The Curiosity Machine

by Richard Newsome

  It was not a full year since Gerald had inherited his great aunt’s fortune and he was still getting used to owning a whole lot of extraordinary stuff, and people actually working for him.

  ‘Would you like a tour of the ship?’ the captain asked.

  Gerald, Ruby, Sam and Felicity nodded with enthusiasm. ‘Yes, please,’ Ruby said. ‘This boat is amazing.’

  ‘Actually, Miss Valentine, we refer to it as a ship. A boat is what brings you from the shore out to us,’ Captain Cooper said.

  ‘Unless you arrive by helicopter,’ Sam said, ‘which is, you know, way better.’

  ‘Quite right, Mr Valentine. The helicopter serves a dual purpose. One, it is far quicker than a boat in getting people on and off the ship. And two, it keeps Mr Fry entertained. I’m sure you have learned the importance of that.’

  Gerald snuffled a laugh. ‘It is a bit like having a toddler around the place,’ he said. ‘He’s a lot happier when he can play with his toys.’

  Captain Cooper extended an arm and guided them up the stairs. ‘I can’t blame Mr Fry for that,’ he said. ‘Playing with this floating toy is the most fun I can imagine.’ And then began an hour-long guided tour that took Gerald, Ruby, Felicity and Sam from the very tip of the yacht to the ocean-sweeping vista on display from the rear decks. In between, they passed every conceivable luxury that could be aboard a floating palace.

  ‘I’ve lost count,’ Ruby said as they walked through yet another plush saloon, ‘how many cabins have we seen?’

  ‘It must be twenty,’ Felicity said. She ran her fingers along the back of a couch upholstered in rich Italian silk, ‘Or thirty, maybe?’

  ‘I stopped keeping count after the first cinema,’ Ruby said, shaking her head. ‘Or was that the games room? It’s all a bit overwhelming.’

  ‘There are forty luxury suites and staterooms in total,’ Captain Cooper said. ‘We can comfortably sleep one hundred people, not counting the twenty-five crew. It can get pretty busy at times. That’s why there are two dining rooms and three pool decks. There’s nothing worse than having to queue for the sauna or the massage spa.’

  Ruby sucked on her teeth and gazed at the artwork on the saloon walls. ‘Yes, I can imagine that would ruin your entire day,’ she said. ‘Tell me, is that an original Matisse?’

  Cooper glanced at an oil painting of a bowl of frangipani flowers, a slab of yellow, white and lavender. ‘Gauguin, if I’m not mistaken,’ he said. ‘From his time in Martinique, which is of course the location of the Archer island, our ultimate destination.’

  Ruby arched an eyebrow. ‘Oh, Gauguin. Not Matisse? How embarrassment-making for me.’

  Gerald looked at Ruby and wrinkled his forehead. ‘Is everything all right?’ he asked. Ruby appeared to be verging on one of her moods.

  Ruby fixed Gerald with an even stare. ‘Well, you can understand my mortification. Misidentifying an original French masterpiece on the wall of a super-yacht the size of a small European country. I mean, that’s the type of thing someone like me would never do, what with my spending so much time wallowing up to my armpits in cash and diamonds. Quite the faux pas, wouldn’t you agree?’ She tilted her head and waited for Gerald to answer. Gerald was relieved when Felicity leapt in with a question for Captain Cooper.

  ‘We’re going through the Panama Canal, aren’t we?’ Felicity asked. ‘Is that terribly far from the Galapagos Islands, Captain?’

  Gerald’s relief swiftly evaporated. He glared at Felicity. ‘Again with this?’ he said. What was Felicity’s fascination with finding the perpetual motion machine? He turned to Captain Cooper. ‘You’ll have to forgive Ruby and Felicity,’ he said. ‘They both seem to be fighting off a case of the weirds. Maybe we should just explore on our own for a bit.’

  The captain smiled and set his cap on his head. ‘Naturally,’ he said. ‘There is a lot to take in the first time around. There are seven storeys for the passengers and each level is decorated with a colour of the rainbow, from red to violet. If you can find the central stairwell, that will help you navigate. You could always use the elevator, but the staircase is particularly grand. Now, we’ll be raising anchor very soon and getting underway for the Panama Canal, so I best see to preparations.’ He touched a finger to the brim of his cap in salute and left them to it.

