Joy for Mourning

by Dorothy Clark

  The man took hold of her hand and suddenly they were alone. His touch made her forget how to breathe. She looked up. She couldn’t see his face! Who was he?

  Justin laughed.

  He knew! She spun toward her brother, but he was floating away. “Don’t go, Justin! Tell me! Who is he?”

  “Heart’s promise, Lainy, heart’s promise…”

  “Justin, wait!”

  Laina bolted upright, startled awake by her own cry. Her heart was pounding. She clasped her hand to her chest and darted her gaze about the room searching for her brother. The dim, flickering light of the fire highlighted the objects in the room. There was no one there. She was alone. It was only a dream.

  Laina shook her head and sank back onto the pillow. She could understand dreaming about Justin and children, because she’d been thinking of them when she drifted off to sleep. But who was the stranger? And what about the money? It made no sense. No sense at all. She yawned and closed her eyes. It was probably because she was so tired….

  Chapter Two

  It was hunger that woke her.

  Laina opened her eyes, and the first thing she saw was the red tester overhead. She stared at it in confusion for a moment, then smiled as her sleep-befuddled mind cleared. She’d made it! She was at Randolph Court. Oh, glory, glory, glory!

  Laina sat up and swept her gaze around the large bedroom, drinking in the sights. Someone had been in and built up the fire. It was blazing merrily, its flickering light warming the red-and-cream-patterned silk on the walls, the red, blue and green paisley fabric on the chair that sat at the side of the hearth. Oh, how wonderful to see bright colors again!

  Her stomach rumbled. Laina slid from the bed, lifted the napkin-covered plate from the nightstand and carried it to the chair. The fire warmed her bare feet and the swirling colors in the paisley fabric cheered her soul as she curled into the chair’s padded comfort. For the first time since Stanford’s passing she felt truly hungry. She lifted the napkin, placed it on her lap and picked up the fork. The first bite of baked apple tasted delicious. She took another, then another with a bite of cheese.

  Wonderful! If she hadn’t had good manners drilled into her as a child, she would have smacked her lips. Laina smiled, finished the apple, then popped the last bite of cheese into her mouth.

  “You’re awake.”

  Laina gasped and almost dropped the plate as she jerked around toward the door.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I was being quiet in case you were still asleep.” Elizabeth smiled and closed the door. “How are you feeling?”

  “Much better.” Laina held up the empty plate. “My compliments to your cook.”

  Elizabeth’s laughter washed over her like healing balm. “I hope you haven’t spoiled your appetite. It’s almost time for dinner.”

  “Dinner?” Laina stared up at Elizabeth. “No wonder I feel better. I haven’t slept the night through since—” She swallowed and looked down at her hands. It was still hard to speak the words aloud.

  Elizabeth bent and gave her a quick hug. “You were truly exhausted, Laina. I’m so pleased you rested well and are feeling stronger.” She smiled and took the empty plate. “Do you feel up to coming down to the dining room, or would you prefer a tray here in your room?”

  “No, no tray.” Laina shook her head and rose to her feet. “I’ve had enough of being alone.” She squared her shoulders, trying not to look as pitiful as she felt. “Is there time enough to see the children before dinner? I’ve so been looking forward to making my new nephew’s acquaintance.”

  Elizabeth laughed and nodded. “How could I refuse such a request? We shall make time. Cook can set dinner back an hour. Now, I’ll ring for Trudy while you have a wash, then she will help you dress and do your hair.” Elizabeth smiled at her over her shoulder as she headed for the bellpull. “She’s already set out your things in the dressing room.”

  “Thank you, Trudy, my hair has never looked lovelier.” Laina stepped out of the dressing room and immediately spotted her newly pressed gown on the bed. It looked like a crow among a flock of cardinals. Gloom settled over her like a cloak. She walked to the bed, took the dress into her hands and sighed. “Oh, how I hate to put this dress on. I’m so tired of wearing black!”

  “Then why wear it?”

  “Why?” Laina shot Elizabeth a puzzled look. “Because I’m a widow, and a widow is expected to wear black.”

