“Not hungry anymore?” I grabbed her plate when she shook her head no and rinsed it before setting it into the dishwasher. “I just talked to my mom, I told her I would come to pick up Caleb in about an hour. Do you think you want to go with me?” She shook her head again, this time not even looking at me. Apparently, something was up. I knew sex really couldn’t solve everything, but I hoped it helped a little bit.
“Leah, what’s wrong? I thought we were making a little bit of progress. You can’t stay in the house forever. Everyone misses you. It’s not healthy.” I leaned my arms against the counter and she finally looked up, biting her lip nervously and her eyes went wider than usual.
“Chase, I need to tell you something.”
“What is it baby? Just talk to me. We can work through whatever you have to say, just as long as you keep talking to me and don’t shut me out anymore.”
She took a deep breath, bringing her hands onto the counter and wrapping them around each other until they were turning white. “I went out last night. After you left, I just...I just couldn’t be here any longer. The house felt so empty, I had to get out of here. I went to Gino’s and sat at the bar. I ordered a drink, and then another, and another.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, but didn’t say anything when she looked up at me nervously. I already didn’t like where this was going, but I didn’t want to give her any kind of opportunity to shut down again. I needed to try to keep my cool.
“So, this guy sat down next to me and we got to talking. One thing led to another and the next thing I knew I was following him out to the parking lot. I’m not going to try to blame this on the alcohol at all Chase, but just know that I had a lot to drink. I knew in my head what I was doing was wrong, but I just felt so alone.”
A pang of guilt flashed through me when I heard her say she felt alone, but that wasn’t any excuse. We were married and although we hadn’t had much interaction lately, I still expected her to act that way. I had tried to there for her, but she wouldn’t let me. I could feel the anger building up in my chest, at the thought of some other guy with his hands on my wife, but I tried to push it down as best as I could.
“So what exactly happened, Leah?” I bit out through clenched teeth, even though I was sure I didn’t want to hear it.
“Nothing, Chase, I swear. Other than a little bit of kissing.” I cringed when she said it. I guess it was better than her having sex with someone else, but still, just the thought of it made me sick to my stomach, especially after what we had done just a little while ago, and she hadn’t mentioned anything.
“But that’s it, I promise. I don’t remember much, but that was Gino who just called. Apparently, he came out to the parking lot and saw me pushing the guy away. I don’t think he was doing anything against my will, I just realized what I was doing was wrong and it wasn’t with you. Gino stepped in and he brought me home last night. One of the other waitresses drove my car home for me.”
“So, you’re saying you willingly went out there with this guy, Leah? A complete stranger? What if something had happened to you before Gino came out?” She visibly cringed when I said it, but I didn’t care. Her head was a mess right now, but just thinking of another guys lips on her made me sick to my stomach. And then to think that she had to push him away. What would have happened if she hadn’t? Or Gino didn’t come out to step in?
“Chase, I don’t-”
“Don’t, Leah.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to relieve some of the headache I could feel coming on. “I just need a minute. Please, you at least owe me that.”
She looked down sheepishly. I could tell she was ashamed of what she had done, but I was happy it hadn’t gone any further at least. I looked away when I saw the tears start to roll down her face.
I always told her how beautiful she looked, even when she cried. Her thick eyelashes, always tended to mash together in to tiny black clumps and mat against her cheeks, and her gray eyes always shined brighter. But I couldn’t think about that right now.
“We’re going to counseling, whether you like it or not,” I demanded. She didn’t even look up to argue with me. “Luckily, this was all that happened. Not that I like to think about some other guys lips on yours, but what if it had went further, Leah?”
“I don’t think I would have let it, Chase. You mean so much to me; I just don’t know what I was thinking. It won’t happen again, I swear. And I’ll go to counseling, anything you want me to do, I’ll do it.”
“Well you’re going to have to prove to me that you’re willing to let people help you then. Get dressed, we’re going to pick up Caleb.” I walked into the bedroom without looking back, pulled on a shirt and grabbed my keys. Leah silently followed behind me, pulling on clothes, and trailed out behind me to the truck.
I was still pissed and I think she could tell. I didn’t know how long it would take me to let go of this anger that I felt inside, but if she was willing to go along with what I wanted, I think we could make things work. Maybe someday things would go back to normal and we could have our fairytale life that we both deserved.
“I’ll call to make an appointment first thing Monday. Oh and by the way we’re going to Vegas in two weeks, whether I have to drag your ass there or not.”
Chapter 18
Leah
I guessed if it would make Chase happy, I would go to counseling. It couldn’t hurt anything, maybe it would actually help. I peeked at Chase as he drove to his mom’s house. I could see that he was working his jaw, something he did when he tried to stay in control. I could only guess how upset he was, I was upset with myself. Upset enough to where, really, I would do anything he asked right now.
He pulled into the driveway and slammed the door shut behind him, not even looking back at me once. I opened up the door slowly. I was a little uncomfortable about being back at Mary and Chris’s house. I had avoided them and everyone else for the past month. I wasn’t sure what all Chase had told Mary, so I didn’t know what to expect. Most of the time, he told her just about everything.
