by Ashlee Sinn
Bringing us back on topic ignited that familiar sinking feeling in my stomach. “Roman, I can’t marry you. I just can’t. I’m in love. I’ve found my mate. And we…” I twisted the ring on my finger and wondered just how much I should tell him. “And we’re committed to each other.”
Roman ground his jaw together. “Believe me. I understand that better than anyone. But I think there’s a way we can make this work.”
“Roman—” I begged, but he cut me off.
“Just listen. We may have to be married by law, but in our hearts, we can still be with the ones we love. We could live in separate houses, have separate accounts, live separate lives. We’d have to be together at public events, but other than that, I think we can make this work.”
“You’ve thought a lot about this, haven’t you?” I’d guess Roman had been thinking about this for five years.
“I have.”
“Then you must understand why I can’t do it. I love Max. I love living away from my family and all of the raven politics we have to deal with. I love having my own life. My freedom. And if we got married, it would all disappear.”
“My parents have threatened your family business.” Roman blurted out the words through his teeth and held his breath until I spoke again.
“What?”
He sighed, rubbing his hands over his head as though that would give him courage. “My parents. Well, my mother. She’s relentless. You know this!”
“What did she do?” The angry animal was back and she wanted blood. If Roman wouldn’t come clean soon, his would do nicely.
“After you ran away, she talked to her friends at the bank and put a lien on your parent’s house and business.” Roman’s voice shook, although I wasn’t sure if it was from fear or anger.
“How can she do that? They didn’t owe anything—”
“They did,” Roman cut in. “Well, your father did. He owed quite a few people money. Gambling debts. Or, at least that’s what my mom said.”
“No, my dad doesn’t gamble.” He doesn’t. Right?
“He does. And he owed a lot. My mom paid off his debt and now she’s threatening their livelihood if you don’t return and marry me.”
I couldn’t breathe. The air refused to flow into my nose as I tried to process this. “But why didn’t they call me?”
“Your parents?” When I nodded, he continued. “I don’t know, Fawn. Pride? Ego? Anger? They’re stuck and their only way out is if they make their daughter do something she doesn’t want to do.”
He was right. It was their only way out. That business meant everything to them. Their entire life savings was wrapped up in that damn funeral home. Their reputation in the raven society relied on them maintaining the pure bloodlines. Their standing in the community was based on the way they appeared at fundraisers and functions. Everything was on the line and the choice for what happens to them was solely on me.
I didn’t like this at all.
“Fawn, I know this is a lot to take in, but we have to act soon. My mom gave me until tomorrow to get you on board.”
“I don’t like your mom very much right now.”
He huffed. “Yeah. Me either.”
“Roman, I don’t think I can—” My phone started to ring before I could finish. Fishing it out of my purse, my mouth dropped with the utter irony of what I was seeing. “It’s my mom,” I breathed to Roman. Then, glaring at him, I asked, “Did you put her up to this?”
“No,” Roman shook his head back and forth for exaggeration. “I swear this wasn’t planned.”
The phone kept ringing and I froze. I didn’t have an answer even though I didn’t know what my mom would say. I had so many questions and things to sort through, I didn’t think talking to her would help anymore.
“You should answer it,” Roman said softly.
“I can’t,” I whispered.
Roman stood and excused himself. Dropping a twenty dollar bill on the table, he said, “I’ll wait outside.”
As he walked past me, I had a brief vision of how we could make this work. Maybe Max would understand. It would be like an acting job. I only had to be Roman’s wife in public. The rest of the time I could hide in the woods with Max and Micah. And Sarah. And Roman’s girlfriend. Holy hell, this was a cluster.
“Mom?” I asked, waiting until the very last second to answer.
“Fawn! Oh, thank God. I was afraid you weren’t going to answer. Listen, Roman is on his way. He said he found you and—”
“He’s already here.”
“Oh.” My mom’s voice dropped to a whisper. “What did he tell you?”
“Everything.”
“Oh.”
The silence stretched on for far too long before I took a deep breath and asked the question I really needed to. “Is it true, mom? Are you and dad going to lose everything?”
