Soul

by Audrey Carlan

  Instead of mentioning anything about the abduction or losing Chase’s mother, I blurt out, “Chase and I are eloping tomorrow!”

  The doctor’s eyes widen and Chase chuckles then shakes his head. “Baby…” he says on an exasperated sigh.

  I turn and look at him. “Well, we are!”

  Chase lets out a breath. “Yes, we are doing that, but not only did we agree this was a secret, I doubt the good doctor is interested in this particular line of conversation.”

  That’s when Dr. Madison perks up. “On the contrary. I’m very interested in why the two of you think it’s appropriate to elope after you’ve experienced so much in the past three weeks. One would gather that it is a veiled attempt at controlling your life.”

  Chase’s eyes go from warm to icy in a second. “I am very much in control.” His tone is scathing.

  “As you are used to feeling, I assume. But nothing you’ve experienced in the last three weeks has been in your control. That must make you feel agitated.” Dr. Madison’s eyes narrow and his head quirks to the side.

  I can feel Chase’s body tense, his hands turn into white knuckled fists on the top of his thighs. That’s when I slowly scooch back. He doesn’t notice. The doctor, however, does. I close my eyes. I know for a fact that Chase would never hurt me that way, but when a man has gone through what we’ve went through, you never know what type of things come out, and my natural self-preservation technique is to remove myself from the situation as quietly as possible.

  Chase stands up abruptly. “You don’t know how I feel!” his words are angry and sharp as nails, directed at the good doctor.

  Dr. Madison leans back against the leather chair and looks up at Chase who stands off to the side of the room looking out the French doors. “You’re right, Mr. Davis. I don’t. Why don’t you tell me how you feel?”

  Chase looks over his shoulder and scowls at him, then runs a hand through the layers of his dark hair. I hold my breath, desperately wanting to know how Chase feels about everything. He hasn’t said a word. He’s spent the last two weeks taking care of me, making sure I want for nothing. “Inadequate,” he says on a loaded sigh. It’s as if the entire weight of the universe is on his broad shoulders.

  Hearing that, my own eyebrows rise along with Dr. Madison’s. “How so?” He asks. You see, I know this game. I’ve played the therapy game for years and this is how it starts. Dr. Madison provokes you into telling him what’s plaguing you. It’s genius really. I’m just glad it’s happening to Chase and not me. Finally, I get to find out how he’s feeling instead of constantly crying into his chest. Maybe if we both get it out, we’ll be able to move forward, let go.

  Chase turns around, hands on his hips, his jacket flaring out. He holds a hand out to me. “My future wife was attacked and abducted on our wedding day, from one of my resorts, guarded by my men.” He points to his chest wearing a disgusted expression. “My wheelchair-bound mother’s throat was slit in front of Gillian before she was taken against her will and held in a fucking ten by ten cell with only a god damned pot to piss in!” He roars, his voice reaching maximum strength. His face is red, the tendons in his neck are bulging, and he continues undeterred. “She was still in her fucking wedding dress, almost five days later, her face and chest beaten black and blue, her ankles and wrists cut deep because of rusty shackles, which were attached to a pulley system above her head. Those same shackles gave her a massive infection. One that could have very well killed her! How the fuck do you think I feel, Doc?” Chase’s jaw is locked down so hard I’m worried he’ll break teeth if he keeps going the way he is.

  “Jesus Christ,” Dr. Madison whispers his eyes on me. Because I know him so well, I see the concern in his gaze. To anyone else, he would appear calm and in control. “Gillian,”—he presses his hand to his mouth, swallows, then clears his throat—“we’re going to work through all of this. Thank you, Chase. Thank you for being so candid.”

  Chase harrumphs and starts to pace. “Now, tell him what’s fucking with you.” His eyes are fierce, leaving no room for pussyfooting around.

  “Um, well…” I take in a tortured breath. “I seem to have a bit of an attachment issue,” I offer.

  “A bit?” Chase growls.

  I nod noncommittally.

  “Doctor Madison, if I left the room right now…” His voice trails off, and he starts to walk toward the door. Instantly, the hairs on my neck and arms stand at attention. My heart pounds in my chest so loudly I can hear it like a drum next to my ear. I turn around and sit up on my knees while gripping the back of the couch.

