Coming Home Again (A Coming Home Again Novel Book 1)

by Lowe, T. I.

  One of them looks up at me and says, “That ain’t no lesson!”

  “It sounds like pretty sound advice to me. I mean, who wants to mess themselves while sleeping?” I wrinkle my nose for emphasis. “I read that somewhere and let me tell you, I’ve never forgot it.” I conclude my lesson with a wave and head once again for the door.

  “What’s your name?” one of them yells.

  “Pudding Tang,” I say. There’s no way I’m telling these kids my name so they can go tell their parents that Savannah told them such mess.

  I laugh at this unexpected afternoon while I clean the kitchen. Once I’m done, I send Lucas a text. I wish I had the wits to share my encounter with him but decide to save it for another time.

  Me: I love you.

  Lucas: I love you more.

  Me: I miss you.

  He fires right back: I miss you more.

  I perch on a stool at the kitchen counter with my tea while memories of that last significant year of college keep me company. Lucas showed me what real love was that year. I know what you’re thinking so let me just go ahead and clear that up for you. Lucas’s showing me love did not include sex. Some heated kissing sessions maybe, but that was as far as I’d let him go.

  He joked around one night after I pushed him away. “What? Am I going to have to marry you just so I can get lucky?” I knew he was just trying to ease the tension caused by my apprehension. Panic attacks were always begging to emerge, and it took a lot to keep them in check—especially when I allowed him in my personal space.

  In the midst of that turbulent time, Lucas took it upon himself to become my ally against panic attacks. Sometimes he could chase the attack away with joking, while other times it demanded attention and we would have to declare defeat.

  One night I awoke from one of my reoccurring nightmares and couldn’t shake the panic from me no matter how hard I tried. I just didn’t want to take a pill. My stubborn self wanted to prove to the attack that I was boss, but I was losing the battle rapidly. I paced the length of the apartment for a spell with no relief before deciding to plop on the couch. As the attack latched on, my skin pricked and I broke out in a cold sweat in defense. Lucas begged me to give in and take the dang pill as he tried unsuccessfully to comfort me, but all I would do is shake my head. So that man of mine had at one point reached his limit with both me and the attack. Before I could comprehend his actions, Lucas had picked me up off the couch and carried me right outside in the midst of a rain shower. The cold rain sent a shock over me that demanded I focus on it. We were soaked through within seconds. The combination of the cold rain and the whooshing sound worked like magic.

  Lucas set me down on my feet abruptly and began dancing me around the small court yard silently, surprising me further. Under the watery glow of the courtyard lights, he was stunning with his shirt plastered to his well-defined chest—my strong protector. I knew I was in love, no matter the fact that I didn’t really understand it. Now I realize love is something that occurs on its own accord with or without your permission. I certainly did not give permission, but it happened.

  The feeling of ease had washed over me right along with the rain that night as Lucas lightly pushed my soaked hair away from my face. The look of awe and affection softened his features as he skimmed his knuckles along my cheek and whispered into the rain, “Beautiful.” And that’s exactly what he has always made me feel like, even though I carry such a vulgar, ugly past. Even in my worst moments, he has never made me feel that I meant any less to him than in our best moments.

  We danced with our shoes splashing through water puddles until I was able to brush the remnants of the attack off. As he twirled me around, I couldn’t help but giggle with relief. My saving grace had not given up on me and somehow figured out how to guide me through many stormy issues with steady patience and unconditional love.

  There are days now that the attacks start winning. It’s like the tension of my demons build up until my body demands I release it. The tingling and rapid heart rate will start taking effect, so I will go seek out my protector. All I have to do is walk up to him and say I feel like dancing in the rain. He will drop whatever he is doing, take me by the hand, and escort me outside. Rain or shine, day or night, Lucas will help me dance away my attacks. Sometimes it is a slow silent dance and other times it’s a silly dance that is always performed in front of whoever may pass by. I think this helps too—being aware that others see me. It helps me snap out of it. Well…most of the time.