  “I know the convention, Laina.” Elizabeth moved to stand beside her. “I’m only questioning your reasons for continuing to follow it when it makes you so unhappy. Stanford has been gone nine months—and this is Philadelphia, not New York. No one here will know if you take off your widow’s garb a little early.”

  “Justin—?” Laina stopped as Elizabeth gave a firm shake of her head.

  “Justin hates the custom. He says it’s barbaric. He has written in his will that I am not to wear black if he departs this earth before me.” She smiled. “He likes me in soft colors.”

  “Truly?” Laina heard the surprise in her own voice. She smiled. “Well, I can only say my brother is a very considerate and wise man.” She looked down at the hated black garment in her hands. Her smile faded and she released another sigh. “Nothing would give me more pleasure at this moment than to rip this dress to shreds! But it would do no good. I have nothing but black gowns with me.”

  “I know…but I have others.” Elizabeth laughed and hurried to the door. “Bring them in, Annie.”

  “Ohhh!” Laina all but swooned at sight of the different-colored gowns draped over the young maid’s arms. “Bless you, Elizabeth!” She gave her sister-in-law a fierce hug, then clasped her hands in ecstasy at the array of beautiful gowns being spread out on the bed. “Oh, my! They look like a rainbow.”

  “God’s promise of better days ahead.” Elizabeth patted Laina’s clasped hands, then gave a rueful glance at the gowns. “I’m afraid there’s nothing red.”

  Laina ignored the remark about God’s promise. “I know—Justin hates red.” She reached out and fingered the soft satin of a periwinkle-blue gown with an overdress of cream-colored, lace-edged net. “Perhaps this one?” She shot a questioning look at Elizabeth. “Or do you think it’s too—”

  “I think it’s perfect. It will look lovely with your dark hair and blue eyes.” Elizabeth cleared her throat and turned to her maids. “Annie, go to my room and bring back my cream-colored satin slippers and my paisley stole. They look well with the dress. And Trudy, remove that black crape from around the bottom of Mrs. Brighton’s petticoat, then help her into the blue gown.”

  She swept her gaze to Laina as the maids rushed to do her bidding. “It’s fortunate we’re much of a size. These gowns will do for now, if Trudy takes a tuck here and there. But you need dresses of deeper, more vibrant colors to truly enhance your beauty. And I know the very modiste who can create them for you.” Her lips twitched and she looked away.

  “What is it?”

  Her query drew Elizabeth’s gaze back to meet hers. “I can’t pretend any longer, Laina. I’m so glad you agreed to cast aside your mourning attire, because your brother has already arranged for Madame Duval to wait on you tomorrow.”

  “He has?” Excitement coursed through her as Elizabeth nodded affirmation. “Well, bless his heart!”

  Laina rapped softly, then rushed through the door into her brother’s study before he had a chance to answer. “Justin, I’m sorry to interrupt whatever it is you’re doing, but I simply had to come thank you!”

  Justin dropped the bill of lading he’d been comparing against the profit statement on his desk and braced himself as Laina hurled herself into his arms. “Thank me for what?”

  “For setting me free!” Laina stepped back, held her arms out to the sides and did a quick pirouette. “Do I not look lovely?”

  “Beautiful.” Justin’s grin changed into a frown. “But much too thin.” Concern darkened his eyes. “Are you certain you’re not ill?”
>
  “I’m fine, dearheart.” He looked doubtful. Laina sighed. “Truly I am, Justin. It’s only that I’ve had no appetite. Sitting alone at a dining table staring at empty chairs does not encourage one to eat well.”

  His face tightened. “Yes…I remember.”

  “Oh, Justin, I’m sorry.” Laina put her arms around his waist and squeezed. “I didn’t mean to bring back bad memories.”

  “It’s all right, Laina. Thanks to the Lord’s blessings, the past no longer has the power to hurt me.” He kissed the top of her head, then held her a short distance away. His gaze fastened on hers. “I was remembering in regard to your circumstances. I intend to do something about them.”

  He sounded so certain! Hope locked the air in Laina’s lungs. “What do you intend to do?”

  Justin shook his head. “I don’t know. I only know the first step is to pray for guidance.”

