Forever Winter

by Riley, Alexa

  “An angel?” I smile.

  “Yeah, a snow angel.” People have told me before I remind them of Snow White because of my fair skin and green eyes that are such a contrast with the darkness of my hair. But no one ever said snow angel. I don’t know why I like that more, but I do. Maybe because it fits better. My name is Winter, after all.

  I let out a small gasp when I feel him press inside of me. I’d been so lost in everything I hadn't realized how far we’d come. He’s big, but I spread my legs wider, wanting him deeper inside me. I need to deepen this connection between us.

  I let out a whimper the moment he pushes through my virginity. He looks shocked, but I don’t want him to stop so I pull his mouth down onto mine and kiss him. Who wants to explain being a virgin at my age? I don’t, not right now. I want to enjoy this moment.

  He doesn't need the added encouragement. When his mouth meets mine, he kisses me deeply as he starts to move in and out of me. I moan into his mouth, another orgasm building. This one is different from the last. It’s coming from somewhere deeper inside of me.

  “You gotta cum for me, angel. I can’t last.” His words come out strangled. Almost pained. “So fucking soft and tight. I can’t.” The look on his face is my undoing. I cum hard. My nails dig into his back as I feel his release deep inside of me. It’s warm and feels so right. I cling to him, not wanting to let go. I know this moment is going to be over too soon. He trails kisses up and down my neck as I lie with my eyes closed soaking it all in. I want to remember every moment of this.

  When I finally open them, he’s staring down at me with a smile on his face. Somehow I know that’s a rare thing for him. Everything about him screams serious all the time. Now not so much. My lipstick is all over his mouth and on the collar of his shirt. There is no hiding what we've done. I’m pretty sure I heard a rip, too, when he was going at my dress.

  He opens his mouth and I hope it’s to ask me to go home with him. To ask me to be his. Anything after what we just shared. This can't be normal, can it? It feels like my whole world has changed. Before he can say anything, an alarm starts to blare. The lights in the room flash.

  “Fucking hell,” he grits out. “It’s the fire alarm.” He pulls me up, fixing my dress for me, but there is a rip down the side. He takes his suit jacket and throws it over my shoulders to cover the torn fabric before dropping to his knees once again and putting my heels on my feet for me. It’s a simple act but it makes my heart flutter.

  He rights his own clothes, but he’s still a hot mess. I have to fight a laugh. I don’t want to know what I look like right now or I’d probably die of embarrassment. Though the way Robert keeps stealing peeks at me, he must like what he sees.

  Lastly, he picks up my purse from the floor. I take it from him and tuck it under my arm. “Let's get you out of here and make sure everything is okay.” I nod in agreement as he leads me from the room and back down the hallway. When we enter the ballroom, I smell smoke but don’t see any.

  “Hell, I thought maybe someone just pulled the alarm, but there really is a fire.” We move faster, getting out of the building quickly as fire trucks are pulling him. “Stay put, angel. I have to check on my family.” He kisses me before I can respond. It’s quick but soft and as soon as it begins he’s turning and running back into the building.

  I stay put for a long as I can, but he never does come back.

  Chapter 1

  Winter

  Four months later…

  I stare at the shiny wedding ring still in its box thinking this was not how I thought I’d be asked for my hand in marriage. I really don’t think I’d given it a thought before now. Still, this isn’t the way I would have pictured it.

  Cory and I have gone around and around about this and I know I can’t marry him. It’s wrong on so many levels. For one we don’t love each other like that. We never would. He’s my best friend. He’s the family I never had. Second, I still need to find the man who knocked me up. I’m not sure where to start with that one. I have too many other things on my mind. It’s just another thing on my ever-growing list.

  Thinking about him brings a lump to my throat. If it wasn't for the baby growing inside of me I would have thought it was all a dream. God knows I’ve dreamt of that night over and over again.