Her sobs brought instant tears to my eyes. “Oh, honey. I hate them all right now.”
“Dad?”
“Your father. Mrs. Kaplan. The banks. All of them. They can all just…just die.”
I giggled just because my mother never said things like that. But this situation wasn’t funny and I still had no idea what I was going to do.
“Fawn, I know it’s asking a lot. But I need you to think about your future. Our future. You’ve had a chance to do your thing, now it’s time to be there for the family the way that we were always there for you.”
God dammit. The Guilt Trip. I was hours shy of twenty-five and she could still get to me. But this wasn’t all about me. It was about Max. And Micah, too.
“Your father won’t survive this, Fawn.”
My heart stopped. “What do you mean?”
Mom cleared her throat before continuing. “He’s sick, Fawn. The stress has really gotten to him.”
“Mom, he’s a shifter. We don’t get sick.”
“He’s dying, Fawn. The pressure of his lies and the threat of losing everything has given him heart issues. He’d not eating, not sleeping. He’s drinking and smoking again. Fawn, I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t need to.”
“Mom…” the tears filled my eyes and I couldn’t finish what I wanted to say.
“Roman is a good man. A kind man. He’ll be good to you.”
“I don’t love him, mom. I love someone else.”
“You can grow to love him,” she immediately said, as though not acknowledging my admission meant there wasn’t actually anyone else in my life. “Fawn, I have to go. Your dad is calling for me. I love you and I hope that you’ll come home very soon.” She hung up the phone before I could even say goodbye.
Son of a bitch. My shoulders heaved with sobs as I walked out of the pub. Roman was waiting near a black sedan that looked super out of place in this small, country town. He pushed away from the passenger door and walked over to me. But I was crying so hard, I could barely stand up, so he wrapped his arms around my sides and kept me standing.
“It sucks,” he muttered in my ear.
“No shit, it sucks bad.”
Roman laughed although he wasn’t smiling.
Neither was I.
Because, no matter what decision I made, it would forever ruin the lives of the people I loved the most.
“What’s this?” Micah asked. He held up the porcelain squirrel Mariah had given me for about three seconds before it fell to the floor. Just like the mug. And just like the framed photo of Fawn and me in the mountains. Micah and I might share the same blood, but he did not have the same respect for neatness that I had.
“Okay, buddy. Time to go outside,” I said, trying my best to be patient. When Micah and Sarah arrived this morning, Fawn had already left, which was probably a good thing. Because instead of knocking on the door, Micah walked right in while I was eating my cereal, climbed up on the stool next to me, and started telling me what we were going to do today. Sarah had excused herself with a small smile and disappeared somewhere, and now I was stuck with a seven-year-old who loved to touch…and drop, everyt
hing.
“What are we going to do now?” Micah asked as I gently nudged him through the front door.
“Um…,” I ground my jaw together trying to come up with a plan when Rhys, my favorite friend, made Micah an offer he couldn’t refuse.
Standing in my tiny driveway, Rhys carried a yellow plastic bat, a whiffle ball, and cardboard tucked under his arm. “How about a game of ball?”
I mouthed my thanks toward Rhys as Micah cheered and bounded down the stairs. He grabbed the bat from Rhys and started swinging it through the air like a sword. “It’s light. I can hit balls super far with this.”
Rhys mussed Micah’s hair and laughed. “I bet you can. Now, we need to pick teams.”
“Cats versus everyone else.”
Raising his brows, Rhys looked up at me and smiled. “Well, okay then. Cats versus the rest. Let’s go ask around and see who’d like to join.”
“Dad! Come on! You’re on my team since you’re a panther like me.” Micah bobbed up and down on his feet, unable to contain his excitement.
“Okay, Micah. That sounds good, but I need to put some shoes on. Go with Mr. Rhys and I’ll be right there, okay.” Hearing him call me dad stirred up all kinds of feelings inside. It was exciting. And terrifying. And I had no idea how to be a father. My parents died when I was young, so I’d grown up in a pride full of brawling, angry, macho panthers. Obviously, that hadn’t shaped me into a great person. So how would I know what to do with Micah? What if I fucked him up just like all those male panthers had done to me? What if he turned out bad?
