The Broken Curse

by Taylor Lavati

  When he's pantless, he holds out his hand for me to take it. My mind slowly registers that in this moment, I can walk away. I still have time to make a run for it. But I ignore my mind telling me that this is wrong, and go with my heart—for once in my life.

  I take his hand and let him undress me, slowly. His movements are a tease. I hold his shoulders for support as my shorts are removed and the heat from his fingertips pours into me. I'm fulfilled, like my entire life up to his point led to this single moment. As he bends down, he kisses my hipbones and then my bellybutton. He kisses my stomach up to my sides until he reaches the barrier of my bra.

  His fingers trail a line of fire over my collarbone as I lean into his touch. I tilt my head so he has more access to me. He leans forward, his hands still on my straps, and he kisses the areas still scorched by fire with his gentle lips.

  He works his way from the tip of my shoulder to the crook of my neck. When he finds the sweet spot behind my ear, he sucks it. His lips play with my neck and his tongue swirls, making my blood rush within me.

  While sucking me, he reaches behind me and unhooks my bra in one swift motion. It falls to the ground like dead weight, but I swear it booms when it hits. It's the last piece of fabric between us. My last wall. I would think my nerves would envelop me, but they don't. I don't feel vulnerable. I don't feel naked or embarrassed. I feel right, as if my life makes sense for once.

  He breaks his playful kisses and pulls away from me, stepping backwards so that there's a foot of space between us. He stares at me, openly, his eyes roaming up and down my body. We stand face to face. I step forward through the tension between us, drinking him in.

  I reach for him first. I make the first movement.

  I circle my arms around his neck and kiss his collarbone like he did mine. His naked body presses against mine as he tugs me against his chest. His hands rest just below my butt, and he pulls me up into his arms.

  I wrap my legs around his waist, his erection firm against my stomach. The heat within me swells, making my body almost combust. He kisses me, but it's unlike before. His kisses are needy, primal, passionate. He's neither soft nor gentle. He's attacking me with his mouth. He's on a mission to fully consume me.

  Before I know it, my back is pressing against a cold wall, and Ari's arms are on either side of my head, holding us in place and pinning me. I'm ready, and I need him now. I push up farther along his body and then sink right onto him, completely covering him and wrapping myself around him.

  He moans, and his head falls back, his eyes fluttering closed almost as if he is in pain. For a moment, neither of us move. He's inside me, filling me with so much love that I almost want to cry. I can feel tears pooling in my eyes. I have to blink them away to stop another emotional breakdown. But this feeling is too much for me to contain.

  "Is this okay?" Ari's voice is hoarse and broken. His eyes still don't open as he speaks.

  "Yes," I answer, rotating my hips in a slow circle as my body gets used to him. He moans again, a deep guttural noise that makes my body spring to life. My only need is to please him. I want him to love me completely, even though I know that he does.

  Ari reaches behind me, his hand resting on the small of my back as he starts to slowly move in and out of me. Thank God for the wall, because I use it to move with him, while I hold onto his neck for more support. My body feels like Jell-O as we melt together, move together, mold together.

  I stare into Ari's eyes as he loves me the only way he knows how. We're perfect in unison, our bodies made for each other. With each press inside me, I meet it and grind against him. I can feel myself start to build towards an orgasm. My body pulses and electrifies.

  I feel as if I'm watching the union of two people, but in reality, it's me. Our contact never breaks. I'm scared to look away for fear that this is all a dream, as if he might disappear. He presses a hand to my breast and pinches me. My entire body convulses and I drop my head onto his neck and start biting him to stop myself from screaming.

  I've never been more sure of anything in my life than I am of the fact that Ari loves me with his entire body and soul. It's almost as if the culmination of my life ends right now. My decision looms in the air, startling me with its unwelcome presence. His love is so strong that at times I'm scared I could break him.

  I'm scared, because I will hurt him, eventually.

