Forever Winter

by Riley, Alexa

  “He said you were rash. Always all or nothing. Either in or out.”

  I nod in agreement. There’s no denying that. Some like to ponder an idea and really think things through. I’ve always gone with instinct. Trusted my gut. My grandfather taught me that.

  “Said you were too much like his own father.” She practically plucks the thoughts right out of my head. “It’s done you well. Maybe your father should have done the same.” I stare at her for a moment.

  “You think I didn't know the mess your father made?” She lets out a small laugh. “That man was always a mess. Just took me a few years to see it.” She sighs. “By then I had two beautiful boys and, well, that’s all I cared about at that point.”

  I had no idea she knew about the mess he’d left behind, but I also don’t know what she’s getting at. “And I did love his parents. They were better to me then my own had been.”

  “I miss them, too.” It had been harder to lose my grandparents then my own father. They were the only ones we had. Mom never talks much of her own, but I do know they passed when we were young. It’s why I made sure we kept this home. It had been my grandparents’ that we’d all been close to. So many good family memories were attached to it.

  That was love. When I think back on how my grandfather was with my grandmother. They were truly in love. My parents never showed affection to each other like they had.

  “It’s good you’re like him and not your father.” With that she turns and heads for the door. “I know like everything else you’ll handle this,” she says as she pauses at the door looking back at me.

  I give her a nod. Looking down at my phone, I know I need to call my brother. I drop down into my chair trying to process what my mom said. I can't let Winter go, but I also can't rip what was left of this family to pieces either.

  I try and think what my grandfather would have done. I smile knowing there’s no way he would have ever let Grandma go. Mom is right. I’m just like him.

  Chapter 6

  Winter

  I jolt awake, sitting up in in the biggest, softest bed I’ve ever been in. The last thing I remember is being in his lap. None of it was a dream. No, it felt too real. It was clearly very real.

  I look around, wondering where he put me. The room smells like him. I fall back onto the bed, my hand going to my stomach. What the hell am I going to do now? I still can’t believe Bo and Robert are the same person.

  I rub my stomach thinking about the kind of father Robert would be. From what I’ve seen he isn’t that great of a brother. He’s more of a workaholic than Cory. Not to mention I’ve heard he was something of a dictator.

  That’s not how I saw the Robert I’d met the night of the event. Oh, he was controlling and bossy but in the sweetest of ways. I’m not sure how that was possible. Though I saw it again today.

  Maybe I should go and try to find Cory. He has to be here already. He could help me sort this all out. I wonder how he’ll react when he finds out it’s his brother’s baby. I know he somewhat idealizes his brother and views him as a paternal figure he always strives to impress.

  I slip from the bed, my stomach growling and reminding me I really need to eat something. I glance at the clock on the nightstand and see it’s already after ten. I can’t believe how long I slept.

  I probably needed it. I’ve been working doubles at the diner knowing I was going to be taking this week off and soon more time than that. My major in art history isn’t helping me land a job. Maybe I should give in and look into teaching or take Cory up on his offer of working with him. He said he could find a place for me, but he’s done so much for me already.

  Now I’ve gone and gotten knocked up by his brother. Not only that but I’ve just blown up the lie he’d told about us being engaged. I head for the double doors, guessing that’s the way out of the massive bedroom. When I open them I pause when I see the long hallway. Jesus, this place is like a hotel.

  I look down to see boxes everywhere with my name on them. I pick one up, wondering what they are. I didn’t order anything. I set it back down. It has my name on it but it can’t be mine.

  I then look up and pause when I see Robert striding towards me. I stand there like a deer caught in headlights. I’ve just left the room and he’s already on me.

  “You’re awake.” He comes to stand in front of me. I have to lean my head all the way back to look at him. “You feeling better?” He cups my cheek, his thumb running back and forth. His touch is soft, but I swear there is a wildness about his eyes. He’s holding something back.

  I nod, not sure I want to unleash whatever it is he is holding back.

  “Is Cory here?” I ask. I watch his jaw clench. So much for not poking. That hadn’t been the right question.

  “No.” He drops his hand from my cheek, taking my hand. “I’m sure you’re hungry.”

  I nod again as we move down the long hallway. I don’t really have a choice with his hand locked into mine.

  He lets go of my hand as we come to the stairs and wraps his arms around me. “I can walk downstairs. I feel better,” I admit. He only grunts, pulling me more into his side and guiding me down them.

  I keep stealing peeks of him as we go. How does he seem even bigger now than that night? It’s not shocking I didn’t know he was Cory’s brother. They really look nothing alike. That definitely explains my quick attraction to Robert. Apparently I have a type—brooding and a little grumpy.

  When we enter the kitchen he guides me over to a high-top chair and pulls it out for me. Before I can hop onto it he’s lifting me. I let out a small gasp, my hands landing on his chest. My face is now level with his.

  He leans forward and I meet him halfway. He brushes his mouth against mine. A guttural sound comes from deep inside of him. Instinctually I wrap my legs and arms around him. Our kiss deepens. Something about this feels wrong but unstoppable. He thinks I’m engaged to his brother, but still he kisses me and I kiss him back.