  “No,” I whisper just as Chase’s hand touches the handle. “Don’t leave!” I beg, tears rolling down my cheeks. He turns around, closes his eyes and leans against the door.

  “See what I mean?” He lifts a hand, and I glance at Dr. Madison.

  Dr. Madison brings his hand to his mouth and leans back in his chair. He pulls off his spectacles and looks at me in wonder. “How long has this been going on?”

  I don’t answer, just sit back down and look down at my lap, not wanting the eye contact. I’m tired of being the one always under a microscope. I just want to go back to a normal life. One where I can work and visit my friends when I want to without the fear that someone is going to attack me or kill the people I love.

  “The first time I noticed this particular fear was when she woke up in the hospital two days after being found,” Chase says coming back from the door to sit next to me. I curl into his side feeling instant relief.

  The doctor nods and writes a few things down. “Gillian, what happens to you when you think Chase is going to leave.” I narrow my eyes. “Meaning physically?”

  I lick my lips and focus on my fingers, twisting them together. Chase puts an arm around my shoulder, and I can breathe again. “Um, my heart pounds. I get a little nauseous, shaky, my hearing becomes very acute or I lose it completely. Much like my panic attacks.”

  “And does that happen when you’re in a room with other people?”

  “Depends on if I know where he is.” Dr. Madison’s eyebrows rise into points at his hairline. “Like last night, the girls and I had a movie night at the Davis Estate. As long as I could see Chase’s office, and I knew he was there, I was fine. I could enjoy the time with my friends.” Dr. Madison nods, writes a few things down. “What’s wrong with me?” Chase hears the fear in my voice and instantly works to calm me. Taking my hand, holding me closer, kissing my temple.

  The doctor shakes his head. “Nothing. What you’re experiencing is an acute panic disorder that manifests in panic attacks after dealing with a traumatic event..” Both Chase and I look at him with matching expressions of confusion. “Essentially you’re having a fear that Chase will abandon you which in response brings on the attacks.” Dr. Madison clarifies.

  “I’ll never abandon you, baby,” Chase promises immediately. He turns my face to his and cups my cheek. I lean into it, appreciating his warmth. “We’re going to get past this together. But I can’t say that I’m un-fond of you needing me close.” His grin is sexy but honest.

  “That,”—the doctor’s voice inflection rises to one of concern—“on the other hand, we need to get to the bottom of, Mr. Davis.” Dr. Madison uses his stern no nonsense tone.

  Chase’s own voice changes, sounding gruffer. “Excuse me?”

  “You have an excessive need for control, are habitually possessive and demanding by nature. It’s not all together a healthy way to deal with a woman who’s been victimized in the past. Though, I know it’s those ways of yours that attract our dear Gillian.” He is not wrong. Not by a long shot. I’ve always sought out men who are confident, strong, self-assured. It’s just a lot of times that comes with the downside of those traits which are controlling and demonstrative and the worst of all…abusive. Chase is a lot of things but never abusive.

  “He’d never lay a hand on me, Dr. Madison. Of that I am certain. His mother was a victim of domestic violence and Chase abhors a man t
aking a hand to a woman.” Chase nods at my response.

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” the doctor addresses Chase.

  “Thank you. It was a long time ago. I’ve moved on. Right now, my focus is on Gillian and her wellbeing, mentally and physically. We’re leaving tomorrow. I plan to spend the next couple weeks or so allowing us to be free. To have her feel safe in her own skin, as well as make her my wife.” Chase adjusts his jacket and leans forward.

  “Is there a reason you’re in a rush to get married, Mr. Davis?”

  Chase and I both shake our head. “No,” he says with conviction. “It just feels like it’s something that keeps getting taken from us. To tell you the truth, Doc, I wanted to marry her the day after I proposed.” He turns to me. “I’m regretting letting you talk me out of that.” He grins and his eyes twinkle when he smirks at me. “But then we ended up waiting for her wedding dress to be designed, then it was Phillip and the explosion, and then we finally get to the day and she’s abducted. I’ve wanted nothing more than to claim her as my wife since shortly after we met. I’m tired of waiting to make her mine.”

