Want To Hate You ... Too Bad I Love You

by Melanie Marks

“I mean, what you’re feeling—I feel it too.”

  I plop into the nearest chair. In a husky whisper I ask, “And what am I feeling?”

  He shrugs, then says matter-of-factly, “You feel like you like me.”

  A surge of warm tingles rush through my body at his words. But I try to fight the euphoria. I mean, this is teasing Noah. Player Noah.

  “Noah,” I sigh, trying to keep my wits. And deny. I breathe out a lie, “I don’t even know you.”

  He grins weakly. “Yeah, you do. You know me, Peyton. I’m IDespiseSonny123.”

  CHAPTER 34

  NOAH

  NOAH

  When me and my mom first moved in with Peyton’s dad, I knew Peyton was bitter. I mean, she refused to come to the wedding or even meet us.

  But Peyton was my stepsister. So, it was … interesting to me. I mean, I never had one—a sister. In fact, I never had any family but my mom.

  I used to go into Peyton’s abandoned room sometimes when we first moved there. Just to see what she was like. There were lots of pictures all over her room—mostly her with that cheerleader chick, Mason Archer’s ex-stepsister (and, as an interesting side-note, his secret crush)—Summer Baker.

  Besides the many, many pictures, there were also posters. Tons of them. And quotes from this incredibly lame boy-band, Sonny and the Locks.

  Seeing her room, and snooping through her abandoned stuff, I just started feeling like I kind of knew her—and liked her. And I wanted to get to know more about her. She was my stepsister after all. Never had one of those—like I said. I was curious. So I started looking on the Internet for her—on social media sites and stuff.

  Then I found her—well, I was pretty sure. It was this chick-blog. Her name wasn’t on it, of course. But it was called ‘Is anyone out there?’ (It’s lyrics from the boy-band) and it totally fit the girl. This girl that lost her dad, and her whole life to go live on a mountain. I mean she moved away from all her friends, her whole life, to live in isolation—all to support her crazy psycho artist mom.

  Okay, to be fair, I’d only heard my mom’s side of the story. And I’m sure it was twisted and skewed by Peyton’s dad, otherwise my mom wouldn’t have been willing to breakup a marriage. All I really knew for sure was, Peyton’s mom was an amazing artist. Well, that—and Peyton was lonely.

  Her blog kind of proved that. It had no followers, and it was obvious that she didn’t expect anyone to actually read her posts. She would get random comments—sometimes. Usually when she would post something specific about the band. But she had absolutely no comments on her own life stuff. And yeah, zero followers. So … I followed her. And commented on her posts. All of her posts.

  It was just to prove someone was out there.

  That someone cared.

  CHAPTER 35

  NOAH

  NOAH

  When Peyton had to move in with us, I already knew she was bitter about the divorce. I mean, obviously. Since I read her blog. Plus, there was the glaring fact she refused to go to the wedding, or even see her dad. So, I knew she’d be a bit of a witch to us. I was expecting it. And planned to overlook it. I got where she was coming from. I planned to melt her with kindness—be a brother to her and show her that things aren’t that bad.

  But I was in for a shock when she got here. I knew she was pretty. I mean, I’d never met her in person since she despised us all and wanted us dead. But I’d seen pictures of her. Lots of pictures. So, yeah, I’d known she was pretty. But when she got here and I saw her in person—man! I was not expecting that—her to be so heart-stopping, mind-blowing gorgeous. And the weird thing was, I could tell she had no clue she was. She had no idea she was gorgeous. Her mom had hidden her away. So … she didn’t know.

  Anyway, she took my breath away.

  And I was like, Oh man, this is going to be bad.

  But no.

  I was determined to be a good guy. So, after getting over how beautiful she was (and giving myself a moment to breathe—and okay, witness in true life she hated me) I was able to pull it together.

  I told myself—So, she’s pretty. So what? There are lots of pretty girls around …

  But then I was like: —but they don’t live in my house. Or write poems, and dance like a graceful ballerina.