  I don’t know how long I waited for him but he never came back out. At first, I was scared that something happened, but Cory told me everyone was fine and the building had been cleared. Only a few people had to be taken to the hospital for smoke inhalation. Cory’s mom being one. He’d had to rush off to the hospital to be with her. That was probably why he hadn’t noticed the state I’d been in that night, disheveled and wearing another man’s jacket. It took me getting sick and finding out I was pregnant for him to piece everything together.

  I was so sure Robert and I had shared something special. At least it had felt that way to me. I’d never had a connection with someone like that before. It was why I’d let things go as far as they did.

  Does all sex feel that way? I just didn't know that because I’d never done it before. Still, a part deep inside of me can’t make myself believe that. I’m holding on to some hope that maybe something happened, that he’s out there looking everywhere for me. Though if that were true, Cory would have found him by now.

  Cory does not have the same crazy romantic idea in his mind. He is beyond pissed about the whole thing. He thinks some man took advantage of me and I’m pretty sure he’s laying some of the blame on himself. He’s certain some man took advantage of me, but I was a willing participant in every part of what happened.

  Cory was so pissed that I kept tightlipped on who the man was, but I was hoping once he calmed down then maybe he could help me find Robert and not kill him. I had to at least try and find the man and tell him he was going to be a father. What he did with that news would be on him.

  I just didn’t want Cory getting himself into some kind of mess because of my doing. He’s been working so hard these past few years to prove himself. The last thing he needed was to get himself thrown into jail for assault.

  I close the ring box and put it into my purse. I know he told me to put it on for just this weekend, but it feels wrong. I can’t bring myself to do it. My phone starts to buzz across the counter. Cory’s name lights up.

  “Hey,” I say when I answer, glancing at the clock. He should be home by now. He told me he wanted to be on the road before the snow storm moved in where we were headed. The estate is over an hour outside of the city.

  “I’m running behind.”

  “I’m shocked,” I say with a laugh. The man works too much trying to prove himself. I’m finally going to meet his brother this weekend and it’s going to be hard enough to hold my tongue on what I think of him. He pushes Cory so hard all the time. They’re family, but I don’t think they understand how special having one is. Not everyone’s got one. A real one. My hand goes to my stomach, reminded that I’m now starting a family of my own.

  “I’ve sent a car to go ahead and take you. I’ll be a few hours behind.”

  “I could just wait,” I try and reason with him. It would be so awkward to meet his brother without him when I already don’t care much for him. I’m not great at hiding my emotions. Everything always plays out on my face.

  “No, I’d rather be safe than sorry. I'm likely going to hit the storm. I want you to get there safely.” I rub my hand protectively over my small baby bump. I don’t want to do anything to put my baby in harm’s way.

  “I’m a terrible liar,” I remind him for the millionth time. I don’t know how I’m going to do this. He told his family that we’re engaged. I’m not sure if it was to help push me to say yes or because he thought it fit the image everyone wanted. He wants to lose the party image he thinks everyone has of him and is convinced this would benefit both of us.

  “It wouldn't be a lie if you just agreed to marry me already,” he sighs into the phone.

  “We don’t love each other like
that.” If only we could. It just isn't there. There’s no spark. There never has been. From day one we’ve been more like brother and sister. I can't even call him a best friend because it feels weird and gross to talk to him about what happened with Robert in detail. It really is like he’s my brother.

  “I know. It wouldn't have to be forever. Just for a while,” he tried again.

  “Cory—”

  “Just keep thinking about it. Your driver is there to get you. I’ll see you later tonight and we’ll talk about it more then. I need to get things wrapped up here so I can get on the road too.”

  “Fine.” I give in for the moment. I don’t want to drag out the fight. The sooner he gets on the road the better.

  “Relax. You’re going to love it there. It’s practically out in the middle of nowhere. Snow and trees for miles.” He’s told me about his family's estate many times. It really does sound wonderful—a winter paradise.

  “Be careful,” I remind him.