I don’t know why I thought Mary would be anything but comforting. The minute I stepped onto the porch, she rushed out and wrapped me in a warm hug. Her hugs always smelled like cinnamon and cookies, and I breathed in the scent, instantly feeling relaxed.
“So good to see you, Leah. I take it the talk with Chase went well?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Good, dear. I know how hard all of this has been. Just know that I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. I know that son of my mine has a soft heart, especially when it comes to you, but he can also be a little stubborn sometimes. I know you can be too, that’s probably why you two are so good together, but it can make things a little difficult.”
“Thanks, Mary. And thanks for being so understanding. I was a little worried that you would think I was being a bitch. I know I haven’t been easy to deal with, but I’m trying. Chase wants to try counseling and I’m willing to give it a shot.”
“Leah, we would never think that of you. Never. Now enough of this depressing talk, let’s go inside. Caleb has been asking about you since he got here. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you out and about.”
As soon as I stepped inside, Caleb let out a screech and flew into my arms. I squeezed him tight, realizing how much I had missed having him in my arms. He was growing up, and didn’t like to cuddle as much as when he was a baby, so I should be cherishing these little moments. He pulled back and looked at me with those deep brown eyes. “Feeling better, Mommy?”
“I’m getting there, buddy. You make me feel so much better. Are you ready to go home?”
Chase came to stand behind Caleb and I saw a brief hint of a smile directed towards me. Just that little gesture from him made me tingly, but I knew we wouldn’t be close to that point again for a while.
*********
“So, how do you think that went?” Chase tucked his hands in his dress pants, following me closely as I walked out of the
doctor’s office. I had just completed my first counseling session. The appointment had started with the both of us.
I think it was good for me to hear Chase’s struggles with this whole experience. I knew he had been shaken up, but I hadn’t even bothered thinking about his feelings. Instead, he had to deal with me, while he was trying to heal too.
He left after the first half of the appointment to wait in the waiting room. It was nice to have someone to talk to that wasn’t involved in our lives. Friends and family were always nice to talk to and have around, but I think to have someone that was removed from the situation would really help me.
“I think it went good. Thanks for making me come.”
“No problem, baby.” He dropped a kiss on the top of my forehead and deposited me at my car. We had drove separately since he had to go back to finish out classes for the second half of the day. Just the simple kiss had me smiling. He hadn’t been cruel to me the past week, but he definitely hadn’t been the normal Chase that I married who could barely keep his hands off me.
“I’ll see you later tonight, alright?” He shut my door for me once I was settled in the car and I watched him as he walked back to his truck. I was glad he seemed to be happier. I was sure that having the whole mess cleared up at school had lifted a great deal of stress off his shoulders. He hadn’t told me about it right away and I felt guilty that it hadn’t been brought up sooner. I knew how much he loved his job and I could tell that he, once again, enjoyed going there every day.
“Hey honey, how did it go?” Mary greeted me when I walked into the house. She and Belle had come over for the few hours I was gone to hang out with Caleb.
“Pretty well, it seemed to help Chase too. How was Caleb?”
Oh, perfect as usual. He and Belle are playing in his room. He’s trying to convince her to play cars and she’s trying to talk him into a tea party. It’s a wonder they play so well together.”
I laughed when I peeked into Caleb’s room. Belle had somehow gotten a dress on him, even though he didn’t look for happy about it. Even Tootsie looked to have gotten in on the action with a pink tiara sitting on top of his head.
Chase had definitely made sure Caleb was a man’s man. I had overheard him talking to Roy one time, telling him if he ever bought Caleb a pink toy, he would burn it.
“Hey buddy, how’s it going in here?”
“Mommy!” He ran towards me, stripping off the dress as he came, and wrapped me in a hug. According to Chase, he was in a much better mood now that I was around more often. I didn’t even stop to think how my actions had been affecting him.
“Hi, Leah.” Belle came over to give me a small side hug and I kissed her on the cheek. “Caleb doesn’t ever want to play what I wanna play. Do you want to have a tea party?”
“Of course, sweetie.” We spent the next couple of hours playing with every girly thing she had brought along. Eventually, Caleb lost his patience and joined Mary in the kitchen, where I’m sure she was cooking or baking something. By the time we were finished, I had a tiara, makeup that made me look like a clown, and so much tea and my cookies in my stomach, I’m sure if it was real, I would’ve exploded.
“Hey, what are you two up to?” I turned my head as soon as I heard Chase’s voice call from the doorway and smiled when I saw him. He had already stripped out of his work clothes and was leaning against the frame, with a hand above his head, in nothing but a pair of black athletic shorts. I licked my lips when I saw those tight muscles that rippled in his stomach. Was it bad that I was practically salivating like a dog over my own husband?
The tattoos that I had once thought made him look like a bad boy, sprawled up each of his arms and across his chest, stuck out prominently and I wanted to go over and trace each one with my finger. I must have been staring for a while because one of his green eyes winked at me and I let out a small giggle. He always made that sexy, not cheesy like some guys.
“Ready to go, Belley? Mom’s ready to head home for the night. You and Leah can play dress up some other day.”
