by T. Torrest
I find a few seconds to breathe while I congratulate my newlywed friends and then get into position with the rest of the bridal party for the receiving line.
Tess’s cousins. Ron’s sister-in-law. Ron’s friends. Tess’s crazy Aunt Shirley. Big L.A.’s business associates. Vix’s boyfriend, Chris. Monty and Walter. My parents.
I shake a million hands in introduction, grateful that the air conditioning is on, keeping my palms dry. I look back to check on the line and can see that it’s almost through.
Tess’s wheelchair-bound grandmother is holding things up as she chats with Isla. “Congratulations, dear. Are you the bride?”
Isla answers, “No, ma’am. I’m the bride’s friend.”
Tess’s Aunt Paula leans down to explain that the bride is her granddaughter, Theresa, over there in the big white dress.
That’s when I see Jack coming through the double doors.
Late as usual.
I thought I’d braced myself to speak to him, but Tess leans over and notes, “You look pale as a ghost.” As Ron bends down to kiss her Grandma Carol, she addresses the entire bridal party. “We’re pretty much done here, guys. Go on ahead. We’ll meet you inside.”
Temporary stay of execution.
I quickly whisper to Tess, “Thank you, Wedding Barbie.”
“No problem, BM.”
The girls and I shuffle straight into the Ladies’ Room to touch up and use the facilities. Then we haul ass back outside for pictures. Then upstairs to the main level to join the cocktail hour already in progress on the wraparound deck.
“Here, eat this,” Vix says as she shoves a mini quiche in my direction. “You didn’t even touch the bagels in the bridal suite this morning. You should have had something then. You looked about ready to pass out during the ceremony.”
“My stomach was in knots. I couldn’t even think about eating. But I’m okay now.”
Yeah right.
Vix gives me that look of hers that lets me know I’m not fooling her. She procures another miniature food item from a passing waiter and hands it to me. “Eat this, too. Just in case.”
I chew and chew whatever flaky puffed thing Vix has just offered, only to have the entire mouthful wad into a collective mass in the back of my throat as I swallow. I pass the clump and manage through a cough, “I could use a drink.”
“Yes, you could. Be right back.”
Vix jaunts off to the bar as I try to shake off my anxiety. She comes back with two glasses of champagne and hands one to me.
I take a big sip and then another. And then I notice my hand is shaking. “Did you see Him?”
Vix lets out with a huff. “Sure did. Staring you down the whole ceremony. I couldn’t believe he had the nerve to just stand there like a lost puppy and—Hey, you okay?”
What?
No. Can’t be. She’s obviously not on my same page. “Wait. Who are you talking about?”
Vix scans the porch and lowers her voice to a whisper. “Jack, stupid.”
I must be looking at her like she’s bonkers, because she blinks at me, surprised. “Didn’t you see him? He was right behind Monty and Wal—”
“Yes, I saw him. But I spent the entire ceremony trying not to look at him.” I bite my lip and look imploringly at my sister. “Was he really staring? At me? Are you sure it wasn’t at Tess and Ron?”
Vix’s eyes turn down as her lips purse together. Is that pity? Shit, I guess I must sound pathetic.
She indulges me anyway. “Yeah, Liv. He was really staring at you. I almost felt bad for the poor guy. Almost. Not that it matters, though, right?”
“Right. Not that it matters,” I hear myself repeat.
“The worst is over! You saw him for the first time in a year and you didn’t fall to pieces. This is the easy part where you get to concentrate on just having fun.”
Vix is right. I can easily avoid Jack all night just by having a blast at my best friend’s wedding. There’s going to be dancing and eating and socializing... There will be a million diversions allowing me plenty of distance from Jack Tanner this evening.
I’m covered. Good to go. I’m finally looking forward to this wedding again for the first time in five whole weeks.
I smile my first genuine smile all day as I polish off my glass of champagne. “You’re right. Let’s go turn this mother out.”