  I moan into his mouth and the kiss turns harder and deeper. I move against him, needing the friction. It had been too long since I’d felt him against me like this. How many times have I lain in bed and tried to remember that night and touch myself? I could never get there. It was never the same. I’d always end up frustrated in a state of need I could never calm.

  “More,” I tell him, pulling my mouth from his. “I need more,” I plead. My ass lands on the kitchen counter. He doesn't need further encouragement. Easily he slips my thick leggings down my legs and tosses them away. When he parts my thighs it’s then I remember my stomach, the small bump that has formed. I freeze as his hand grazes over it so gently. His eyes lock with mine but he doesn't say anything. He only leans in, kissing me ever so softly before pulling back and falling to his knees in front of me.

  “I’ve been dying all these months to taste you again.” His beard brushes the insides of my thighs as his nose nudges my clit. I feel him suck in a deep breath of me. My face heats as I wonder what I smell like. He makes a groaning sound and it’s clear he enjoys it, savoring my smell before he’s on me. Once again he goes from soft and sweet to primal and demanding. I cry out his name as he ravishes me. He’s unable to control himself with need.

  My hand digs into his hair, needing something to hold onto as my orgasm comes rushing down into me. I cry out his name again, trying to close my legs, the pleasure all too much as I jerk against him, but his broad shoulders won’t let me. He's not finished. He wants more and he’s going to take it.

  “Another,” he demands, taking his mouth from me for only a moment to issue the order. My body obeys, riding one orgasm into another. My whole body shakes as the pleasure rolls through me. I swear I’m floating for a moment. Any tension that had been lingering inside of me melts away in my moment of utter bliss. When my eyes finally open I realize he’s holding me close. His arms are wrapped around me. My face is buried in his broad chest. I rest there for a moment and I don’t want to deal with anything else. Everything is so quiet here.
It’s calming. I don’t know if it’s that or him that made it so easy for me to sleep. When he pulls back I prepare myself for a million questions, but instead he kisses me softly, and I taste myself on his mouth.

  When he steps away I have to fight not to reach out and grab ahold of him. He picks up my leggings and slides them up my legs for me before lifting me from the counter and sitting me in the chair. Again he kisses me as if he can’t help himself. I swear he has to pull himself away from me against his own will, mumbling about needing to feed us. I don’t know if he means him and me or me and the baby. He’s seen the bump, ran his big hand across it but said nothing.

  “Is Cory okay?” I ask, looking out the giant windows that line the kitchen. The patio is lit with lights and I can see thick snow falling in the pitch black beyond. I jump when a pan hits the counter hard. I turn to look back at Robert.

  “When he spoke to Mom hours ago he was still in the city,” he answers. He turns to look at me. He licks his lips and I wonder if he can still taste me. It makes me squeeze my thighs together. I want to feel him inside of me again. “I don’t want to talk about my brother right now.”

  “Is that because you don’t like him?” The words leave my mouth because I can’t stop them. I can’t believe I blurted that out.

  “I love my brother,” he says instantly. His eyes soften and I believe him. He doesn't look like a man who would bullshit anyone. Cory does always say you never question what his brother is thinking. He’ll tell you if you ask. He places both his hands on the counter and his eyes lock with mine. “But I want to make one thing clear.” His eyes lower to my stomach, to the bump my big sweater is hiding. “That baby is mine.”

  I stare back at him in confusion. Of course the baby is his. Or does he think it could be his brother’s? How messed up would that be? Is he jealous? It’s why he doesn't want to talk about Cory. Doesn't even want me to say his name. Each time I do his jaw clenches. Yet still he’s making a claim on me. Instead of being angry like I probably should be, excitement shoots through me.

  He stares at me, waiting for a response. “Say the baby is mine, angel,” he pushes.

  “The baby is ours,” He smiles before turning and going back to the stove. It makes me wonder if he only wants me now because he knows about the baby. The thought deflates some of my excitement and I remember that he didn’t come back for me that night.

  Maybe Robert is more like his brother then I realized. They may not look alike, but Robert might be offering me more because he feels it’s the right thing to do. Not because he truly wants me.

  Chapter 7

  Bo

  I notice her mood shift as I start to make her the same thing my mom always made me when I wasn't feeling well. We called it noodle butter. It was easy to cook and my brother and I could eat it as fast as she could make it. I try and focus on what I’m doing, but my eyes keep drifting back to her as I think about how she retreated back into herself.

  It makes me want to go over and lay her out on the countertop again to get those walls to come back down. Maybe I should try a different approach…like getting to know her. Maybe she won’t run from me this time if I don’t go at her like a wild animal in heat.

  I want to know more than what was sent over to me. I spent my time while I waited for her to wake finding out everything I could about her. I was as hungry to know about her as I was to be inside of her again. Not only that, I’d tried to read up on pregnancy as well.

  I need to know everything I can. I feel like I’m already behind, having lost months if I’m guessing right. Not only for those months but for the years, too, I could have had if I’d been closer to my brother, as I should be. That’s something I hope I can fix with time. Though he might want nothing to do with me after he finds out I won’t be giving him Winter back.