  But then I was like: Whatever, the chick hates me. And she’s been hurt. She’s damaged and needs a brother—not a dirt-wad guy (aka: the normal me). I can be a brother—after all, I’d planned to do that. Be that. Nothing’s changed.

  So, I pulled it together. Saw her (pretty much) just as a sister—a damaged one.

  But then, man. She kissed me. That changed everything. Because that kiss—that was not a ‘sister’ kiss. And sure didn’t stir up brotherly feelings inside me.

  I was pretty messed up after that.

  I started to think: Man, why would our parents plant a gorgeous girl right in front of me, then run off on trip after trip? Actually leave me alone with her?

  And I was also scratching my head, wondering non-stop: Why does everyone keep acting like a gorgeous, fun girl is not my type???—a hot dancer that smells so good? I guess maybe it’s because she doesn’t have experience? But don’t they know I could give her experience? That I would be thrilled to give her experience?

  I decided: I guess her dad thinks it’s fine, because she’s made it clear, I’m not her type. Who knows? Maybe he planted the gorgeous girl in my care to torture me. It’s working. ‘Cause man, I’m dying a slow death.

  CHAPTER 36

  NOAH

  NOAH

  When I brought Peyton home from that party—honestly thought I was saving her from Spencer and an awkward, unwanted encounter—I had only one thought in my head: I needed to kiss another girl. Any girl. Hard and long and mind-numbing. To get my mind off my stepsister’s kiss. I was pretty sure it wouldn’t work, though. Still, I intended to try. Hard.

  CHAPTER 37

  NOAH

  NOAH

  Before leaving the house to attack a girl—crash my mouth on hers and try to crush the thoughts of Peyton’s tantalizing kiss that was now haunting my tortured love-struck brain—I heard Peyton on the phone, talking to Summer. And I realized with a groan, I blew it for her. I dragged her away from the party, and she had actually liked Spencer. She’d wanted to kiss him.

  It had kind of killed me a little hearing that. But well, if she liked Spencer—okay. I had to deal with that (though man, that kiss.) So, really, the whole thing blew. But I figured I could fix things—and really it would be better, right? If she was tight with Spencer, it would be easier to keep my hands off her. And my mind off her. And my poor, craving lips off her.

  Only then, I got to the hockey party, and my heart got jabbed. I realized I was too late. Spencer had already hooked up with another girl. A very easy girl.

  I blew sweet Peyton’s chance at her first boyfriend.

  This being an awesome brother stuff was not working out the way I planned.

  I mean, I now wanted her in a very un-brotherly way, and actually dragged her away from her dream guy.

  I sort of sucked as a brother.

  I didn’t like owning that.

  CHAPTER 38

  NOAH

  NOAH

  At the party, I ran a hand over my face, unable to get Peyton out of my head.

  But I tried. Really hard. I was up close and personal with a bunch of different mouths and tongues and bodies—and at the same time, I was trying to ‘un-interest’ myself in Peyton. I mean, get back on the ‘brother’ track.

  My confused thoughts went pretty much like this—… well, I’m not going to tell you how they went. But they didn’t go the way I intended. Instead, it ended up being every girl I kissed at the party turned into a fantasy of me kissing Peyton.

  So, instead of me telling you my guy thoughts during that party, I’m going to give you an excerpt from my thoughts a couple days before that—when my thoughts were fairly angelic, and un-hormonal, and … nice.

 
See I had to write this “thing” in my English class. Since the teacher said it wouldn’t be graded or even read, I wrote about Peyton. Just because I liked thinking about Peyton—she was like a puppy to me, something I’d always wanted, and now it was right in my house. And it made cupcakes and soap.

  She sings Sonny and the locks in the shower. Man, she’s such a goofy cute little kid. She makes me smile…. Though, okay, I have to admit, she doesn’t seem like a kid to me anymore. I mean, when she first came to our house she didn’t either. She took my breath away … and sort of spoiled my plans to be the ultimate big brother to her (although, okay, we’re the same age—still, I’d planned to be protective … and perfect). But her unexpected hotness kind of made that hard. However, I got over it pretty fast … pretty much. I mean, she was so cute when she got caught eating my awesome lasagna—in the dark.

