cleanse my face twice, using my Clarisonic to invigorate my tired skin and thoroughly remove any residual airplane germs and dried on makeup. Despite being unable to read the symbols, I find a button on the side of the tub and assume it’s for the massage jets. Sure enough, warm water shoots out from all around the tub, giving me fresh circulating water, and gentle vibrations to further relax me.

  I grab my phone to see how good my international phone service is here. No messages from Max. Could it be lack of service? I send Sarah a quick text as a test.

  Trying out the soaker tub. Ahhmazing.

  The conversation bubble quickly appears, and my heart sinks, realizing she’s received my message and my service is indeed working. Maybe Max is asleep. What time would it be in Paris?

  Oh good call! I’m reading the articles boss lady gave us.

  Oops. That’s probably what I should be doing. I recall her words to us just a few days ago. “Ladies, we need you on the ground in China now. Did you know that travel from the US to China will surpass that of the US to Europe next year? We need a marketing plan to grow in this market. Go see, eat, experience, and create. Learn the market and especially the consumers your age, and come back experts on China. Ok?” I recall Sarah and I nodding and hiding our squeals until she had left the room. A stroke of luck and opportunity hit at the right time. I have to remember this getaway isn’t just a break to clear my head, but an opportunity to grow my career. So give it a little focus, Jess.

  Good plan. Nightcap soon? I’m tired but could use something to put me to sleep.

  My eyes are closing reading this riveting case study. Rain check?

  I smile and nod at my friend, appreciating her focus.

  Of course. Sleep well.

  I soak for a few more minutes and decide to venture to the hotel bar alone. It wouldn’t be the first time I did so in a strange city after all. Plus, no one knows me here, so I can throw on something comfortable and indulge in a company-funded nightcap.

  ***

  I venture into the bar, and despite the late hour, notice it’s still occupied by a few dozen patrons. I slide onto a barstool around the curved mahogany bar, choosing a seat which maximizes people-watching. My blonde hair is piled atop my head, my face bravely naked, and my body draped in a casual cotton dress.

  I order champagne upon realizing Prosecco is absent from the menu. Not a bad way to start a trip. I pause for a brief silent toast to myself. Here’s to a new adventure in a new land. And to happiness. However, and wherever, it may come. I hope it finds me. I lift my glass into the air and take a sip of the cool fizzing liquid grapes. As the coldness washes through my chest, I feel the shiver at the thought of ending things with Jack. God, it hurts to consider this, but I tell myself it’s the right thing to do if I move forward with my Memorial Day plans with Max.

  I turn my thoughts to the other man in my life. I relive the excitement of our last kiss, and wonder if anything will really come of spending a hot weekend together. I do know his reputation after all. I decide to use the upcoming week to make sure I know what I’m doing. That I’m breaking up with a man I love because we’re not right together. Not because of a chance for Lust.

  ***

  I fall into a conversation with a cute Canadian couple visiting China on holiday. We talk about travel, and our favorite places in the world, while sharing a bottle of wine and a near hour of conversation. I check the time on my phone, knowing I need to be semi-responsible, given the full day ahead. 11:45 pm. Oh! A new message from Lusty 212 rests on my screen and a smile fills my face.

  Still awake? Good flight?

  I see his message was sent twenty minutes ago.

  Great flight! I was on Global after all. And where in the world are you?

  He quickly responds.

  Let me guess, enjoying a night cap? Must be almost midnight there.
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  You think a girl like me would venture alone to a bar in a foreign country? Surely that would only lead to trouble ;)

  I flash back to our first night of trouble together.

  I want to see you.

  The words give me another fresh visual of him, and my body begins to feel the need for him, and the memory of his lips on mine.

  I want to see you. Thirteen days.

  I text with unfiltered candor, feeling less guilty about flirting knowing he’s across the globe.

  I need to have you.

  Oh. God. How I need him, too. Need to feel his mouth, his body, his manliness against me. What I wouldn’t give to have him here now. I shake my head at the fantasy, bringing my head back to the here and now, but the wish for him is too strong to shake the smile from my face.

  “I need you, Jessa.” Holy shit. Is this the most elaborate trick my brain has ever played on me? His voice is crystal clear, strong, sexy, and oh so Italian. And his familiar scent is as real as ever. My pulse races, and heart pounds, and my brain is fully taken over by my craving for his body. I take in the sight of him, oh-so-fucking hot with a hint of scruff and wrinkled linen suit.