“You are such a nerd sometimes.”
CHAPTER 43
Sunday, May 26, 1996
8:00? 9:00? Whatever.
Reception Hall at The Breakers
Spring Lake
“Hey Liv! Wanna reenact our stage show?”
The band is playing “I love Rock and Roll” at Vix’s request, and Tess has just bolted across the room to grab my hands and twirl me around the dance floor.
“Not a chance in Hell, Mrs. Somers.”
“Ack! Mrs. Somers. Doesn’t that sound crazy?”
Yes. But it also sounds right.
“Livi Girl, are you having fun?”
I note the hesitant catch in her voice and am humbled that my friend can find the time to worry about me on her wedding day. There’s a reason Tess and I have stayed so close all these years. It’s the same reason that snapped me out of my anxiety attack over being in the same room with Jack: We both put each other’s feelings ahead of our own. I haven’t seen much of him tonight anyway and I haven’t even seen Sadie at all. That’s just fine with me.
“I’m having a great time. Look at your wedding! Doesn’t everything look beautiful?”
Ronnie joins our dance party just then and wraps his arms around his wife’s waist. "Some things more than others,” he says, as Tess stares all googly-eyed back at him.
I decide The Happy Couple doesn’t need a third wheel. “I’m going to the bar. Want anything?”
Tess shakes her head ‘no’ and Ronnie puts in an order for a beer.
I fan myself on my way out of the room. I’ve been dancing since we got in here and the sweatiness is only catching up with me now that I stopped. I do a quick spot-check as I pass the wall mirror and decide that no one else would guess that I am melting. I turn toward the bar three paces away… just as Jack is turning from it.
Of course.
As much as I would like to, I can’t very well run out of the room. So I hold my ground and paste a polite smile on my face. He’s holding two glasses in his hands, which he almost drops upon the sight of me. “Livia! Hi.”
“Hi Jack.”
He’s still gorgeous, dammit. Not even a nasty zit on that chiseled face where I can focus some disillusionment. He’s dressed in black from neck to toe, coming across disturbingly like a hawk readying to swoop in for the kill.
There’s an awkward pause where he looks as though he’s not sure if he should kiss me hello, give a hug, or shake hands. In light of the drinks he’s holding, he opts to start in for a kiss, then decides against it. Thank God.
The bartender breaks the moment. “What can I get for you?”
“Oh. I’ll have a white wine and a Sam Adams, please.”
There’s the smirk.
“Double fisting tonight?” he asks.
I’m amazed that I’m able to casually lean against the bar and reply, “The beer isn’t for me.” I nod in the direction of his hands. “You?”
“Relegated to Waterboy myself, I’m ashamed to say.”
A drink for the fiancée, naturally.
I resentfully take notice that he looks great in his suit; I’ve never seen him in one before. He looks a little thinner than I remember, though, a little tired, too. I guess the nightmare of being with Sadie makes for some sleepless nights.
“Freddie’s been throwing these back all night.”
What did he just say?
“Wait, what? Freddie? Freddie’s here?”
Jack looks at me, puzzled. “Yeah... Didn’t you see him yet?” I shake my head ‘no’ as he adds, “He shaved his head, so maybe you didn’t recognize him. He’s a pretty cheap date, I�
��ll give him that much. What with the open bar and all.”
We both chuckle, but my mind is positively racing. At least I won’t have to worry anymore about bumping into Sadie tonight. I wonder why she’s not here, but think maybe it’s just too hard to get out of the house for a nuptial celebration while in the final weeks of planning her own wedding.
I retrieve my drinks from the bar and Jack walks with me the few steps to the reception room, where we turn to part ways.
“Hey listen, Livia?”
I turn back. “Yeah?”
“Save me a dance later?”
Like hell I will!
It’s easier just to blow off the request. “Yeah, sure. Guess I’ll see you later.”