  “Will do,” he says before he ends the call. The door buzzer alerts me that the driver is here like Cory said. I slide my phone into my purse and grab my small roller bag. It would be nice to get away from the city for a while. A whole week off work sounds wonderful. It would give me time to think and to figure out what I’m really going to do. It isn't just me anymore. That thought is both terrifying and exciting all at once.

  Chapter 2

  Bo

  I take a deep breath, trying to get my anger under control. I’ve broken too many phones already and it won’t be so easy to get another right now.

  “Is there anything else you need, sir?” my assistant Stacy asks through the Bluetooth speaker on my desk. Yeah, there is something I still fucking need but apparently no one can find her.

  “That should do for now,” I tell her, ending the call. It takes everything in me not to pick up my phone and throw it across the room to try and cool my simmering rage. Then I wouldn’t have a cell phone to obsess over, hoping with each second I was going to get a call with the information that I need, but that call never comes.

  Four fucking months. How hard could it be to find her? The event had a tight guest list as it was. Every name had been combed through. Well, maybe not names but faces. I’d gone through a stack of IDs the investigator had pulled and none had been her. We’d moved on to anyone who ever worked at the building where the event was held. I’d even had the fucking room I’d had her in dusted for prints.

  Nothing. Part of me wonders if I’m going crazy. Maybe she wasn't real. I know she was because I could still smell her when I’d finally gotten home that night after my mom and I were cleared from the hospital. She’d made me go after I’d found her half passed out from smoke inhalation. I would have pressed to stay, but the fear on my mom’s face had me agreeing to go to the hospital. We’d lost my father so suddenly, now she worried over any little thing.

  Still, after I’d gotten her into the ambulance and agreed to go myself, I ran back to tell my girl what was happening. She was gone. I should have looked harder that night. I thought it would be easy to track her down. Her beauty was unmissable, but every time I tried to explain what she looked like to the investigators I’d hired, they looked at me as if I’d grown a second head. Stacy had the same reaction and asked if I needed to go back to the hospital to be checked out again. I wasn't acting normal, she said.

  They were right. I wasn't acting normal, but how the fuck could I? Instead I pick up the empty cup sitting on my desk and throw it at the wall, watching in satisfaction as it explodes into pieces. It does nothing to help my anger though.

  “This is going to be a fun week.” My head snaps up at my mom’s voice. I didn't know she’d arrived already. “You’re even grumpier than normal.” She shakes her head as she steps into my office looking to where I’d thrown my cup.

  The family always spends a week out here every winter. It’s a tradition. The old Shaw estate goes back generations in the family. I stay here more than anyone. This place is more my home than my penthouse in the city that I only use to sleep. I’ve even started working more from here.

  I enjoy the quiet, but what had been getting to me was I kept thinking I was spotting my angel girl at every turn. My mind was playing tricks on me. Maybe I do need to go back to the hospital. Spending one night with a woman shouldn’t turn a man to this kind of madness, but here I am and I know I’m not going to seek help trying to calm it. No, I want to drown in it. In her.

  “I want you to get it together. Cory is bringing his fiancée and I will not have you scaring her off,” my mom warns me. She’s been trying to get one of us married for years. I was never keen on the idea. My own father was a workaholic. I’m one, too. I don't want to be an absent father like mine had been, so I settled on the idea of never having children. I’ve been too busy cleaning up the mess my father made to think of a family of my own.

  Though if you offered me my snow angel right now I’d eat those words. Her, too, for that matter. I swear I can still taste her on my tongue even all these months later. It’s the only thing I can taste. Nothing else holds flavor.

  “Trust me. I know. Her shit’s been showing up here all day.” That reminds me I need to call my brother and see what the fuck is going on. You’d think someone was moving in here. All the boxes look to be brand new. Now I know what Cory has been spending all his money on.