  Gerald rolled his eyes at Ruby, who responded with a ‘What’s it to you?’ expression.

  Sam tugged at Gerald’s shirtsleeve. ‘She’s in a mood. Ignore her,’ he said. ‘Help me find my cabin. I want to get changed and try out one of those swimming pools. Then I plan on eating a cheeseburger the size of a football and lying in the sun like a beached whale for the rest of the afternoon.’

  Gerald and Sam walked towards the central staircase, leaving Ruby and Felicity to glare after them. Gerald had no idea why Ruby had suddenly turned narky, or why Felicity was so fixated on the perpetual motion machine. At least with Sam he knew where he stood: keep him fed and entertained, and life was very simple indeed.

  A pod of silver-grey dolphins took turns spearing through the Archer’s bow wave in bursts of aimless joy, exalting in the simple pleasure of being. It was much the same story around the lower pool deck: young and old splashed and laughed in the water in an impromptu game of pool volleyball. An overly ambitious serve from Sam that sent the ball soaring over the rail and into the great beyond brought the game to a premature end.

  Gerald and Sam climbed from the water and grabbed some towels, then flopped onto sun lounges on either side of Felicity, who was reading a magazine and working on her tan.

  ‘You pair are certainly full of energy,’ she said, licking the tip of a forefinger and flipping pages. ‘Take care not to drip on me. I’ve just reapplied sunscreen.’

  An evil glint sparked in Sam’s eyes. He picked up a tumbler of iced water from a table by Felicity’s elbow. ‘What would happen if I accidentally dripped this on you?’ he asked.

  Felicity lowered her copy of Oi! magazine and tipped her sunglasses along the bridge of her nose. She looked first at Sam and then at the glass that he held above her bare belly. ‘Sam,’ she said, ‘do you have any idea of the pain that will be inflicted on you if—’

  ‘Oh, so much talking,’ Sam said. Then he emptied the entire glass over Felicity’s stomach. Her shrieks turned heads the length of the pool deck. She launched herself from the sun lounge. Sam tossed the empty tumbler to Gerald and bolted towards the far end of the pool, with Felicity on his tail like a rabid hound. Gerald was about to put the tumbler back on the table when a young waitress materialised and plucked it from his fingers.

  ‘May I get you another?’ she asked.

  Gerald looked up into a disarming smile and a pair of intense blue eyes, and was instantly flustered. He had always found talking with girls a challenge—talking to pretty women while he was shirtless and wearing a towel around his waist doubly so. ‘Um, no. Actually, yes. No. Please?’ Gerald could sense his brain disconnecting from his mouth and abandoning him. ‘Water,’ he declared, finally, like someone who had just stumbled out of the Sahara. ‘I mean, yes. Some water. Please.’

  The waitress’s smile warmed further. She was in her early twenties and had the air of someone intent on not missing a single interesting moment that life might send her way. ‘I’m Irene,’ she said. ‘You must be Mr Wilkins.’

  Gerald’s face flushed a bright red. ‘I guess,’ he mumbled. ‘Though I tend to think of Mr Wilkins as being my dad. You can call me Gerald, if you like.’

  There was a moment’s awkward silence that Gerald rushed to fill. ‘So, um, what do you do, Irene?’ In his mind, Gerald slapped himself hard in the face. What was he thinking? He sounded like the Queen on a visit to a nursing home.

  Irene’s smile didn’t falter. ‘I work for you,’ she said. ‘I waitress and look after the water sports whenever we’re at anchor. Sailing, jet skis, tobogganing—that sort of thing.’

  Gerald’s cheeks turned a deeper shade. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, but he did not kn
ow why. ‘I hope you don’t have to work too hard.’

  ‘It’s not so bad,’ Irene said, shifting her drinks tray onto her other hand and wiping the tabletop with a cloth. ‘I mean, the hours are long and the pay’s not brilliant but you get to work, well’—she waved a hand at the expanse of turquoise water beneath a cloudless sky—‘the view from the office is pretty good. Let me get that water for you.’

  Gerald stood clumsily, hemmed in between the sun lounge and the table. His towel almost gave way and he grabbed at the waistband. ‘That’s all right,’ he fumbled. ‘I don’t really want one. Look, have you seen a girl? Fourteen years old. Short blonde hair?’

