The Big Stink

by David Lubar

She held out the bottle. “Want some? It’s strawberry-kiwi.”

  “No thanks.” I wasn’t adding any more smells to my body right now. And I was peeling off the plastic as soon as I got home. I didn’t want to build up another stink bomb.

  18

  Cruising Around

  “Nathan, remember when we worked on drops?” Mr. Murphy asked when we got together that night behind Belgosi Upper Elementary.

  “Sure. On the playground. I practice every time I throw something in the trash or mail a letter. Why’d you ask about that?”

  “Sometimes the bad guys make a drop. If we know about it, we can intercept the package. We believe there’s a drop happening tomorrow night. It’s a perfect mission for you. Be prepared.”

  “What are they dropping?” I asked.

  “You don’t need to know,” he said.

  “Look, I’m not buying that stuff anymore.” I jabbed my thumb against my chest. “I’m the kid who had the misadventure, right?”

  He nodded.

  “And you’re with the Bureau of Useful Misadventures. Right?”

  He nodded again.

  “So I’m what this whole place is about. I’m the most important person. The more I know, the better chance I have to do what you ask me to do. Right?”

  “Perhaps.”

  “Then tell me what’s being dropped,” I said.

  He shrugged. “I can’t. We don’t know.”

  “You don’t know? Why didn’t you just tell me that in the first place?”

  “Because you didn’t need to know.”

  I swirled that around in my brain for a moment, then kicked it back out. “Do you see how crazy that sounds? You didn’t tell me that you didn’t know, because you felt I didn’t need to know that you didn’t know.”

  “When you put it that way, it does sound a bit convoluted.”

  “Does that mean ‘twisty’?”

  He nodded.

  “Do you at least know who’s making the drop?” I asked.

  I expected him to tell me I didn’t need to know. I was surprised when he said, “RABID.”

  “Them again.” That was the group that had kidnapped Mr. Murphy. They were pretty evil.

  “The files you captured led us to other information that led to still other items. One of the benefits of all this is we learned an item was being transferred by drop tomorrow night. Now you know everything that I know. Meet me at headquarters as soon as you can tomorrow evening.”

  I hung out with Mookie and Abigail at her place on Saturday afternoon. Abigail’s mom asked us to play outside, since Mookie skunked up the indoors pretty quickly. Mookie’s mom had washed him down with tomato juice, like everyone says you’re supposed to do, but it didn’t help all that much. Right now, he was running around, pretending to be Captain Stink Bomb.

  Abigail was excited about the cruise. “My mom was worried at first, since no parents would be on the ship with us. But she called the cruise company, and they told her kids come on their cruises all the time. The crew keeps an eye on them. Not that we need to be watched. It’s going to be a wonderful experience.”

  I pointed to Mookie’s flashing sneakers as he ran past us, and whispered, “That’s what the cruise will be like. One way or another, it won’t be as good as it sounds.”

  “I don’t care,” she said. “I love the ocean. And the forecast is for clear skies.” She grabbed her binoculars. “It will be perfect conditions for observation.”

  I hoped she enjoyed herself. And I figured Mookie would have a good time, since he seemed to be happy no matter what he was doing. I guess he was sort of lucky in a way. I couldn’t imagine even wearing those sneakers, let alone being thrilled about them.

  I hung out with my friends until dinnertime. It wasn’t much fun at home. Mom didn’t even want to talk. The bear thing had really been hard on her. She hadn’t messed up everything, so the store had some new things for the big day. But Mom was definitely hurting.

  I wished I could use my zombie skills to help her out. But at least, I could use them that night. After I went to BUM, Mr. Murphy took me to another of the elevators. This one brought us to the headquarters for the East Coast branch of the Pollen Collectors’ Meeting Room in Staten Island.

  “We don’t have far to go,” Mr. Murphy said as he led me to a car near the curb. “The drop is at a pier.”

  “What’s there that needs my skills?” I asked.

  “Guard dogs.”

  “No problem.” I was glad I didn’t have to climb an electric fence or sneak into a sewer plant. This one would be easy.

