by Irene Brand
“No, I’ve been up for a half hour or so. It’s raining, and I can’t get enthusiastic about going out. I have volunteer work at the hospital this morning and I go to work at noon.”
“It’s raining here, too, and I’m wondering what I’ll do. If it doesn’t clear up, I may walk in the rain. Or maybe I’ll just watch TV.”
“There’s a good football game on today.”
“I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.” Remembering his conversation with Oliver yesterday, he questioned if he was a coward—running away from reality. Was he also running away from God, as Oliver had done?
“If the weather improves, I may take my bedroll and camp out tonight. I’ll have my phone, but there are places in the forest where I can’t pick up a signal. So don’t be concerned if you don’t hear from me.”
“My prayers are with you. I have confidence that you’ll soon know what you should do.”
“I’m not sure about that.”
He explained briefly about Oliver’s ministry and how he waited on God’s leading to know where to go next. “Lorene told me that God wasn’t going to give me a blueprint for the rest of my life—that I’d have to learn to walk by faith rather than sight. That’s what I have to accept, and it won’t be easy.”
“I know,” Vicky agreed.
Wondering again what problems Vicky had to deal with, Chad said, “I won’t keep you any longer. But we need to have a long talk soon. You still haven’t leveled with me about your hang-ups.”
“Soon, I promise. Be careful if you’re hiking alone.”
“I’ll keep my phone with me.”
Chad got up and he went through a regimen of exercises to limber the sore joints. Yesterday’s steep climb had alerted him to the fact that he still wasn’t in the physical condition he had been before his accident. Was the rest of his life going to be tempered by before the accident, after the accident?
Chad put a cup of water in the microwave and moved to pull the draperies. He became instantly wide-awake, staring in astonishment at the empty lot where Oliver’s camper had been. Confused thoughts and emotions rolled through Chad’s mind. God had apparently told Oliver to move on. But why couldn’t he at least have said goodbye? Chad had contemplated more time with this man whom he’d considered as a mentor. He was angry at Oliver and God for dangling him over a new spiritual possibility and then dropping him.
He removed the cup of water and put a tea bag in it. Seething, Chad stuck a cinnamon roll he’d bought at a deli in the microwave. He took the tea and pastry with him to the living area, elevated his feet in the lounge chair, flipped on the TV and sulked while he listened to the weather forecast that predicted an all-day rain. The pastry might have been cardboard for all the good it did him.
Vicky had put a Bible on the table beside the chair the day he’d left Columbus but Chad hadn’t opened it. He picked it up, knowing that he had a problem that could only be resolved between God and himself. Vicky couldn’t make the decision. Oliver couldn’t have told him what to do. He had to stop depending on someone else to guide his life.
Agonized over the bitter feelings he harbored against God, and yearning for something to remove the curtain that seemed to separate them, Chad cried out, “God, I’m miserable. What do You want me to do? Tell me. I’m ready. I’ve given up football. It’s in the past, I accept that. Where do I go for the answers?”
The Bible fell open in his hand to the book of Jonah. How could the experiences of the Old Testament prophet shed any light on his situation? He flipped the pages to the New Testament. But he slowly returned to the book of Jonah. It had been a while since he had studied the Old Testament and he read the introduction to refresh his memory.
Jonah was a prophet whom God called to preach in the foreign city of Nineveh. Jonah was determined that he would not go as a missionary to his enemies. Deciding to flee from God’s presence, he took ship in another direction. During a storm Jonah was swallowed by a big fish. Imprisoned in the fish, Jonah finally listened to God. When the fish returned him to land, Jonah went as God’s spokesman to Nineveh.
For hours Chad studied the prophet’s life and message, and other Scripture that dealt with humans’ attempt to evade God’s will for their lives. Burdened by guilt that he had been running away from God during his crisis rather than toward God, Chad clung to each encouraging word as a drowning man would hang on to a lifeboat. When the answer finally came, he shouted and praised God as loudly as he would have cheered in a football stadium.
