by Ashlee Sinn
He looked up at his mom and when she nodded, he ran over to Mary. I mouthed a thank you her way as she wrapped her arm around Micah’s shoulders. He started telling her stories about how he got kicked out of Little League as soon as they walked away. Mary laughed and took him toward the lynx camp where the three others in her group were waiting with happy smiles.
“Is he okay with her?” Sarah asked.
“With Mary? Sure. Yeah.” I had no idea. But Mary was one of my good friends and there was no way she’d hurt Micah and risk my wrath. “Look, Sarah,” I said, turning back to the woman I still couldn’t remember, “is this for real?”
“It is.”
“How?”
She hung her head and smiled a little. “Do you remember the weekend on the yacht?”
“Nope.”
“Well, that’s too bad because it was a great party.” She studied me, and seemed surprised when I couldn’t remember anything. “And I left there with a little surprise.”
“Why didn’t you find me earlier? I would have—”
“What?” she interrupted. “You would have what? Asked me to get an abortion? Told me to give it up?”
“No…I…well, I don’t know what I would have said, but at least I would have known.” Glancing over Sarah’s head at Micah, I said, “I would have known I had a son.”
Sarah let out a deep breath. “You’re right. And I’m sorry for that. I just couldn’t get up the nerve to tell you. I figured you wouldn’t even remember my name.” She kicked at the ground and shuffled her feet back and forth in the dirt. “I did go to the strip club a few times though. I stood outside the door trying to get the nerve to walk inside and tell you. But I never did. I couldn’t do it.”
Having no idea what to say, I stayed silent and watched as a thousand emotions passed over her face. Her eyes teared up when she looked at Micah but she quickly wiped them away when facing me again.
“I left Seattle and went back home to my parents in Oregon. I had Micah, lived in the basement apartment while my parents helped watch him, and did the best I could.”
“He’s a fine boy,” I said by way of telling her she did a good job. While I couldn’t agree with all of her choices, Micah was healthy and strong and kind. She’d done well.
Sarah huffed. “He’s a monster.”
“What?”
“Max, he scares me. And not because he’s a shifter. I mean, Jesus, I didn’t even know what they were until last year, and I certainly didn’t know about you until…well, until Micah and I were fighting one day and a black panther ripped out of his body.” Her voice trembled and she instantly smelled frightened. “He almost killed me.” She slid the collar of her jacket to the side to reveal a long, bumpy scar on the side of her neck. Micah had gone in for the kill shot.
He’d almost destroyed his own mother.
“It’s because he doesn’t know how to control his animal,” I whispered.
“I know that. I love him with all my heart, even after this,” she pointed to her neck. “But I’ve done all I can. I need help. I don’t know any other shifters and the only other black panthers on the registry are in Wyoming, and they looked even scarier.”
“Don’t ever contact them,” I growled. “They won’t help you.”
“I figured as much. And that’s why we’re here.” Sarah let out a deep breath and crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for me to give her some kind of answer.
Watching Micah take lessons from Mary on how to slide into base, had me smiling without knowing it. He was so animated. And so big for his age. Yet he instantly seemed to fit right in and my panther rumbled in my skin at the recognition that Micah shared his blood.
“I’ve got a room in town for the next few nights. Can we come back tomorrow?”
Sarah’s words echoed in the well of my thoughts and it took me a moment to realize she was talking to me. “He needs to be well fed,” I said.
“What? Oh, yeah, he eats a lot.”
“No, I mean that will help with his control. If he’d satiated, his panther will stay calm.”
“Okay, thanks,” she whispered. “I’m…I’m going to go now. But we’ll see you tomorrow?” Her voice shook again, waiting for me to either accept responsibility or be an utter asshole. I was a little embarrassed by how much of me was still an asshole, but when I looked over at my kid and thought about Fawn helping me raise him, something inside of my chest settled into place.
“Sure. Come back in the morning.”
Sarah sighed and stepped forward. She stopped herself a few inches away from me, as though suddenly realizing maybe she shouldn’t hug me. She shouldn’t hug me. I might be open to the idea of being an insta-father, but I wasn’t going to give Sarah any impression that I may be interested in her too.
Stepping back, Sarah dropped her head. “Okay, we’ll see you tomorrow.” She turned and marched over to Micah, watched him do one slide, and then grabbed his hand and pulled him to the truck. As they walked past me, Micah scrambled out of his mom’s grip and rushed up to my side. He threw his tiny, yet strong arms around my waist and hugged me tight.
“See you tomorrow,” he said in his little voice. I could feel his animal purring against me. Or maybe that was mine…
Before I could reply, Micah dropped his arms and ran to his mom. She helped him into the truck, made a three-point turn, and drove out of the camp in a matter of minutes. I hadn’t moved an inch. Even when Rhys joined my side, I stayed put.
“So, your son, huh?” he said.
I couldn’t speak.
“He looks like you,” Rhys added.
Silence.
“He stinks like you, too.”
Turning my head slowly, I let Rhys see my snarl. “I need to run.”
Rhys chuckled and stepped away before I could punch him. “You need to learn some parenting skills.”
“He isn’t staying,” I snapped.