  ‘Oh, you mean Ruby? I took her a pot of tea a moment ago. She’s in the library, reading.’

  It was a glorious tropical afternoon as the Archer cut its way across the Pacific: not a cloud to be seen, the air fresh and fragrant, and a happy crew on hand to serve up anything a person might desire. So why was Ruby closeted away in the ship’s library? Gerald wandered somewhat lost down a corridor, trying to remember if he was on the third deck or the second, when he bumped into a young woman coming out of a cabin.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ he said. ‘I didn’t see you—Irene?’ He jolted at the sight of the young waitress he had left behind moments before on the pool deck. ‘How did you get in front of me?’

  The woman looked blankly at Gerald for a moment. Then an expression of ‘I’ve been down this road too many times before’ crossed her face. ‘You must be thinking of my sister,’ she said.

  ‘Irene is your sister?’ Gerald said. ‘But you look exactly the same as her.’

  The woman smiled the same thousand-watt smile. Once again, Gerald was acutely aware he was shirtless and wearing a towel around his middle. ‘We’re twins,’ she said. ‘My name’s Ella. We both work here.’ She paused a moment. ‘For you. We both work for you.’

  ‘Twins? You really look alike. Like, really alike.’ Gerald stopped and pursed his lips. ‘I guess you’ve probably been told that before.’

  Ella’s smile broadened. ‘Only a few million times. But that’s all right; you’re the boss so you can look as shocked as you like.’

  Gerald had to fight an overwhelming desire to flee. The role of employer unnerved him. ‘Um, could you tell me where the library is?’ he asked.

  Soon Gerald was climbing the sweeping circular staircase. He passed a hydrotherapy spa (out of which came a sound like a side of beef being pummelled into submission), a saloon large enough to host a party of a hundred people but without a soul to be seen, and he finally found his way into the ship’s library. The room was lined floor to ceiling with glass-fronted bookcases and a vast repository of volumes of all sizes. Sitting cross-legged in a comfy armchair with her head immersed in a large leather-bound book was Ruby.

  ‘I thought you were going to work on your tan?’ Gerald said, perching on the armrest by Ruby’s elbow. ‘It’s too nice out there to be locked away inside.’

  Ruby’s eyes flicked up to Gerald, then back to the page. ‘I just felt like having some alone time,’ she said.

  Gerald waited for her to say something else, but the only thing coming from Ruby was a vibe of deep indifference to Gerald’s presence. ‘Do you want to catch a movie tonight,’ he asked, trying to kick-start the conversation. ‘There’s a couple of thousand to pick from in the cinema.’

  Ruby turned a page. ‘Maybe,’ she said.

  Gerald frowned. This was going to require perseverance. ‘So, what are you reading?’ he asked.

  Ruby extended her index finger, signalling for Gerald to shush while she finished a paragraph. Then she held up the front cover for him to see.

  ‘The Voyage of the Beagle,’ Gerald read. ‘The Charles Darwin book?’

  ‘That’s right,’ Ruby said, running a fingertip over the embossed leather cover. ‘It’s all about his trip around the world in the 1830s. It’s very interesting.’

  Gerald pressed his lips together. He had the deep suspicion that Ruby was going out of her way to annoy him, but he didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that she was succeeding. She knew that Charles Darwin’s voyage on the Beagle was somehow at the heart of Sir Mason Green’s latest obsession: the perpetual motion machine.

  ‘Why are you really reading it?’ he asked flatly.

  Ruby swung onto her knees and grabbed Gerald’s arm. ‘I was thinking about what Felicity said—about the perpetual motion machine. Don’t you want to find it, Gerald? We know that Jeremy Davey was on the Beagle, and from the date on his note he must have been near the Galapagos Islands when he tossed the bottle and the machine into the sea. You could ask Captain Cooper to make a detour on the way to the Panama Canal and we could check it out. We’re so close, Gerald. Aren’t you curious to find out the end of the story?’

  Gerald pushed Ruby’s hand away and folded his arms across his chest. ‘I’ll tell you the same thing I told Felicity: I have zero interest in going near anything that Mason Green wants. It doesn’t matter if it’s a perpetual motion machine, a curiosity machine, or a machine that polishes your toenails and takes out the garbage. I’m not interested.’

