by Brenda Novak
Jayden came running toward him. “Hey! I get to be with you!” he yelled as if that was the greatest thing in the world.
Dawson couldn’t help smiling. At least he had one admirer.
Jayden squealed in excitement when Dawson swung him up on his shoulders. He loved riding there, loved any kind of affection. He was such an easy, good child—it made Dawson wonder how Sly could be disappointed in him. “Why are you back so early?”
“My mom came and got me,” the boy replied.
That didn’t answer the question, but it was probably all Jayden knew. Dawson held the boy’s ankles so he wouldn’t fall off as he finished closing the distance between him and Sadie. “What’s going on?” he asked as he reached her.
She lifted a box that reeked of smoke out of the back of her El Camino. “I got a call from Chief Thomas. He had my things, so I swung by the station to pick them up.”
Dawson saw a stack of folded clothing piled on top of who knew what else. “Did you get everything you asked for?”
“Not everything, but I’ve got my toiletries and some clothes—the ones from the dresser opposite the closet. I lost what was in the closet, since it was on the side of the house that burned.”
“That sucks. I’m sorry.”
“I’m grateful there’s something left.”
“Here, let me take that.” He reached up to put Jayden on the ground so he could help, but she circumvented him with the box.
“It’s okay,” she said. “It’s not heavy.”
Something was wrong. Sadie wasn’t treating him as she had this morning. And she sure as hell wasn’t treating him as she had last night.
Letting Jayden remain on his shoulders, Dawson followed her to the house. “How’d you get off work so early?”
After a slight hesitation, she said, “My boss didn’t need me today.”
That should’ve been believable, but it wasn’t. She seemed upset. “Aren’t Sundays busy?”
“They are.”
“So what happened?”
She put the box on the kitchen table and began pulling all the clothes out, presumably so she could wash the stench out of them before taking them upstairs. “Nothing,” she said. But that couldn’t be true. She was acting too remote. Had she lost the pictures she was worried about recovering? Heard bad news from Sly? Gotten in a fight with the restaurant owner? Been taunted for associating with him?
Dawson would’ve pushed her for a more convincing answer, but he figured she might not be willing to talk in front of Jayden.
“Anyway, Jayden and I are available to help in the fields today.” She managed a smile, but it looked too brittle to be convincing.
“I won’t be outside much longer,” he said. “I’m going to see Angela, remember?”
“You’re leaving?” Her eyes, which had looked everywhere since she’d been home except directly at him, latched onto his face.
“I was hoping to take you with me,” he said. “So you could meet Angela.”
“How far away is she?”
“She’s in LA, so we’ll have a bit of a drive—two hours there and two hours back, providing traffic isn’t bad, but traffic shouldn’t be bad on a Sunday.”
Sadie’s gaze lifted to her son, who was still sitting happily on Dawson’s shoulders, his head nearly touching the ten-foot ceiling. “What about Jayden?”
He put the boy down. “We’ll take him with us.”
Some of the tension in Sadie’s face and body seemed to ease. “Great. The sooner, the better. When can we go?”
“The sooner, the better?” he asked, hoping for some clarification.
“It’ll be nice to have a change of scenery,” she explained, “a break from Silver Springs.”
He lowered his voice as Jayden caught a glimpse of one of his toys and hopped up on a chair to get it out of the box. “Did Chief Thomas tell you something about the fire? Something that makes it all worse?”
“No. He said they’re still investigating. That it’ll be a few days before they know anything.”
“So...are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”
She put a hand on her son’s head as he drove his toy car along the edge of the table. “No, it’s not your problem. You’re my employer. You shouldn’t have to worry about anything more than paying me for what I do.”
Last night he’d been more than just her employer. This morning she’d acted as if she couldn’t get enough of him, too. What was going on? “Your employer. Okay. Sure. But...I thought we were friends, at least.”
Their eyes met. For a second, he thought she’d break down, but she didn’t. Throwing her shoulders back, she lifted her chin. “I’m sorry. There’s only one way out for me.”
“Can we talk about it?”
“That won’t help,” she said and pulled her gaze away.
With a sigh, he shoved a hand through his hair. “Let me finish up outside and we’ll leave in an hour or so.”
“I’ll help you,” she said. “Jayden can play nearby.”
That hadn’t worked out so well before. She’d spent more time trying to keep her son close—not that Dawson had minded. He liked having her out there with him. It just wasn’t necessary today. “No need,” he said. “That’s not part of your job. But if you’d make some lunch so we can eat before we go, that’d be great.”
“Okay.”
He hesitated a moment longer, hoping he’d be able to figure out what had changed, but she’d already turned to start lunch. Something from this morning had caused her to back away from him. Was it the regret he’d feared she’d feel? A degree of doubt someone had placed in her mind about whether he’d murdered his parents? What?