  I'm scared, because there's a fifty percent chance that he's not my soul mate.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  real life

  Sunlight filters through the small rectangular window. I open one eye to check out why it's burning so bright and see that I'm in a dorm room, but I can tell from the pure whiteness that it's not my own. I roll over to hide from the powerful rays when I feel a warm presence beside me.

  I immediately jump up in the bed and move over against the wall so I'm farther away. I feel completely disoriented. Ari's sleeping form is beside me. He's snoring lightly. I want to stay in bed with him all day and cuddle and love him.

  But I can't.

  Despite my small reprieve from real life last night, I can't do this. I can't just jump into love with Ari. I don't trust myself to finish what I've started if I'm focused on our relationship. I don't trust my emotions to remain in check. He's an unwelcome distraction. I have to get out of here, bottle up my feelings, and get back on track.

  I lean over his body and check my cell, which sits on the windowsill. I have a few missed calls—and by few, I mean seventeen. Most are Kara, but I have a few from Ollie and Junior. I look at the time; it's already past noon.

  I've missed most of the morning. I should have eaten and gotten to the training center hours ago. I try to be quiet as I move around the room, shuffling my feet. I'm completely naked, so it's like a small scavenger hunt as I try to find each piece of my clothing and replace it. My body aches in strange places from my exploration of Ari's body. My abs are sore, my legs still wobbly. My lips are swollen.

  I'm putting on my shorts when Ari stirs in the bed. He rolls over and faces the outside, right towards me. I freeze so that I don't wake him up, but it's too late. I'm like a deer in headlights.

  His beautiful, jade eyes spring open. He's immediately worried, but then he sees me, and he visibly relaxes. He rubs his eyes and then sits up, the sheets covering his lower half, while his upper body is completely on display, naked and statuesque.

  "What's wrong?" he asks. He has sex hair and a raspy voice. It's so completely desirable that I burn to tame my lust. It just solidifies why I have to get out of here and get refocused.

  "Nothing," I say with an empty voice. "I have to get to the training center."

  "Why?"

  "To train, what else?"

  "So, we're back to that?" His eyes narrow in on me. There's a snark to his voice, a tone that says he's not putting up with my crap. An attitude that says he knows I'm putting up a front.

  "What did you expect, Ari? Did you think you'd just waltz in here, drag me into your bed, and we'd live happily ever after?" I finish pulling my shorts up, and then throw my hair into a loose ponytail. I refuse to make eye contact with Ari. I know it'd only make it harder to leave.

  "One: this isn't my bed. Two: I didn't have to drag you. And three: stop pretending not to care. You think that I don't understand you, but I do. I know the whole I-refuse-to-show-emotions attitude you got going on, and trust me, it doesn't work."

  "It worked just fine before you showed up here last night." I cross my arms over my chest.

  "That's because I make you feel things. And that scares you, Eury." He steps towards me and I step back.

  "I'm not scared of anything."

  "Everyone's scared of something."

  "I have to go," I say quickly and then sprint to the door. But Ari's faster than me. He catches me. He spins me around so we're chest to chest and runs his hands through my hair. Then he kisses me, hard. This isn't a good morning or goodbye kiss. This is an I-own-you kiss.

  When he pulls back, I'm
short of breath. I can't focus. He stares at me, and for a moment, I'm dazed. But then it's back to my emotionless state. One kiss isn't enough to deter me this time.

  "Thanks." I glare at him and then leave him standing there, dumbfounded. I slam the door shut behind me and run into the stairwell, using my speed to make it in less than a second.

  I lean against the brick wall and fight the urge to cry. The only thing I can think of is my need to hit something or to run, so I slam my fist against the wall. My hand screams in pain, but I revel in it. Physical pain is so much better than emotional torture.

  I run.

  And I don't stop.

  I've dreaded my return to the room based on the sheer fact that I know Kara is going to ask me questions that I have no desire to answer. But I'm disgusting after running for three hours straight in an attempt to clear my head.