  I’m not going to even go near the honeymoon night episode with you. Let’s just say, the marriage bed did not go smoothly for quite a long time. Unfortunately, a few panic attacks escalated to the point of emergency room visits. Some demons were harder to battle.

  I’m getting ahead of myself a bit. Anyway, that year of my life flew by too quickly. I was one of those students who actually didn‘t want school to end. One of my biggest problems about finishing school was that I still had no earthly idea what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I was content with how things were, but I did have enough sense to realize it couldn’t last forever. My worst fear after graduation was I would have to crawl back home to Jean. The closer graduation came, the more it sunk in that I was going to have to do just that. I dreaded the reality of actually having to go back home. I had no other choice, and I knew Jean would relish in my failure.

  Lucas’s future was totally opposite of my own. He already had things lined up perfectly. He was moving back up north. The graduate program that he had been accepted to was near his home. He was looking forward to being back near his parents, which was beyond my understanding. Our families were total opposites.

  Lucas was born into a successful, loving, upper-class family who’s very close knit. His dad, Robert Monroe, was the CEO of a multi-million dollar investment firm that he founded, until Lucas took over after graduate school. Although my father-in-law is a very wealthy businessman, family always comes first. He absolutely adores his down-to-earth wife, Kathleen and he is the doting father to three sons who each look like he could have spit them right out of his mouth. All three boys have the trademark Monroe look of curly, brown hair and hazel eyes. Robert Jr., also known as Robbie, is the oldest, with Jackson following behind him by only sixteen months. The baby, Lucas, followed Jackson by only eighteen months. Stepping stones, just as their parents had wanted. Poor Kathleen threw in the towel once the third boy arrived and gave up on the chance of ever producing a daughter. Never one for negativity, Kathleen loved to brag about being the only girl in the house and that her men treated her as the Betty Crocker Queen. They absolutely adore her. Lucas grew up in a house that he described as always smelling like fresh baked cookies and always overflowing with laughter.

  Robbie is the athletic son. Football and wrestling were his main priorities during high school. After earning his master’s degree in business, he gladly joined in the family business.

  Jackson has always been called the brainy middle child. He loves graphic arts, and can play a piano so sweetly it can make you cry. Well, you maybe. Not me. I wish. The high school valedictorian went to an Ivy League college and now heads up the advertising branch of the company.

  Lucas is a mixture of his two older brothers. He played soccer in high school and graduated with honors. He chose to go to a less prestigious college so that he could explore life down south for a while. He promised his parents he would go to a graduate school close to home so that he could intern with his father. And he did. Lucas and his brothers are such well-rounded young men. Definitely a bunch of momma’s boys. They are a reflection of a stable home life and sound child rearing from their parents.

  Even though his dad is a very dedicated businessman, he never works past five o’clock and never on weekends. This is how he runs his company, and he is just as successful as the CEOs who worked themselves to death. He shared one quality with my dad, and that was how well they took care of their employees. That had always stuck out to me about my dad,
and it was nice to see Lucas’s dad was the same way.

  I was desperately sad at the idea of having to be apart from Lucas, and the ache grew severe the closer we got to graduation. It also broke my heart that it didn’t seem to bother him at all. He was so excited about getting on with his future—grinning nonstop and even a bit more talkative than his norm. I finally had to come to the realization that I was only a part of college life for him and now he was ready to move on. I didn’t blame him per se, but it still stung.

  Two weeks before graduation, Lucas came home with lots of empty boxes. I was depressed at the sight of them. I knew it was the end of the contented life I had with him, and it was time to pack those comfortable memories up. I stood there frowning at the boxes, while he looked at me with a silly grin.

  “You didn’t think this mess was going to pack itself, did you?” And with that, we began packing up the apartment. First, we sorted through what was mine and what was his, which was mostly his. We boxed it all up separately. I let it be known that this was not something exciting to me. I stomped around and would snap at him when he was too cheerful. I definitely showed my grouchy side. I figured it didn’t matter if he liked how I was acting or not. “Us” seemed to be coming to a close right along with college. We were still packing the day of graduation.