I deliver Ron’s beer to him and then head right back out of the room and up to the bridal suite... where I bawl my eyes out for a good ten minutes.
Seeing Jack after all this time… it feels like my heart is breaking all over again.
I finally give a curse to my weakness, compose myself, fix my makeup and hair, and head back down to the party. I grab Ron’s brother Kevin and drag him out onto the dance floor for two songs. Vix lets me borrow Chris for a third, then I rip it up with the girls before sitting down for dinner. Immediately following our meal, I dance with Walter, my dad, and then Tommy, in that order. Then I get a glass of wine and down it quickly while talking to Tess’s crazy Aunt Shirley. Monty comes to save me and leads me out onto the dance floor.
And that’s when Jack taps Monty on the shoulder.
“Mind if I cut in?”
I could kill Monty as he smiles and hands me off to the enemy. “She’s all yours, er, well, used to be. You know, if you weren’t such a horse’s ass all those months ago.”
I look at Monty wide-eyed. I am speechless. I am without speech.
Jack slides into place and starts moving me around the dance floor. With his arm around my waist and my hand in his, I’m instantly reminded of the last time we danced together. It feels like a million years has passed since that night in the crusty kitchen of the beach house. The night we made love. The night he told me he lov—
“This is familiar.”
Is he flirting with me?
I look up at the sound of Jack’s voice. I’m torn between my opposing desires to either run out of the room or stay and bash his face in. Does he actually think enough time has gone by that he can joke about that night?
He’s looking down at me with that damned gleaming white smile, and instead of envisioning flicking out each and every one of his perfect teeth with a ball-peen hammer, I decide to play it cool.
Living well is the best revenge, right? Well, heck, then I’m living well. I’m going to let him see just exactly what he gave up. Just exactly what kind of girl he played and then kicked to the curb.
I’m a good person. Too good for him. Good enough to muster up a smile on my mug while out here on this dance floor with the spawn of Satan so as not to cause a scene during my friends’ wedding. I am an up-and-coming photographer with my own successful business, dammit. I’ve been written up in newspapers and asked out on dates by hot models. Well, okay... one model—and I turned him down—but he was incredibly hot.
Jack, on the other hand, is a liar and a user and stuck at home with that brat for a wife for the next hundred years. No wonder he brought Freddie out tonight instead; it’s probably the first chance he’s had to escape.
Yeah, nice life, pal.
I can’t wait for the song to end, but in the interim, I’m forced to display a pleasant composure which I do not feel in the least.
My cheeks actually ache from the fake smile on my face, but I assume his genial tone. “Tess and Ron lucked out with the weather today, huh?”
“Holy shit! You hate me!”
I guess my ‘genial’ ruse fell short of its mark and landed on ‘venomous.’
I miss a step. “Hate? That’s a little strong, don’t you think?” But true.
Jack looks up at the ceiling and lets out a huge breath before his eyes land back on mine. “I was really looking forward to seeing you today but I guess I didn’t count on you still being so angry with me. I was kind of hoping we’d be able to put all that bad stuff in the past and enjoy ourselves tonight.”
Enjoy ourselves tonight? Is he out of his mind?
Yeah, sure, Jack. We’re just a couple of buddies out here sharing a dance while reminiscing about the good ol’ times. Let’s just put all that “bad stuff” out of our minds and pretend that you didn’t lie when you fucked me over like the snake that you are.
I, for one, am not going to let him forget it.
“How’s the wedding planning going?”
Jack’s expression turns confused. “Uh... great. Really great. All set for August tenth.” His eyes spark as he adds, “You know about it?”
Know about it?! KNOW about it? My head starts to spin and I feel like I’m going to puke. How dare he stand here flirting with me while casually referring to his fucking wedding.
“Well, I didn’t know the date had changed...” My eyelids involuntarily turn into slits. “I only received the engagement announcement.”
“Karina sent you an engagement announcement?”
I stop dancing. “Who’s Karina?”