  The air rushed from Laina’s lungs in a disgusted, disappointed snort. She stepped back. “Then I’ll not hold my brea—” His finger on her lips stopped the angry words.

  “Don’t speak words of unbelief, Laina. They only block your own blessing.” He lowered his hand to his side. “I know how you feel, and I understand. I felt the same way not very long ago. But I was wrong.”

  She drew breath to speak.

  He shook his head. “Trust me, Laina. I’m not asking you to believe—only to be still and wait.”

  It was too much. She couldn’t hold the anger any longer. “Wait? I’ve waited for ten years! Do you really think things will change now? Look at me! I’m barren, Justin. I’m a widow whose husband lost interest when I couldn’t produce an heir. Do you think another man will marry me? Things would only end the same way.”

  The words spurted from Laina’s mouth as fast as the tears flowed down her cheeks. She swiped the tears away and drew a deep breath. “You believe in a God who answers prayers and pours out blessings? Well, I do not! I prayed for children for ten years and I’ll not waste time praying again. You believe—very well, you pray! And if your Lord gives me children I will serve Him all of my remaining days! Now, if you will excuse me, I have an appointment to meet your son.”

  With a whirl of her long skirts Laina stormed from the room. It took her several deep breaths and five minutes of pacing the hallway before she calmed down enough to join Elizabeth for their trip to the nursery.

  “I’m afraid the girls are already napping, madam.” Anna Hammerfield glanced toward the open door a short distance from the rocker where she had been sitting doing needlework when Elizabeth and Laina entered the nursery. Soft, sleepy baby sounds emanated occasionally from the dimly lit interior of the adjoining bedroom. The nanny smiled. “But Master James is still awake.”

  Elizabeth nodded. “Thank you, Anna.” She turned back to face Laina. “We’ll come back to see Sarah and Mary later, after dinner.” A soft, beautiful smile spread across her face. “For now, we’ll visit your new nephew.” She stepped through the open door and led the way across the small room to the crib against the far wall.

  Laina caught her breath. “Oh, Elizabeth, he’s beautiful!” She smiled at the baby staring up at her and reached down to touch one small, perfect hand. “How do you do, James Justin Randolph? I’m your aunt Laina. And I’m very happy to meet you at last.”

  The baby gurgled, gave her a toothless smile and waved his hands in the air. Laina’s heart hurt. So many emotions assailed her she couldn’t begin to sort them out—except two. Hunger and anger. Those two she recognized. She knew them well. They appeared every time she saw a mother and child. She took a deep breath and forced them back into the dark, empty place inside her.

  “Would you like to hold him?”

  “May I?” She couldn’t keep the longing out of her voice.

  “Of course you may.” Elizabeth lifted her son, kissed his soft cheek, then tucked a blanket about him and placed him in Laina’s arms. “He likes to be rocked. The chair’s over there.” She nodded toward the corner. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. I have to speak with Anna.” She turned and walked out of the room.

  Laina stared after her. What a thoughtful, caring, unselfish person Elizabeth was. How could she ever have thought her interested only in Justin’s money? She shook her head at the sudden flood of memories, then looked down at the baby in her arms. “You have a wonderful, wonderful mama and papa, James Justin. And a very foolish aunt.”

  The baby gurgled an answer. Laina laughed, hugged him close and walked to the chair. The silky feel of his cheek against hers was more precious than anything she’d ever known. The sweet baby smell of him was priceless. She brushed her fingers through his soft, downy, dark curls and began to rock.

  I was remembering in regard to your circumstances. I intend to do something about them…. The first step is to pray for guidance.

  Laina tried, unsuccessfully, to close out Justin’s words, but the baby’s warm breath on her neck brought hope fluttering to life in her heart at thought of them. It drowned a moment later in an onrush of bitterness. Why shouldn’t Justin believe in prayer? He had his miracle.

  Thaddeous Allen glanced at the youngster on the buggy seat beside him. The too-small, tattered clothes the boy wore provided little protection against the cold March air and not even the carriage robe was sufficient to warm him. He was shivering so hard it was a wonder his bones were still connected one to the other. “You might be warmer if you crouch down on the floor in front of the seat, Sam. You’ll be out of the wind down there.”