  He draws a good salary, but I’ve never seen him buy anything. He even stays in one of the family condos in the city. I’m starting to think he’s as much a workaholic as Dad was. He’s following in both our footsteps, and I don’t want that for him.

  He’s always been the softer one of the two of us. He’s quick to laugh and joke. He’d gone a little wild after Father’s death, but he’s gotten it back together. I knew he would. I thought he’d settle down, but I didn’t think it would be with someone who was clearly high maintenance if she needs all this shit for a week out here. This place might as well be a five-star hotel. You don’t need shit to come here.

  “That’s all hers?” My mom motions back towards the front door where all the boxes are stacked.

  “Yeah. I’m having them moved to Cory’s room.” I pick up my phone to call him, glancing at the time. He should actually be here by now. I move towards the window to pull the curtain to see if the snow has started.

  “They aren’t married yet. They can’t share a room.” I turn to look at my mom. Like always she's got her hair curled and makeup on. She’s always put together but not over the top, and she looks elegant in simple jeans and boots with a fuzzy sweater on.

  “Mom. Seriously?” I raise an eyebrow at her.

  “Have you ever been allowed to have women stay with you?” she asks tartly. I have to hold back a chuckle at the look on her face.

  “No one has ever brought a woman home,” I answer absently. I’d never thought about it, but we haven’t. Not even when Cory went a little wild had he mentioned anything about seeing anyone.

  I’d bring my angel home. I wouldn’t give a fuck. Besides, I’m on to my mom’s game. “Don’t think making them sleep apart will get them to wed faster.” She fights a smile at being caught.

  “In fact, if it’s grandbabies you’re after, don’t you want them in the same room?” I add, looking back out the window. I see a black SUV coming up the long drive, its lights flickering through the heavy snow.

  “They’re here.” I drop the curtain and head towards the front door. Why I want to see this woman so badly, I don’t know. Maybe because I’m jealous of my brother. He has something I didn’t know I wanted until months ago. It’s not any woman either. I want her. My snow angel.

  I sat outside of a coffee shop a few days after I’d lost her, watching people pass by. I’d glance at the women and not one held any type of appeal. They all looked the same. How I’d never noticed this before I have no idea, but they did. In fact, everything felt bland now.

  I pull open the door, kicking one of the boxes in my way.

  �
�Bo!” my mom scolds me. “Don’t do that to Winter’s things.”

  I look at her. The name sounds familiar for some reason. My brother mentioned a Winter now that I think on it, but I thought she was a friend or his assistant.

  “I guess you might as well put her stuff in his room. They’ve been living together for years.”

  “What?” Now that catches my attention. “They live together?” I don’t remember him speaking of the girl as someone he was sleeping with. Then it hits me. I’d once asked him why he called his friend by his last name. I’d assumed Winter was a guy. He told me it wasn’t her last name and that she was like a little sister to him.

  Looks like she wasn’t a little sister to him anymore. Still, with all this shit, maybe the girl is playing the long game with my baby brother. Build up a friendship. Work herself into his life. It’s actually a smart plan, seeing as my brother is working like the rest of us do. He doesn’t have time for random women, but if a friend was always around—even more so if she lived with him—she could easily fall into that role for him.

  “Yes, they live together.” She shakes her head at me, and this time I see real disappointment on her face. “You really should know your brother better. Winter has been his best friend for years. It looks like they are taking things to a new level.” Mom smiles happily at that.

  “She’s a sweet girl. Maybe you would have met her by now if you stopped working for more than five minutes,” she adds with a reprimand in her voice. She has no idea what a mess my father left behind. I’m not going to let her find out either. I’ll take the heat of her wrath, but I could try harder to be more involved now that I’ve finally gotten the company under control. Find my girl. Maybe take a break myself.

  The SUV rolls to a stop in front of the house. Before the driver can hop out to open the door, it’s already opening. My eyes lock with the same green eyes I haven’t seen in four months. We both stare at each other for a moment. She looks as shocked as I feel.