A Bride's Agreement

by Elaine Bonner

  “Nein.” Regina didn’t need to ask whom Sophie meant. All the way back from Salem, Sophie had railed about how inconsiderate it was of Diedrich not to have mentioned to Regina his conversation with Zeke Roberts. Regina had defended Diedrich, saying it was likely all a misunderstanding, but she couldn’t help sharing a smidgen of her sister’s sentiment.

  Sophie placed a knife and fork at either side of the plate. “I do think you are sehr wise not to reinstate your engagement to Diedrich.” She shrugged. “Who knows what is ever in men’s heads?” With a light laugh, she tapped her own noggin.

  Regina had thought she knew what was in Diedrich’s head and his heart. But now she wasn’t so sure. Yet she declined to comment, not wanting to encourage Sophie. For reasons that remained murky to Regina, Sophie seemed to have taken a negative view of Diedrich.

  For the next several minutes, Regina and Sophie worked together quietly. After a while, Regina noticed her sister glancing toward the house. She assumed Sophie was checking to see when the women might begin to exit the back door with dishes of food.

  Suddenly, Sophie gave a little gasp. “I’d better go check on Henry.” With that, she took off toward the house at a quick trot.

  Regina shook her head and gave a little snort. She would never understand Sophie. Regina herself had put Henry in his little trundle bed for a nap less than half an hour ago, leaving young Margaret Stuckwisch to watch over him. Usually Sophie never checked on Henry until he had slept at least an hour. And this morning, before the women began cooking, Sophie had handpicked Margaret to look after Henry, even commenting on how mature the girl seemed for twelve years old. So it seemed odd Sophie would suddenly become uneasy about Henry.

  Abandoning her effort to decipher what had motivated Sophie’s abrupt departure, Regina reached in the basket for another plate. The touch of a hand—a hard, definitely male hand—on her shoulder brought her upright. Whirling, she met Eli Tanner’s smiling face.

  His smile slipped into a lazy grin. “I was hopin’ I’d get a chance to talk to you alone.”

  Regina frowned, wondering why Eli had decided to join the group of threshers. Or perhaps he had not come for that reason at all. Despite his reason for being here, he was not a welcome sight, and she couldn’t think why she had ever considered him handsome or dashing. At the present, the only emotion he elicited from her was aggravation. “What do you want, Eli? I have work to do.”

  His jaw twitched, but his grin stayed in place. His green eyes held an icy glint. “Mr. Rothhaus—the old German man who works at our mill—said you gave his son the mitten.” Cocking his head to one side, he lifted his chin, planted his feet in a wide stance, and crossed his arms over his broad chest. “So since you ain’t promised now, I thought I’d give you another chance and ask your pa if I might come courtin’.”

  Had Herr Rothhaus encouraged Eli to come and make another offer for her hand? Fury rose in Regina’s chest. How dare the man meddle in her affairs! Diedrich’s father had obviously not changed his mind about her and was trying to get her out of his son’s life for good. Well, she wouldn’t have it. And she wouldn’t have Eli now either, even if he offered her a mansion and untold wealth—which, of course, he couldn’t. Though tempted to take out her anger on the silly young swain before her, Regina got a firm grip on her temper. Herr Rothhaus may have even led Eli to believe Regina would be open to entertain his attentions. She fought for a calm, dispassionate voice. “I am sorry if Herr Rothhaus gave you the wrong idea, Eli. But my feelings have not changed since your Onkel’s barn raising. And it would do you no good to talk to Papa. He will tell you the same.”

  Eli snorted, and his grin twisted into a sneer. “Still stuck on the old man’s son, huh?” He gave a derisive laugh. “Won’t do you any good. Old Rothhaus ain’t never gonna agree to you marryin’ his boy. And accordin’ to him, he and his son are headin’ out west to the goldfields come spring.” Another scornful chuckle. “He told me how you wasn’t born a Seitz but come from bad people.” With a slow, lazy look, he eyed her from head to toe, making her squirm and her stomach go queasy. Then he gave a disinterested shrug. “Don’t matter none to me though. A German’s a German, to my way of thinkin’. But I doubt if all the other fellers around Sauers would see it the same way.” His smirk made her want to slap his face. “I’d advise you to give my offer another think, or you’re liable to end up an old maid.”

