He got up and gathered some clothes. He sniffed them to make sure they were clean and decided they were. He really had to do some laundry, but their washing machine had died a few weeks before and Rick couldn’t afford a new one. He wasn’t sure how he was going to be able to actually do the laundry, though. He didn’t have a car, so he couldn’t go anywhere. His only possibility would be to ask someone, and that was the last thing he wanted. He was going to have to do it, though. Maybe Duncan and Noah wouldn’t mind him using their washing machine.
Rick was still surprised at how Duncan had behaved the night before. He’d known the man was pretty laid back and relaxed, but Rick was still a member of Erskine’s inner circle. It hadn’t been voluntary, far from it. Rick hadn’t even been eighteen when the man had forced him to take his father’s place, and refusing hadn’t been an option.
He’d never thought he’d one day get out of it, at least not alive, but he had. Thanks to Kameron. It didn’t mean that people had forgotten what he’d been forced to do, and that meant that most of the pack hated him—the people who had been on Erskine’s side because he was the only inner circle member left, which meant he’d probably been a tattle tale, and the people who’d been against the old alpha because Rick was what was left of the old regime. It didn’t make for a peaceful life for him, and his mother’s situation didn’t help, either.
Rick quickly showered in his bathroom. He’d locked and boarded the door that opened in the hallway so that the only way to get in the room was through his bedroom. It had been enough for him to find his mother half-naked, drunk, and taking a bath with her man of the night for him to make that decision. She’d bitched a bit, but she didn’t really care about the bath. There was a shower in the other bathroom, so it wasn’t like she couldn’t wash herself.
After dressing and putting his shoes on, Rick made sure the windows were locked and did the same to the bedroom door when he walked out. The house was silent, but it wasn’t surprising. His mother usually woke from her drunken stupor around three or four PM, just in time to get ready to go to the bar again. Rick didn’t want to think about how and where she got the money for her drinking habit, but he suspected it involved more men then he wanted to know.
The TV was on in the living room and he sighed at the sight that greeted him. At least she was alone this time, although he didn’t think it’d been for long, not if the used condom on the coffee table was any indication. He’d have to talk to Kameron soon if she continued to bring home human guys.
Rick checked the time on the TV, then turned it off. He just had enough time to clean the living room a bit before going. He covered his mother’s half-naked body and took the empty scotch bottle from her hand. He added it to the growing pile in the hamper on the porch, then opened the windows. He hoped the air wouldn’t smell of dirty bodies and sex anymore when he came back.
Rick used the tongs he kept in the kitchen especially for these occasions to scoop up the condom and the used napkins on the floor and threw everything into a garbage bag. The room wasn’t much cleaner than before, but it had to do until he came back. Hopefully his mother wouldn’t wake and mess it up again.
With a sigh he looked around the room one last time and got out of the house. Being outside was freeing. He inhaled deeply, savoring the smells of nature rather than the ones lingering in his living room. He quickly made his way to the alpha’s house and gave himself a pep talk as he walked.
He already knew what Kameron would tell Cole. He didn’t know how the man would react, but he was pretty sure he wouldn’t see much of him in the near—or far—future. While that should have been a relief, Rick felt conflicted. Cole was his mate, and like every shifter, he’d grown up thinking that his mate would be the one person who would love him unconditionally. His mother certainly hadn’t, but his mate was supposed to. That had been the only thing that had kept Rick going during the worst times, and he’d dreamed of his mate taking him away even before he realized he liked men.
Losing that certainty was going to hurt, but he knew it had to go that way. Once Cole was gone, Rick would be able to go back to his life and try to make something of it. He’d always dreamed of being able to cook, to work with food. Not that he’d expected to be a chef or anything—working in a diner would be more than enough for him. He didn’t think he could do more, not with his past and his problems.
The alpha’s house appeared between the trees. Rick stopped and leaned against a trunk for a moment to try to gather his thoughts. He was going to let Kameron do the talking, and once Cole tried to find a way to get away he’d smile, tell him to go and maybe shake his hand if he could find the courage to do it.
Nodding to himself, Rick pushed away from the trunk and climbed the stairs to the front door. He knocked, because it was what he was used to. He knew Kameron didn’t require it, but he’d grown up with Erskine living there. It was a time when you were required to knock, to not look your alpha in the eyes, to comply with his orders without discussion. It was hard letting go of that when it was what he’d grown up with.
