by Lena North
"Heidrun was my friend. We were the same age, and we always got along well when we were children. Then her mother died, and she needed someone to talk to. Someone who'd help her. I was that someone."
"Ulf..." I whispered, but he kept talking.
"It wasn't love, not how you might think. You were always Torbi's sister more than mine, Sissa. And I didn't mind because it felt like I had a sister too. When we grew older, we kept it hidden because people wouldn't understand, but it wasn't like that. We never kissed or touched or anything. We were just friends," he insisted stubbornly.
"Okay, son, we hear what you're saying," Father said soothingly.
"Good," Ulf said with relief. "I don't want anyone to think that it was something else. Especially not since she gave me the coins for my freedom."
My mouth fell open, and I gasped. What had he just said?
"You heard me," he said with a crooked grin. "She'd put a little aside over the years, gifts and such, and she got some from her mother. So she gave it to me when she got betrothed to Stein, and we agreed that I'd buy my freedom when they married. Then I'd work with them both. I thought that I could earn money for your freedom as well that way."
"Son, we're content as it is," Mother said.
"No you're not, but we can talk about that another day," Ulf said and turned to me.
"Heidrun is dead, but you made sure she would have her revenge, Sissa. I want you to take her money as payment and recognition for that. The Jarl won't give you anything. Einarr and his family are idiots, and they are also insulted that you didn't want their precious son. But I can act on behalf of Heidrun, and I have the means to show you her gratitude."
I swallowed a few times, and I knew he was right. I wouldn't get anything from the Jarl except the few words of appreciation he'd already said.
"But it was for you?" I asked.
"Take the money and go. You can earn more money and send for me later. I don't have a bad life here so I can stay a few years. You have to leave, and soon, because whatever you heard, Josteinn will not give up. He'll go to the Jarl with the fee for you whether you like it or not."
"He wouldn't," I said confidently but Mother sighed.
"Sissa, he wants you and he would," she murmured. "Josteinn doesn't understand why you're unhappy because to him you are just a thrall. He thinks that you've gotten a fantastic offer, and right now he's insulted and angry that you won't accept, but he won't give up. He doesn't understand that you want more, but..." She trailed off, holding my gaze.
Then she reached for Father's hand and held it tightly.
"Daughter, you can't have more here. Take the money from your brother and leave."
Chapter Twenty-seven
Agreement
I spent the night tossing and turning, worrying about how it would be when I met Josteinn again. What actually happened had not been in any of the scenarios I'd imagined.
"Can I help you?" he said, reaching for the huge basket I carried.
"Wh -"
"Sissa, let's not argue. The thing is heavy, and I am stronger. Just give it to me," he said gently.
I stared at him. When I didn't say anything, he simply picked the basket out of my arms and started walking. I stood there gaping at him when he suddenly looked over his shoulder and smiled at me. I hadn't seen that smile in weeks, and it was sweet, but I still cursed myself when I felt the tips of my mouth turn upward. Then I rushed forward to walk next to him.
"Wh -"
"I know things went wrong between us, Sissa, but can't we be friends, at least?" He asked quietly.
"Um," I said.
This was too weird. He was acting as if everything that had occurred from the moment he roared at me for being in the forest until last night had magically not happened at all.
"Um, what?" he said.
It sounded as if he was laughing so I glanced at him, and he was.
"Are you insane?" I snapped, but I could hear that I didn't sound as angry as I meant to.
"No. But I was stupid, and I'm sorry," he said, and he wasn't laughing anymore.
In my head, I heard him telling his parents that I'd been useful, how I was just a thrall. Then I thought of the money Ulf showed me the evening before. I'd buy my freedom, and somehow I'd get the Jarl to agree to release me from the bond any freed thrall had with his or her former owner. I didn't know how yet, but I'd get him to agree that I could leave. That he wouldn't get tax from me like the bondsmen usually had to pay. Until this was all done I had to be careful, I told myself. I needed to pretend to be friends with Josteinn again so I tilted my head to the side and peered up at him. His blue eyes were gentle, and I felt my heart jump. I knew that I had to take care because of my future, but also because of my stupid, silly heart.