  “Would you mind sorting through a few boxes in the back room while I finish up in the bathroom?” He said this so chipper that it pushed an instant frown on my face. He was so excited because his parents were driving down to watch him graduate. He was also graduating at the top in his class. I was proud of him as well as envious at the same time. Lucas had his act together, and he had a well thought-out path awaiting him. Not me. I was completely clueless and the only path I saw had a dead-end.

  I had sent my parents an invitation, but my dad called to inform me that they would not be able to break away due to the busy tourist season erupting. All I could think about was how that was a bunch of bull. I also sent Julia one but I never received a reply from her. Only an envelope with two one-hundred dollar bills came with her address on it. I guess she was too busy to pick up a card or to scribble a few lines on a piece of paper. I sent her a blank thank you note in return. Julia always got my wicked sarcasm, and I knew she would totally get it with the blank card. I should have been more appreciative that she took enough time to throw some money in an envelope for me. After all, it was more than what I could say for my own mother.

  After the phone call with my dad, I threw myself a little pity party. After about an hour of that whiny crap, I got good and mad. I came to the conclusion that I had made it through the past four years of college all on my own, and I definitely didn’t want them to show up and take any credit for my hard work. That’s what I tried to convince myself of anyway. The closer the time came for the ceremony, the more I wished the jerks were going to be there anyway.

  “Come on grumpy butt, get the lead out. We’ve got to get your stuff out before my parents show up and start asking too many questions,” Lucas said as he walked by and placed a kiss on my cheek. “There are two boxes in my room that I think some of your stuff got mixed in.”

  I hesitantly made my way to the back to his room as Mr. Happy-go-Lucky had asked of me. I began slinging the boxes open, mumbling under my breath the entire time about how it was mostly his crap and he should be the one to go through it. I completed one box. Shoving it out the way, I quickly moved to the next. I was so ready to be done with it. When I tore open the last box, I found a small satin jewelry box sitting on top. I had never seen it before, and so my nosy-self decided to find out what was inside. As I flipped it open, I discovered disappointedly that it was empty. I turned to throw it in the trash and almost hit Lucas with it. I had not realized he had been standing at the door watching me the entire time.

  “Don’t throw that away!” Bending down to pick the empty box up off the ground, I watched Lucas’s warm brown locks fall across his forehead. I had to swallow hard for already missing that little unruly detail of him. “Something very special goes in here.” He brushed the hair away, revealing his beautiful eyes sparkling with his every word. As he walked towards me, he pulled from his pocket the most delicate diamond ring I had ever seen. I confusingly looked at the beautiful diamond set in white gold and then at Lucas. He was grinning ear to ear as he had been doing the entire week. All he said as he slipped the hopeful ring on my finger was, “You didn’t actually think I was going to leave without you, did you?”

  And that was all it took. It was the most perfect proposal to me. That was the only future plan I needed. Lucas wanted to keep me, and I was content with whatever else happened.

  I believe I floated through the graduation ceremony later that day. I had a permanent grin on my face, and I couldn’t stop looking at the magnificent ring on my finger. Lucas’s family members were the only familiar faces in the crowd. They cheered me on just as they did Lucas, and that made me feel a little less disappointed in my family for not being there.

  Afterwards, Lucas’s mom put together a surprise combination graduation and engagement party for Lucas and me at one of the hotel banquet halls near the campus. His entire family knew of him planning to propose to me on the day of graduation. I guess they were pretty confident that I would say yes because there was even a mini wedding cake presented for Lucas and me to cut just as we would on our wedding day. Kathleen always went above and beyond for her children. She spoiled each one of them. I do believe she spoiled me just as well, if not better. It was a wonderful night of celebration. A great memory that I like to revisit often.