  We drove south for a while, and then swung into a shipping area with a bunch of factories and stuff near the water. Mr. Murphy parked and led me toward a pier. We stopped next to one of those large cranes they use to load giant cargo boxes onto ships.

  “Here it is,” he whispered, pointing ahead of us. “Number Thirty-seven. I can’t go any closer. The dogs will start barking. You’ll be fine. Just go to the ship and find the package. This will help locate it. The nearer you get, the brighter the lights will flash.” He handed me a flat object the size of a calculator, with a display window.

  “Is this going to explode?” I asked.

  “Nathan, will you ever stop asking that?”

  “Well, will it?”

  “Of course not,” Mr. Murphy said. “It’s just a simple tracker, right from the electronics store.”

  I looked toward the end of the pier. There was a locked gate. I could see dark forms pacing around, like wolves. Beyond that, something bobbed in the water. As Abigail had said, it would be a clear night. Under the light of the stars and half moon, I stared at the bobbing shape.

  “Is that what I think it is?” I asked.

  “Afraid so.” Mr. Murphy chuckled, then said, “That wasn’t part of our information. But it shouldn’t be a problem for you.”

  “No, it shouldn’t.” I still didn’t like it. But this was no time for complaints. Hoping the mission wouldn’t be as messy as it looked, but knowing it would probably end up being even messier, I climbed the fence.

  19

  Barging In

  I slipped down the other side of the fence. Like before, the dogs ran toward me, then lost interest. I walked past them toward the ship. Except, as I’d seen from the other side, it wasn’t a ship. It was a barge or something. Just a flat boat with two giant heaps of garbage on it.

  “Yay,” I muttered. At least it wasn’t sewage.

  The barge bobbed beneath my feet as I walked onto it. It was tied to a post on the dock. I watched the rope pull tight each time the barge bobbed. The rope looked sort of frayed. I went over to check it out. Way past the fence, I saw Mr. Murphy waving at me to get going.

  I realized I was just stalling because I didn’t feel like facing mountains of garbage. At least I had a tracker. I didn’t see any signal on it yet. There was room around the sides to walk past the garbage. I circled the heaps, watching the signal on the tracker. The light finally blinked on when I was near the second heap.

  Okay. Now I just had to get an idea what part of the heap had the package. The mound rose about ten feet over my head, but it wasn’t too steep. I started to climb up to the top. It was pretty squishy. Sort of like walking on a combination of mud and mattresses. Most of the garbage was in plastic bags. But most of the bags had split open.

  The signal seemed strongest about halfway to the top of the heap. Then it started getting weaker. I’d played several computer games that used trackers like this, so I knew exactly what to do. I went partway around the mound and climbed it again. Yup. Same results. The light was strongest halfway up. The drop was right in the middle of the heap.

  Mookie’s cruise would be better than this. I wouldn’t mind being out at sea right now with him. Even if it was on some sort of trip that would turn out not to be any fun.

  I shot a glare toward the pier, aiming right where Mr. Murphy was probably standing. I could just hear his silly little laugh as he watched me
crawl into the middle of a pile of garbage.

  No point stalling any longer.

  I headed in. It was sort of like I was a giant earthworm. I crawled, wriggled, clawed, and even sort of swam as I made my way deeper. I could feel the barge rocking and shifting.

  Finally, with the help of the signal, I reached something that felt like a small briefcase, maybe six or eight inches wide. Now I had to get out of the mound. I figured it would be easier to just keep crawling toward the other side rather than trying to back out.

  I don’t know how long it took. But finally, I popped out of the mound and slid back down to the deck of the barge. Great. I was done. Except for burning my clothes and taking a really long shower.

  Whoa. I almost lost my balance as the barge rocked hard. I looked toward the pier.

  “What?”

  All I saw around me was water.

  I ran to the back of the barge. The tie-up rope dangled in the water, floating behind the barge as we drifted.

  It had broken loose.

  Great. I was out in the ocean on a barge piled with garbage.

  I saw something glitter in the moonlight. Water lapped at my feet.

