by Lena North
Einarr, Astrid, and Josteinn stood behind the Jarl and Freyja, and I looked at Joss. He was tall and muscular with light brown hair that reached his shoulders, and like most of the men he had a short beard. There wasn't anything about him that one would call uncommonly handsome, but he was certainly pleasing to look at, and he always kept himself neat and clean. He would be a good Jarl, I thought.
Dinner that night was quiet but comfortable, so I started to gather up the courage to ask my parents about Torunn, and how we became thralls.
"I wonder how long Stein will stay," Ulf said casually.
"Not for long, I think. No reason for him to stay, he will not be Jarl now," Father replied, just as casually.
"I don't think he will leave. Not yet. Or... maybe he'll leave, but he will be back," Torbi said tersely.
"Why would you think that, son?" Father straightened and put his spoon back in the bowl of soup, clearly surprised.
"He'll want to go to his family and get the fee to purchase one of Jarl Ingolf's thralls. He will want to bring one of the new girls home with him," Torbi said, and I almost dropped my own spoon.
It wouldn't be Nessa, so he was talking about Mags or Catriona. Suddenly I remembered how they had talked, how Catriona had said that she had plans. Surely Stein wouldn't have risked his marriage to Heidrun by taking a thrall girl during their betrothal? For a man to make a thrall his mistress during a marriage was considered ordinary, to have one already from before was not uncommon. To bring one in during the betrothal would be seen as extremely poor judgment. If Heidrun complained to Jarl Ingolf, he would have stopped the marriage, and the Jarl and Einarr would have punished Stein for his insult to their daughter and niece. They wouldn't have killed him, at least, I thought they wouldn't, but they would certainly have hurt him and sent him packing.
"Huh. Didn't know that," Ulf said, and then he snickered. "I wonder if it's the large and plain one. Heidrun said Stein is even stronger than he looks and that his hands aren't gentle, so he'd want a woman he wouldn't accidentally break when he hugged her."
"Ulf -" Torbi started, and I could see that he didn't like how Ulf had described Nessa.
"Hey, don't talk about my friends like that," I interrupted, before a real fight started up. "They are all very nice, and Nessa is not huge. She is just strong and tall, unlike some sitting at this table," I finished and glared at my brother.
"Children," Mother said calmly like she'd done all our lives, and it settled us down just like it always did. I'd never met anyone who could put such a calm authority in her voice as my mother.
"He has guts if he goes through with the purchase of a pretty thrall from Ingolf before Heidrun has even cooled off in her grave," Ulf said. "I'll give him that."
He sounded angry, though when I looked carefully at him, he seemed tired and old somehow. It looks like he's grieving, I thought with surprise, and then I quickly lowered my eyes to the bowl of thin soup in front of me. I ate in silence while the others talked, but in my head, thoughts bounced around. It struck me as odd that Ulf would mourn Heidrun when they hadn't even known each other very well. Or had they? He'd said she told him that Stein was stronger than he looked. When had they talked about this? I never thought very much about my brothers with women, though I'd heard that they'd both made their rounds through the girls among the thralls and in Ulf's case also with some of the free women. Surely he hadn't been stupid enough to start something with the Jarl's daughter?
"Josteinn. Who else?" I heard Torbi say suddenly, and that got my attention.
"Einarr will be pleased, and Astrid even more. Have to say, though, I'm not sure it's for the best to make Josteinn our next Jarl," Father said thoughtfully.
"Why not?" I asked before I could stop myself. I regretted my words when they all turned to me. Father and Ulf looked annoyed, but Torbi grinned.
"Sissa... I know what you hope for, but you should be cautious," Mother replied suddenly. "That boy is only strong enough to be Jarl in times of peace, doesn't have the ruthlessness in him that's needed when there's an attack on our village. He'd do better in the same role as his father. Einarr is good at planning, a good leader. He's kept us with valuable allies, but he has managed to do so because everyone knows that Ingolf strikes without asking, and he strikes hard."
Mother had spoken slowly, thoughtfully, and I stared at her.
"You don't know this. Josteinn hasn't been raised to be Jarl, but things have changed."
"Sissa, don't. You think that you could have a place in his life, and I see how he watches you, how he smiles, and before... When Heidrun and Stein would lead, then it would perhaps have been good. For you, and maybe also for him. But you will never be his wife, and as Jarl, he'll need a strong wife. He isn't strong himself so when there's a conflict between the women in his life then he will not stand by you. With a mother like Astrid, and a strong wife as well, then there will be fights, Sissa, and you'll never be able to count on him," she said, sounding resigned. "You are old enough to make your own choices, but if you want my advice, then it is to look elsewhere for a man."
I stared at her, and I could feel how my mouth was hanging open. For Mother to speak so openly was astonishing, and I didn't know what to say. What she'd said might make sense to her, but I was sure she was wrong. Joss wasn't a fully grown man yet and to assume things about him just because he was gentle and kind seemed unfair to me. Jarl Ingolf was not an old man, and Joss had plenty of time to grow into being the kind of Jarl we needed.
