by Lena North
I wondered if this was really the truth but it didn't make a difference to me. I'd get my freedom, and that was all that mattered.
"Thank you, Einarr," I said.
Then I got up to look down on him, with legs that shook a little and a mind that whirled.
"Can we please go and get the coins right away?" I asked, adding, "I want to talk to Jarl Ingolf."
Chapter Twenty-eight
Freedom
I didn't dare to keep the money in our home. I did also not want to wait, so I walked over to the longhouse, carrying a pouch filled with more coins than I'd ever seen. The gods were on my side because Jarl Ingolf was sitting with his brother and several warriors. It sounded as if they were making plans for the raids they would go on when summer came. Josteinn was there, and he nodded at me as I walked in but then he continued to listen to what the older men were talking about.
"Jarl Ingolf, if I may have a word with you?" I started, and they all stopped talking.
For a thrall, a girl of my age, to address them like that was unusual, to say the least. My stomach suddenly clenched and I felt lightheaded. What if I didn't have enough? What if he said no, and Einarr didn't back me up as he'd promised? Was I doing the right thing?
"Sissa," the Jarl said calmly.
I cleared my throat, suddenly wishing that I'd waited a while, thought through what to say and made sure I knew what I was doing. Einarr was watching me with one eyebrow raised slightly as if he understood what I felt, and was mocking me. That got my hackles up, so I straightened.
Then I put the pouch down on the table, and the coins made a clinking sounds when I did.
"I have coins to give you for my freedom," I said, and it was with great satisfaction I heard that my voice wasn't shivering even a little. I held the Jarl's astonished gaze, adding, "and coins for my brother Ulf's freedom too."
At first, there was a stunned silence. Then mayhem broke out. It seemed as if all of them shouted questions at once, some men got to their feet, the women by the fire were moving closer, and I heard a few of them squeal.
The only one who didn't say anything at all was Josteinn. He remained seated, staring straight ahead as if he hadn't heard what I said.
"Everybody, out!" the Jarl bellowed.
We'd all heard that voice before so they knew that immediate obedience was for the best if one wanted to avoid a close encounter with his fists. I kind of liked hearing it again. It was as if we'd gotten our Jarl back, finally.
Everyone filed out, even Josteinn, but it took a small nudge from his father to get him moving. He didn't look at me.
"Einarr," the Jarl said warningly when his brother made no move to follow the others through the door.
"I'm staying," Einarr stated calmly.
They glared at each other for a while but then my nerves got the better of me so I started talking.
"I have the fee here." I shook the pouch a little and then I continued. "Tell me the amount and I'll give it to you."
"How can you have the coins, Sissa?" Jarl Ingolf asked angrily.
"Does it matter?" I countered. "You'll get the fee, and I'll get my freedom. That should be enough?"
"Raudulf has carved wood for years, Ingolf. Tobiorn was fighting for coins, and I suppose your daughter gave some of what she had to her best friend," Einarr said.
He'd spoken calmly, but I jolted.
"Wh -"
"We both knew, Sissa," the Jarl said with a sigh. "Heidrun and I talked about it because I worried that it was something else between them, so I knew. They were somehow friends, and he was good for her. She needed someone to rely on. I always found it strange, but he seemed to be the one she leaned on after her mother had passed. Stein liked him too, and he knew about their friendship as well."
"Okay," I said, and there really wasn't anything else to say. "How much?" I added.
He told me, and I counted the coins carefully for him.
"We owe Sissa for Heidrun's revenge, Ingolf," Einarr said then.
I almost smiled, knowing that he'd keep his end of our bargain.
"That we do, brother," the Jarl said heavily.
"It would be a proper payment of that debt to release her and her brother from their bond to you. To let them be freemen instead of bondsmen," Einarr stated.
Jarl Ingolf's eyes sharpened, he looked at his brother, and then he nodded slowly.
"You are right, brother, it would be good payment," he said. "What would you do if I released you from this bond?" he asked. "And how will you support yourself?"