  And the way she tried so hard to be mean, when you could just tell she was the nicest, sweetest person in the world. (And she makes her own soap) (And sings boy-bands in the shower).

  I wrote on and on. When I was finished, I was like—wow, realizing I’d come a long way from the first moment I’d seen Peyton. It had taken a lot of willpower, but I had stayed on the path, being her brother.

  But THEN she kissed me. Oh, man.

  All my “brother” plans took a dive out the window.

  In case it’s not clear: I had a bad night at the party. For one thing, now all I wanted to do was be with Peyton. For another, I now knew she wanted another guy. And then to top it off, I had to deal with the agonizing thought it was my fault she didn’t nab her guy. I mean, she’d totally had her chance, and I dragged her away from it.

  I couldn’t deal with that.

  So, that actually helped. Helped me once again start to pull it back together—once again get with the ‘brother’ thing … but THEN I walked in on her in her underwear!! I saw my dream-girl practically naked. So, the end. No more brother stuff. Sorry.

  CHAPTER 39

  Peyton

  Peyton

  I blink, totally confused at what Noah just told me.

  He says it again. Like to confirm it. “Peyton, you know me. I’m IDespiseSonny123. I learned how to make lasagna for you. I practiced it. Perfected it over the years—for you. For when you came here—so you could have at least one thing—something—that you liked when you got here.”

  Trembling, I whisper in awe, “You’re IDespiseSonny123?”

  He nods.

  I swallow, trying so hard to believe it, but it seems too wonderful and amazing and astounding to really be true. “You’ve been following me all these years?”

  His answer is a slow, silent nod.

  My heart explodes.

  He says softly, “I just wanted you to know someone was out there. Someone cared.”

  I can feel tears welling in my eyes.

  Lots of times I felt like I had no family. But I guess I did. Not a reliable mom or dad. But whether I’m fully able to believe it or not, Noah has proven himself to be reliable. He was there for me. He’s my family. Maybe all I really have … but maybe he’s all I need. He was there with me when I felt all alone. The only person.

  I guess maybe a brother is what I’ve needed all along.

  When I try to explain this to Noah, he shakes his head, looking kind of sad.

  “No, I mean it,” I tell him earnestly. “Noah, you’re my family. I’m so thankful that I have you—that you’re my brother.”

  He clears his throat, shaking his head again. “Peyton, I hate to break it to you, but I’m not exactly feeling brotherly towards you these days.”

  He stares into my eyes, making me dizzy. He wets his lip and then says meaningfully, “I missed you a lot while you were at your mom’s.”

  CHAPTER 40

  NOAH

  NOAH

  When Peyton went to her mom’s house, I spent the entire time thinking about her … in a totally not brotherly way.

  And at night I kept waking up in a cold sweat, worried she wouldn’t come back. That she would stay at her mom’s forever.

  So, when she finally came back I was breathless. And I knew I had it bad.

  “Man,” I groaned. “I’m in love with Peyton.”

  I was not pleased.

  CHAPTER 41

  Peyton

  Peyton

  Noah grins at my stunned expression. He says with a tiny laugh, “I’m sorry Peyton. Brotherly—that’s not exactly a word I would use to describe the feelings I’ve had for you lately. In fact, it’s like the total opposite of that word.”

  Unable to digest what he’s saying without embarrassingly spontaneously bursting into confetti, I quickly change the subject. Back to one I still can’t wrap my mushy, awe-struck brain around.

  I whisper in reverent awe, “You’re IDespiseSonny123.”

  He grins at my coming back to that (and changing the subject from his ‘non-brotherly’ thoughts).

  He nods. “I’m IDespiseSonny123. So, yeah, I know you, Peyton. And more than that, you know me. And you like me.”

  He stares into my eyes. “I’ve been following you all these years, Peyton.”

  Feeling tears of emotion welling in my eyes again, I choke out, “Why?”