We walked next to each other in silence all the way to his uncle's house. He put the basket down, giving me a small nudge with his shoulder.
"Can we sit for a while?"
I saw how people passing us were watching, and I knew that they would gossip about us again, but I ignored them. I told myself it was all pretense and that I did it just to stay safe, but the truth was that I enjoyed being with Josteinn when he was like this. His focus was all on me, making me feel special. As we sat there, we talked like we used to about the village and about the coming days. I asked him about Freyja, and he said that she was doing well in her shed. They were planning to give her things to mend, to make some use of her and so that she'd have something to do with her days. She still refused to believe that she'd remain locked up, and Einarr had told him that each time he saw her, she asked when they would release her so that the future Jarl would be born in the longhouse as he should. She didn't admit to her crimes again and was, in fact, now saying that she wasn't guilty. She was over and over insisting passionately that she'd never hurt her dear Ingolf.
"Will we have to find the seer then?" I asked. "Before you take her to the Thing, to have some kind of evidence that she had planned it since last summer?"
"Maybe," he said slowly, squirming uncomfortably. "Father can talk to her, they used to be..." he trailed off, and I understood why he seemed embarrassed. Then he sighed.
"Father has a way with women, Sissa, I've told you that. There's talk that the seer wanted him to marry her when they were younger, before Mother -"
"You don't have to tell me," I interrupted.
I really didn't want to share with him that the seer still wanted Einarr, though perhaps not for marriage anymore.
"I know. I just want you to know that the seer will bear witness for us. There's nothing she wouldn't do for my father," he said confidently.
My gut suddenly felt tight. I smiled at him, but I hoped that he couldn't tell that I was pretending happiness I didn't feel.
"That is good to know, Josteinn."
Sissa, please... Please call me Joss again?" he whispered.
"Josteinn," I said and watched as he winced. "We can be friends again, but things have changed, surely you know that?"
He sighed and got to his feet.
"I'm sorry, Sissa, more than you know. But we have time, we'll talk again, another day," he assured me.
I nodded and watched as he walked away. I thought about what he'd said about his father and the seer. How she would do anything for Einarr, how smug he'd seemed when Freyja talked about her son being the future Jarl. How the seer suddenly had another reading for Mags when she was in the middle of talking about Freyja's future.
Had Einarr asked the seer to lie to Freyja, and tell her about a future that didn't exist? Einarr was ambitious, and Freyja was easily fooled. Had he guessed what she would do if she thought she'd carry the future Jarl?
I decided to think some more about that and then ask if I could see Freyja. I'd bring Mother and we'd say that we wanted to check on her and the child if she even carried one. We'd wait a few days and then we'd ask Jarl Ingolf.
When I heard the shouts the next day, it didn't take long for me to regret that decision. They calle
d for Mother, for Astrid and when they saw me, the waved at me to come. I was ushered into the shed and on the dirt floor I saw Freyja.
Her body was in an unnatural position, and I realized immediately that she was dying. Her head tilted back just a little, she'd twisted her torso to the side, and her mouth was open as if she was about to scream. It looked like she was in pain but she also looked astonished.
"Go and find Gudrun," I ordered the fidgeting women by the door.
Then I leaned over the girl that I'd disliked, despised, my whole life.
"Oh, Freyja," I sighed.
"Sissa," she whispered hoarsely. "He lied. It isn't painless..."
"What?"
"But I lied too," she said with a strangled chuckle. "I was good a lying, wasn't I?" she asked, staring at me with wide eyes.
"Yes," I replied and turned to look out the door. Why didn't Mother come? I didn't know what to do, and I didn't want to be alone with this awful girl when she died.
"Oh, but how funny it was, Sissa, seeing how you walked around in Heidrun's shoes, so happy your feet were warm when her feet were in the cold ground," she said.