While I stood on the porch panicking over my new situation and watching Micah and Rhys hit up the Eagle Creek shifters for a game of baseball, Sarah returned. She walked up the stairs and leaned against the railing next to me. “He’s a handful but he’s awesome.”
Turning to look at her, I shook my head. “I can’t do this.”
She snorted a laugh. “Yeah, well, welcome to my world.”
“Why did you keep him?” I kept watching Micah—his smile, his giggle, his enthusiasm and easy way he already had all of Eagle Creek wrapped around his finger—and knew the world was a better place because he was in it, but I still had to ask.
Sarah sighed and turned to watch Micah as well. “Because it felt right. I needed a wake-up call and Micah was it. He forced me to grow up and I thank him every day for that.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Shaking her head, I watched her pretty smile disappear. “Honestly? Because I didn’t think you should be in his life. I mean, I was barely ready and I was pretty damn sure you wouldn’t be.”
I could smell her fear and knew that wasn’t easy for her to admit. But I wasn’t mad…because she’d made the right decision. “I wasn’t. Hell, I don’t even know if I’m ready now.”
“You’ve changed. A lot,” she said. “And I’m not a shifter. Micah needs you now more than ever.” Sarah rested her hand on top of mine. “You can be there for him when he needs you the most.”
Grinding my jaw together, I let the million scary thoughts rush back through my brain again. Could I help him? Did I know how to coax a young panther through the worst years of his life? Puberty and shifting…it wasn’t pretty. And I hadn’t done so great dealing with that myself. But Sarah was right. I’d changed. I’d grown. I now had a mate by my side who could help.
I was complete.
“Mom! Dad!” Micah shouted. “Come on, we’re ready!”
Sarah and I both laughed at our son. Our son. Wow. I ushered Sarah down the stairs, following closely behind before remembering I still needed shoes. Running inside, I found my sneakers next to the bed, and when I sat down, I could smell Fawn’s amazing scent on the pillows and the sheets. My panther rumbled, happy having her in his life. And I felt a twinge of sadness because she wasn’t here with me right now to enjoy our first day together with Micah. I knew Fawn had to work, but after our talk last night, I also knew she was willing to give all of this a try. She would love to play a game of ball with the entire crew. This was her home now, and I hated that she was missing out on such a good day.
“Dad!” Micah burst through the front door, kicking up the rug and almost tripping in the process. I tried not to laugh, or be annoyed. “We’re waiting for you, slow poke!”
Smiling, I stood and took his outstretched hand. Although small, he was strong. Shifter strong. And I immediately understood why Sarah needed my help with him. If he had this kind of strength already, he was going to be a brute.
“I got him!” he called to everyone that had gathered in the center of camp. And it looked like most of the shifters were there. Since a lot of us did seasonal work, this would probably be one of the last weeks where that was the case. So, smiling at the thought, it was nice to see everyone getting along and willing to humor a seven-year-old with an afternoon baseball game.
“Let’s go!” Rhys called, dropping into a catcher’s stance behind the cardboard home plate. “You’re up, Micah.”
“Dad, we’re gonna beat the crap outta them, right?”
I couldn’t stop my laugh as I picked up my son and carried him to home plate. “Oh yeah, we’re gonna crush them.”
“We’ll see,” Rhys teased, handing Micah the yellow bat.
“Okay, Micah. You ready?” Justin, one of the other wolf shifters, asked. When Micah nodded, he wound up his arm and tossed the ball.
Micah swung and the crack of the plastic ball against the bat nearly drowned out the sound of Micah laughing. He ran toward first, using his new slide technique even though the ball wasn’t anywhere near him. Everyone cheered when the ball came back to Justin and he gave Micah a mock glare.
And so it went. We took turns hitting and catching and despite Micah’s predications, the game stayed tied throughout. Rounds of cat calls and name calling ensued every time one of the “adults” would step up to bat. But it was hilarious and fun and…so…normal, that I almost forgot we’d been a crew for only a few weeks.