  I tentatively open the door, peeking just my head in first. Kara is sitting at her desk, looking down animatedly at some book. Her desk light is shining right on the white paper. It's so blinding, it almost shows her reflection.

  "Hey," I say as I step into the room. I immediately walk into the bathroom and fill up a little cup with water. I haven't had anything to drink in twelve hours, and my head's getting a bit woozy.

  I shut the bathroom door behind me, but I know it will only save me a minute or two. Before I can swallow the water, Kara opens the door. I turn to look at her as I gulp my water, and she's drilling me with her expectant eyes.

  "What's up?" I lean against the counter, trying to play cool, but her eyes are like lasers that can see right through me.

  "What's up?" She crosses her arms over her chest and glares. "You totally bailed on your party last night. We looked everywhere. I had to talk Ollie off a ledge from tearing campus apart. Who, by the way, is livid. Where'd you go?"

  "I was in one of the rooms. You probably just didn't see me," I lie through my teeth.

  "Seriously? We've resorted to lying now." She shakes her head side to side in disappointment. "Whatever. I thought I was your best friend…" Her voice trails as she retreats into our dorm room, her shoulders slumped forward in defeat.

  "Fine!" I yell, throwing my hands up. I hate this. "I was with Ari, okay? Are you happy?" I slam the bathroom door shut and lock it. I quickly turn the water on and strip myself. The muscles in my arms burn just reaching down to touch my toes, but I push past the pain and jump in the shower.

  A large knot forms in my throat as I try to focus on everything but my life. I try not to think about the fact that I betrayed Ollie last night. I try not to think about Ari at all, or the effect he has on me. I refuse to think about my mother or Megan—both of their circumstances too heartbreaking.

  I will not cry. I refuse to let myself cry ever again. I don't deserve to cry. I should feel this guilt and anger. I should channel it, use it to make me stronger. Use it to seek revenge.

  I shake my head under the hot water and promise myself, right then and there, that the emotional drama within me is done. I won't think of a single thing except taking revenge on those who have hurt my friends, my family, and me.

  When I re-enter the bedroom, Kara is sitting on her bed, her legs crossed at the ankles and her hands clasped on her lap. Her eyes are drawn down, sadly, and I try not to make eye contact.

  "I won't judge you," she says, her voice shaky.

  "I know," I answer. I riffle through my closet, searching for a sports bra and shorts or leggings. Unfortunately, I haven't done laundry in who knows how long, and I think I'm on my last pile of relatively clean clothes.

  "I don't care who you choose. I just want you in my life. I'll support you no matter what. I swear."

  "I know," I answer again, my responses almost rehearsed. Everyone says the same things. Her death isn't your fault. My answer: I know. Your mom is going to be just fine. My answer: I know. Your situation is unusual because of the curse; you aren't betraying anyone. My answer: I know.

  But the truth is, all of those things are wrong. If Megan wasn't my friend, she'd be alive right now. If Ari hadn't betrayed me, thinking that he was saving me, my mother would be okay right now. If I could just firmly choose someone, nobody would feel betrayed.

  It all comes back to me.

  Me. Me. Me.

  I'm the problem here. I'm the one causing everyone pain. I'm the one killing people.

  "So, do you want me to come train with you?" Kara asks me.

  "If you want. I'll probably just throw my headphones on, but you can come," I tell her, not wanting to hurt her feelings. But the fact of the matter is, I don't want her to come with me. I use the training as therapy. I need this to breathe.

  "Maybe I'll just hang with Junior."

  "Sure, I'm sure he misses you," I tell her while I finish tying my last shoe.

  "I guess I'll see you later," she says as she leaps off the bed. She moves towards the door, but stops. "I really, really miss you. I wish you weren't doing this."

  "I know."

  CHAPTER FIVE

  pushing it down

  I'm just finishing up my last set of walking lunges when my stomach starts to grumble. I drop the weight bar on the ground and stand up straight, pausing. I try to remember the last time I ate something, but can't. I decide that it's a perfect time for a lunch break. I can't get anything out of my work out if I have an empty stomach.

