Grass

by Cathy MacPhail

  But how had they found out that was the man who’d called my dad?

  Armour knows everything.

  That was the thought that leaped into my mind. I pushed it out again. Armour wouldn’t do that. Not now.

  It was still light, the setting sun flooding the hallway through the glass door. The only sound I could hear was the ticking of the clock on the wall, its pendulum swaying back and forth. Ten past seven. Today was Friday. On Sunday at three in the morning, Armour was meeting Nelis. And then my dad would learn the truth. He’d be the first to know – Armour had promised me. The clock was ticking the minutes away till then.

  The front-room door was open slightly. And I could only hear the murmur of voices – men’s voices – in there.

  Then Armour’s voice rose above the rest. Confident. In charge. I had to hear what he was saying. I moved closer to the door and listened. He was talking about Nelis.

  ‘By this time next week Nelis will be finished. Out of here. I’m going to make sure of it . . .’

  I felt relief flood over me. I had a silent conversation with my dad. As if he was there in front of me. See, he’s doing what he said. What you want to do. He’s getting rid of Nelis.

  He hadn’t lied to me.

  Armour went on talking. ‘By this time next week. Nelis will be in the nick.’

  I thought I’d heard him wrong for a second. In the nick? I moved even closer to the door.

  ‘On Sunday, I’ll find out where those guns of his are – where he’s stashed them. When I’ve done that . . . a wee phone call to the cops, they find the guns, arrest Nelis . . . and bye bye Nelis.’

  ‘Would it not be better to get the guns for yourself?’ a wary voice asked. Not used to questioning the boss.

  ‘That’s what Nelis thinks. That I want to buy his stupid guns. Well, I don’t need them. I’ve got guns,’ Armour snapped. ‘And I can get more any time I want. What I want is to get rid of Nelis. No Nelis. No McCrae. Only one man left standing. Me. The Man, taking over the whole show.’

  I still didn’t want to believe what I was hearing. He was trying to sound hard in front of his men. Didn’t want any of them to think he was going soft. That was it. Had to be.

  Because I couldn’t bear the alternative.

  Armour was going to grass on Nelis.

  I’d been used. Duped. Willing to do anything because I was sure he only wanted what my dad wanted. Peace.

  But why would he lie to me? I still couldn’t understand that. He hadn’t needed me at all. He could have got any of his henchmen to do his running. To be his go-between.

  Why me?

  No. There had to be more. Something he wasn’t telling them – something he would tell me.

  He couldn’t appear weak in their eyes. They couldn’t know till the last moment the real deal he was making with Nelis. Couldn’t know he wanted to go straight – legitimate.

  I still believed him. I had to.

  They were leaving. I stepped back in the hallway, back against a table. Knocked over some stupid ornament. It crashed to the ground, shattered into pieces. Amour pulled the door open when he heard the noise, started in shock when he saw me. He hadn’t expected me. His surprise only lasted for a second. His face broke into a welcoming smile and the famous wink.

  ‘Leo, son, what are you doing here? Wait in the front room for me. Forget the ornament. Cheap tat the wife bought in Benidorm.’

  I stood in the front room waiting for him. I was trying to think straight, but I was confused and scared. I needed to sort things out in my head and didn’t have time.

  He saw the other men out and then he came back and stood in the doorway, seemed to fill it with his presence. That’s what he had. Presence. Even with his shirt open at the neck, his sleeves rolled up high, he looked in charge. He looked like The Man.

  He closed the door and came towards me. ‘Now what’s the problem?’

  ‘It’s my dad,’ I said. ‘He’s giving me a hard time.’

  ‘Have a seat. Want something to drink?’

  I shook my head. Sat on the arm of a chair. ‘I need my dad to know you’re doing the right thing. That you’re getting rid of Nelis.’

  ‘You’ll have to be patient, Leo.’

  ‘My dad’s not patient,’ I said.