  “Do you feel like she’ll be more yours if you are married?” Dr. Madison asks.

  “Yes, I do. Legally, she’ll be connected to me, she’ll wear my ring on her finger for the world to see, have access to my fortune, never want for anything, and I’ll have my own family. With her,” he says matter-of-fact—no mincing words for my guy.

  “I see. And you agree with this plan, Gillian?” The doctor looks to me.

  I’m still stuck on Chase wanting to be a family with me. Ever since my mother’s death, my friends have been the only family I have. When I marry Chase, he’ll be my family. Officially, legally, mentally, and physically. “I can’t imagine anything better than Chase and I becoming our own family.” Chase’s smile is so bright it removes all the dark from the conversation and only let’s in light. It warms my heart and my soul.

  “Then I agree. You should have what you desire, because it comes from your love for one another, not from the desire to control a situation in your life. So for that, I issue my congratulations.”

  Chase

  “I can’t believe we snuck out in the middle of the day, and no one is the wiser.” Gillian laughs clipping her seatbelt in place. The flight attendant hands me, then Gillian, a glass of sparkling pink champagne. “Ooh, it’s pink!” She shimmies in her seat happily. I knew my girl would appreciate the feminine aspect of this champagne.

  Holding her hand in my left I hold up my glass, she does the same. “To our future, baby,” I say and she leans close.

  “To becoming a family,” she says breathily, while clinking our glasses together. We take a sip and then I lean forward and capture her lips in mine. She tastes of champagne and strawberries, both of which I had ready to go when we arrived at the airport in Sacramento.

  I made sure that several of my planes left from San Francisco International, Oakland International, San Jose International and Sacramento International all with our names and the names of the three men accompanying us. When we left the Davis Mansion, Jack had ten, blacked-out escalades at the ready. Two were set to drive to each airport and two just driving around. If McBride was watching the estate, he’d have no idea which one we entered since we loaded up in the underground garage. Not even security knew what the plan was. Only Jack and his two most trusted men. The two men had been flown in from other jobs. One was on leave from his assignment on the presidential detail with the Secret Service, and one who was in the SAS in the UK. Jack had served with both men and gave his word they’d protect us with their lives. We met them on the plane. Both of them were very large, fully equipped with weapons and had an air of authority about them. Instantly, I approved of his choices. Right now, they were discussing our plans in the small office on the plane, giving Gillian and I our privacy.

  “So, are you going to tell me where we’re going?” she asks all smiles. I look at my woman and am so taken with her. She has her legs up and under her ass. The blouse she’s wearing is giving me a lovely eyeful of her creamy, white breasts, and her hair...Christ her hair drives me wild. It’s down, curly, like a fiery halo surrounding her. I lift my arm and tunnel my hand through her silken locks. She mewls prettily.

  “Do you have any idea how you make me feel?” I ask her. Her green eyes open, and I swear I could lose myself in them.

  “Probably similar to how you make me feel.” Her voice is a whisper.

  “And how is that?” I turn it around on her.

  She smiles shyly still rubbing into my hand. “Safe. Protected. Cherished. Loved.” So softly she kisses the inside of my wrist. I can barely feel the wet imprint of her succulent mouth on my skin, but it’s there, burned into my memory forever.

  I suck in a breath and press back the desire to unclip her safety belt, pull her into my lap and show her exactly how I feel. Instead I hold her gaze. “You make me feel whole. It’s as if I’ve been searching for my other half and I no longer have to. I found myself, in you.”

  Her eyes fill with unshed tears. “Chase...” She leans forward and kisses me. Her lips are moist and full as I allow her to lead the kiss. When her tongue enters my mouth I groan, pulling her in deeper, taking over. She doesn’t protest. I sip from her mouth for long minutes, sliding my tongue in and out in a slow dance that’s making us both needy for one another. Kissing Gillian is a new experience yet somehow beautifully familiar. Like déjà vu. I’ve been there before, but something makes it slightly different.

  I pull away slowly nibbling on her bottom lip, then her top. “I could so easily get carried away.”