"I'd like to leave," I said. "If you release Ulf and me from being bondsmen then we'd both leave. We have family in the south, or we could go to the tradesmen in the north and work with them. I don't know where we'd go, but we would leave."
Einarr had held his end of the bargain we made, and now I'd done what I said I'd do too.
"If they agree to let me arrange the first part of the trip, Ingolf, then I think it is a fair agreement for us all," Einarr said.
He sounded strange, but when I turned to him, he was watching his brother. A long look passed between them that I couldn't decipher.
Then the Jarl spoke the most beautiful words I'd heard in my whole life.
"You have your freedom, Sissa."
I exhaled and then I had to sit down because my legs shook and my heart was beating furiously. I was free. Not as a bondsman and not from escaping, or at an old age because I'd scraped the coins together over the years. I was young, and I would be free.
"Einarr, fetch Ulf, and we'll do it directly. Outside," Jarl Ingolf said.
Einarr left and while we waited for him to bring my brother we sat in silence in the longhouse where I'd worked every day for as long as I could remember. My legs were still shaking, and I had trouble breathing evenly.
"I can tell there's more to this, Sissa, but I won't ask. I'm not used to giving thanks, and I'm not good at it. I hope that your freedom and the fact that I'm not asking more questions will show you the depth of my gratitude?"
"Yes," I whispered. "It does, and I thank you for it. Though, you should know that I didn't help because of any rewards or for personal gain. I did it for Heidrun. I won't lie and say that I wish I'd died instead of her when I am so happy to be alive, but she didn't deserve to have her life cut short the way it was. She was a good woman, Jarl Ingolf. A daughter to be proud of."
He cleared his throat, and I kept my gaze averted because I knew that my words had touched him. He wouldn't want me to see his weakness.
"You'll be leaving now, but I want you to know that you'll be welcome back. I am the Jarl, now and for a long time yet. It won't matter what my brother, or anyone in his family, says."
His words stunned me and turned slowly to look at him. To my surprise, he was smiling, and I suddenly realized that the look in his eyes was shrewd. He looked more like Einarr at that moment than I'd ever seen before.
"I know my brother very, very well, Sissa," he said. "And I also know that he'll behave for a good long while now."
Then he chuckled, and I did too, from disbelief but mostly because of the smug look he had on his face. When we had quieted down, I tried to get him to tell me where he thought Einarr would send us but he refused to speculate, and it didn't matter anyway. We had only promised to let Einarr send us somewhere. We hadn't agreed to stay there so we could always move on if we wished.
"Sissa, Ingolf," Einarr said from the doorway, and I could see my brother's confused face behind him.
Outside, a large crowd waited. My parents were standing to the side, looking worried. I smiled at them, trying to communicate that all would be well. I knew that they thought I'd used the coins from Ulf to purchase my freedom so what happened next would be a good surprise for them.
"Normally on an occasion like this we have a ceremony and a celebration," Jarl Ingolf started.
The crowd seemed to know what to expect, and that wasn't so surprising considering that many of them had heard me tell the Jarl I had
the coins for my freedom.
"Sissa, Ulf," he said then.
Then Jarl Ingolf pulled the sharp knife from the belt at his waist and took hold of my thrall collar. With one single cut, he sliced it open and held it up in the air.
"Sigtrudr Raudulfsdatter, you are now free. No bond will be required, and no parts of being a thrall remain with you," he shouted.
The crowd gasped then because it was completely unheard of to be totally released from being a bondsman. Before anyone could react, the Jarl cut Ulf's collar and repeated the words again, only to be met by an astonished silence.
"We would have celebrated, but there's no time. Sissa and Ulf will leave tomorrow, so they need to prepare," Jarl Ingolf said. Then he looked at me, adding with a small wink, "We'll celebrate if they decide to return to us."