She started laughing, but it turned into a cough.
"Save your strength, Freyja," I begged her. "Mother or Astrid will be here soon."
"Astrid," she said and laughed again. "Don't know how Einarr can stand her, and I laughed and laughed as I stitched the hood together. Laughed again when I gave the rest of that ugly cloth to Gudrun for your hood. Astrid wrapped her precious boy in that, and I used it to -" she stopped talking abruptly.
Then her eyes shifted to me as understanding slowly seeped into her confused mind.
"That's right Freyja," I growled. "You used it in a way that made sure Astrid's son would be the next Jarl. Think about that each and every long day in Niflheim," I said.
I straightened because I didn't want to hear anything more from her and when Mother walked through the door I exhaled with relief.
"They're calling for me," Freyja whispered. "Niflheim..." she said with a long sigh.
Then she was dead.
"Oh, Freyja," I sighed again.
What a waste her life had been. I leaned down to close her eyes and gently push her head a little so that she lay in a better position.
"Sissa," Mother said calmly.
Then we looked at our Jarl's dead wife, but there were no marks on her. Since I'd pushed her head forward and closed her eyes, it looked like she was sleeping.
"The gods must have decided to bring her to Niflheim themselves," Mother murmured.
Then she pressed her hands gently to Freyja's stomach. I knew she was looking for signs that there had been a child. After a while, she looked at me and shrugged.
"I don't know, Sissa. I should be able to feel something by now, but some women are small, and she is dead. It might feel different, so I just don't know."
"Okay," I said. "What is best to tell Jarl Ingolf?"
"The truth," she said calmly. "That we don't know."
Jarl Ingolf sat staring into the fire when we were ushered into the longhouse. We stood there silently, not wanting to interfere with his thoughts.
"Was there a child, Gudrun?" he asked finally.
"I don't know, Ingolf," she replied calmly. "But if you want my opinion I would guess no," she added, and he jerked but remained silent. "I am not saying this because I know," she continued just as calmly. "I just think that the gods would have wanted to punish her, but they would have waited to call for her until the child was born if there was one. They would not have been so cruel they punished the child for what she did."
He straightened, and then he exhaled.
"Of course, I didn't think about that. Thank you, Gudrun," he said harshly, but we all knew he wasn't angry at Mother. Even with everything Freyja had done he was disappointed that there wouldn't be a child.
Then there was another funeral. The ground was softer this time so it had been easier for the men to dig the grave, and it was also smaller than Heidrun's. Freyja wouldn't need many things in Niflheim. There wasn't much of a ceremony either. The Jarl said a few terse words, then they filled the grave, and that was that.
The gods had been on my side until now, and I wasn't sure what runes they had carved into Yggdrasil for me, but I hoped that they didn't mean for me to spend the rest of my days as a thrall. I'd thought a lot about what I'd learned in the past days and had put the pieces together so I was almost convinced that I knew what had happened. There was no proof, but my gut told me I was right. I decided to trust that and take an enormous risk. I thought that I could pull it off, but I wasn't sure, so my whole body vibrated with nervous energy as I walked up to Einarr later the same day.
"A word with you, Einarr?" I asked calmly.
He looked surprised, but if it was because of the tone of my voice or my request, I didn't know. Then he grunted and waited, but I jerked my head a little and started walking. I could hear how he followed me, but I didn't stop until I was in the clearing where we'd met several times before. This was where I'd felt truly free for the first time of my life so I thought it would be a good place to have this conversation.
"I know two things, Einarr," I started, suddenly feeling absolutely calm.
He cocked his head to the side as he watched me silently. I thought that he looked like that wolf again, but there was no fear in my chest this time, so I smiled a little.
"You asked the seer to tell Freyja that she would carry a child and that the child would be the next Jarl."
His brows twitched, and his eyes narrowed.
"Why do you think that?" he countered.
"She would do anything for you, Einarr," I replied.