  I gather my gym bag and switch from sneakers to flip flips and head in the direction of the student center. It's not open to the general public, but Professor Onassis stocks the refrigerators with food for those of us who are around. It's been too long since I've made an effort to go and see her—I think four days. After I get some food, I'll go over and see how she's doing, check in with her.

  I open the double doors to the student center and to my luck, it's empty. I sigh at the solitude of the large hall and drop my bag on one of the many vacant tables.

  I quickly rummage through the kitchen and find myself apples and peanut butter and a container of chicken salad. Professor Onassis must have thought of me because a new case of Gatorade is hidden on the bottom shelf with a sticky note and my name scribbled on it.

  With my arms full of food, I set up shop at a gray circular table. I devour every single parcel of food in front of me until there's not even a crumb left. My stomach aches from being so full. I probably shouldn't have eaten like that, but I don't even care. I lie down with my back on the bench and shut my eyes, trying to let my stomach digest before I have to move again.

  Of course, I couldn't have gotten away with being alone for too long. I feel him before I even hear or see him. I'd recognize his presence anywhere.

  A few seconds go by, my heart anticipating his arrival. It thumps hard, and I try to breathe through my nose so he can't tell how much he affects me. I don't know where he is, only that he's close.

  "I know you're there," I say, my eyes still shut.

  "How do you know that?" he asks. There's a hint of humor in his voice.

  "I feel you." I finally open my eyes, and he's standing over me, staring down. I try my best to glare at him. "I really don't want to do this right now."

  "Do what, Eury?"

  "This," I say, gesturing between the two of us with my pointer finger.

  "According to you, there is no this," he says, mimicking my hand gesture perfectly.

  "You're right," I say as I stand up, huffing to exaggerate my annoyance. My head rushes a little bit, and I reach for the Gatorade. Of course, Ari reaches it before me and takes it into his own hands. "Give it back," I whine, reaching for my drink.

  "Just tell me one thing," he counters, pulling back, his movements much faster than mine.

  "Fine." I rock back on my hip and cross my arms over my chest, tilting my head to the side.

  "If you can feel something, just when I enter the room, then why are you so adamant that I'm not your soul mate?" he asks. I promised myself that I wouldn't feel a single thing. But his eyes have always shown his emotions. And looking
into them now, I can see how broken he is—how much I'm tearing him apart.

  "The truth is, I don't know who it is. All I know is that I don't care about the curse right now. I don't care about our drama. There's a bigger picture to worry about here, and sorry to tell you, but you aren't in it."

  Before I have to face him again, I grab my bag and forget about the Gatorade. I sprint out of there and right to Professor Onassis' house. I make it in just mere seconds. I don't hear him; he doesn't follow me. I can't keep running into him like that. He's ruining my plans.

  I knock on her heavy door, glancing behind me to check if Ari is trailing. When I don't see him, a mixture of emotions flutters through me—from relief to disappointment. I guess a part of me wished he would follow, pursue me.

  Cece comes to the door, cheery-eyed and smiling ear to ear. "Well come on in, dear. I told you not to bother knocking. It's not like I go anywhere," she says while stepping back into the house. I follow and shut the door behind me, making sure it's sealed shut.

  "I just thought I'd come say hi."

  "Well, it's a good thing because I have to talk to you," she says as she sits down in her living room. Her house is almost identical to Ari's except for the interior design. Where his place has dark tones and masculine features, hers is light and airy with pastel colors and soft fabrics, homey accents, and memorabilia from her life everywhere.

  The living room has a large sofa against the back wall and a smaller love seat where Cece sits. She gestures for me to sit across from her, so I move over and place my bag on the floor next to the coffee table. She reaches between us and pulls the string on her lamp, lighting the room in yellow tones.

  "Oh, I'm supposed to give you this," she says and reaches backwards. She slides the yellow Gatorade across the table, and I catch it, shaking my head at Ari. I actually crack a genuine smile.