She Used to Be the Sweetest Girl

by Briann Danae

  Swallowing the huge lump in her throat, Brix willed herself not to cry. She couldn’t cry. He didn’t deserve any more of her tears. She wasted almost a year of crying over him and she vowed to never shed another tear. It wasn’t like she was in the wrong here. For him to say he wanted to protect her heart, had to be a joke. He knew her heart belonged to him, far before he left. He had taken that muthafucka with him and never planned to return it. Brix had to build her a new one. A cold heart. It was what Drew forced her to do.

  “You’re a liar,” she said with a chuckle.

  “What?”

  “You heard me. You’re a liar. You don’t leave the heart you were so called protecting without even giving it a notice. I mean, damn. Do you not even give a fuck about how I was going to feel? You knew my d—,” she stopped to take a deep breath. “You knew my daddy had just been killed and you up and leave. I fucking needed you and you left me. I will never forgive you for that, ever.”

  A lone tear fell from her eye and she quickly brushed it away. The mention of her daddy didn’t always make her cry, but her emotions were on ten today. She hated to admit it, but she needed Drew at that tragic time in her life. Sure, she had her friends and family to support her, but the only other man she loved besides her daddy was supposed to help mend her broken heart. All he did was rip it into pieces, shove them in his pocket and chuck the deuces. For the life of her, she couldn’t understand why. Why did he just up and leave like their love meant nothing at all.

  Rubbing his hand over his face, Drew knew he had to come clean. Seeing her in this much pain was slowly tearing him apart. The speech he had rehearsed repeatedly, somehow left his mind the minute she walked through the door. That was a sign letting him know that he needed to reveal the truth from the heart, no matter how hard it was going to be. Clearing his throat, he sat up straight in his chair and rubbed his neck. He didn’t know how much anger Brix had built up inside of her and he was shitting bricks thinking of how she was going to react.

  “I’m sorry, and I mean that from the heart Brix. I’m sorry for leaving you and not being the man you needed me to be, but you gotta understand—”

  “Understand what Drew! You keep saying that but you’re not saying anything. I swear if the next words that spew from your mouth aren’t a real explanation, I’m leaving and for good this time,” Brix hissed.

  Shaking his head, Drew took a sip from his glass. It was now or never.

  “I uh. I know who killed your dad.”

  As if the forces of gravity swept through the house, Brix chair flew back against the wall, as she jumped from her seat. Placing a trembling hand over her mouth, she was petrified to speak another word. Shaking her head frantically, she backed up into the china glass cabinet. It was as if she needed to be far away from the words he just spoke. Rocking back and forth, Brix mumbled the word no over and over with her eyes closed. The same nightmare she always had, was now déjà vu.

  Looking on with sorrow written all over his face, Drew cursed under his breath. The words were true, but there was more. So much more needed to be said so that he could lift the burden from his chest. Standing up, he walked over to a shaking Brix. Not knowing if he should pull her in for a hug or just stand there, the choice was made for him when she held her arm out to stop him from coming any closer.

  “No, no. Just go away! I don’t want to hear any more,” she cried, with tears rolling down her face.

  Seeing her tears weakened Drew. Against her protest, he pulled her into his chest. Brix fussed and screamed for him to let her go, but he wasn’t having it. He needed to tell her the whole truth so she could get past this.

  “I’m not letting you go until you calm down and listen to me alright. If I let you go, can you just listen?”

  Brix didn’t even give a head nod. Her body was stricken with fear and hurt. Slowly removing his hold on her, she backed away. Wiping her face, she braced herself for whatever he was going to say next. It couldn’t have been much worse than what he already said, so she waited with listening ears.

  “Just promise me you’ll try to understand my side of things and let me finish,” he said.

  Brix just blinked her eyes. Figuring he wouldn’t get a reply, Drew continued.