  “Why art history?” I ask her. She jerks her head back up to look at me. Clearly, I surprised her with the question.

  “I was going to go into nursing. It was a safe choice for a career, but Cory told me to follow my passion.” I tense for a moment but remind myself for the hundredth time that I should be happy someone was there for her. I might want to punch my brother in the face for touching her, but I know he would have been good to her. He isn’t an asshole. If anyone of the two of us is, it’s me. He’s always been the smoother, nicer one. I’m more of a bull in a china shop.

  I drop the noodles in the pot and turn to face her. “Do you draw?”

  Her face lights up at my question. “I always have. For as long as I can remember I was always drawing. It didn't matter where I was. If there was something to write with and a surface I could use, I would.”

  “Then I’m glad he got you to do it.”

  “I learned a lot.” She lets out a small laugh. “I also learned there are so many places I want to see but I probably never will. At least I got to learn about them.” She gives a small shrug.

  “I could take you anywhere. Name the place and we’ll go,” I offer. We would be off tomorrow. All she’d have to do is ask.

  “Crowds make me uneasy,” she admits. “Besides, I’m pretty sure Cory has said the same thing before but he can never pull himself away from work. I’ve heard you're even worse.” She tries to make it sound like a tease but I hear a sadness to her tone. She can try and hide it, but I’ve always been good at reading people.

  “Sometimes you just need something to remind you there are other things out there worth slowing down for.”

  She peeks up at me through her eyelashes. “Like a child,” she says quietly.

  “I’d never be like my own father. That is what he was. A father. Not a dad. I’ll be a dad to our child.”

  Her hand goes to her belly. My fingers itch to do the same. Hell, my fingers want to be touching her anywhere.

  “I’d want you to be in his or her life. I wouldn't keep you from our child,” she adds. No, I didn't think she would. She knew what it was like to grow up without parents. But I don’t like the way she worded it. As if she’s not a part of what I want. With or without a child, I want her. The baby is an added bonus and it makes those caveman tendencies I’ve been having since I spotted her rise up in me. I want to beat my chest that I'd gotten her pregnant. I’m going crazy and still I don't care because for the first time in a long time I’m enjoying something. I’m taking something for myself.

  The timer dings, letting me know I need to drain the noodles. I turn and take the pot from the stove to finish making her something to eat. Her eyes drift from me out to the falling snow. I hope we get buried in so we’re stuck out here for longer than planned. I want to make her see she belongs with me rather than my brother. I don’t think it will be too hard to convince her though. She keeps on letting me touch her, letting her know she’s mine. Maybe she and my brother aren't in love. Or maybe she knows the child is really mine and is picking me over him for that reason alone.

  Or maybe she and my brother think they are in love, but I know they can’t be. If she loved him no way she’d let me touch her like I did that night. If what I’m feeling is love, which I’m pretty fucking sure it is, the idea of another women touching me pisses me the fuck off. So I don’t see how it could be possible to love someone and let someone else do the things I’ve done to her. Oh, and I plan to do more. I will be taking her back to my bed tonight.

  I bring the bowl over to her and set it in front of her with a fork. I go back to the fridge and return with a glass of lemonade. I’d read it was a good choice for pregnant women.

  “Thanks,” she says as she picks up the fork and starts to eat. I pull my chair closer to her. I can’t stop myself from reaching out and brushing some of her hair off her shoulder then playing with it between my fingers. It’s so soft like the rest of her.

  She looks over at me. I’m used to people looking at me like I’ve lost it, but I don’t care. I can’t stop touching her. “Everything about you is so soft. I can’t help myself,” I admit. I watch a touch of pink light up her cheeks.

/>   The shyness still hangs to her. I’d thought she was a virgin the night I took her. When I’d realized it had been too late. We’d been beyond the point of no return. Now I wonder if I’d read it wrong. Had she been with brother before then?

  “I was your first?” I ask. Maybe I shouldn’t, but I’ve always been that way. When I want the answer to something, I get it.

  The fork that is almost to her mouth pauses. She glances over at me. I still have a piece of her hair between my fingers.

  “Yes.”

  “It makes me a bastard how much I enjoy hearing you say that,” I tell her. Leaning in, I brush my mouth against her ear. “I’ll be your last too.” I tell her before I nip at her ear. She lets out a sound between a moan and a gasp. “Eat. You and our baby need to stay fully fed. You can consider that my new work obsession. You.” I kiss her below her ear before finally pulling back and letting her go. I have to stop touching her or I won’t end up letting her eat. I don’t back my chair away though. This is as far as I can bring myself to part with her.

  Chapter 8

  Winter

  “You look tired,” Robert says as he takes my empty plate. I still can’t believe I ate that giant piece of chocolate cake he’d put in front of me on top of the pile of pasta. I’d even told him there was no way I could eat anything after I’d eaten the pasta, but he insisted. Paired with a glass of cold milk, I’d been done for.

  “Pretty sure that’s a nice way of telling a girl she looks like hell.”