  “Why don’t you?” she challenges in that voice that makes my dick hard. Then again, everything about this woman makes my dick hard.

  Smiling I take a sip of my champagne. It’s magnificent but tastes better secondhand from her mouth. She brings up her glass and drinks. “Anticipation my sweet. I want you so gone for me that we barely make it to our destination before you beg me to take you.”

  “And that destination would be?” she requests again. I’ve made a point to avoid telling her. Not because I don’t trust her, but I don’t want her to be disappointed, once again, if our attempt at eloping is thwarted. Now, sitting on my plane I’m confident that, in the next couple days, she will be my wife and we’ll have the honeymoon we deserve.

  “Ireland.”

  Her pretty mouth opens and her eyes turn a breathtaking shade of bright green. “Our honeymoon,” she gasps.

  I nod. “That’s the one place you said you wanted to go in all the world. It’s my job to give that to you.”

  Within seconds she sets down her glass, unclasps her restraint and straddles my lap, her lips on mine. Warm hands hold onto my cheeks as she kisses me long, full and deep. I grip her ass and press into her, taking her mouth and pressing her into me wholly.

  “I love you.” **kiss** “I love you.” **kiss** “I love you.” **kiss** she peppers kisses all over my face until she tugs my bottom lip into her mouth with her teeth, and at the same time, grinds her pussy into my erection.

  I groan and hold her close, keeping our mouths connected until we’ve both lost our breath. We move away panting, breathing in one another’s air. Little puffs blow against my heated skin, but it doesn’t cool me. Quite the opposite. I want her.

  “Chase, we’re going to get married in Ireland,” she says in a tone I’ve not heard in a while. Awe. It’s devastatingly beautiful. Right then, I promise to put that look on her face as many times as possible throughout our shared lifetime.

  “We are, baby, and it’s going to be perfect.”

  She kisses me slowly, then nuzzles her nose against my own. “It is, because it will be just the two of us. I thought I wanted the big to-do, to have everyone there to witness our love, but it doesn’t matter. Yes, I’ll miss the girls and Phillip, but I’m tired of waiting. I want to be your wife. I want to be connected to you for eternity.”

  I grin and look at her neck. �
��Infinity, baby.” Bringing my hands to her neck I circle the column then drag my knuckles between her breasts. She sucks in a breath and her eyes water. Something’s missing. As I stare at her bare neck it dawns on me. “Where…”

  Gillian cuts me off. “He took it.” Her teeth dig into the flesh of her lip. “I don’t know what he did with it, but he saw it and ripped it off my neck. It’s gone,” one tear slides down her face.

  That fucker took the infinity necklace I had made for her. The one she was wearing on our wedding day. Not only was that important to me, it was yet another fucking thing he stole from us. “Doesn’t matter. I’ve got you. And I can get you another necklace.” I clasp her left hand and place kisses all around her engagement ring. “He didn’t get this and soon I’ll be adding to it.”

  She smiles wide the moment of anguish leaving her. Then, her pretty lips turn into a frown. “But what about the ring I got you? Maria had it that day.” Our wedding day. “I didn’t think to get it from her.”

  “Gillian,” I cup both her cheeks. “Honey, you know I take care of you. Right?” She nods. “I asked Thomas to find the ring and give it to me. Said I’d hold onto it until the time was right. He didn’t think anything of it.”

  “Did you look at it?” Her eyebrows narrow and I shake my head.

  “No baby, I didn’t. I did ask Thomas to open it and make sure it was there, but that’s it. I did not want to see what you purchased as a token of your love until our wedding day, when you slide it on my finger.”

  Her smile at my words is splendid.

  “Good. Because it’s personal,” she flattens her forehead against mine getting impossibly close. “And private. I want it to be for that day, and every day after.”

  “I will wear whatever symbol you have given me with pride, baby. I want the world to know you own me.”

  She rubs her lips along mine, not really kissing just letting her lips graze along mine. “I give you me. Everything that I am Chase…is yours.”

  The words hit deep, curl around my heart, leaving a delightful impression. “I’ll want for nothing more in this lifetime.”