19
Sadie hung on to her son’s hand as Dawson signed in to see his sister. They’d barely spoken on the long drive. She’d read to Jayden and tried to keep him occupied until he’d fallen asleep, and then the movement of the vehicle had put her to sleep, as well. But she felt it was better to keep some emotional distance between them. She’d let herself get too close to Dawson last night. As much as she’d enjoyed his touch—as much as she’d needed those few precious hours—she had to maintain some emotional distance. She couldn’t allow herself to get too involved with him, to care a great deal, or it would be that much harder to leave Silver Springs. And she had to leave. For her own sanity and safety. For the sake of her son. Sly held too much power here, and he wasn’t to be trusted. If not for Pete, he would’ve struck her this morning, and maybe he would’ve continued to strike until she was seriously injured. He’d been that angry, that scary.
Even worse, he claimed he was going to take Jayden away from her.
She wouldn’t allow that to happen. Jayden wasn’t happy with his father, and because his father had no idea how damaging he was to those around him—or didn’t care if he did—it wasn’t as if she could expect him to change. After the incident at the restaurant, she was no longer willing to give Sly the benefit of the doubt where the fire was concerned, either. Chief Thomas had made some sense to her. But he didn’t understand that logic only worked with stable people, and Sly was not stable. Her ex’s behavior had grown progressively worse since the day she married him, and most especially after Jayden was born. He’d felt replaced by their son, jealous of the love she felt for their child, and the more she retreated from him, the more tyrannical he became.
Once Dawson had signed in, he led her and Jayden into a sterile-looking waiting room, the kind one might find in any hospital.
“You’ve been here before?” Sadie murmured.
“Yeah. A couple times,” he said.
“That’s nice of you.”
He didn’t respond. When he picked up a magazine, effectively ending the conversation, she wondered if he was mad at her. She hated the thought of tha
t. But there wasn’t a lot she could do to fix the situation. She could only keep her eye on the one path that would lead her out of the mess her life had become.
One step at a time. The first step was to save the money she would need to start over somewhere else. That was why she needed the job Dawson provided and couldn’t do anything to put it in jeopardy.
They’d waited only a few minutes before a young woman with long brown hair pulled into a ponytail came out to get them. “She’s been waiting for you,” she told Dawson with a smile that suggested his sister was somewhat of a handful. “She’s packed her bags again, thinks you’re taking her home with you tonight.”
He shook his head. “Don’t let her fool you. She knows better. She’s being stubborn, trying to force the issue.”
The woman looked a little surprised when Sadie and Jayden came forward, too, making it apparent they were with Dawson. “You’ve brought some friends, I see.”
All business now, Dawson introduced Sadie as Angela’s new caregiver. He’d seemed surprised—maybe even slightly hurt—by her withdrawal earlier. The eagerness of the smile he’d been wearing when she first greeted him at the farm had been replaced with a certain wariness, as if he wasn’t so sure she could be trusted anymore. But since she’d reestablished their roles as employer/employee, he’d respected those boundaries. Although she’d sat right next to him in the truck—thanks to where they had to put Jayden’s safety seat—he hadn’t tried to touch her.
“This is Megan, the woman who takes care of Angela in the evenings,” he said, finishing up the introductions.
“Looks like you’re getting ready to bring her home, all right,” Megan said, referring to the fact that he’d already hired a caregiver.
“I have a meeting with the state on Wednesday. Everything hinges on that,” he told her.
“I responded to the letter they sent here, put in a good word for you.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem. I’ve seen how you are with her,” she said in a tone that left no question as to how much she believed in Dawson. “She adores you.”
Megan punched in a code that allowed them access to a special wing. Sadie heard the door swing closed behind them, the echo of their own footsteps and the TVs playing in several of the rooms they passed. Angela lived at the end and had decorated her door like that of a kindergarten class. Sadie took a moment to examine the toilet-paper flowers and hand-drawn pictures taped up there. The picture in the middle nearly broke her heart. It showed what could only be Angela with her parents and Dawson—her “baby” brother. The four of them were holding hands.
Dawson saw it, too. Sadie noticed how, when he paused to look, a muscle moved in his cheek, and she couldn’t help touching him. As much as she told herself it wasn’t wise, he’d done so much for her, and she could tell the sight evoked a poignant emotion.
When he felt her hand on his arm, he looked over in surprise. A confused expression drew his eyebrows together before the moment was lost and Angela realized he’d arrived.
“My brother! That’s my brother. He told me he’d come. Here he is.” She spoke overly loud and nearly knocked into Megan in her attempt to reach Dawson. Then she clung to him as if he were a lifeline, and, wearing an affectionate smile, he let her squeeze him tight.
She might’ve hung on to him for the duration of the visit if she hadn’t spotted Sadie. At that point, she let go, but before he could even introduce them, she saw Jayden. Then everything changed. With a gasp of absolute joy, she burst into tears. “Dawson!” she cried. “You brought me a little boy? You know I always wanted one! You were too big. I never got to carry you around. I couldn’t lift you even once. But I loved you anyway,” she was quick to add. “You’re a good brother. I’m just so happy to have a little one.”