  Any remnant of affection she might have held for Eli vanished. Eli Tanner was a slug. It seemed impossible that she had ever entertained the notion of marrying him. Her body trembled with the effort to contain the rage surging through her. She balled her fists so tightly her fingernails bit into her palms. Tears sprang to her eyes, but she quickly blinked them away. She would rather take a beating than have Eli think his words had hurt her.

  Piercing him with her glare, she schooled her voice to a tone as dead flat and icy as a pond on a still January morning. “Like I told you before, my heart is already situated. And if I cannot have the man I love, I will have no one.” She skewered him with an unflinching glare. “And I would rather live happily alone for the rest of my life than spend even an hour with you.”

  He winced, and for an instant his haughty mask crumbled. Regina experienced a flash of remorse for the satisfaction the sight gave her. Her words had found their mark. Eli might be a vain and cocky slug, but she had once encouraged his attention.

  He sneered. “One day you’ll be sorry.” With another snort and a derisive parting look, he turned on his heel and stalked across the yard toward the barn and, she supposed, the wheat field beyond.

  As she watched him walk away, a sob rose up in her throat. Not from regret for what she had said to Eli. She had meant every word. The anguish that gripped her sprang from Eli’s claim that Diedrich and Herr Rothhaus planned to leave Sauers for California. Had Diedrich given up trying to change his father’s mind? Could it be true they were planning to leave next spring? Zeke Roberts thought so.

  Somehow she managed to finish her task as the dinner bell began to ring. With her head down to hide her tears, she started back to the house as a line of women streamed out of the back door, their hands laden with steaming dishes of food.

  Panic flared. She needed time to think and compose herself before facing anyone, including Mama, Sophie, or even Anna Rieckers. Her mind raced to think of a spot where she might escape for a moment of solitude. On impulse, she headed toward the far side of the house and the half-log bench by the little vegetable garden. With the sun directly overhead, the short shadow cast by the house barely reached the bench.

  Sinking to the hard seat warmed by the sun, she hugged herself, trying to still her shaking limbs. She had told Eli the truth, except for one thing. If she lost Diedrich, she would not live happily. She couldn’t imagine her life being happy or even contented without him in it. New tears filled her eyes and cascaded down her face. Diedrich had accused her of not giving God time to work. Now it seemed he had given up on God working altogether. Or had the lure of the goldfields taken first place in his heart again?

  “Regina.” At Diedrich’s soft voice, Regina jerked. Her heart jumped like a deer at a rifle shot then bounded to her throat.

  Standing, she wiped the wetness from her face. “Diedrich.” Her voice came out in a squeak.

  He stepped closer, and she could see the pain in his gray eyes. “I saw you talking to Eli. Is it because the two of you had an argument that you are crying?”

  He had obviously misconstrued the angry exchange he’d just witnessed between her and Eli. His insinuation that she cared enough about Eli for him to make her cry rankled. Did Diedrich think she and Eli were courting again? Had Herr Rothhaus suggested to Diedrich that was the case? Indignation flared in her chest. How could Diedrich believe such a thing, even from his father? It hurt that Diedrich could think her so fickle or her love so untrue that she would entertain attention from Eli or any other man. “Nein… sort of.”

  His gray eyes turned as ha
rd as granite. “Then it is because of Eli you are crying.”

  She met his look squarely. “Nein. I am crying because Eli said you and your Vater are going to California in the spring,” she blurted. The floodgates holding back her emotions burst inside her, allowing fresh tears to spill down her cheeks. “And Eli was not the first to tell me you are leaving.” She told him what she had heard from Zeke Roberts at the Fourth of July picnic. “So when were you planning to tell me? Next spring?”