We walk by faith not by sight!
Chad unfolded his long frame from the lounge chair so stiff he could hardly move. He marveled at the time that had elapsed. Suddenly he realized that he was hungry and lonely. He had to share his newfound truths with someone. Vicky was his first thought, but she was working. His parents? He thought not. Suddenly he wanted to talk to Perry, who had a doctorate in Biblical studies. Glancing at the clock on the stove, Chad saw that it would be noon in California, and he didn’t want to interrupt their lunch.
He put a frozen container of lasagna in the microwave, along with two rolls for a quick lunch. He waited impatiently until he thought it was time to call Perry.
So eager was he, Chad’s fingers trembled as he dialed Perry’s number.
“Hi, Perry. Is this a good time to talk?”
“It couldn’t be better. Lorene took Amy to Disneyland today, along with some other mothers and toddlers from the church. I’m home alone, feeling lazy, and eager to talk to you. The sun is shining and our temperatures are in the seventies.”
“Ohio is having steady rain today, and the temperatures are in the low forties. How about trading weather?”
“I wish I could share it with you. Sounds like everything is going well with you.”
“I’ve had almost two weeks of camping and walking through the forest. It’s been a great experience.” He quickly filled Perry in on his improved health and his meeting with Oliver. “After all the years I’ve been a Christian, I feel like a dunce for needing someone to tell me what I should have known all along. I’ve been mad at God.”
“Most of us have felt that way when we’ve blamed God for handing us a raw deal. More often than not it’s been our own rebellion that caused the problem, although I don’t consider that true in your situation.”
“No, but my childish reaction to the accident was. I’ve spent the day looking through the Bible for an answer, focusing on the book of Jonah. I’ve concluded that God has something He wants me to do that no other person can do. I just don’t know what it is yet.”
“And you might not know for years,” Perry hastened to say.
“You told me this a few weeks ago, but it really didn’t sink in until today. We walk by faith not by sight. I’m ready to do that.”
Perry chuckled and Chad knew he had pleased Perry by confiding in him. “I warn you that’s a risky way to live. God might lead you places you don’t want to go. I’ve been there, done that.”
“I know I’ll be frustrated because I can’t see the end from the beginning, but I know that’s the only direction I can go to fulfill what God wants to do in my life. I’m going back to Columbus tonight and see what happens.”
“Now that you’re committed to God’s will in your life, you’ll be surprised what He can do through you. When we offer all we have, the rest is up to God. You’ll never be sorry.”
“I’m looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks. We can have a longer talk then.”
After he severed the connection, Chad realized that his conversation with Perry hadn’t been strained at all.
Thank You, God, for restoring our friendship. Soon I’ll have to deal with my lack of forgiveness over the circumstances of my birth.
Chad held the phone in his hand for several minutes wondering if he was ready to contact his friends and former teammates. With hands that trembled slightly, he dialed Tommy’s number, almost hoping he would get the answering machine. But Tommy answered.
“Hi
buddy. This is Chad.”
A moment of silence indicated Tommy’s surprise. “Man!” he finally shouted. “Am I glad to hear your voice! I pestered your father for a number where I could reach you, but he wouldn’t tell me.”
“I’m sorry, but I’ve gone through a rough time.”
“I’m sure of that. Your dad said the surgery turned out good. Are you still healing?”
“Oh, I’m great physically. But I was a little slow accepting the fact that I can never play pro ball again. I didn’t want to talk to anyone—especially not anyone connected with football.”
A moment of silence passed before Tommy said quietly, “When I wrote you a letter and you didn’t answer, I figured you blamed me for your injury.”
“Not even for one minute, buddy! You know that I’ve never been a letter writer. I waited until I could talk to you, but that took longer than I expected. Please don’t feel any guilt. I can understand how you feel because if I thought I’d caused you to be injured I’d have felt the same. The surgeon thinks that the goalpost is what caused my injury and it was the combined weight of both of us that caused it to collapse, so you aren’t any more to blame than I am. Injuries are part of the risk we take when we play football—I’ve been hearing that ever since I started playing in Middle School.”