  “Alright. So me and Nine was leaving the bar one night. We were fucked up. Like we shouldn’t have been operating a vehicle at all. Nine claimed he could drive better when he was drunk than sober, and you know, I’m always up for some daredevil shit. Nothing bad had ever happened with us driving drunk before, so I figured we’d be cool. He was driving cool at first, and there weren’t many cars out so he was flying. We weren’t taking the highways so he was doing about seventy on the backstreets. I tried to get him to slow down, but he wasn’t listening. When he did finally decide to bring his speed down, it was too late.”

  He stopped to prepare himself for the heart-wrenching truth. Brix’s chest was heaving up and down, but she had to know. The details of it all sounded way too familiar. Taking a deep breath, Drew began again.

  “There was only one other car on the road with us when he lost control of the wheel. The other driver didn’t have a chance to even react. Next thing I know, I’m pulling my head up from the airbag. What seemed like hours, was only a couple of minutes. We had crashed directly into the driver’s side of the other vehicle. Even though I was fucked up, I sobered up quick as hell. I hopped out to check on the other car, but when I got to the window—”

  He stopped to swallow the lump in his throat.

  “I saw who it was and froze up. I knew right away that your dad was gone. I checked his pulse to make sure and I was right. The impact of the crash was directly on his side and he was bleeding like crazy from a gash in his stomach. Your mom was on the passenger side unconscious, but her pulse was light. I knew she had a chance of living. Panicking, I ran back to the car and told Nine to pull off. I couldn’t go to jail for murder. I did dial 911 from his Trac phone, but we had to get up out of there. That same night, after we left the scene, we packed up some of our things and moved to Arizona. His truck was damaged, but it was still working. I know what we did is wrong. It was dead wrong, Brix, and if you never forgive me, I can’t blame you. That’s why I left and stayed away for so long like I did.”

  Anger resonated in Brix’s body before he even finished telling the horrible truth. How could he? That’s the only question that kept replaying in her head. With the strength she had left, Brix lifted her hand and smacked the shit out of him. The palm of her hand against his cheek, sounded off, making his light skin turn a light red shade immediately. Before Drew could realize what happened, she smacked him again before pushing him in the chest with all her might. Grabbing her purse from the table, she practically sprinted to his front door. After two years of waiting, she couldn’t fathom that this, the death of her daddy, of all things was why he left. Him telling the truth didn’t cure her aching heart. To her, he could have honestly stayed away forever and she would have been just fine.

  Running behind her, no longer concerned of the stinging sensation radiating from his cheek, Drew appeared. Catching the door just as she swung it open, he stopped her. He needed her to hear him out. Hating the way she looked at him, he was willing to do whatever it took to make things right. Deep down, he knew things would never be the same. They would never be again. With tears streaming down her face, Brix held onto the doorknob with a trembling hand.

  “Please don’t leave like this. You’re too upset to drive. Just chill until you calm down,” Drew tried reasoning.

  Looking at him like he was the devil himself, she clenched her jaw. Too upset? How could she not be? She was feeling what words couldn’t describe even if she tried to speak them.

  “The same way he was too drunk to drive,” she spat, trying to force the door open with sweaty hands.

  She needed to get away from him and quick. Her breathing was becoming labored and the slow blinking of her eyes was a sure sign that she was about to pass out. Trying to keep her
emotions together, just until she was in her own space, she coached herself to calm down.

  Dropping his chin to his chest, Drew shook his head. He truly felt like shit and knew Brix felt the same way or stronger. The truth was out now and all he had to do was let her go. There was no chance in hell there was going to be any working things out, ever. That day, two years ago had haunted him for long enough. He and Nine had miraculously fled the scene and state staying under the radar and he was glad about that. As much as he didn’t want to go to jail back then, he honestly didn’t care what happened to him now.

  Taking an innocent life due to his careless ways, then running from it was some straight coward shit and he knew it. He thought having his cousins back was what mattered the most, but he was wrong. Especially with a situation like this. Knowing that he would never snitch on his folks, he did the next best thing that came to mind. Who would have thought one drunken night would lead to this.

  “I know I fucked up alright. There was no way I could continue to live here knowing I was a part of taking someone’s life. I didn’t know what to do Brix; you have to believe me. Either way it went, you were still going to hate me. I just wish it was for a different reason,” he said.

