by Kate Eastham
As she sat up straight on the bench and stretched out her arms, she caught sight of the book, Wuthering Heights, and realized that she must have left it there, face down. She picked it up and drew in a sharp breath of pleasure as she read the words, telling her of moors, great swells of long grass, woods and sounding water, and the whole world awake and wild with joy. She felt an ache in her chest and leant her head back against the wall. In her mind she was back home, walking the fields and the fells, with nothing but the sky above and the cry of a curlew to pierce her heart.
Alice continued to read the book for the rest of the afternoon, in between tending to Victoria and making pots of tea, and by evening time, apart from a slightly hollow feeling inside and two shadows under her eyes, she was very much herself again.
But when the kitchen door burst open as she sat by the fire with Victoria already sleeping in her crib, Alice jumped up from her seat as though she’d been scalded and the cat shot off with a yowl.
‘Sorry,’ shouted Eddy from across the room, crouching down to try and make herself smaller. ‘I should have made a much quieter entrance, given what happened to you last night. Sorry.’
Alice couldn’t help but smile, even though her heart was still pounding.
‘Come in and sit down, will you?’ she said. ‘I’ll make a cup of tea … and lace it with brandy.’
Eddy had already removed her cape and draped it over a chair back and then she chucked her hat on to the table and took the pins out of her hair.
‘Phew, thank goodness,’ she said, running her fingers through her thick hair until it stuck out at all angles. ‘I’ve been chased through the street tonight by a patient I attended weeks ago. He had a bad leg and it got better, but I think he liked the attention. Anyway, he saw me going about my business and he’s shouting across, “Nurse, Nurse, me leg’s bad again.” I’d only just seen him hopping and skipping along like a baby lamb, so I knew that he was making it up. So I pretended not to hear him and started to walk fast. When I glanced back, he’d broken into a trot and he was chasing me … Well, I went faster, and then he did, and then I had to duck into an alley and hide in a doorway until I saw him running by. When I stepped out I was covered in cobwebs and a nasty little dog had tried to cock its leg on my nurses’ bag …’
Alice was laughing her head off by now, rocking in her seat. Eddy was the best medicine that anyone could have.
Once they’d had their tea and Eddy had pulled a chair up to the fire, the cat sidled back in and stretched out at their feet. Now both of them could relax and sit quietly.
Quiet time never lasted long with Eddy in the room, however. ‘Oh, I forgot to tell you, Alice. When I went back to the hospital for supplies, I saw Miss Houston and she sent you her regards. She said not to think about coming back tomorrow and she’ll be along to see you late afternoon.’
Alice nodded. She wanted to go back, but she knew that once Ada had spoken, she had no choice.
‘So the plan is …’ said Eddy, with a glint in her eye, ‘I’ve got an afternoon off tomorrow so I’ll come straight here and we’ll go along to the sailors’ church. I’ll get you back in time to see Miss Houston and if she’s satisfied that you’re ready to go back to work, you will go the next day.’
‘I’ll be ready,’ said Alice firmly.
She still felt a little hollow inside as they walked out on to Lime Street the next afternoon. And every person rushing by, every cry of a gull or shout from across the street seemed to jangle her and make her feel a bit breathless. She was glad that Eddy had offered to carry Victoria. She seemed to be getting heavier every single day and Alice wanted to be sure that she was steady enough to carry her any distance.
Once they saw the church, Alice started to feel better. It was right by the river, looking over the water. And as Eddy pointed out the gilded weather vane in the form of a ship on top of the tower, it made Alice focus on Tommy, and even thinking about him made her feel warm inside. She could almost hear the sound of his laugh. As soon as she walked through the door, she felt the stillness and the calm of the church envelop her. It gave her peace.
‘Let’s sit for a bit,’ said Eddy quietly.