  He groaned. Two quick strides brought him to her side. “Regina, I told you the truth when I said I had no more interest in going to the goldfields. I spoke to Zeke before I knew you loved me. And I never promised him I would leave Sauers.” He frowned. “If he told you I did, he is wrong. There was no deal, no handshake.” He glanced down. “Only if I knew I had lost all hope of winning your love would I have considered leaving Sauers for California.” His voice softened with his gaze. “I could not bear the thought of staying here and being reminded of what I had lost every day for the rest of my life.” A sad smile lifted the corner of his mouth, and he took her hands in his. “But Gott had mercy on me and granted me your love.” Then his smile faded, and he let go of her hands. “Or has He?”

  “What do you mean?” A finger of anger flicked inside her. So he did think she was encouraging Eli’s attention.

  His jaw worked, and he glanced toward the garden as if allowing himself a moment to gather his thoughts and perhaps rein in his emotions. At length he turned a blank face to her, but his voice sounded tight. “When I went looking for you at the Entebrocks’ threshing, I heard you telling someone not to kiss you. Then when I reached the side of the house where you were, I thought I saw Eli disappear around the corner of the house. And just now, I see him talking to you again.”

  If she were not so angry and Diedrich’s accusations were not so completely ludicrous, Regina might have laughed. Instead, she planted her fists against her waist to stop her body from trembling with fury and glared at him. “Diedrich Rothhaus! How dare you accuse me of consorting with Eli behind your back!” She hated the traitorous tears slipping down her cheeks. “I never saw Eli at the Entebrocks’ threshing. I do not know what you thought you saw, but like I told you then, I was playing with Henry. He was trying to kiss me with his dirty face, and I was telling him to stop.”

  To his credit, Diedrich’s expression turned sheepish. Then he glanced toward the side yard, and his Adam’s apple moved with his swallow. “But Eli was here with you now.”

  “Ja!” She puffed out an exasperated breath. “Because your Vater told him we are no longer promised, he came again to ask if he could court me.”

  “And what did you tell him?” A muscle in his jaw twitched.

  It took all Regina’s strength not to stomp off in a huff. Dear Lord, why did You make men with such hard heads? Drawing a fortifying breath, she prayed for patience and searched his pain-filled eyes. “What do you think I told him, Diedrich? I told him the only thing my heart would let me tell him—that I love you. And if I cannot have you, I will marry no one. I sent him away and told him never to come asking me again.” She stumbled back to the bench through blinding tears. Sinking to the wooden seat, she hugged herself with her arms and stared unseeing toward the garden. “But if you cannot trust my love, I do not see how we can marry—even if your Vater gives us his blessing.” Her voice snagged on the ragged edge of a sob.

  He came and sat beside her and slipped his arm around her. “Forgive me, mein Liebchen.” His voice sagged with remorse. “It is just that we must be apart so much. We cannot talk and share what is in each other’s hearts and minds.” He lifted her chin with his forefinger and turned her face to his. “I am ashamed for questioning your love, even for an instant. But you also thought I was planning again to go to California. Because we cannot talk to each other, it becomes easier to imagine things that are not so and causes us to question each other’s love.”

  What he said made sense, but his mention of California reminded her of another question that had niggled at her mind since her conversation with Eli. “It is hard for me to believe your Vater decided on his own that the two of you should go to California. Did you tell him about your earlier plans to go out west to hunt for gold? And if you did, why would you tell him if you are not still planning to go there?”

  Turning from her, Diedrich blew out a long breath. Leaning forward, he gazed out over the garden, his arms resting on the tops of his thighs and his hands clasped between his knees. “I had forgotten about the map to the goldfields I put in the back of the Heilige Schrift. One evening Vater found it.” He gave a short, sarcastic laugh. “Now he is convinced this is what Gott wants us to do.”

  Disappointment pinched Regina’s heart. “And you let him think you would go to California with him?”

  Diedrich winced. “At first.” His voice dipped with remorse. “It was too soon after we had made amends. I did not wish to cause another argument. But after Herr Entebrock’s threshing…” He shook his head. “I knew I must begin to fight harder for you… for us.” He straightened then turned and took her hands. “That evening, I told Vater I still love you and hope to convince you again to agree to marry me. I told him if I could convince you to reinstate our engagement, I would not be going to California.”