  ‘Maybe you should tell your dad it would be in his best interests to be patient.’ He dropped ice into a glass and the sound was a clatter, rat-a-tat-tat. Reminding me of something. Mint Imperials tumbling to the pavement on a quiet street.

  ‘What do you mean, his best interests?’

  ‘Your dad could ruin everything, Leo. I told you – he’s making Nelis very nervous.’

  ‘You’re still getting rid of Nelis? That’s still the plan, isn’t it?’

  He turned to me now, his glass in his hand. The amber liquid catching the light. ‘You know I am. I’m meeting him Sunday morning. The Willow Bar. You made the arrangements.’

  I took a deep breath. I had to know. ‘You said . . . I heard you saying there . . . he’d be in the nick. This time next week, you said Nelis would be in the nick . . . that as soon as you knew where his guns were you were going to call the police. Tell them about the guns. But I know –’

  If he’d hesitated for just a second, if he’d let me go on, I would have explained that I knew exactly what he meant by that. That I knew he’d had to say that to his men – couldn’t let them think he’d gone soft. Another second in fact, and I would have told him exactly where Nelis had hidden those guns. He wouldn’t even have had to meet him.

  But Armour didn’t give me that second. His eyes became as cold as the ice in his glass.

  ‘Oh, Leo, why did you have to hear all that?’

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  39

  ‘I was outside. I couldn’t help it.’ My mouth was dry. ‘I don’t understand –’

  ‘Come on, Leo. You’re a smart boy. You weren’t born yesterday. You knew what we were doing.’

  Armour’s words were freezing my bones. I laced my fingers together nervously. ‘You said you wanted rid of Nelis.’

  ‘And I will be getting rid of Nelis. He’ll be in jail. Isn’t that what your dad wants too?’

  He was confusing me. I couldn’t think straight. ‘And you . . . you’re going to go straight from now on?’ I wanted him so much to say that he was. That I’d been right about him. I prayed for those words to come out of his mouth.

  He leaned towards me. There was a smile on his face. ‘What do you think?’

  And I knew then what he had always intended. He’d been planning all along to take over. Be the Number One, the kingpin, The Man.

  And I had helped him. ‘But you told me –’

  He didn’t let me finish. ‘– what you wanted to hear, wee man.’

  ‘I wouldn’t have talked to Nelis if I’d known. I wouldn’t have helped you.’

  ‘You think I didn’t know that?’

  And I still didn’t understand why he’d needed me, involved me. I was too stupid to understand. ‘All that talk about trust – it was rubbish. You didn’t trust me. You could have used anybody.’

  He sat across from me. ‘Not actually true,’ he said. ‘I knew I could trust you. You’d proved that you knew how to keep your mouth shut.’

  ‘So would anybody else. They’d be too afraid to talk.’ So I asked again. ‘Why me?’

  He drew out a long sigh. ‘It doesn’t matter now. It’ll be over soon. You don’t ever have to see me again.’

  I jumped to my feet. ‘It’ll never be over. You used me. You said you wanted the same thing as my dad.’

  ‘And I do. We both want rid of Nelis.’

  ‘My dad wants rid of you too.’

  ‘Ah, that’s where we part company, isn’t it? And that’s where t
he trouble begins. Because now you know the truth, Leo, I’m warning you – you better call your dad off. When Nelis is out of the picture I want your dad off my back.’

  And his words came back to me. Your dad will be the first to know. I understood them now, and they chilled me.

  ‘You’re warning me?’ That almost made me laugh. Because that was the second when I realised he couldn’t threaten me. I knew too much. Had he forgotten that? ‘You leave my dad out of this. Or else.’

  What gave me the courage to say such a thing? To Armour? Yet I wasn’t scared. I was the one with the power now. I was sure of it.

  Armour smiled. Not that disarming smile he’d used on me before – the kind I couldn’t help but answer with a smile of my own – but a slow, snarl of a smile that crawled across his face.

  And then I was scared.