With that she scooped a surprised Jayden into her arms and swung him around, laughing and crying at the same time. “I can’t believe it,” she said. “You brought me a little boy. I knew you’d bring me something good, but...this,” she said, as if a child was the fulfillment of all her dreams.
Fortunately, Jayden didn’t object. He tried to push away so he could see into her face, but she was hugging him too fiercely. “I’m going to play with you and sing to you and push you on the tire swing,” she told him. “And I won’t let you get near the pond. The pond’s not safe.” For a moment, her voice took on the qualities of an adult voice, an echo of what she’d probably been told so many times herself. “I just love you,” she added.
When she squeezed him even harder, Jayden looked to Sadie as if to say, “Get me out of here.” But Dawson tossed aside the present he had bought her—a child’s camera—and moved first.
“He’s going to be staying with us for a while, but you don’t get to keep him,” he told his sister. “And you have to stop hugging him so tight, or he won’t want you to touch him. Remember the puppy? How I taught you to hold the puppy?”
“Oh, yeah. I’ll be careful, Dawson. I just forgot. That’s all.” Although she ducked away from her brother so that he couldn’t take Jayden away from her, she did loosen her grip. “I won’t never hurt you,” she told Jayden. “I’ll be so careful, just like the puppy. I never hurt the puppy. My mom was allergic, that’s all. So the puppy had to live with someone else.”
“Angela.”
She was so engrossed in Jayden that Dawson had to say her name twice before he could get her to look up.
“Don’t you want to know who this is?” Dawson indicated Sadie.
“The lady who’s going to let me come home?” Angela guessed.
“You mean from the state? No. Robin Strauss is coming to check the house on Wednesday. This is Jayden’s mother, Sadie. She’s going to be staying with us and helping to take care of you—the way Megan does here.”
“Oh. No.” She shook her head. “I don’t need her, Dawson. Megan’s coming home with me. She’ll take care of me, and I’ll take care of Jayden.”
“Angela, I have to stay here,” Megan said, trying to keep the humor from her voice. “I have other people to care for, remember? What about Scotty, down the hall? And Mary? What would they do without me? You now have Sadie. She’ll love you just as much as I do.”
“And if she can’t stay, neither can Jayden,” Dawson pointed out.
That seemed to get through. “Oh, I didn’t mean she couldn’t stay,” Angela said, quickly retrenching. “You can stay, Sadie, and I’ll help you take care of your little boy.”
“I appreciate that,” Sadie said. “We can all help each other.”
“So you’re not mad at me?” Angela peered closely at her.
Sadie smiled to reassure her. “No. Of course not.”
They gave Angela her camera, which she liked, but she was too preoccupied with Jayden to visit with them for long. Even her beloved brother couldn’t distract her. She took picture after picture of Jayden. Then she “read” him a book she’d obviously memorized and helped him make a bracelet with her bead set.
After about ten minutes, Megan had to leave to see to other responsibilities, which left Sadie alone with Dawson while Angela and Jayden played.
“What do you think?” he asked when the door closed softly behind Megan.
“About...” Sadie responded.
“Angela. Will you be able to cope with her?”
“We should be fine. She seems sweet.”
“She can be a little...determined.”
“She must not be too difficult. Megan seems fond of her.”
“Fortunately, to know her is to love her, but, like anyone, she has her moments.”
“So does Jayden. Everything will be okay.” Sadie averted her gaze, hoping there’d be something to distract them, but Angela and Jayden were still happily engaged in the jewelry-making endeavor—and when she glanced back, Dawson was still watching her.<
br />
“I’m sorry if you regret last night,” he said.
The memories she’d been trying to forget, or at least force into the back of her mind, flooded over her with just that simple statement. “Let’s not talk about it. I was the one who started everything, and I’m embarrassed I came on so strong.”
“Believe me, I didn’t mind.”
She felt her cheeks grow warm at the inflection of his voice. The way he’d said that meant more than the words conveyed.
“Still, you have no reason to apologize for anything.”
He lowered his voice even though Angela and Jayden weren’t paying any attention. “But you do regret it. Is that it? Is that what’s wrong? I hope not, because the fact that we chose to be together won’t change the way I treat you, whether or not you can live at the farm or whether or not you have a job. Sex isn’t a requirement. And I’m not like Sly. You can back away from me at any time, because I’m only interested in what you want to give. Nothing else holds any meaning for me. In case that’s the problem,” he added.
Now he was beginning to guess at what was going on in her head, and he was imagining all the wrong things. She knew he wasn’t like Sly. And she didn’t regret last night—not in the way he assumed. “It’s not that,” she said.
“Then what is it?”
Fear. She was beginning to feel something for him, and she couldn’t allow it. “I can’t afford to build a new relationship here, Dawson, can’t afford to let myself care about anyone or anything. Sly will never leave this place. He was born here. His mother lives here. He loves his job because it makes him feel like a big shot. That alone would be enough to keep him in Silver Springs. Which means I have to go.”