  ~ ~ ~

  I’m getting right lonely, so I rinse my glass and head to my place of refuge. I pull up in Miss May’s yard a few minutes later and find her on the porch, slumped down in a rocking chair and snoring as loud as any grown man can.

  “So this is what old, retired women do with their free time,” I say loudly as I shake her awake in a less than polite way. She loves me anyway.

  “Why, I wouldn’t know,” Miss May snaps groggily and sits up a bit straighter. “This is what this old, employed woman does until her idiot boss decides to open the restaurant back up. If you don’t do it soon, I’m gonna die right here in this chair of pure boredom.”

  “You still don’t work at the restaurant, do you?” I ask in amazement.

  “Why not? The only thing wrong with me is that I’m old.”

  I occupy the rocking chair beside her. “Well. You shouldn’t have to be bored much longer. John Paul will probably reopen by the weekend.”

  Miss May cuts me a look I can’t decipher. “I think it’s time you get your butt back home. Girl, you standing on the doorsteps of thirty years old. You need to get on with life and grow up.”

  Yep. I knew she would tell me whether I liked it or not. Maybe I should have just let her have that nap…

  “Miss May, I just don’t think I can ever come home again. It’s just too—”

  “Home ain’t that big white house that prissy heifer lives in. Home ain’t no haunted house.” She places her wrinkly hand over her heart. “Home is where yo’ heart leads you and I think it’s past time for yo’ stubborn butt to listen to yours. You ain’t getten’ any younger.”

  There goes that blame age thing again. I just roll my eyes at this. There’s no use arguing with this here lady. Of course, I head on down that path anyway.

  “Julia left way before I decided to. Why is it okay for her and not me?” I question rebelliously as I slap away a few aggravating flies that won’t leave me be.

  “’Cause that child’s heart ain’t here. It never was.” We rock in silence for a stretch before she continues. “Them demons still won’t leave you alone?”

  “Me? Oh, I’m so cured. You’d be real proud of me. I’ve gone through counseling and all that junk,” I say sarcastically. I wave the demons off with my hand dismissively and slap at another blame bug.

  Now she rolls her eyes. “And how’d that work out for you?”


  “What do you think?” I take a deep breath of the hot, humid air. “Just too many demons chasing me around here,” I whisper as I stare out at her tidy lawn. I focus on a rose bush by the driveway, full of white blooms. Julia flickers through my mind, regret washing over me. “I don’t know if I can call Bay Creek home, again.”

  “Bay Creek ain’t done a thing to you. People and life did. Stop blamin’ this here town. Face the mess of it and get on with your life,” she rebukes as she scoots out of her rocking chair, leaving me on the porch alone. A nice breeze finally bristles through and takes the flies with it, thank you!

  I sit, rocking and contemplating what she said, until she returns with two iced tea glasses. We sit in more silence, rocking and sipping our tea until I completely drain my glass. My eyes are starting to float with tea, but it’s so good. You don’t find this tea up north.

  “Miss May, you know I can’t make a decision like this without Lucas.” There’s no bone in my body wanting to live anywhere besides Rhode Island with Lucas.

  “That boy loves you more than his teeth. I bet Lucas would follow you to the end of this here earth, if that’s what would make you happy.”

  “Let’s leave this for another day, okay?” When her head nods in understanding, I place my empty glass on the small table and stand. “Thank you,” I say as I give her a kiss on the cheek and get up to leave.

  She says nothing, just pulls my hand in hers and stares up at me for a spell as if she is relaying a wordless message to me. And she is, because I get it loud and clear that she loves and misses me. I also find the hurt in her dark eyes that has been caused by my absence. I place a quick kiss on the back of her hand to let her know that I’m sorry for causing that pain before heading back to Jean’s house.

  I’m pretty wiped out and really hope to arrive to a quiet house so that I can rest for a little while. As I pull up the driveway, I find the opposite of what I had hoped for. My mood plummets. People are already buzzing in and out.