  Double great. I was out in the ocean on a sinking barge piled with garbage.

  I got out my cell phone. The signal was really weak. I wasn’t sure who to call. I didn’t even have a number for Mr. Murphy. I called Abigail. I just hoped she wasn’t too far from land either. Luckily, she answered.

  “I think I’m in trouble,” I told her. “I’m on some sort of garbage boat. It’s drifting. I think it’s also sinking.”

  “Is it a big flat barge with two heaps of garbage on it?” Abigail asked. “Sort of like a double-scoop banana split?”

  “How do you know?” I asked.

  “I can see it. I brought my binoculars. You’re just a hundred yards away from us, but you’re drifting farther. There’s a life raft back here. Mookie and I can take it and come get you. They crammed way too many people on the boat. It’s been an awful trip. The only mystery is that they don’t seem to know where they’re going. Nobody will miss us. Everyone is avoiding us because Mookie stinks, so we should be able to slip away.”

  “That sounds dangerous,” I said. “Maybe I can swim to your boat.”

  “We’re moving too quickly. You’d never catch us. There’s no time to discuss this. We have to do it now before you get too far away.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  The connection went dead. She’d hung up on me. I walked around the edge of the barge and scanned the ocean until I spotted the ship. It wasn’t too far away, but I couldn’t see any raft. I watched and waited until the ship shrank to nothing in the distance.

  I hoped they were coming. The water on the barge was already up to my ankles. The whole thing was starting to tilt. I spotted a faint flashing light. Soon after that, I saw the raft. Mookie and Abigail were both rowing.

  I think it was the only time I’d seen them working together on something. Well, sort of together. The raft would move toward me for a while, then start to go sideways. The two of them would yell at each other and get things straightened out. I saw brighter flashes as they got closer. Mookie had worn his new sneakers.

  “Man, am I glad to see you,” I said when they reached the barge. I unhitched my belt, put the end through the handle of the briefcase, then made sure it was fastened. I wasn’t going to go through all of this and not deliver the package. “This thing is sinking.”

  “I’ll help you in,” Mookie said. He stood up in the raft.

  “That’s okay. I can do it.” I put one foot in the raft.

  “No, let me help.” Mookie reached for me. The raft rocked. I grabbed his hand. He pulled. I fell into the raft. Mookie caught his foot under one of the oars and toppled forward.

  But for once, it looked like we’d ended up okay. I was in the raft and off the sinking barge. Safe and dry. Now all we had to do was row to shore.

  I heard a rude noise. Brrffffttttt.

  “Mookie!” I shouted. “Can’t you ever hold anything in?”

  He was still facedown. He rolled over and frowned. “That wasn’t me.”

  We looked at Abigail. “Hey!” she shouted. “Don’t even think it. I’d never make that kind of noise.”

  We heard a louder one. Phrtt burble bloooopphhhh.

  “That sounded really wet,” Mookie said. “Uh-oh . . .” He glanced back toward his feet.

  So did I.

  His sneakers were jammed against the bottom of the raft. I didn’t see anything flashing. He rolled over. The bulbs in his toes had been broken when he fell.

  Jagged pieces of glass stuck out of the bottom of the raft. Water seeped in through the gashes.

  “We’re sinking!” Mookie screamed. “Mayday! SOS! Help!”

  “We’re okay,” Abigail said. “Life rafts always have several compartments, each of which can keep it afloat. It’s the law. We might get wet, but we won’t sink.”

  Mookie leaned over and read a label on the side of the raft next to him. “Manufactured by Squinky Novelty Company, Brumigan, Illinois. Not for use as a flotation device.”

  “Great,” Abigail said. “It’s some kind of toy.” She glared toward the direction of the cruise ship. “Cheapskates!”

  Two minutes later, the raft was totally sunk. Mookie and Abigail were treading water on either side of me. Above us, the stars were out. It would have been a beautiful night if we weren’t stranded at sea.

  “This is bad,” Abigail said. “We’re probably at least three or four miles from shore. The water is too cold for us to swim very far.”