“’Kay, Chase. Bye, Leah. Next time you come over, we’ll have to play in my room. I have tons more stuff than this. I don’t know if my tutus will fit you though.” She pursed her tiny lips and Chase laughed at her concentrated expression.
“Don’t worry, Belle. I’ll find one Leah’s size for next time, I’m sure she’ll love to have one of her own.” Belle kissed both of us and ran out of the room. “Maybe you can wear that and nothing else for me,” he whispered into my ear, before following Belle out of the room. I think I stood there for a full minute in shock. Glimpses of my husband were starting to break through and I couldn’t have been happier.
I finally followed Chase out to the living room and we all said goodbye to Mary and Belle. After they left, the three of us sat down for a family dinner and then curled up together on the couch to watch a movie. Caleb fell asleep halfway into the second one and Chase got up quietly, scooping him into his arms and carried him off to bed.
I must have fallen asleep too, because I woke up in the familiar set of arms that loved to carry me around. He deposited me into the center of our bed and covered me with a blanket, before dropping a kiss onto my head.
“I love you, baby,” he whispered, his warm breath doing all sorts of crazy things to my stomach. He went to stand back up, assuming I was sleeping but I yanked on his arm before he could get very far, and pulled him back on to the bed.
“Chase, please don’t leave.” He was silent as he curled up against my body, snaking his arm around my waist and I buried my head in the crook of his neck. “Why don’t you want me anymore?” I murmured against his neck. His body stiffened against me and he pulled back an inch, confirming my suspicions. I knew I had hurt him by what I did with Grant. He still loved me, and had seemed to be giving me hints here and there, but now I didn’t know if he was in love with me.
“Leah, why would you ever think that? I’ve just been trying to keep my distance, to give you time to heal.”
“Chase, I just need you. You’re all I need.”
Chapter 19
Chase
Those were the only words I needed to hear out of her full lips. I had been giving her some space the past week. Yeah, I still had some anger over the whole situation that went down at Gino’s, but after hearing her explain the situation over again in our counseling session, it seemed to lessen a bit.
I had to try so hard to keep my hands to myself whenever I was around her. It probably had been hard for her to keep her hands to herself earlier too. I didn’t miss her checking out my body, I did it on purpose really. I knew it was definitely one of her weaknesses.
“Leah, you’ve always had me. I’ve always been here. I’ll always be here, no matter what.” She breathed out a loud sigh before grabbing my head and crashing her lips against mine. I let her take control this time; I think she needed to have it.
Her mouth didn’t remain on mine for long. She slid down to my jaw, her tongue darting out to lick a path to my neck. I groaned when she twisted her body around to straddle me. Yup, her being in control was perfectly okay with me.
Her hands moved to my chest and across my stomach, her lips followed closely behind. When my shorts and boxers were pushed down it didn’t really click, but when her moist lips touched my dick, the breath rushed out of me and my hips twitched anxiously.
I watched as her head bobbed up and down, slowly at first, and then into a much quicker pace. I loved what she was doing, but right now, I needed to be inside of her. I wasn’t about to finish in her mouth, but I was almost there.
I gently pulled up on her hair and she slid up my body with smile, knowing all too well what I wanted, what I really needed. Both of our hands fumbled as we tried to rip her clothes off in a hurry. I had to laugh when I couldn’t get her damn bra off, I felt like I was an inexperienced teenager all over again.
She positioned herself above me and sank down slowly. She leaned down to kiss me as our bodies clicked to
gether and I held her there wanting her lips against mine as we moved together. She began to pick up the pace, circling her hips, looking so god damn sexy, naked above me.
I grabbed onto her hips, sinking my fingers in deep as I thrusted up, pushing deeper and deeper, needing to be as close as possible. She called out my name while we both found our release together, panting against my chest, while drawing circles right over my heart. She would own it forever.
“Thank you Chase, for being there, and for being what I needed. I might not have known it at the time, but you were doing everything possible to help me. I love you so much; you really are the perfect husband.” She kissed me once on the chest before snuggling her head into my neck. I wrapped my arms around her, loving the feel of our bare skin against each other. It felt like everything in our lives was finally clicking into the place the way it should be. The way we deserved it to be.
**********
We had just finished a late counseling session on Friday after I had gotten off work. This was the first time I had heard the fact mentioned that Leah had contemplated the idea of killing herself. By the time she was finished, I felt sick. What if she had really went through with it? I don’t know if I could have handled losing Leah, especially like that.
I felt her hand on my back where I was slumped forward in my chair and in that moment I realized that she was there. Right next to me, living and breathing, finally healing to where she was beginning to be healthy again. I had to stuff down the guilt I felt, it wasn’t good for either one of us, but it would always be there right in the back of my mind.
After we left the doctor’s office, I pulled her into my arms and just held her there. I just needed to feel her, feel that she was with me. I ran my hands over every inch of her body to make sure she was real. Finally, I landed on her lips, brushing the pad of my thumb over the fullness.
“I love you, Leah.” Our lips crashed into each other and right there in that moment I felt like we were really healing each other.
Limitless (Journey Series) Page 10
