by Lena North
Ulf was short and wiry, but he was strong and could easily have overpowered Heidrun. He never said much, and he was very well liked because of his willingness to help anyone who asked, but he kept to himself most of the time. Everyone knew how fiercely loyal he was toward his family so they brought up old stories about how he'd protected both Torbi and my sister from bullies when they were young children, and proclaimed confidently that Ulf would have done anything for me as well.
Torbiorn was mentioned as a suspect because of how close he and I were, and because he was huge and enormously strong. He spent a lot if his time digging in the bogs, for the many small iron pieces that could be found there, and also because we used the dried blocks from the bog to build houses or in the fires that kept us warm in the winter. He was heavily muscled from the hard work, which made him an appreciated sparring partner for the warriors as they trained with their swords and axes. Jarl Ingolf would never imagine bringing a thrall along on their raids, and Fin and I had often laughed about the fact that they left one of their most formidable warriors at home each summer. Torbi was quite happy that they didn't understand fully what he could do with the weapons they put in his hands. I suspected that he deliberately never showed them just how skilled he actually was, which I thought was just plain stupid. If they knew what he could do then Jarl Ingolf might bring him on raids where he could easily earn money for our freedom, but Torbi had never dreamed of leaving our village, and he had no desire at all to go on any raids.
There were other names brought up as possible villains, but they were discarded quickly. Stein was mentioned although that was mostly because he was new in the village so no one knew him very well. He was certainly strong enough and could easily get close to Heidrun, but they all shook their heads because he was also the one who had lost the possibility to be Jarl. I didn't see much of Stein in the days after the sacrifice, and when he showed himself in the village, there was a hard look on his face. People were talking about his grief, and how he managed it well, but to me, it seemed more like Stein was angry than grieving.
Some said that strangers had been seen, which was natural since there'd been plenty of visitors, many whom we didn't know very well, though so far no one could figure out why they would want to save a thrall they didn't even know.
The only one who was absolutely free of suspicion was me. Everyone knew that I'd been locked up in the shed, and there had been plenty of people around to see how Torbi took the slat off the door to let me out, and how my mother had cut the rope away from my wrists and ankles.
I thought a lot about what Mags had said, dreading the time when she would bring it up again because I had no reply to give her. I wanted to be free, and I don't think there was one single thrall in the village who didn't yearn for this. Leaving the village was a whole other thing. I'd never been outside our Hundred, and never really talked to any of the few strangers from far away that had visited over the years. My life wasn't bad, I thought. It wasn't particularly good either, but I got food most days, had a roof over my head, and my family around me. The Hundred was not big enough, or not prosperous enough, for any of the neighboring Jarls to make the effort of either raiding or trying to take over our territory. It was also said that Jarl Ingolf had good connections from alliances, through help he'd given in battle and through marriages his men had made. I didn't like to admit it to myself, and would never tell anyone, but I was actually a bit afraid of the world outside our little world. I knew how my life as a thrall would be, and if Finnr and I dreamed when we were younger, about going far away and living an entirely different life, then that dream had certainly died quickly when Fin disappeared.
"Hey, watch out!"
I stopped, turning quickly toward the one shouting at me. Josteinn stood in the clearing I was passing through with his ax raised behind his right shoulder. He was practicing, and I'd walked straight into his line of aim. Josteinn was a good warrior, but not great. He was big and strong, but I'd heard my brothers talk, and they agreed that he was not fierce enough. Or, as they'd put it, he was too soft. He'd been on a few raids, apparently handling himself well enough, but when they told stories around the fires in the evenings, it was Jarl Ingolf and Stein's names that were praised. Josteinn wasn't mentioned at all.
"Sorry," I mumbled.
Then I started to back away, but he just laughed.
"Don't worry, Sissa, I saw you approaching. Are you helping your mother or mine?"
"Well, both I guess," I replied.
I'd been picking pine needles and pieces of resin for the two healers we had in the village, my mother and Josteinn's mother, Astrid. They used it for tea when someone had a cold because it helped ease a cough. It tasted quite bad although it was not as bad as some of the other remedies so most appreciated the hot brew.
"Okay then, I'll go so you can continue," I mumbled, feeling awkward.
He was watching me intently, and I'd been around him all my life but right then there was a strange look in his eyes. Suddenly he reminded me of his father, of how Einarr would look at you when he wanted something. Then he relaxed and smiled casually.
"No, don't go, Sissa. Stay a while and practice with me?"
"Josteinn... I'm not good at throwing the ax, you know that."
"Joss. You used to call me Joss. I'll show you, don't worry, you will learn in no time at all," he said confidently.
I knew that I shouldn't but there was no hurry, so I put my basket down and then we threw the ax together. I was absolutely worthless at anything that involved a weapon, so it didn't matter how many times Joss showed me, I still missed any target I aimed at. Finally, he stood behind me with one arm around my waist, using his other hand to guide mine and together we managed to land the ax just in front of the tree we were aiming at. He sighed and shook his head, but I saw how he fought a smile.
We continued a little while longer but ended up laughing and joking, and I couldn't remember when I'd had such a relaxed, happy time just like that in the middle of the afternoon. I wondered if this was how the freemen behaved all the time and if they could simply decide to spend time on whatever nonsense they suddenly fancied.