Our eyes held for a while, and I thought that she looked sad, but there was a strange, calm determination behind the sadness in her eyes. I realized that given another life, my mother would probably have had the ruthlessness she said that Joss lacked. Then she changed the subject abruptly and started to describe how the elderly were managing the winter.
That night I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned until I finally gave up, grabbed a cloak and got out of the house. I sat on the beach again, leaning on a boat the same way as after I'd been in the grove and seen Heidrun.
I couldn't seem to sort out all thoughts in my head, and I desperately wanted to talk to someone, but didn't know who I could trust. Mags had her own agenda, and she wouldn't give good advice. Josteinn was out of the question. Maybe I could talk to my mother again?
"Deep thoughts, Sissa?" Torbiorn sat down next to me and tossed a blanket he'd brought over our legs. I sighed.
"Yes. I do not know what to do, or think."
"Break it up, Sissa. What is the biggest problem you have?"
I thought about that for a while, and then I turned to him.
"Can I trust you, Torbi? Really trust you?"
"Yes, Sissa. Of course, you can. You're my sister, and I would never, ever betray you." His reply was immediate, and his eyes earnest as he looked calmly at me.
"Okay," I said. "I don't know which of my problems is the biggest because they are all tied together, but if you can help me sort any of it out then I would appreciate it," I started, and he nodded.
"Okay," I repeated, stalling a little as I tried to gather my thoughts. Then I just blurted it all out.
"I don't know who murdered Heidrun, or how. I know that they could pull it off because we look alike, and we do this because mother and Torunn were cousins. I don't know if I want to stay here and wait for Joss to make up his mind, or if I want to leave with Mags and the girls. I don't know why we are thralls when we were all born freemen. And I actually don't know if Joss is interested in me, and if he is, then I don't know if I even want him to be."
I made a pause, stared into the eyes of my utterly astonished brother, and concluded, "Yes. I think that was all of it."
"They're leaving?" he whispered, and I realized that Nessa had not shared this with him. Darn, I thought.
"Torbi..."
"They are leaving?" he repeated, looking like a thundercloud. He made a move as if to get up, but I grabbed his arm and hung on for dear life.
"Torbi, please. Don't. Not now. L
et's talk about it," I said.
He sat back down again and glared at me.
"You know about Nessa and me?" he asked.
"I didn't know, but I've guessed. I wasn't sure how you felt, though. Don't know how she feels."
"I guess it's pretty clear how she feels," he said sourly. Then he sighed deeply. "Never mind. I can't tell you who killed Heidrun, but you know it wasn't me. I can't help you with all that's going on with Josteinn. I can tell you, however, that I thought Mother was a bit too harsh on him. I always found him weak, and soft, but when pushed there might be more inside him than Mother thinks. What I'll also tell you is the story about our parents. They tried to keep it from me, but Ulf and Lif knew so they told me. I never agreed with the decision to keep it from you, so I'll tell you what I know."
He paused, looking like he expected me to comment, but I didn't know what to say about any of it so I just nodded silently.
"Okay. So, Father was the second son of a landowner in a village south from here, several weeks away on horseback. Mother was fostered with Torunn's family, and you know that they have power, even further south?"
He put the last part as a question, and I didn’t actually know much about that, but I didn't want to interrupt him so I nodded again.
"Right. So they met, married and everything was good. A few years after you were born they got into problems, and I don't know for sure, but I think that one of the men in their village wanted our mother. When she married Father instead, he felt insulted, and you know how it works... he never forgot that perceived insult. So eventually he wanted revenge, and he claimed that Father had taken more than his share on a raid, said that he'd hidden gold pieces. They brought Father to the Thing where he was sentenced, and we would all have been outlaws if Torunn's family hadn't used their influence. Then Father was supposed to pay a fine instead. Except he didn't have enough money, since he actually didn't take the gold. When he couldn't pay he ended up in debt, and so we were thralls, all of us. Torunn helped again, and I think Jarl Ingolf might have paid the fine, or parts of it. Nevertheless, they couldn't just set us free. That would have caused too many problems for the family, and Mother was too ashamed to have expected it anyway. Instead, they brought us here, and here we have been since then. I don't know the size of the debt, but if gold pieces were involved it would have been big, so I don't think we will ever manage to pay them back."
I was just sitting there, gaping. This sounded like something out of one of the sagas we heard, and it seemed incredible. Mother was good looking, even in spite of looking worn down and tired most of the time. Her hair wasn't quite as fair as mine, but it was thick and in a strange way the short cropped way all the thralls had their hair suited her high cheekbones and long thin neck. She also had beautiful eyes in an unusual pale brown color. I could see how someone other than my father would have wanted her when she was younger. But my mild-mannered, thoughtful and friendly father going on raids? And stealing gold, how could anyone have ever believed that?
Chapter Eight
I would do anything
We sat in silence for a while, and I thought about what Torbi had told me.
"Why didn't they tell me?" I asked.