  Regina’s heart trembled, imagining Herr Rothhaus’s angry face at Diedrich’s admission. The thought stole the breath from her voice. “What did he say?”

  Diedrich let go of her hands and turned back to the garden. “He laughed.” A mixture of pain and anger crossed his scowling features. “Not a big laugh. Just a deep, quiet laugh, as if he pitied me. He said I would change my mind come spring.”

  At Diedrich’s words, the hope Regina had nurtured that his father would soon repent and grant them his blessing to marry, withered. “So—so your Vater has shown no sign of changing his mind about giving us his blessing?” An errant tear escaped the corner of her left eye.

  Diedrich shook his head. “Nein.” He said the word so softly she scarcely heard it. He brushed the tear away from her cheek with his thumb. “That is why I came looking for you. We have tried this your way. But every time I try to speak to Vater about you—begging him to find some scrap of forgiveness in his heart for you, an innocent—he closes his ears and walks away.”

  He stood, and she followed. In the moment of stillness between them, she could hear the other men laughing and talking as they ate at the tables in the yard. Diedrich took her hands again. “I have tried, Regina. But I am now even more convinced your parents are right. I think the only thing that will change Vater’s mind is if he sees we are determined to marry.” He gave her hands a gentle squeeze. The plea in his eyes ripped at her tattered heart. “Please, mein Liebling, will you not reconsider reinstating our engagement? The scriptures tell us in Hebrews 11:1, ‘Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.’ And our Lord tells us in Matthew 17:20, ‘If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.’ I am convinced Gott will change Vater’s heart. But Gott is waiting, I think, for us to show our faith in Him. Regina, can you not find in your heart faith the size of a mustard seed?”

  The scriptures Diedrich quoted convicted Regina, pricking her with guilt. Like her parents, Diedrich seemed sure this approach would soon turn his father’s heart around. But what if it didn’t? How long could Regina and Diedrich wait on the Lord to work? And what if spring came and Diedrich was forced again to choose between her and his father?

  Sophie’s stern admonition echoed again in Regina’s mind. “Under no circumstances should you reinstate your engagement unless Herr Rothhaus grants you and Diedrich his blessing.” She thought again of the young woman Sophie had told her about whose new husband left her and returned to his parents’ home. Not for one instant did Regina think her good and noble Diedrich would do anything of the sort. But if Papa, Mama,
and Diedrich were all wrong and reinstating her engagement to Diedrich did not budge Herr Rothhaus from his position, next spring everyone would once again face the same impasse. No. Breaking her engagement to Diedrich the first time had nearly ripped her heart out. She wasn’t sure she’d have the courage to break it a second time. Better to take Sophie’s advice and wait for Herr Rothhaus’s blessing.

  Regina shook her head sadly. “Nein. I wish my faith was as strong as yours, but it is not.”

  Diedrich’s Adam’s apple moved with his swallow. A look of anguish darkened his gray eyes. “Then perhaps Vater is right. Maybe there is nothing here for me in Sauers. Maybe it is best if I go look for gold in California after all.”

  CHAPTER 25

  Squinting against the rising sun, Regina trudged numbly through the dewy grass. Diedrich’s parting words yesterday afternoon played in torturous repetition in her head. Each time his words flayed her heart as if scourging it with a briar cane.

  She gripped the rope handle of the bucket filled with potato peelings until the rough fibers bit into her hand. If only she could have as strong a faith as Diedrich and Mama and Papa. Of course God could change Herr Rothhaus’s heart. Of this, she had no doubt. But the nagging thought that lurked in the darkest recesses of her mind slunk out again to whisper its insidious question. Does He want to? Though she loved Diedrich with all her heart and he professed the same for her, what if, for reasons beyond their understanding, God opposed their union? In that case, nothing they tried would nudge Herr Rothhaus from his stubborn stance.

  The scripture Papa read last night from the book of Isaiah joined with her own melancholy contemplations to fill her heart with doubt. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”