Jack blinks twice and looks at me like I have a fork in my forehead. “Freddie’s fiancée.” He pulls me to him again and we resume dancing. “Isn’t that what we’re talking about here?”
I feel dizzy. “No. I was talking about... your wedding. With Sadie.”
“Sadie? What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Are you kidding me right now?”
“Are you?” The song has ended, but Jack hasn’t removed his arm from around my waist. “Livia, I don’t know where this is coming from, but I think you’ve been misinformed.”
Who does this guy think he is? Leaves his fiancée at home to try and ‘enjoy his evening’ with me tonight? Like she can just be swept under the rug for a few hours? Now I’m fuming.
“I got the announcement that you sent months ago, Jack. Did you forget about that? A few days after you lied about having to leave for the tour “effective immediately” and broke up with me? Remember that?”
I’m trying to keep my voice down so as not to turn any heads in the direction of our little drama. Jack is stunned into silence, so I can’t help myself from rambling on with my barely leashed tirade. “I guess you were right when you said I hated you, because I do, Jack. I hate you. I hate everything about you from the way you’re disrespecting your fiancée right now to the vile way you turned me into the other woman without my knowledge. At least you tried to stay faithful to her, I’ll grant you that. No wonder you made that bet.”
“Arrangement!”
“Whatever!” I push a stray curl off of my cheek and notice my parents watching us from the edge of the dance floor. I turn back toward him, lower my voice, and drop the bomb. “I don’t know what you’re trying to do here, but I’m not falling for it again.”
At that, I turn on my heel and storm off.
CHAPTER 44
Sunday, May 26, 1996
Who the fuck knows what time it is? I need to get drunk.
My Brain
Confusion
I only get a few steps away when I feel the vice of Jack’s hand around my wrist, pulling me out of the room. He scans the lobby bar quickly and changes course, jerking me into the more private parlor off the main lounge.
He points his free hand in the direction of the sofa. “Sit.”
I wrench my hand free of his grasp and cross my arms.
Jack looks about ready to blow his top. He hisses through his teeth as he grabs me by my shoulders, backing me against the couch until my knees buckle and my ass hits the cushion. ‘Sit!” he commands again, like I’m his disobedient dog.
I’ve never seen him like this before. His face is red, his teeth are clenched, and his steely eyes are wild with anger. He is simply furious. If I weren’t frozen in my
seat with fear, I would make a hasty exit out of the room immediately. But the look on his face doesn’t even dare me to consider it.
He slams the door shut and just... unleashes on me. “Apparently, there’s a few things we need to get straight here, Livia!”
His hand flings up between us as he loudly counts off the talking points on his fingers.
“ONE: I never cheated on you or my ex-girlfriend! She and I broke up months before you and I ever started dating. She called a few times and even went out of her way to “bump” into me on occasion, treating me like the guy I was when she and I first met, fucking anything that moved. But I wasn’t that guy anymore. Everything about that life ended the night I met you. So, no, I’m not engaged, for chrissakes.
“TWO: I didn’t ‘lie’ about leaving for the tour. When I went for that meeting with Shug, nothing was put down in writing. We showed up ready to hit the road the next day, and that’s when we realized Mayhem’s contract was crap. By the time we got everything hashed out, it was weeks before we got on that bus. I didn’t come back to you during that time because…
“THREE: Nothing had changed! I kept waiting for you to call, to tell me you realized how you felt about me. But you didn’t do it!”
He stops pacing and swipes his hand through his hair, slowly calming down and getting his breathing under control. He sees my crossed arms and the look of incredulity I’m wearing and sits down next to me on the sofa.
It’s as if his little tantrum has taken the air right out of him as I watch him slump into his seat.
He puts his elbows on his knees and hangs his head in a defeated posture before saying softly, “I don’t know if you even want to hear any of this. All I can do is ask that you let me explain.”
He looks up at me with beautiful, wounded gray eyes.