But Rhys stayed quiet as though he didn’t agree with me.
“Fuck you,” I growled at him.
“Why are you mad at me? I’m not the one that stuck my dick in—”
I punched him in the face and jogged off as Donovan tried to yell at me. By the time I reached the edge of the tree line, I was already running on all fours. My panther was often my escape. Once I’d learned how to control him, he would help the human side deal with all of the shit that happened in the real world. He’d be my outlet when the human was so intent on destroying myself that I couldn’t think clearly. Years of drugs and alcohol and fighting and fucking with no regards to consequences had finally caught up with me.
And right when I’d finally found my true mate. Fawn. What was Fawn going to say about all of this?
Those thoughts plagued my brain for hours as I ran all day. I didn’t care that I had things to do back at camp. I didn’t care that I would have to figure out how to teach my son to be a better person than me. I didn’t care that my entire fucking life had changed in an instant.
I just worried about what would happen now.
And that fear grew stronger when I finally made it back to my cabin and saw Fawn’s truck in the driveway. It was almost sundown. She was home from work. She’d come back.
Relief washed through me as I climbed the stairs and opened the front door. Fawn was sitting at the small, round dining table drinking a cup of tea and apparently waiting for me. Still in her dressy work clothes, she looked beautiful despite the rings under her eyes and the aroma of sorrow wafting off her.
“You’re here,” I said, stepping inside and pulling the last of my clothes back on.
“I am,” Fawn whispered.
“So, you know?”
She nodded.
“Kind of a shit storm, right?”
With a snort, Fawn finally broke into a smile. “You could say that.” She stood, walked around the kitchen peninsula, poured a cup of tea for me, and pushed it across the table. When I finally sat down, she asked, “He’s yours?”
I nodded.
&nbs
p; “Where are they?”
“In town for the night. They’re coming back tomorrow.”
“When?”
I shrugged. “In the morning sometime. Why?”
“Just wondered.”
I sucked in a breath and grabbed her hands. “Are we okay? I mean, I know this is a giant fucking detour in our lives, but I want you to be by my side. I need you to be there. I can’t do this without you.”
“He’s a cute kid,” she said with a grin.
“Just like his dad?” I wiggled my brows and kissed her ring when she blushed.
“How is this going to work?”
I assumed she meant with Micah and Sarah, so I said, “I have no idea.”
“Well,” she sighed, “I guess we’ll just have to figure this out together, right?”
Relieved and so happy to hear that, I jumped from my seat and pulled her up against my waist. “Thank you for being so amazing,” I said, kissing her neck. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Her lips found mine and we kissed for several moments. It was a kiss that sealed our bond. It was a kiss that showed me how much she’d be there for me. It was a kiss that only Fawn and I could share.
We were a couple. We were mates.
After another sleepless night, I was up early with my skin itching to do something. Despite a lovely evening talking and snuggling with Max, the new reality of our relationship weighed heavily on my mind. I’d always wanted to be a mother, and I had hopes that Max and I could do that together some day. But I was worried I wouldn’t be cut out for parenthood just yet. I still needed time to grow. Time to learn. Time to figure out how to adult.
But then again, I had Max. He was just as scared, especially since he didn’t know Sarah’s ultimate plans. Would she be staying here with Micah? Would she take him home in a week? A month? A year? He claimed he didn’t know how to help Micah with his changes, but I’d convinced him he did. He’d grown up in a pride—where the alpha helped all of the young panthers understand how to control their animals. I reminded him that he already knew what to do. And I had confidence that he could do it.
Now I just needed to get on board. It wasn’t Micah that was the issue. It was Sarah. Or just the fact that our little couple just became an instant family of four.
As I drove to work, my head swirled with questions and doubts and fears. I arrived early, only to realize my boss wasn’t even coming in today. He’d left a list of files for me to work on, and I sluffed through them half-assed while most of brain was preoccupied with Max. Several times throughout the morning I thought about calling my mom. She would have advice for me. She’d been a good mom. I’d turned out mostly okay. And after she’d yell at me for leaving, she would tell me how to help Micah.
I should call her.
Looking at my cell phone for the twentieth time, I pulled up her number…and then cleared it back out. No. I could do this without her. On top of everything else, I wouldn’t be able to handle her disappointment in me. It would only knock me down even more, so I decided it would be best for me to tackle this problem on my own.
I was focused and ready to help Max raise his kid, when the whole world shifted again. The front door dinged as someone walked inside. Mr. Andersson didn’t have any appointments since he was gone today, so I figured it was the delivery guy. From the back hallway, I called out toward the door, “Just leave it on the desk, please.”
No one responded as I continued to organize the file cabinet. But then I heard footsteps—and smelled the shifter that had just walked inside.
Jumping to my feet, the file folders dropped to the ground, creating a mess of papers and photos and putting a barrier between me and Roman. The tall, lean raven shifter stopped moving and studied the pile on the floor. He was in his typical black business suit, dark hair cut short, a slight scruff on his chin, and wearing a grin that made me nervous.
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said. I’d forgotten how deep his voice was. I’d also forgotten how much Roman towered over me. He was large, for a raven shifter, but was nothing compared to Max. However, Roman carried himself with a grace and elegance I’d rarely seen before.