  ‘Or else what, Leo?’

  I tried to keep my voice from shaking. ‘You know what else. I can still tell the police what I saw. I’m an eyewitness.’

  Unless – the sudden thought leaped at me – unless he pulled out a gun and shot me right there. Then I’d be a dead eyewitness.

  ‘They’ll ask why you didn’t go to the police before.’

  Easy answer. ‘I’m only a boy. I was scared of you. The police would understand that. Anyone would.’

  ‘But you didn’t just not go to the police, Leo. You came to my house. You helped me. You met Nelis for me. Made arrangements for me. You even sent a text to Nelis on your own phone. Hardly the sign of someone who was afraid of me.’

  I was trying desperately to think of an answer to that. ‘But – but –’

  ‘But nothing, Leo. You talked to Nelis for me. You ran my errands. You accepted my favours. My friendship. Everyone knows you were Armour’s boy. You, Leo, are an accessory after the fact.’

  And now I knew at last why he’d needed me as his go-between.

  He had used me. Duped me. Reeled me in like a fish on the end of a line.

  ‘They’ll put you in borstal, Leo. Your dad’s campaign won’t look so good when his son is charged as an accessory to murder.’

  ‘My dad won’t care.’ I was yelling now. ‘My dad only cares about the truth.’

  Armour shrugged. ‘Oh well, you know him better than I do.’

  Surely though I had something I could use against him? ‘I could go to the police, tell them what you plan to do to Nelis.’

  But he had an answer for that too. ‘Yes, you could. But you know –’ He smiled, hesitated for just a moment before he spoke again. ‘I’ve been thinking about that lovely wee brother of yours – David, isn’t it? I wonder if he cares about the truth as much as you or your dad?’

  That was like a blade in my side. A picture flashed in front of my eyes. The man I’d met on the road, his face swollen and bloody. ‘You leave my wee brother out of this! Are you threatening my wee brother!’ I screamed the words out at him. I’d kill him myself if he was.

  He only looked puzzled. As if he honestly didn’t understand what I meant. ‘Not at all, Leo. You do what you think is right. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.’

  His wife opened the door then. She’d obviously heard my yelling. ‘Is everything all right here?’

  Would she believe me if I told her? Would she help me? Would she care? Somehow, I didn’t think so.

  ‘Leo’s just leaving, honey,’ Armour said. ‘I’ll see him out.’

  I yelled at him for one last time. ‘I don’t need you to see me anywhere.’

  Armour raised his arms as if he was surrendering. ‘You’re the boss, Leo.’ And he winked at me. And that was the worst part. That wink. Making a fool of me, of everything I had believed I’d been doing. And I was helpless to do anything.

  I wasn’t the boss.

  There was only one boss.

  And it was Armour.

  g

  40

  I spewed up as soon as I left his house. As soon as I turned the corner out of his sight. I wouldn’t let him see me being sick. Wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. He’d humiliated me enough.

  I stumbled home. Couldn’t even bear to think about what had happened. What a fool I’d been. Falling for all his crap. Me. Streetwise Leo who thought he knew everything. Who thought he was being so cool. Armour’s boy. Armour’s mug, more like.

  I can’t even remember going home. It was all a blur. I seemed to walk for hours. Found my way back somehow and no one was even waiting up for me. Was my dad home? I didn’t know. I came into the house and it all lay quiet. No television. No lights on. I went up to my room and threw myself on the bed. I never wanted to die as much as I did that night. If I hadn’t woken up next morning it would have been a blessing. But I did wake up. Still in my clothes, my mouth tasting like the bottom of a budgie’s cage.

  The sun streamed in the window and birds were singing in the trees outside. Mornings like this were supposed to make you feel better but I felt every bit as bad as I had last night.

  Worse. Because daylight seemed to reinforce the fact it was all real. Not a nightmare. It had really happened. And it would never end.