“It just makes me feel better to talk to you and to have you sound so upbeat. What’s next for you?”
“I’m not sure,” Chad answered, not yet ready to talk to his friends about the renewal of his faith.
“The other guys want to hear from you.”
“And I want to talk with them, but I need to get my life back on track. But tell them this—I will be at the first game of next season, so be sure you reserve the best seat in the stadium for me.” He gave Tommy his phone number. “Keep in touch. Okay?”
“Of course. I feel better than I have for weeks.”
After he finished speaking with Tommy, Chad hummed the tune of a gospel hymn that infiltrated his mind. Suddenly he thought of a few of the lyrics, and sang them joyfully as he made arrangements to return to Columbus and Vicky.
“One day at a time is all I’m asking from You.”
Vicky was tired from her long day at the hospital and the bookstore, and her feet lagged as she walked to answer the phone that was ringing when she entered the apartment after seven o’clock.
“Hi, Vicky. It’s Chad. I’m home,” he said.
“Home, as at the apartment on Neil Avenue?”
“Yep. I came back today, turned in my motor home and caught a taxi to the apartment. How about going out with me for a dinner, lunch or whatever? I haven’t eaten much today and I’m hungry. Maybe we could even go somewhere a little special?”
She wondered at the excitement, or was it happiness, in his voice. “Actually, I’d intended to have a boiled egg and some toast, but you’ve talked me into it. Give me time for a shower. You can pick me up in a half hour.”
Vicky was curious about Chad’s obvious change of attitude and his impulsive return to Columbus, but she didn’t ask for she was convinced he would tell her tonight. She didn’t think she had time to shower and style her hair, so she pulled on a shower cap, wondering what to wear. On her limited income, Vicky seldom bought new clothes and those were only casual garments suitable for work and church. For once she would like for Chad to see her in something besides slacks.
She stepped out of the shower and rubbed a towel over her body while she glanced in the clothes closet. She made a face at the meager selection of clothes. There wasn’t much choice—or much time! She grabbed a long black knit skirt and chose a gold crushed velour tunic to wear with it. She took a long gold chain and matching earrings from her jewelry box.
Vicky was pleased with the finished result as she surveyed her appearance in the mirror. “But what if Chad is dressed casually?” she muttered aloud. “Special” could mean anything. Had she overdressed? Over-expected?
Figuring she had made another mistake, the pleasure in her appearance dissipated arousing old fears and uncertainties. Couldn’t she ever do anything right? Her misgivings increased by the minute and when Chad knocked on the door, her breath caught in her throat and her heart pounded as she opened the door.
Her fears were premature! Chad wore a dark suit, white shirt and tie.
“You look great,” he said admiringly as he sauntered through the door and closed it behind him.
Laughing in relief that she had made the right choice, Vicky said, “I can return the compliment! After I put on these clothes, I decided that you might be thinking about going to a fast-food restaurant.”
“Absolutely not! Only the finest tonight. We’re celebrating!” Chad lifted her hand to his cheek. “A lot of things have happened to me in the past few days, but let’s find a restaurant first.”
He held her coat for her and followed her downstairs.
As he drove away from the apartment complex, he said, “What have you been doing?”
“Just the daily routine. This is a busy time at the bookstore. Some students are buying their books for new courses they’ll be taking after Christmas. Others are shopping for gifts. And, I’ve had quite a few calls to sit with people at the hospital.”
“I asked Grace to recommend a good restaurant, and she gave me directions to what she said was one of the best restaurants in town. We’ll see.”
Oh, God, don’t let him take me to a restaurant I visited with Damon!
Damon’s family had money, because he only took her to dinner in elegant restaurants. But he’d never taken her to the one that Chad chose. Instead of being overdressed, Vicky now wondered if her garments would be acceptable in this restaurant known as one of Columbus’s most exclusive. Reservations were required but Chad had called ahead.