He grunted and started to turn, but my next words stopped him.
"And you gave Henbane to Freyja. She ate it, and it killed her."
He turned back to me then, and he looked furious, but I kept talking.
"I think you told her about how the seer had lied, and that she wouldn't carry the future Jarl. That there had been no reading describing this future. Then you told her that she'd be humiliated at the Thing but if she ate the Henbane she'd die quickly and painlessly."
He froze, and we stood in silence for a long time, our eyes locked.
"How was I supposed to know that she'd kill Heidrun, and in the way she did?" he suddenly whispered hoarsely. To my surprise, his face was full of remorse. "Can we sit down, Sissa?" he asked tiredly.
"I have always been ambitious, Sissa, everyone knows that. I hear them talking, but they don't understand. My brother has a fierce temper and hard fists, but he's a good man. He lost a part of himself when we lost Torunn but he's my brother, and he's also a good Jarl," Einarr started.
Suddenly I felt so sorry for him that I almost regretted that I'd said anything.
"My ambitions are not for myself," he continued. "But I thought that if Freyja got it in her head that she'd carry the future Jarl, then she'd make life so unpleasant for Heidrun and Stein that they left. He has powerful allies and a good family down south, so I thought they'd go there. How was I supposed to know that she'd kill her husband's daughter?"
"And if they left then your son could be the next Jarl," I said, having a hard time keeping my voice calm.
"Yes," he agreed.
"Why did you kill her?" I asked.
"I didn't kill her, Sissa," he countered. "I gave her the possibility to do it herself, but it was her choice."
Our eyes locked again, and we watched each other silently for a long time.
"Why are you telling me these things instead of my brother?" he asked, but then his eyes narrowed. "You want something from me," he said, and it wasn't a question.
"Yes," I agreed.
Then I inhaled slowly and told him.
"I want you to give me the coins for my fee, and when I go to your brother to pay for my freedom, you will convince him that he should release me completely from my bond in thanks for finding the one who killed his daughter."
&
nbsp; He reared back, but I kept talking.
"You have the coins, Einarr. Your son wanted to pay for me, and you would have given it to him, so I know you have it. And in return, you'll have my promise that no one knows. That I'll never tell."
"You must have lost your mind," he growled.
"No," I replied calmly.
"You have no proof at all, why would I give in to your demands?"
"If you don't, I'll tell your brother. I need no proof then, Einarr."
"Ingolf will not believe your word over mine," he said confidently.
"But will he ever trust you completely again? Or will there always be a tiny twinge of doubt between the two of you?"
"The seer will not confirm your story -" he started, but I interrupted.
"Ah, but Einarr, you have put yourself somewhere right between a rock and a very hard place," I said with a smirk. "Because if you made the seer lie to Freyja, then you indirectly caused Heidrun's death. And if you didn't make the seer lie, then Freyja was indeed expecting. But by giving her Henbane, then you indirectly caused the death of her unborn child. Either way, you're responsible for the death of one of your brother's children. I don't think Jarl Ingolf will be very forgiving if he finds that out."
He reached out toward me, but I leaned to the side.
"Einarr, don't think I'm that stupid. I told Josteinn that I wanted to talk to you this afternoon so if I suddenly disappear then he'll know, and I don't think he'll be very forgiving either."
After a short moment of stunned silence, Einarr burst out laughing. The sound surprised me, so I jumped, but I didn't move away.
"Sissa, I've said it before... you are an unusual girl," he chuckled.
I said nothing and waited for him to make his mind up.
"Yes. You have the coins for your freedom, Sissa, but on one condition," he said calmly, and I held my breath. "You need to leave."
I exhaled and felt how my mouth formed a smile because that was something I'd anyway planned to do.
"I can see how that would make you feel more secure, Einarr, but you should know that you can trust me. If I give you my word to not tell, then I won't."
"I do trust you, Sissa. I simply don't want you around to remind me about how stupid I feel right now," he said calmly.