I heard Einarr grunt, but he didn't say anything, and I smiled widely at him which made his scowl deeper, but nothing could destroy my happiness. I raised a hand, put two fingers to my throat and followed the path where the collar had been. My skin felt soft. Then I moved my head and shoulders a little, and the feeling of being without the collar was strange. The thin leather strap was soft so it hadn't bothered me. It had not been heavy, but it felt as if a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders. I took several breaths, and the collar hadn't been tight, but it felt as if the air was flowing more easily into my lungs.
I was free.
"Sissa," Ulf whispered hoarsely next to me, teetering a little.
I put a hand on his arm to steady him as we turned to our parents. They were leaning on each other, and tears ran down Mother's cheeks. Father's face was grim, I could see how he clenched his jaws together, and realized that he probably was about to start bawling too. I went to them, with Ulf following right behind me.
"Don't cry Mother," I whispered.
"Happy," she stated calmly, sniffled, and repeated herself. "Sissa, I'm so happy.
"Me too," Father choked out. Then he pulled himself together. "Come, let's go home," he added.
I turned toward the Jarl but then I realized... I didn't have to ask anyone where I could go anymore, and I would never have to do that again.
"Jarl Ingolf," I called out. "I'm not asking you, but as a courtesy, I am telling you. Ulf and I will go home with our parents. When you've made arrangements for our departure, I trust that you'll let us know?"
He nodded solemnly, but I could see that he wanted to laugh at me. Or maybe with me? Then we walked home to spend one last night in the little house that had been home all my life.
"How did you make that happen," Ulf asked before the door even closed behind us.
"I can't tell you. Do not ask because I can't tell," I said immediately. It looked like they wanted to ask anyway so I held a hand up. "Please. I just can't say. What I'll share is that the Jarl released us from being bondsmen out of gratitude for what I did for Heidrun," I said and looked Ulf straight in the eye. "And for what you did for her too."
He pulled in a breath, but I answered the question I could clearly see on his face even before he asked.
"Yes, Ulf. Both Jarl Ingolf and Einarr knew that you and Heidrun were friends. Stein too. They like you, Ulf, and they liked you for her."
"Okay," he said simply. "Where are we going?"
"I don't know."
"What?" three voices almost shouted.
"Part of what I can't tell you, but Einarr will send us somewhere. I said we wanted to leave, so they're not sending us away, but Jarl Ingolf made me promise that Einarr could arrange the first part of our trip."
"But he could send you anywhere," Father said, and I could tell that he was worried.
"I know, Father, but I think I'll enjoy going anywhere. I'll miss the two of you but anywhere will still be better than here," I said with a smile.
There was a soft knock on the door suddenly, and Father moved over to open it.
"I know I'm disturbing you on your last night, but I'd like to have a word with Sissa," a deep voice said.
Josteinn.
Chapter Twenty-nine
Leaving
I followed Josteinn through the dusk toward the beach. He walked in silence, leading me to where our boats were laid upside down for winter storage.
"Can we sit down, Sissa? Please?" he asked.
Without answering, I sat down and leaned on the side of one of our bigger boats. The wind had settled, so the only sound that could be heard was the soft sounds of small waves. The stars had started to come out, and it was still cold, but I could smell spring in the air. Soon enough we'd move into summer and have the endless bright nights, I thought.
"Did my father give you the coins," Josteinn asked quietly.
"I've promised our Jarl and his brother to not talk about this, Josteinn. Please don't ask me," I said just as quietly.
"Are they making you leave?"
"No," I replied. I had promised Einarr that I'd go away, but I'd planned to leave in any case, so this wasn't a lie.
"You are free now, Sissa. You don't have to leave, you can stay. We could -"
"Joss..." I interrupted him and then I trailed off.
He watched me as I struggled to find the right words.
"I know that you tried to give me the best that you had to offer a girl like me, and I am grateful for that. It isn't your fault that I wanted more. I don't blame you for not giving it to me. You didn't love me -" He made a sound, but I raised my hand. "Please, let me speak."