  The boy shot him a look full of fear and distrust. “I’m not cold.”

  The blatant lie wrenched at Thad’s heart. “You have my word, Sam—I won’t hand you over to the law.”

  The boy gave him a curt nod and continued to stare straight ahead, jaw set. Thad let it go. Sam was going to stay where he could watch every move and change of direction the buggy made. His fear of the law was greater than his physical discomfort. And who could blame him? Since the orphans’ asylum had burned in January, the authorities had become harsh in their treatment of vagrant children, to deter them from stealing, now that they had no means of removing them from the streets.

  A pang of concern shot through Thad. He’d given the boy his word he’d find a good home for him—it was the only way he could keep him from jumping out of Dan Pierson’s haymow and likely breaking every undernourished bone in his body when he’d been caught stealing eggs. But who would take him in?

  Thad watched as the boy shifted his thin body and buried his scratched, filthy hands deeper beneath the lap rug. The Bauers? No, Martha had developed that cough. Thad frowned. He didn’t like the sound of that cough. And Martha had started losing weight. It was probably consumption. No, he couldn’t take the boy there. Where, then?

  Thad frowned and sifted through his patients in his mind as he tugged on the reins to turn the horse onto Arch Street. Arthur and Betsy Monroe? The names brought a shot of hope surging through him. Arthur had told him only last month that Betsy was unhappy with no one to do for since their last boy had left home. Yes! They would be perfect.

  Thad slanted another look at the youngster and shook his head. The boy was so filthy you couldn’t even tell the color of his hair, and Betsy was a stickler for cleanliness. Lord, let Betsy see this boy as You see him. Let her look on him with her heart, Lord, and not with her natural eyes. Let both Arthur and Betsy see right through the dirt and grime and downright surliness to the frightened child beneath and take him into their home and hearts. Amen.

  “Look at you—skinny as a willow whip and covered with dirt and the good Lord alone knows what else! And those clothes—there’s no savin’ those clothes. Too small, anyway.”

  She was going to keep him! Thad bit back a smile as Betsy Monroe put her hands on her hips and studied the small boy standing like a lump of stone in the center of her kitchen.

  “Still, I reckon there ain’t nothin’ wrong with you some good food, some of Ben’s old clothes and a hot bath won’t put to rights
.”

  The boy jerked as if a whip had been laid to his flesh. “I heard about them bath things, an’ I ain’t gettin’ in no water!” The words spit from Sam’s mouth. He shot a panicked look at the outside door, and Thad casually stepped in front of it. The boy glared at him and swept his gaze the other way—toward the home’s interior. Arthur stood squarely in that doorway. Sam’s hands clenched into small fists. His chin jutted forward. “I ain’t gettin’ in no water—an’ you cain’t make me!”

  Betsy nodded. “I ain’t figurin’ to. That’s your choice, Sam. Course, nobody sets to my table or sleeps in this house that ain’t respectable clean.” She stepped over to the woodstove and lifted the lid from a large iron pot. The rich, tantalizing aroma of a pot roast filled the kitchen. She picked up a long fork and poked around inside the pot. The smell increased. “Ah, nice and tender!” She smiled at her husband. “Lots of rich gravy for you to sop your bread in.”

  Sam’s stomach growled. His Adam’s apple slid up and down his skinny throat as he swallowed hard.

  Thad didn’t blame him. His own stomach was reminding him he hadn’t had time to eat today. He bit back a grin and watched in open admiration as the plump woman continued her exquisite form of blackmail.

  Betsy turned her back on the boy and opened the pierced tin door of a pine cupboard. The smell of freshly baked bread wafted out. She pulled out a loaf, sliced it into thick slabs, then carried it and a small brown crock to the table.

  “We’d be pleased if you’d stay and take supper with us, Dr. Allen. It’s been a space since you’ve visited. The boy can wait there by the door till you’ve eaten.” Betsy’s eyes twinkled as she looked up at him. “Do you like apple butter or plain cream butter?”

  “I might could wash my hands.”