"I don't think you'll ever be a warrior, Sissa," Joss said as he put the axes in a small pile next to my basket. Then he sat down, leaned his back against a tree, and patted the ground next to him. "Come. Sit with me a while?"
"Just a little while, Josteinn, I have to go back to my mother with the basket."
I knew that I shouldn't stay, but I wanted to so badly. He looked at me with his head tilted back so his laughing eyes met mine and I felt my breath hitch. We'd never really spent any time alone together, not like this. I didn't want it to end just yet, so I sat down next to him.
"Joss. Why have you stopped calling me that, Sissa?" he asked.
"But... only your family says that."
"My friends too. Aren't we friends, Sissa?"
"Well, yes. Of course, we are in a way, but you are Einarr's son, and I'm..."
I didn't like to point our differences out, didn't want to remind him, but I felt that I should.
"Don't be silly. It's not like you're an outcast, Sissa. Of course, we can be friends. You know that thralls and freemen are friends all the time. Our mothers are friends."
Actually, they weren't. Like, not at all. My mother thought that Astrid was an unpleasant and haughty woman, and they never exchanged more words than absolutely necessary. I didn't actually know exactly what my mother thought because she'd never said a bad word about Astrid, but she always looked unhappy when they'd worked together. Many of the other thralls were quite verbal about their displeasures, however, and they all said the same thing about Astrid. Hard, unforgiving and quick to judge. I decided not to contradict Joss, or tell him what the thralls thought about his mother.
"How is your mother taking the news about Heidrun?" I asked instead.
When Heidrun's mother had fallen ill, Astrid stepped in and helped, first as a healer but after a while she'd helpe
d Heidrun and the Jarl more and more, so I helped my mother instead. Freyja helped us too, but she had no skills as a healer. She made so many mistakes my mother finally asked her gently to keep her support to helping Torunn to drink what my mother prepared, washing her, and fetching food for us. There were rumors that Jarl Ingolf and Freyja married so quickly because a baby was coming, and these tales I'd always believed because it would be totally Freyja to decide to help the Jarl instead of his dying wife, in a manner of speaking. As it turned out, I'd been wrong because there never was a baby, or perhaps she'd lost it early which was common.
"Her affection for Heidrun was great, so she's grieving. It will be a relief for her when the guilty one is found, and my cousin is avenged," Joss replied.
"Are they discovering the truth then?" I asked, hoping that he'd share what he knew about the investigation.
"No," he sighed. "They aren't even close, and they can't understand. They don't know why Heidrun didn't fight harder, though they brought her out of the shed and to the sacrifice quickly, and Uncle Ingolf was quick with the knife. They don't know how she ended up in that shed, just next to yours. They think that maybe it was some kind of joke, that the warriors picked her by mistake, and the one responsible for the joke won't come forward, of course. Not with what happened," he said but he sounded uncertain, and I almost laughed.
What an absolutely idiotic theory.
"Um," I mumbled.
"Um, what?"
"Do they really think that it was a joke gone bad? Because I don't."
He was about to say something when we heard my name being called. I recognized Morag's voice, and sighed a little. My time with Joss was up and so was my time to think about leaving. I got to my feet, picked up my basket, and moved toward the girls.
"Bye, Joss. See you another day," I called over my shoulder.
He raised his hand in farewell but said nothing, and I walked over to follow my friends around the outer edge of the village all the way down to the beach. Mother would just have to wait a little bit longer, I thought.
"Making sure your future is safe, Sissa?" Mags asked, sounding a little annoyed.
"What?"
"Don't act stupid, it doesn't become you. The Jarl's nephew has had his eyes on you for a long time, and as his mistress, you would have a comfortable life here. Give him a few bairns, then you wouldn't have to work so hard anymore," she said.
"What? No! It's not... I wouldn't," I stammered, and felt how I blushed from embarrassment, but also from anger and disappointment. I knew Joss would take a wife eventually, and that it wouldn't be me, but the afternoon had been so lovely, and I'd fooled myself into dreaming.
"It wouldn't be a bad choice, Sissa, the good options here are few. I'd do the same myself if I had the chance," Catriona said, matter of factly.
"Yes, Catriona, we know that you would, and you will if we stay here," Nessa sneered.
"Why wouldn't I? You talk about leaving, but we might not manage, so I'm making sure I have plans. You have plans too, Nessa, so don't look so superior. I hear how you're sneaking out to meet with him almost every night," Catriona snapped.
"Don't you dare talk about T -" Nessa stopped speaking abruptly. I could see a blush creeping up her neck, she avoided looking at me, and I bit my teeth together to not blurt anything out. The wink I'd seen the other night had apparently not been my brother trying to get his hands under Nessa's skirt, but instead a signal between lovers. I didn't know what to think, and I didn't want to discuss it with Nessa right then, although I would most certainly tease my brother about it later.
"Girls. Can we stop talking about Nessa's stud?" Mags said exasperatedly, and I knew then that they spent a lot of time discussing my brother.