I waited until he nodded and then I continued.
"You love me, you say, but not the way I wanted you to. Expected you to. And I would have died, Joss, if I'd had to be your property, your belonging. Always worried you'd be bored. Always in debt to you."
I saw how pain filled his eyes, but I kept talking.
"If you'd loved me more than anything else then maybe we could have made it, but you didn't. I'm not even sure I love you that way either. And now it's too late."
"You could stay, and we'd try?" he asked.
"You could come with me, and we'd try?" I countered.
"Father would never -"
"That's part of the problem, Joss. You don't love me enough to go against your father. Or your mother. Or anyone else," I said.
He made an annoyed sound, but I shook my head.
"I need someone to have my back, someone to stand beside me. I can't trust you to do that, Joss, because if you think about it? You never did."
It suddenly hurt too much to sit there and argue with him when I knew that he'd never understand. We were too different. I got to my feet and started to walk away but when I was about to round the boat I heard him.
"Please..."
I turned then because that single word had sounded so lonely. I'd said that I loved him, and the truth was that I still did in many ways, but I also remembered what he'd told his parents.
"You said I was useful, Joss," I said, and my voice was angry and hurt.
"What?"
"I walked by your house, and I stopped because I'd dreamed so many times about living in that house with you. I didn't mean to listen, not really, but I did. And you told your parents that I'd been useful.
"What?" he asked again, but I could hear that he knew what I was talking about.
"Don't even try, Josteinn," I snapped. "I loved you, and you didn't even know me well enough to understand that I would have done anything to help Einarr. You did not have to make the effort with me because I would have done whatever I could, just because it was the right thing to do."
"Sissa, listen to me," he pleaded, "I can -"
"No," I interrupted. "Don't make excuses, and don't try to explain. I know what I heard."
"I'm so sorry -"
"I loved you, Joss, and you were the first boy I loved. I won't forget you," I whispered because I could give him that, at least.
The look on his face cut right into my heart, but I remembered the promise to leave that I'd given to Einarr. I knew neither my feelings for Joss nor whatever kind of excus
es he could come up with would matter. I had no choice and had to leave. So I walked away and didn't stop until I reached my home.
I knew that I wouldn't see him again. He would not come to say goodbye when we left.
There were many visitors at my parents' house that evening. It was mostly the other thralls, but many of the freemen came to knock on our door as well. Some came because they were curious, and I could understand that they would be. Most came to congratulate Ulf and me, and perhaps also our parents. Many brought small gifts, and we accepted them gladly. It was mostly small tools, but some brought clothes. We needed other things to wear than our poorly made thrall garments, made out of rough materials. It warmed my heart that they understood and tried to help even when they had so little themselves.
Then one of the older women from the longhouse walked in, and she carried a rather large bundle in her arms.
"I have never been more surprised in my life, Gudrun," she almost shouted, and we all turned. "I was leaving, and suddenly Jarl Ingolf shouted for me. So I walked back to him, and he gave me this, said he'd been meaning to clean it out, and if I wanted to throw it away or burn it, then he'd be grateful."
We stared at her, not understanding at all but she just laughed.
"Oh, he knew where I was going all right. He'd heard me tell the others so he was well aware that I was going here. Look, Sissa," she said as she started to unfold the bundle.
A collective gasp went through our crowded home. It was several of Heidrun's dresses, and it wasn't her most expensive ones, but they were pretty enough for me to look really good. I would seem like a free woman in those dresses, I thought.
"That was nice of Ingolf," Mother said calmly.
"Yes, it was," I agreed.
I tried really hard to sound just as casual, but I failed miserably and then I whooped, causing the others to bust out in stunned, loud laughter. Everyone stayed long into the night and the longer they stayed, the more questions I had to field. When word came from the Jarl that we should be ready to leave directly in the morning, I was relieved. We quickly ushered our visitors out the door saying that Ulf and I needed to prepare.