  “BUM will search for us,” I said. “They’ll call the coast guard and everything.”

  “We’ll be easy to find,” Mookie said. “We’re probably the only people floating out here right now.”

  “Needle in a haystack,” Abigail said. “The ocean is huge. They don’t know where we are.” She sank under a swell, popped back up, and started coughing.

  “Save your breath,” I said. “We can make it.”

  Abigail shook her head. “I wish you were right. But the odds against rescue are enormous.”

  “Then we have to rescue ourselves,” I said.

  “How?” Abigail asked. “It’s too far to swim.”

  “Not for me.” I didn’t get tired. The cold water wouldn’t bother me either. I could swim for hours if I had to. And I could pull them with me. “Which way is land?”

  Abigail looked up at the stars, then pointed past my left shoulder. “That way. Just head toward those three stars.”

  “I’ll float, you two hang on.”

  “Take a deep breath first,” Abigail said.

  “I don’t need air,” I told her.

  “Fill your lungs,” she said. “It will help you float.”

  I knew what she meant. I used to like to float on my back in the town pool. When I took in a breath, I’d rise. When I let it out, I’d sink a bit. I started to float on my back, but I realized I could swim better if I was on my stomach.

  “Grab my legs,” I said. I took a big breath, closed my lips, then tilted forward and floated on my stomach. I waited until Mookie and Abigail grabbed my legs. Then I started swimming.

  I could feel them dragging me, but it didn’t matter. I could swim as far as I needed. I could keep going until I reached the shore.

  But I stopped before then. Something great happened. While I was swimming, I started thinking. I had plenty of time to do that. I thought about how Abigail was always seeing the way that things were connected, and always finding answers. And I thought about my problems. Not the being-dead thing. I’d need her help and lots of other help with that.

  But I thought about Ridley. And about other stuff in my life. And I saw a pattern in how Ridley acted. And the pattern gave me a clue about how I could survive the football game on Monday. It was exciting enough of an idea that I wanted to get Abigail thinking about it, too.

  I stopped swimm
ing and rolled over on my back.

  “Are we there yet?” Mookie asked.

  “Nope. How are you two doing?” I asked.

  “Fine,” Abigail said. “Cold. But I’ll survive.”

  “I’m pretending I’m a torpedo,” Mookie said. “I’ve sunk three enemy boats so far.”

  “Listen, I have an idea I want you to think about. I’ll need your help.” I told them and then went back to swimming.

  We finally reached land, not far from the pier I’d left. I found a low dock and we scrambled up out of the water. We walked over to the crane. Mr. Murphy was there. A bunch of other people had showed up, along with several cars and a trailer.

  I glanced from Mr. Murphy to my friends and back.

  “I found them at sea,” I said. “They fell off a cruise ship.”

  “And now you want to keep them?” he asked.

  “What?”

  “Nathan, you’re very clever, and you have wonderful spy instincts, but you can’t fool me.” He pointed right at Mookie. “I’ve known about your friends since well before that little stink bomb factory over there fouled the air in Dr. Cushing’s car.”

  He led us to the trailer. About twenty minutes later, someone showed up with dry clothes for all of us. Then we got in one of the cars, and Mr. Murphy drove Mookie and Abigail back to the dock area for the mystery cruise, where Mookie’s cousin was going to pick them up. The ship was just pulling in, so Mookie and Abigail could mingle with the crowd and pretend they just came off.

  “I’ll call you tomorrow,” I said as my friends got out of the car.

  “That was awesome,” Mookie said when they walked off.

  “Awesome?” Abigail said.

  They started arguing. I stopped listening.

  “I’m sorry the briefcase got wet,” I said as we drove off.

  “Wet isn’t a problem,” Mr. Murphy said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything when the barge broke loose.”

  “I survived,” I said.

  “I never doubted you would.”

  “So, what’s in there?” I asked.

  He opened his mouth. I guess he was going to tell me I didn’t need to know. But he paused, looked at his watch, then said, “The night is still young, lad. Why don’t you come back to BUM and we can look through it together. Sound good?”