This was nice. This reminded me of the calm days in my pride when everyone was chill and could simple just be. I flashed a quick glance at Donovan, now standing on third, and swear I saw him noticing the same thing too. He must be proud of us right now.
We truly were an organized crew of misfits and rogues.
“Come on, dad! Bring me home!”
Micah’s voice was so cute, I couldn’t stop smiling. The bases were loaded and I was up at bat. Swinging the plastic around and doing my little dance, I tapped Rhys on the head before getting ready.
“Asshole,” he grumbled.
“Pansy.”
He chuckled and yelled out to Justin, “Hit him in the head. It’s okay.”
I prepared for the whiffle ball to smack me in the side of the face, so when Justin tossed a perfect pitch my way, I was surprised when I hit the ball and it went straight up into the air. Rhys jumped to his feet, I shoved him slightly to the side, and everyone on base started running. Sarah cheered on Micah, encouraging him to go for home. His little legs moved as he focused on his destination. In fact, he was so focused, he didn’t see Rhys standing there waiting for the ball to drop back out of the sky. In slow motion, the two of them collided, knocking Micah to the ground and causing Rhys to fall onto his knees.
Sarah covered her mouth in worry but I simply watched. She didn’t understand shifters as much as she thought she did. Micah was tough and that little tussle would barely have an impact on him. Yet when he rolled up off the ground, I realized I’d only been worried about the physical. Not the emotional impact. Micah’s eyes were bright yellow, his mouth hung open as he growled at Rhys, and his muscles twitched with anticipation.
Micah was about to shift into his panther.
“Easy there, buddy,” Rhys said, his voice deep as though his wolf was right at the surface. But he stayed low and didn’t move. He understood how fragile Micah was right now. “Just take a breath.”
“You. Blocked. Me.” Micah’s words came out in sharp bursts ea
ch time he took a breath. His chest heaved with anxiety and he kept twisting his head to the sides like he was in pain.
“Micah!” I shouted, sprinting over toward him and immediately dropping to my knees. “Micah, listen to me. You have to control your animal.”
“He needs to bleed,” he spat at Rhys.
I grabbed my son’s head and forced him to look at me. “No!” I knew my eyes would show the panther but I did my best not to force my dominance on him. Micah needed to learn how to control his animal himself and not because I’d forced him down.
Micah panted and tried to wiggle out of my grasp. “He. Hurt. Me.”
“It was an accident.”
“No!” Micah shouted again. “Ah!” He screamed in pain and fell to his knees. “It hurts! Dad, it hurts!”
Rolling to the ground with him, I pulled him into a hug. I rubbed his back as he curled up into a little ball beside me. “You need to tell him that he has to stay inside. Your panther will listen if you make him. You control the animal. Not the other way around.”
Micah twitched. His muscles and bones started to expand and pop. I squeezed him tighter, hoping it would help. “Dad,” Micah cried.
“I know it hurts, Micah. But you have to take control. Push him back into your core. Tell him you don’t need him right now.”
“But I can’t,” Micah whispered, shuddering beneath my grasp.
“You can,” I said. Donovan hovered over us and I gave him a quick nod letting him know I had this under control. But he intervened anyway.
“Tell your panther to go to sleep,” Donovan said, crouching down next to us. “Tell him it’s bedtime and you will call on him later.”
I looked up at the lion shifter in question. Donovan simply pursed his lips and kept focused on Micah. Donovan had years of fighting under him, perhaps this was the way he kept his lion at bay now that he was in the real world where humans could get hurt.
Micah started to relax and his breathing slowed. His muscles twitched underneath my hands, but the growling had subsided within a few minutes. “Good job, Micah,” I whispered.
He didn’t say another word as he worked on his panther. I knew how hard it was stop a change and Micah had done it. I was proud. And terrified. He really did need help, but here, we had lots of that. Here we had Donovan and Rhys and Mariah and Mary. Here we had a family group larger than just me and Fawn. Micah could be raised by all of us…after all, he was the only child in Eagle Creek. Surely, with everyone pitching in, he’d turn out okay.