While the maître d’escorted them to a secluded corner of the room, Vicky concluded that it didn’t matter what she was wearing because the interior was swathed in mysterious duskiness. Sconce lamps along the walls provided enough illumination to light their way but little more.
Electric candelabra on their table provided enough light for them to read the menu. They ordered lamb chops covered with citrus sauce, asparagus spears, red potatoes and Caesar salads.
Chad’s eyes seemed dark and unfathomable, and it was as if a stranger shared the table with her. His black hair gleamed in the muted light. He was different tonight. His restlessness of the past few months had disappeared. She sensed a firm strength in him. For the first time Vicky felt shy in his company, questioning how much longer she would share his life.
“I’ve finally ended my rebellion against God,” Chad said as they waited for the waiter to bring their beverages. He related the experiences with Oliver and how he had found God’s will for his life as revealed in the Book of Jonah.
“I’ve turned the corner on my depression and doubts. I have peace in my heart that has never been there before. I’m not certain where God will take from me from this point, but I’m willing to go where He leads. I have so many decisions to make, and I don’t know what to tackle first.”
“Now that you’re committed to let God lead the way, the next step will be easy.”
“Yes, the next step,” Chad said with a touching half smile, “but I wonder if I’ll ever be sure about the ones that follow.”
“Sure you will. Once you’ve proven that you can handle a large block of the future, God will open up His plans for you.”
“It’s an awesome feeling to know that God is that interested in me.”
Their dinner was served and since both of them were hungry, they didn’t talk much while they ate, though they chatted over dessert. When their dessert plates were removed, they asked for more coffee.
“That will be all for now,” Chad told the waiter, for he had decided it was time for him to be the kind of friend to Vicky that she had been to him. Vicky’s left arm was stretched across the table, and Chad covered her hand with his. A look of tenderness, tempered by determination, spread across
his face.
“Now that I have my life turned in the right direction, isn’t it time for you to tell me what happened to get you off track with God?”
Chapter Nine
Vicky stiffened at Chad’s question. How could she talk to anyone about a situation she had secreted in her heart for so long? But noting the resolute determination on Chad’s face, she knew he wouldn’t take no for an answer.
She wanted to plead, “Not now. Don’t spoil the evening.”
Instead she dropped her eyes before his steady gaze and said in a voice barely above a whisper, “I guess I do owe you that.”
Still she hesitated. If she told Chad the truth, he might decide he would be better off to find other companionship, and she knew that even if they were just friends it would be a blow to lose him.
But she had gnawed on her painful experience long enough, and in the few weeks she had known Chad, she had sometimes wondered if, because of her young age, she hadn’t magnified the experience. Compared to what had happened to him, perhaps her mistake wasn’t as bad as she remembered.
Taking a grip on her courage, she started, “For the past three years, I’ve been fretting over an incident that changed my outlook on the future, but it certainly doesn’t compare with the trouble you’ve had.”
“Tell me about it. Friends don’t need to keep secrets from each other.”
Still she hesitated to resurrect an incident she longed to forget, but was that also necessary before she renewed her vow to serve God.
“I’ve mentioned that I’d gone to the southern part of West Virginia as a Red Cross volunteer to clean up after a terrible flood. God had called me to be an overseas missionary, and this seemed a good opportunity to learn if I was missionary material. It was a humbling experience.”
“I can understand that. My experience with the Boy Scouts in Alabama quickly changed my outlook concerning people who were having trouble.”
“We worked out of a church, and even though the pastor, Allen Chambers, was several years older than I was, I fell in love with him. We were together every day. He was so kind to me I thought he shared the same feelings I did. I didn’t tell him I loved him, but I’m sure I got the message across. When I learned that he was already engaged to someone else, I was shattered. It was such an embarrassing situation that I lost interest in everything, even my plans to prepare for full-time Christian service.”