  With her hand still on the knob, Brix just stared at him. This was the man she had loved with everything in her soul. She had shared her dreams, fears, and life goals with him. When he was down, she was there to pick him up. Brix had his back through any and everything. They didn’t keep secrets, there were no lies, no other females she had to deal with, no cheating or any of that.

  Now that she thought about it, maybe he was too good to be true. None of that mattered now though. Not one of those things could compare to this pain. How he expected her not to hate him was beyond her. Hate was a word she hardly used, but it was fitting for this occasion. Taking a deep breath, Brix removed her hand. What she was about to say was going to be the last words she prayed, she ever had to utter to him.

  “I don’t know what to believe. I do know one thing though. It’ll be a cold day in hell before I ever forgive you. The pain you caused my family and I was almost unbearable, but we stuck together. We stuck together like people who love each other do, regardless of the circumstances. For you to up and leave, shows me you are not the man you claimed to be. No real man would have pulled the shit you did and Nine is no better. You took the cowardly way out and should be ashamed of yourself.”

  Stopping, Brix stepped closer. Shoving her finger in his chest, she began again.

  “You and me will never be. If this was the shit you needed to get off your chest to feel better, congratulations. You could have kept that secret to yourself and stayed wherever the hell you were. Coming here was a bad decision and you better pray to God himself or whoever it is you worship to save you. You have the audacity to come back here after you basically murdered my father? Ha, you are dumber than you look right now.”

  With a light push to his chest, Brix pulled the door back and walked out. Looking on remorsefully, Drew dropped his head with a shake. He knew shit wasn’t going to end well, but not like this. He had really thought she would see his side of things and forgive him. With it being over two years to have dealt with the pain, he figured they could heal together, but Brix wanted no dealings with him.

  She wanted her words to hurt him, just as bad as he had hurt but knew they would never compare. Drew had taken something from her that every girl cherishes with her heart. Her daddy was the first man she ever loved. To have the second man who happened to capture her heart, play a lead role in his death shattered her to pieces. Backing out of the driveway after securing her safety belt, she pulled to the stop lot and placed her car in park. Banging on the steering wheel, she let her tears fall from her eyes once more.

  “Aaaaaahhhhh! Whyyy!” she cried out.

  She wanted the pain to go away. Never had she felt such suffering, besides the night of the accident. Even though Drew had given her answers, she still needed more. She simply wanted another reason as to why he came back. Surely, that couldn’t be the only excuse he had. There had to be more he wasn’t telling her. Sadly, it was. He wanted to save her from himself. Knowing the destruction it caused in her life, he fled and only came back to make amends. To his dismay Brix wasn’t having it. A hug and kiss on the cheek was not going to fix the damage done, not from him at least.

  Pulling her head from the steering wheel, she noticed a car was approaching close behind. Throwing her hazards on, the car pulled up to the side of her, made a quick stop and kept going. There was no way she could drive in her condition, and she knew Drew was right. With heavy breathing and tightness of her chest, she frantically tossed her items around in her purse in search of her inhaler. Locating the small pump, Brix took a slow inhale of her dosage before letting the medicine fill her lungs. Holding her breath for several seconds, she released and threw her head against the headrest.

  With the seasons changing, her allergies had flared to no end. It didn’t make it any better that her heart had been racing at a steady pace since Drew delivered the news. Shaking her head, Brix thought about how she would reveal the news to her mama. If anything, Mrs. Carla was probably going to have her nephews get back at him. It was only right, but that is not what Brix wanted. She knew her cousins would kill him and Nine, no questions asked. Jail would be the best option for him or letting God handle the situation. Her family could be reckless and a rival between both sides would be extra unnecessary mess she didn’t need in her life.

  Deciding to not tell her mama until she was level-headed, Brix pulled her phone out to call Carissa. Going home was not an option as of right now. She needed her best friend; the one who had been there through it all. Lexi had given her a shoulder to cry on as well, but Carissa was her go to. She was her right-hand man and would always be. This time was no different.

  “Good morning my sweet Brix,” Carissa answered cheerfully.