So the two women sat together in a pew, with Victoria, who’d fallen asleep on the way there, breathing gently in Eddy’s arms. Alice leant against Eddy and let her body relax as she gazed up at a stained-glass window and saw the light coming through the coloured glass. It made her feel as though she was being restored in some way.
‘This reminds me of Maud’s wedding,’ she said, sounding a bit sleepy.
‘Yes, of course,’ replied Eddy. ‘I hope we’re not going to turn around and see Nancy at the back of the church.’
‘If we do, you’ll have to deal with her, Eddy. I haven’t got the strength. Not yet.’
‘I’ll take her on, no problem,’ said Eddy, shifting the weight of the baby on her lap.
‘I’m glad that they had Tommy’s funeral here. I bet he came to this church sometimes,’ said Alice, straightening up now and starting to have a look around.
‘Many of the sailors do,’ said Eddy. ‘After all, St Nicholas is their patron saint and the men often come here to offer prayers or leave tokens for a safe passage. My dad says there’s been a church on this site for hundreds of years; sailors have always come to this spot.’
‘He must have loved it,’ said Alice. ‘It’s a perfect place to have a sailor’s funeral.’
‘It is,’ murmured Eddy. ‘It’s a shame, though, that it’s closed to burials now. But we’ll go up to the public cemetery to see his grave sometime, if you want.’
Alice nodded, and then she stood up from the pew and Eddy followed suit, the two of them walking together out into the world again.
‘Just take her for a minute, will you?’ said Eddy, handing her the baby before disappearing round the corner of the church.
‘I brought these along earlier,’ she said, returning with an armful of bright red carnations. ‘Glad nobody’s nicked off with them … You can throw them down into the water.’
‘Thanks, Eddy,’ smiled Alice. ‘These are lovely, so thoughtful of you.’
She threw the red blooms, one by one, into the river. ‘These are for you, Tommy,’ she murmured. ‘And I won’t forget, I’ll be looking up to the stars one of these nights. I will remember you.’
The women stood for a few minutes, watching the flowers bob around on the water. ‘They probably won’t go till the tide changes,’ said Eddy. ‘But they should head out to sea, eventually.’
When Ada knocked on the kitchen door later that day, Alice was straight there, letting her in and offering her a seat.
‘I can see already,’ said Ada, ‘that you are recovering from what must have been a very difficult experience.’
‘I am, and it was, but in the end, I’ve just got to get on with things. I mean, we’ve been living with the threat here in the alley of being picked up by the police for some time now, and then, I knew that Jamie might be lurking somewhere in the city, so there was that as well …’
Ada nodded. ‘Let’s hope that with time, you will feel more secure. Although I’m not sure that the police will be backing off any time soon. The campaign for the repeal of the Contagious Diseases Acts continues, but so far there’s no change … Women’s voices are simply not heard. Even Miss Nightingale has told them that the forced examination of women makes absolutely no difference to the rates of venereal disease amongst men. She’s studied the statistics from earlier attempts to use forced examination of women on the continent. It simply does not work. So why continue? But they will not listen, and it makes my blood boil …’
Alice could feel the passion of Ada’s conviction and it sent a warm glow through her body.
‘Anyway, Alice,’ said Ada, taking a sip of her tea, ‘back to the matter in hand … I can see that you look ready to return to work, but there’s just one thing. I think you need to go out into the city and leave Victoria here with Marie. Just to see how that
feels. It will help prepare you for tomorrow.’
‘Sounds like a good idea,’ said Alice.
‘Well, shall we do that now, then?’ said Ada. ‘When we’ve finished our tea. We can go together. Marie said she’ll watch the baby whilst you’re away.’
Alice trotted beside Ada as they made their way through the city. She hadn’t realized how fast the assistant superintendent could walk.
‘I hope you don’t mind, Alice,’ said Ada, over her shoulder, ‘but we’re calling by the home of a friend of mine. Someone that I’ve known my whole life.’
‘No, of course not,’ panted Alice, trying to keep up. ‘That’s absolutely fine.’