I snorted, thinking that I'd find a nice way to bring the word stud up at home, many, many times. Ulf sometimes worked with the horses, and if he didn't know then surely he suspected what Torbi was up to, so he would play along when I started asking about the Jarl's stud horses. From there I might move on to talk about the stallions, I thought, and I felt a grin spread on my face.
"Mags," Nessa growled.
Mags ignored her and turned to me.
"Sissa, we need to talk. We need your help. I tried to tell you before, but it was the wrong place, and I did it the wrong way, so I'll try again."
I nodded and when the others sat down I did too.
"We will try to get away, to find our way home, but we need help. It'll be dangerous, and the risks are high, but it would mean we'd have a free life again. We just can't go through with our plan without having at least one person without a collar with us, so this is where you could help. You know we can't remove ours," she said.
I watched her silently and started to work it out in my head. They could pretend to be on their way to another village, some distance away. If there was someone with them who was a freeman, they could say the girls had been sold, and that the freeman was taking them to their new owners. It wasn't so incredible.
"But, Mags, it won't work. Not with me," I said. When she started to protest I raised my hand, still talking. "I am well known in the villages, there are women from here married into all of them and with my hair they'd recognize me even from a distance. I'm also too young, no one would send just one young girl to transport three beautiful thralls. They would send several men along, for protection."
"We thought about the hair, Sissa. You could put it up underneath a linen cloth as if you were a married woman so they wouldn't see much of it. We'd go south along the coast, and we would anyway avoid the nearest villages. And we would move fast," Nessa said slowly.
Move fast. That meant they planned to steal horses. Darn, this was getting out of hand.
"Stealing horses will get you killed."
"Only if we're caught," Mags said calmly.
"Take care, Mags, so you don't pull both of your friends with you for reasons that are solely your own," I warned and watched as her eyes darkened.
"Just because you're a coward doesn't mean everyone else is, Sissa."
"I am no coward, but I don't like the risks with this escape. Maybe it would be better to wait and plan some other way," I replied.
I tried to keep calm, though it was difficult, partly because she'd insulted me but mostly because she'd been right. I was afraid and didn't want to take the risks these girls seemed so willing to embrace. I knew that the one pushing it along was Mags, but the other two would not go if they didn't feel that the reward would be worth it.
"We can't wait, Sissa. It needs to be winter and cold, so we'd have plenty of clothes and shawls to cover the collars. That would make it easier to avoid questions. In the summer the collars would be too visible," Catriona said, pleadingly.
They had apparently been plotting this for some time. It still seemed like a bad plan, full of risks and uncertainties. If they'd give me a little time I could think some more about it, though, and figure out what I could do to help them. I wouldn't go with them, it wouldn't be good for them, and I'd be another burden on a horse, but I could perhaps help them somehow.
"I would not help if I came," I said. Mags made an annoyed sound, so I continued speaking quickly, "You don't see it now, but you will when you think about it. I will think this through, and I will find a way to help you from here. You'll need cover when you leave, food, clothes. Other things. Let me help with that?"
They watched me for a long while and then Mags sighed.
"I was afraid you'd say this, Sissa. We already knew that you wouldn't help much, but we were hoping that you'd come anyway. We hoped that the thought of helping us would be a reason to make you dare to go for it. To give you the will to be free." She swallowed and looked to the side, and then she whispered hoarsely, "I'm sad that you can't find the courage or the desire to do this, but we will gladly accept any help you can give us."
Chapter Six
Investigations
Mags' words stung, and they kept stinging as I thought about them in the days that follow
ed, even though I knew they were partially unfair because their stories were different from mine. They'd been captured, but I'd been brought up in the village and my parents and brothers were there. What stung was that her words brought back what I'd forgotten, or perhaps deliberately pushed to the back of my mind. There had been so many times when Finnr and I talked about how we could get away.
We'd gone over how to find the coins we needed to buy our freedom and bribe the Jarl to let us leave, even though we'd always known it was impossible. It would take our whole lives to scrape that kind of money together so we'd also talked about escaping, about stealing a horse, and made plans for how we would cover our tracks. We'd go north we'd said. Everyone would think that we would go south because the bigger villages were there, but we wouldn't. There was a big harbor up north, or that's what Fin heard from the warriors, at least. In the harbor, there would be a passage to the islands far away, and they would not look for us there. We would be truly free there. I'd not thought about these dreams in the years since Fin left. It had been something we would do together, and without him, I'd just buried the thoughts of leaving. Now I realized that the dreams had always been there at the back of my mind, and sometimes I wanted to leave so badly that I almost ran over to Mags to tell her I'd changed my mind. Somehow something always happened that stopped me, though, or perhaps I let it stop me because it was easier.
I worked with my mother more than usual because it was winter so many were ill and needed her attention. Smaller injuries needed to be taken care of too, and I gladly let my mother deal with the coughing and wheezing, it did not interest me at all. Instead, I took care of flesh wounds that needed to be stitched up or arms and feet that had been twisted. One of the men came with a broken arm, and I called for my mother then, but we straightened it together. The gratitude I got from the injured made me feel good about how I contributed to the village, and it made me think that I had a good life ahead of me there.