  Sighing heavily, Brix couldn’t even let a smile crack on her face at her friend’s words. There was nothing to smile about.

  “Can I come over?”

  “What’s wrong with you? You been crying?” Carissa asked, sitting up in her bed. The sadness in Brix’s voice immediately got her attention.

  “I-I don’t want to talk about it over the phone. Do you have company?” she asked in a whispered tone.

  “Okay, and of course not. You can come over boo. I’ll be waiting at the door for you,” Carissa said, climbing out the bed.

  “I’ll be there in a little bit.”

  “Okay. See you in a few.”

  The two disconnected and Brix turned her hazards off. Putting her car in drive, she pulled off slowly from the stop sign. Today had already been emotionally, physically, and mentally draining and it was only eleven in the morning. A full day was ahead of her still, including a budgeting session she had with Nicole, Shemel’s sister-in-law. Remembering their appointment, she reminded herself to shoot her an email to reschedule. There was no way she was going to be able to focus on numbers today or helping someone else. In her opinion, she needed to be helped right now. Throwing her phone in the middle console, Brix focused on the road. Carissa only lived about fifteen minutes from where she was located and she couldn’t wait to lay down in her bed. Today was going to be spent in the bed and she knew it. The side of her head had already began to throb, indicating a headache was fast approaching.

  * * * * *

  “What!” Carissa gasped, as she stood with tears in her eyes. “Are you fucking serious right now?”

  Brix had finally commenced in telling her every detail of how her morning was spent. At this point, she was all out of tears and sat with resentment in her heart. There was nothing more she wanted than for Drew to feel her pain from the dreadful two years he was on the run. The ice cold feeling she had when her dad passed had crept back into her spirit and was begging to make its way to the forefront of her emotions. Any other type of emotion she had when first leaving his house was long gone. She d
espised the police department of St. Louis for not investigating more into her father’s murder. The people who had also been there when it all went down, besides her family, was no longer present in her life, so her hatred was toward them as well. Brix had animosity toward any and everything that had to do with her father’s death. Shaking her head, she shrugged her shoulders at Carissa.

  “Serious as it gets. Don’t cry though please. I’ve done enough crying and it’s not going to bring my daddy back so I might as well save them.”

  “Don’t say that!”

  “Shit, it’s not. I can cry as many tears as I want to, and I guarantee once I dry my eyes, he will be nowhere in sight. I was extremely sad about what he told me on the way over here, but I don’t need you to feel sorry for me Ri. Drew only opened up a closed wound and cut me even deeper. As hurt as I am right now, I know I won’t feel like this in a few weeks. My daddy was laid to rest peacefully, and that’s how it should stay,” Brix replied.

  Taking a seat next to her on the couch, Carissa slouched her shoulders. She was there when Brix received the call. She was the one who had to keep her from going crazy and calm her down. Her best friend was hurting, and she knew it, but if she didn’t want to let it go, then she would.

  “Maybe this was closure. I know you always said it felt like you couldn’t let him go. Maybe this was it,” she said rubbing Brix’s back.

  “Yeah, maybe so. It’s just crazy you know? Never in a million years would I have thought Drew was behind all this. I guess you never really know a person until they show you the real them. How could he claim he loved me and keep something like that a secret? That’s what is bothering me the most. If that’s what love is, I damn sure don’t know what I was in,” she said, while shaking her head.

  “You can’t let what he did ruin your outlook on love Brix. Drew wasn’t man enough to handle his responsibilities like a man. Him saying he didn’t want to hurt you is logical, but not for this situation. He was looking out for himself and Nine only. What he did was selfish and I know it broke your heart, but fuck him for real. Him staying would have made no difference, but he truly lost out on a great woman. You have grown so much in these last two years, you don’t even realize it. Your daddy’s death may have been hard on you at first, but you used that hurt and turned your hustle up. You have two growing business, clientele is increasing, you are working at the bank, and your mama is well taken care of. That’s all because you didn’t give up Brix. If the love of God ain’t any realer than that, then I don’t know what is.”