  I had to force myself to go downstairs. No one called for me. No Mum yelling upstairs: ‘Leo, for the last time, come down and have your breakfast!’ Not even David barging into my room wanting me to play one last game with him before he went off for his Saturday swimming lesson with Dad.

  They were all at the table when I went into the kitchen. My dad looked as if he had had even less sleep than me.

  I didn’t know what to say. A thousand sorrys wouldn’t be enough. And what would be the point? Because I knew now I would never be free of Armour.

  It was my dad who spoke first.

  ‘I went to see my boss last night. And I want you to know that I got that job fair and square. The man who got the job at the final interview got another job and moved on, and I was next in line. Long before Armour became your pal. So it had nothing to do with him. I owe him nothing. Maybe that first job was thanks to him. But if I was still in that job I would chuck it right now if I thought it had anything to do with Armour. I’m obligated to no man.’

  My throat was thick with tears. ‘I know, Dad.’

  Wee David’s face crumpled. ‘What’s wrong, Dad? Are you mad at Leo?’

  My dad leaned over and rumpled David’s hair. He didn’t answer him. He only said, ‘Come on, I’ll take you swimming, son.’

  David jumped from his chair. ‘Is Leo coming?’

  My dad shook his head. ‘No, Leo’s a big boy. Doesn’t need his dad any more.’

  I’d hurt him so much and I could say nothing to him. My nails bit into my clenched fists. But I didn’t know just where to start. Dad just looked at me, picked up David and left.

  When they’d gone my mum came and put a hand on my shoulder. ‘He’s hurt and he doesn’t mean that. Your dad’ll come round. When does your dad ever stay mad at you?’

  Her voice broke and I knew she was ready to cry. She was trying to make me feel better and I didn’t deserve that. Because I had hurt her too. She couldn’t understand what I had done either. I had hurt the people I loved the most and now there was a chance I could cause them to be hurt even more.

  My dad had been so right. Armour had got his hold on me and now he would never let me go.

  I left the house and went walking. I needed to think. Think about everything. The trap I had walked right into. I ended up at the river and sat on one of the bollards. Watched the tugs go down the Clyde. Wished I was on one of them.

  How could I have been so stupid? Believing Armour was relying on me? Trusting me – falling for his silken words. When he’d only been making me a part in his villainy. How could I ever have convinced myself there was any good in that man? Telling me he was willing to use his own money to pay Nel
is so he would move out of town. Make the town a safer place.

  If Sean had still been my friend he would have told me. Sean wouldn’t have been fooled.

  But I had dumped Sean and would I have believed him, anyway?

  How could I have convinced myself that Armour would ever do the decent thing when I had seen him blast McCrae to hell, in cold blood?

  I had been the witness. I should have run home and told my dad – told the police – no matter the consequences. Instead I had accepted his ‘thanks’. His ‘favours’. And been drawn into his web as surely as if he was the spider and I was the fly.

  Now there was no going back. I was an accessory and couldn’t do a thing. He had no intention of helping Mr Sheridan either. All that had been a lie and the poor man would probably be convicted of McCrae’s murder and that would be all my fault too.

  I could do nothing. Say nothing.

  Not even an anonymous phone call to the police.

  Look what had happened to the man who’d phoned my dad. Armour had found out who he was and had left him unrecognisable. Hardly looking human at all.

  David’s wee face flashed before me. David’s cute wee face. I felt like screaming. I had to protect him. I could never let Armour hurt him.

  And now when Armour let the police know where Nelis’s arsenal of guns was, Nelis would be arrested. Armour would take over the whole town. There would be only Armour. Thanks to me.

  He was going to grass on Nelis. Ha! That thought made me choke. It was OK for him to grass . . . but not for anyone else.

  And all the time I had known where Nelis’s guns were hidden. Thank goodness I had never told Armour. At least that was something I had done right.

  But what was the point? Tonight Armour would know and the police would swoop on the old building and Nelis would be arrested and Armour would take over and . . . It would be all my fault.