"They thought that it would be easier for you to accept being a thrall if you didn't know. You also have to understand... Both Father and Mother are still deeply ashamed about the whole thing. Mother, because she feels that she didn't handle that other man very well, and Father because he couldn't pay the fine, couldn't prove his innocence. They think that they made the family lose their standing, their reputation."
"But that's ridiculous," I snarled. "Surely there must be some way to -"
"Sissa, no. There is no way, and it has been like this for many years. Our gods wanted us to be thralls or they would have helped Father."
I stared at him, thinking that perhaps he was right, but I still wondered.
"They're leaving?" he suddenly asked slowly, and so quietly I barely heard him.
"Yes. I'm sorry."
"When?"
"I don't know, Torbi. They asked me to come, to help, but I can't. I would make it harder for them because this hair of mine would be recognized, and I am not sure... Our lives are not so bad?" I put this as a question, and I wanted him to agree with me so badly. Wanted him to tell me that I wasn't a coward and that I wasn't wrong to stay.
"Oh, Sissa. Do you love him?" he asked, and I blinked.
"You think I stay for Josteinn?" I asked.
"Don't you?" he challenged me.
I didn't answer because I didn't know. Did I?
"Do you love her?" I asked him instead.
"Yes."
That was all he whispered, and my heart ached for him. Then it hit me.
"Why don't you go with them? I wouldn't be any good on that journey, but you would be. They wanted me to cut my collar to pretend I was transporting them to a new owner, but no one would send a girl to do that. They would send someone like you. And you could bring weapons, so if you had problems, then you and Nessa would have a chance of fighting your way out of it. Having you there would increase their chances of making it so much. Think about it Torbi..."
He'd turned to me, slowly, and I'd thought he'd consider it, but he was scowling.
"No."
"What?"
"No, Sissa. I love her, but apparently she does not love me. If she did, then she would have asked me to come, and she didn't. I will not beg her to take me along, and yes, it would be good for them to have me there in whatever hair brained scheme they have concocted, but would I be there because she wanted me or because of the protection? Out of gratitude?"
He had a point, but I didn't agree with him.
"Torbiorn Raudulfsen, really? You would rather let her leave and sit here with your pride intact while she gets herself killed when you could go with them and make sure she is safe? What kind of love is that? Mother said that Joss would never stand up for me, and maybe he never will. But you are not any better, so right now I am ashamed of you."
Then I got to my feet and started to walk around the big boat we'd been leaning on. He got to his feet as well and grabbed my arm. I could see that my words had hit him hard and that he was furious, but I didn't care. I straightened my spine and punched him in his chest.
"What?" I snapped.
"I would do anything for her. Anything. I would gladly die for her. She will still have to ask me to come," he roared in my face. Then he took a deep breath and continued tersely, "Maybe it's pride, and maybe it's wrong, but I will not beg. She will have to ask me to come."
We stared at each other, and I understood. I wouldn't beg either.
"Will you come with us?"
We both swung around toward the voice that suddenly spoke out of the darkness next to the boat, and as we watched, two figures emerged from the shadows. Mags stayed to the side, so I moved over to her as Nessa approached my brother.
"Torbi, please, I didn't know. I thought... someone like me? How could you love someone like me? I thought it was just for the pleasure. That I was there, and willing. I know what they say, what I look like, and I never thought someone like you..." she trailed off, and I couldn't see her face in the darkness, but I could see her hands moving jerkily toward him.
"Nessa. What an idiot you are," Torbi said, and his words were not romantic poems of love, but my throat was suddenly tight, and my eyes stung because what he felt for her was so evident in the tone of his voice.
"Excellent," Mags said briskly, moving toward them.
"Morag!" I said sharply, and she turned.
"What?"
"You could give them a little while to savor the moment, at least?" I snarled sarcastically.
"Savor the moment? They have savored a lot of moments in the past many months, and they can savor even more once we are on the Isles. Right now, there is no time for savoring. Now is the time for planning."
"You're not very romantic," I snapped.
"Romance is for idiots," she s
napped back.
"Are you calling my brother an idiot?" I asked sourly because I was getting a little more than annoyed with her.
"No, Sissa, I am calling you an idiot."
My brother's quiet laughter stopped me from punching her in the face, and I decided to save the punch for later.
"You're not an idiot, Sissa, but she has a point," Torbi said firmly. "We need to plan."
We sat down again, with me glaring through the dark night in the direction of Mags, but she'd gotten her way so she was happy again and explained enthusiastically how they planned to ride south and try to find their way home. Torbiorn was uncertain about the idea, saying that it was risky to go when they didn't know the way. Mags started to argue, but I stopped her with a hand on her arm.
"I know another way," I said, took a deep breath and started to describe the plans that Fin and I had made up over the years. "Everyone will expect you to go south, so we lay tracks in that direction. There's a huge gorge just a little more than an hour's ride into the forest, and we make sure they can find your tracks to that. The river runs at the bottom so with some luck they'll think that you have gone over the edge. It's a long fall, and the currents are strong in the wide river, even in the winter. If they think you've fallen down there, then they'll think you've drowned."
I paused, but they were too busy gawking at me to say anything, so I hurried on with my explanations.