When they arrived outside the door of the house, Alice could see that Ada looked suddenly awkward, as if she might change her mind and run back to the hospital. She raised her hand to knock on the door, but seemed to think better of it, and then she turned to Alice.
‘I’ve brought you here, so that you might understand something,’ she said quietly. ‘I think that it might help you, if you know my situation. But I need you to promise that you won’t tell another soul – not even Maud or Eddy or Stella. This has to be kept absolutely secret.’
‘Of course, I promise,’ said Alice, intrigued by what might lie on the other side of that door.
Ada knocked, and the door was opened by a woman with a careworn face, probably a bit older than Ada. Alice saw Ada take a deep breath and then she spoke clearly. ‘Mary, this is Alice Sampson, a friend of mine from the hospital. I’ve brought her to meet Leah.’
Alice saw mild shock on Mary’s face. ‘Of course,’ she said, ‘if you’re sure.’
‘I’m sure,’ said Ada and then Mary led them through to the kitchen.
A tousle-haired girl of about three years old looked up immediately from a pile of building blocks on the floor. ‘Ada!’ she cried, running and flinging herself at her, pushing her face into her skirt.
Alice gasped. There was no mistaking the resemblance. The beautiful little girl who had just run across the floor, she was the spitting image of Ada. She could only be her daughter.
She looked on as the curly-haired child continued to bury her face in Ada’s skirt, and Ada met her gaze calmly.
‘I did once tell you that we had a lot in common,’ said Ada.
‘Much more than I could have ever imagined,’ replied Alice, with a wry smile. And then, crouching down, she tapped the little girl on the shoulder. When she turned, not really shy, but pretending to hide her face in the folds of Ada’s skirt, Alice was struck once more by the striking resemblance. If it hadn’t been for the child’s bright blue eyes, mother and daughter would have been an exact match.
‘What’s your name, then?’ asked Alice, speaking quietly.
‘I’m Leah Rose,’ she said, stepping away from Ada’s skirt, with her feet planted square as she repeated her own name.
‘Well, Leah Rose, I’m very pleased to meet you.’
‘Pleased to meet you too,’ said the girl, stretching out her arm to shake Alice’s hand.
‘You’re very formal today, Leah,’ said Ada, laughing, then reaching down and pulling the girl up so that she could hold her close. Alice could see her, burying her face in her daughter’s hair, breathing in the scent of her.
As soon as they were out in the street, Ada linked Alice’s arm and then she started to talk. Hesitantly at first, and then as if a river of words that had been dammed up for years had suddenly been released. She told her that she’d been an assistant superintendent for four years when it happened …
‘I was devastated,’ she said. ‘I loved my work, I’d just properly got the measure of things and the hospital is my life. I pushed it aside, tried not to think about it. Thinking that maybe I was mistaken, maybe I would miscarry. I hoped that might happen …’
Alice was nodding. ‘I know, I felt the same,’ she said quietly.
‘But as the weeks went by, there was no mistaking my situation. And then I started to feel the first flutterings of movement … but still I tried to carry on with my work as if there was nothing wrong, and I didn’t tell a soul. But then, one day, Miss Merryweather called me into her office and she told me what she’d noticed. There was no way that I could deny it. I cried and cried with her that afternoon, and then we came up with a plan …
‘I’d seen my childhood friend, Mary, go through the grief of losing her only child to diphtheria when he was about the same age that Leah is now. She’d always wanted more children, but none came. So I asked her if she’d take my child as her own. And she agreed.
‘In the meantime, Miss Merryweather informed the rest of the staff that I was being posted to a London hospital, extra experience for a full year. No one questioned it and they all wished me well. But I was actually going to stay with a dear friend, Rose, someone I nursed with out in the Crimea. She was recently separated from her husband and glad of the company and she is someone that I trust with my life. She made sure that I had the best medical care and stayed with me through a long labour.’