  He runs a hand through his hair, he shrugs, “I don’t know. I guess, at first, it was just because you seemed lonely.”

  I wince. I feel like I’ve been slugged hard in the stomach by his answer. Like Bianca was right after all. I swallow hard. “So that’s why you’ve been so nice to me?—you feel sorry for me?”

  “Yeah, that’s why,” he says total deadpan.

  He gives me a playful smirk. “Look you’re not exactly ugly, okay? So, I’ve been having duel feelings running though me, and they are kind of ripping me in half. One part of me wants to be brotherly towards you—but the other part of me … well, like I said, the other part of me isn’t feeling brotherly. At all. And that part of me keeps creeping in and making me kiss you and stuff.”

  I whisper, “I like the kissing.”

  He grins. “Well, I like giving you what you want.”

  I breathe out a laugh. “Well, I’d like to hear you sing Sonny and the Locks.”

  He groans, but then raises his eyebrows with a grin. “Right now?”

  I nod, still laughing.

  To my total amazement, and thrilled delight, he starts singing my favorite Sonny song—loud and bad.

  “Okay, okay, I believe you,” I tell him.

  He raises an eyebrow. “Are you saying you want me to stop?”

  “I’m saying I want you to do that other thing that I like.”

  He tilts his head, a smile creeping on his lips. “The kiss?”

  Going up in flames, I nod.

  Immediately, he’s next to me, smiling so big. He takes me in his heavenly arms, sending happy tingles through my delighted body. He whispers in my ear, “You know Spencer isn’t around, right?”

  I nod, unable to speak as his warm lips softly brush against mine.

  “So you want this? You want me?” His question sends a thrill through my entire body. I murmur breathlessly, “More than anything.”

  He grins against my mouth. “Like I said, I like giving you what you want.”

  Then he kisses me hungrily.

  EPILOG

  So that was our first date. The ‘fake’ date ended up to be a real date. One of two-hundred-thousand-million. What I’m saying is—it was just the beginning. The beginning of awesomeness.

  As for the rest of my family, they’re not perfect, but I know they love me. They do. They’re just soooo not perfect … but Noah is. And he loves me too.

  Really!

  He said so. Right in my ear. On our first date. And then a hundred-thousand times after.

  LOVE!!!!!!!!!!

  So, Is anyone out there? Yes. And he loves me dearly.

  His lasagna told me so.

  (Plus he spontaneously sings me Sonny songs.)

  (And hey, he does mini-golf f
or me. All the time.)

  And …

  Well, the list goes on and on and on.

  Like I said, Noah is perfect.

  And he’s my BOYFRIEND!!!!!

  Yay spin-the-bottle!

  Yay Bianca!

  And—most of all—YAY ME!!!!!

  Oh, by the way, we’re in college now together. I guess I should mention that.

  Like I said, YAY!!

  ****************

  Update: Keep reading. There are now two more teen stories in this book after the following book info. (One is an hour read; the other is a full-length teen novel.)

  Note about the story you just read: Peyton’s friends, Zoey and Riley, from the restaurant Peyton works at, are from the book, Fall For Me. (It’s only a dollar right now.)

  Peyton’s best friend, Summer Baker, and her secret crush on her stepbrother, Mason Archer, are from the novel, Louder Than Words. (There is a peek of Louder Than Words on the next page, then there are two more novels.)

  Note From the Author, Melanie Marks:

  I hope you liked the book.

  There will be more to their story in the future.

  If you would like to receive email notifications of my newest books, email me at:

  MelanieMarksBooks@marksfam.com

  Note: If you want to read more about Peyton’s friends, Zoey and Riley, from the restaurant Peyton works at, read Melanie Marks’ book, Fall For Me. (It’s only a dollar right now.) If you want to read more about Peyton’s best friend, Summer Baker, and her secret crush on her stepbrother, Mason Archer, read Melanie’s novel, Louder Than Words. (The first few chapters of Louder Than Words are provided next, but then keep reading as there now two more teen novels added to this book. They are: Blackmailed by the Hot Boy and Ex-boyfriend.)