“You found me,” I whispered through my trembling lips.
He smiled again. “I did.”
“Why?”
Roman bent forward and started gathering the files, trying to slide the papers back in place the best he could. “Because it’s your birthday tomorrow.”
It was? Holy shit, with everything else going on, I’d totally forgotten that tomorrow I’d be twenty-five. And that was the day I’d been promised to marry Roman.
He continued scooping up the mess while I stood like a frozen statue. “And we had plans for your birthday.”
“Roman,” I breathed, “I left. I ran away.”
“And now I’ve found you and I’m asking you to come home with me.” The sincerity in his voice crushed my heart. Not because I had feelings for him, but because I worried he may have feelings for me. Feelings I never realized could even exist. “I know you never liked the idea of our arrangement—”
I cut him off. “Roman, don’t…”
He held up his hand to stop me. “And I understand why. Truth be told, I didn’t want to marry you either.” His lips turned up in a smile when I looked at him. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind marrying you, but I didn’t want my whole life planned out for me.”
“So, what’s changed?”
“A lot.” He looked around the office, set a few of the files on the cabinet, and dusted off his hands on his pants. “Is there somewhere we can grab food? I have to talk to you, but I’m starving.”
Roman always did have a voracious appetite. That was something I remembered from our annual family gatherings. However, I wasn’t sure we should have any type of conversation. “Roman, I don’t know.” Shaking my head, I opened my mouth to ask him to leave, but then he said the only words that could have changed my mind.
“It’s about your parents.”
With a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, I tried to make my mouth work. “Are they all right?”
Roman studied my face for far too long, the worry crushing my chest like a boulder. “They will be if we can talk.”
My animal went into overdrive, clawing at my skin with the anger Roman’s words stirred up inside. “Are you threatening them?”
“What? No!” Roman stepped toward me, but immediately backed off when he sniffed the air. “Fawn, no. I’m sorry. That’s not at all what I meant.”
“Well, what did you mean?” The words were as sharp as a dagger.
“I meant that I need to talk to you about a few things regarding your parents.” He paused, looked out the front window, and then faced me again. “And about our marriage.”
“And if I refuse?”
Roman’s mouth dropped open as though offended. “I’m not here to threaten you, Fawn. I just want to have a conversation. And if you still want to stay in Alaska after you hear me out, I will leave and you’ll never see me again.”
I wanted to ask if that was a promise, but thought it sounded too bitchy. Roman came a long way to talk to me. I supposed I could give him a few moments of my time. “There’s a small pub up the street. I’ll meet you there in ten minutes.”
He hung around for a few moments as though not clear on my order that I wasn’t going there with him right away. But he finally moved, and after the bell rang with his departure, I leaned against the wall and tried to calm my pounding heart. What the hell was the universe trying to tell me? Two major surprises in less than twenty-four hours…my brain couldn’t process anymore.
And now Roman had something to tell me about my parents? Something that might impact my life here? I wasn’t sure if I was ready to tackle all of that. My head was already fried with complicated thoughts, there wasn’t much room for more.
But, right now I had to suck it up and deal. As I trudged up the street to the pub where Mary and a few others from camp
would bartend in the evenings, I did my best to clear my head and put on a stoic face. I pushed open the door, and found Roman sitting by himself at a hightop near the front windows. When I sat, the bartender, a young man I hadn’t met yet, set two sodas and a basket of cheese fries in front of us.
“Anything else?” he asked me with a smile.
“We’re good. Thanks.”
Roman watched as he walked away. “You know him?”
“Nope,” I said while taking a sip of the drink. The crisp, cool caffeine slid down my throat nicely. “Why are you here, Roman?”
He huffed a laugh. “You’ve changed.”
“No, I haven’t.”
He smiled at me—a genuine smile that had zero malice or intent behind it. “The Fawn I knew would never cut to the point that quickly.”
With a shrug, I conceded. “Okay, maybe I have changed a little. It was time for me to take charge of my life.”
“I get that. I really do.” Roman ate a fry but dropped his head. He looked sad, tired almost. “And believe me, I wish it were that simple.”
“It can be.” And before I could stop myself, I babbled on. “I’ve met someone here who’s helped me. He’s been a big part of shaping the person I am today.”
“A guy?” Roman paled.
Shit. I should have stayed quiet. “Yes.”
“A shifter?” Roman wasn’t mad, he sounded genuinely curious.
“Yes.”
Sitting back in his seat, he let out a long breath and watched the one car drive by before he spoke again. “Did you know I’ve had a girlfriend for five years?”
“What? No!”
He laughed and I loved the way he relaxed as he talked about her. “She’s human. We’ve been meeting in secret the entire time. My mother would die if she knew.”
“Max is a panther. One with a criminal record.”
Roman’s chuckle led to my own. “Well, holy hell, Fawn. You really have changed.”
“And it sounds like you’ve always been a rebel,” I teased.
He raised his brows. “Yeah, such a bad boy.” Rolling his eyes, he let out a long sigh. “A bad boy with responsibilities. We both have responsibilities to our families.”