  ‘But Gerald,’ Ruby said, ‘if we find the perpetual motion machine, then maybe we can exchange it for Professor McElderry and all those other people that Green kidnapped from the British Museum. We could free them all.’

  Gerald narrowed his eyes. Raising the issue of Professor McElderry was a low blow. ‘You might remember the last time we saw the professor he made it clear that he didn’t want to be rescued,’ he said.

  ‘But what about all the other—’

  Gerald cut her off. ‘Inspector Parrott told us to leave the detective work to the Metropolitan Police. We gave him all the information we had, so if he wants to dig up half the Galapagos Islands that’s up to him. It’s my birthday. I want to have some fun without worrying about Mason Green, stupid machines or having to look over my shoulder every ten seconds for some hired goon with a ninja sword about to slice me in two.’

  A soft rustle behind him sent Gerald jumping into the air. ‘Whazzit?’ he yelped. He spun around and threw his hands up in self-defence. Then his towel fell around his ankles. He stood there in his board shorts looking at Ella, who had arrived bearing a tray with a pot of tea and a plate of chocolate biscuits that smelled like they were fresh out of the oven.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Ella said. ‘I brought a fresh pot and another cup. I didn’t mean to startle you.’

  Ruby cleared a space on the table. ‘Thank you, Ella,’ she said. ‘Don’t worry about Gerald. He’s highly strung.’

  The waitress placed the tray on the table and Gerald mumbled a quick thanks as she left. Ruby poured tea into one of the cups. ‘She’s a twin,’ Ruby said. ‘The waitress, I mean.’

  ‘You can tell?’ Gerald said, amazed. ‘Is that because you’re a twin and it’s one of those mystical powers that twins have?’

  ‘No,’ Ruby said, blowing steam from her cup. ‘She told me. It’s the mystical power of human conversation. You know, where people talk about interesting things and don’t freak out for no reason whatsoever.’

  Gerald waited for Ruby to pour some tea for him. She didn’t. ‘You’re talking about me now, aren’t you?’ he said.

  Ruby nodded, and took a sip.

  Gerald dropped into an armchair and groaned, ‘Why do girls have to talk in riddles?’

  Ruby leaned forward in her seat. ‘And why do boys not talk at all? Why can’t you just come out and admit what it is that’s got you so grumpy?’

  ‘Me grumpy?’ Gerald scoffed out the words. ‘Says the person cooped up inside, reading a book about some long-dead scientist, instead of enjoying this voyage.’

  ‘We’re all on a voyage of discovery, Gerald Wilkins,’ Ruby said. ‘Maybe you need to think about why your particular voyage keeps hitting the rocks.’

  ‘Thank you, Madam Zelda, teller of really crappy fortunes,’ Gerald said. He did not like the direction things were headin
g.

  Then Ruby hit him with it. ‘You obviously haven’t forgiven me for turning you down,’ she said.

  Gerald’s eyelids peeled back. If this was a voyage of discovery, he had just entered uncharted waters. ‘Um…’ he fumbled.

  ‘Not that it wasn’t a very sweet offer,’ Ruby said, ‘and I’m really touched that you think I’m interesting enough to move our friendship to another level. But now that you’ve brought it up, I think we need to talk it through.’

  Gerald swallowed as a pit opened up in his stomach. ‘I don’t think I did bring it up,’ he said.

  ‘Oh, you most certainly did, Gerald. And here’s the problem. If I were to say yes to you becoming my boyfriend you would most probably want to kiss me, because that sort of comes with the territory. Now, I have to ask myself if that’s what I want as well. Obviously there’s a closeness between us. I’d be a fool to deny it after everything we’ve been through over the last year. And you do have a boyish charm about you, you know, being a boy and all. And your eyes are quite dreamy. I ask myself: would I enjoy kissing you? And my honest answer is probably, yes. Yes. I would enjoy it very much. But then I’d have to ask myself: would I ever look at you quite the same way again? And I’m not sure I could. Our friendship would be forever different, and I value too much what we’ve got now to risk losing it. And then there’s the money question. Will people think I’m just chasing after you because of your fortune? Don’t you remember all those nasty magazine articles about me? They were really hurtful. If I was to become your girlfriend it would place me in a really difficult position. Don’t you understand, Gerald? Don’t you see?’