‘And you named your daughter after her …’
‘Yes, I wanted the baby to be just Rose … but she persuaded me to let Mary choose a first name and that’s why she’s Leah, after Mary’s grandmother. What could be better, a child named after my two oldest and dearest friends …’
‘A child that you could have legitimately kept and raised as your own?’ offered Alice gently, giving Ada’s arm a squeeze.
‘There is that,’ replied Ada quietly. ‘And I wrestled with the decision, but each time I came back to the same thing. A nurse in a senior position has to live at the hospital, there is no way around that. And I wasn’t prepared to give up all that I had worked for, all of the hopes that I have for the future of nursing and the care of the sick. I knew that if I did that, I would feel bitter, betrayed somehow. And I didn’t want that for my daughter.
‘Mary is a wonderful mother and she’s like a sister to me. I can see Leah as often as I want and be involved with everything. And as you can see, my daughter is the happiest little girl in the world. She thinks Mary is her mother and I’m her aunt. And the whole thing works very well.’
‘But she looks so much like you, surely …’
‘Well, there is that, but Mary’s husband is dark-haired, so unless someone knew me, then probably no one would ever be able to tell.’
‘What about the father of the baby, was it—’
‘I can’t talk about that,’ said Ada firmly. ‘But he lives away and I haven’t seen him since she was born. He has no clue …’
Alice drew in a breath. She could feel the tension emanating from Ada and she knew that she was not going to get any more information out of her. But she couldn’t help but feel concern, knowing, as she did, from her own experience, how the truth had a way of coming out …
20
‘If you wish to be trained to do all Nursing well, even what you do not like – trained to perfection in little things – that is Nursing for the sake of Nursing.’
Florence Nightingale
As Alice stepped through the door of the Nurses’ Home the next morning, the door to the superintendent’s room clicked open and there stood Miss Merryweather.
‘I hope you are fully recovered, Nurse Sampson,’ she said. ‘And I would like to congratulate you most wholeheartedly on the completion of your training.’
‘Thank you,’ said Alice.
Miss Merryweather moved swiftly on to other matters: ‘Your first appointment as a trained nurse will be on the Female Medical Ward.’
Alice’s heart sank – that was Sister Fox’s ward. The dreaded Sister Fox.
‘When do I start?’ she said tentatively.
‘You start straight away, Nurse Sampson, today. A trained nurse has gone, left the ward, only yesterday. Sister Fox is one down.’
Nurses are always leaving that ward, thought Alice; they never last long.
‘This is a temporary placement,’ Miss Merryweather continued, ‘
until we establish fully where your true talent lies.’
Alice relaxed a little. She didn’t exactly sigh with relief, but once she knew that the position would not be considered permanent, she was sure that she would be able to manage. After all that she’d been through in the last year, she felt like she could manage most things.
‘This is your new uniform,’ said Miss Merryweather, walking over to the coat hooks and removing a hanger holding a brand-new gown. ‘You can use my room to get changed. Please leave your old probationer uniform in there. And if you look to the table at the side, you will find a fresh cap and an apron.’
Alice paused momentarily with her new uniform in her arms, a bit reluctant to head into the superintendent’s office and remove her clothes.
‘Get on, Nurse Sampson, get on. The ward awaits.’
Alice got changed quickly, feeling very strange in there on her own as she slipped out of her frock right next to the superintendent’s desk. Even though the blind was down in the room and she knew for a fact that Miss Merryweather would be guarding the door, she still felt as though she was being watched.
A snowy white cap and clean apron were waiting, as promised, and Alice felt very proud as she pinned the cap in place. ‘You have worked hard for this, Alice, it is well deserved,’ she murmured to herself.
Stepping out of Miss Merryweather’s room in the new uniform, Alice felt clean and bright.
‘You look very fine, Nurse Sampson,’ said Miss Merryweather, standing back to admire her, just for a moment. ‘But we have no time to lose.’