“Come in, Rick! We’re in the kitchen!”
Rick followed Zach’s instruction and headed to the kitchen. The three men were sitting around the table, mugs of steaming coffee still in their hands, dirty breakfast plates in front of them. Rick blushed when he realized he’d probably interrupted them. “S-s-sorry. I’ll c-c-come back later.”
Zach tutted. “Sit down. Have you had breakfast?”
Rick nodded even if it wasn’t true, but his stomach chose that moment to growl so loudly that everyone heard it. He blushed again and tilted his head forward. His hair slid in front of his face, effectively hiding it.
Zach stood and went to the stove. He grabbed a plate from the cabinet and filled it with eggs and bacon, then placed it in front of Rick. Rick looked up, surprised. “Y-y-you don’t have to f-f-feed me.”
“Nonsense. Now eat, and once you’re done we can talk.”
That was almost enough to make the hunger disappear, but it had been too long since Rick had eaten a real meal. The few cupcakes here and there the day before hadn’t been nearly enough. He risked a glance to the side. Kameron was smiling at him and nodded before going back to his coffee. Rick looked to his the other side. Cole was looking at him, but his expression was harder to read. He was smiling, but there was turmoil in his eyes that Rick couldn’t identify. He stopped trying after a minute or two and tucked into his breakfast. Better eat before someone took his plate.
* * * *
The silence in the room was tense, and Cole knew he was partly to blame for that. Not that anything he would be told could make him push Rick away—he’d already made his decision anyway. Rick wouldn’t hurt a fly, which was obvious just looking at him. If he somehow had hurt someone... it meant he’d been forced to do it. Cole was sure of that.
His heart squeezed a bit as he watched Rick eat. The way he ate, with a hand curled around his plate, spoke loudly, making clear the fact that he was used to having to fight for his food. That certainly explained why he was so thin.
Rick finished eating in record time and blushed when he saw the three men around the table all looking at him. He cleaned his mouth with a napkin and put it on the dirty plate, then got up and dumped everything in the sink. He started to grab the soap to wash the plate, but Zach stopped him.
“Leave it there. I’ll put it in the dishwasher later.”
“I c-c-can do it.”
“Sit down, Rick.” Zach’s voice wasn’t harsh, but it was laced with an underlying power Cole knew came from being the alpha mate. Rick seemed to feel it too, since he left the plate where it was and sat down again.
The man looked dejected and hid behind his hair. Cole reached out and slipped one lone finger under Rick’s chin. He tilted it up and smiled when the hair slid backward to expose startled blue eyes. “It’s going to be fine.”
Rick looked at Cole, his eyes wide, his mouth just a bit open, and Cole long
ed to kiss him. He couldn’t, of course, so he just flicked Rick’s nose with his finger and put his hands around his mug again. Rick looked surprised and stayed frozen for a few moments.
Cole looked away, not wanting to make Rick uncomfortable, and found himself looking at a smiling Zach. “Can we start? Waiting isn’t going to make it easier.”
Everyone looked at Rick, who nodded before tilting his head forward again. He seemed to realize it, though, and he straightened a bit. Cole nodded in approval and Rick blushed, but he didn’t look back down again. It was a small victory and it made Cole feel better.
“Rick, I’ll tell Cole what I know, all right?” Kameron asked. Rick nodded and the alpha continued, “You can interrupt me or add whatever you want. To be honest, Zach and I want to know more about you. We realize we know very little and that your life isn’t an easy one, and we want to help you.”
Rick shook his head in protest, but Kameron just raised a hand to stop him. “You’re as much a member of this pack as anyone else, no matter what you did in your past. I could have sent you to the council’s jail with the others, but I didn’t think you deserved it. I still don’t, which means you deserve our help. I won’t take no for an answer. My duty is to take care of you. That’s why I’m the alpha.”
Cole bristled at the last few words. Taking care of Rick was his duty, his pleasure, not Kameron’s. He didn’t say anything, though, because he knew he couldn’t actually do anything until Rick trusted him. He obviously trusted Kameron and Zach, and while that sent a twinge of hurt through Cole’s chest, he understood why. So he waited.
Kameron turned to look at him rather than at Rick. He twined his fingers together on the table and started talking, “You said you know about the alpha who was here before me?”
“I know you fought against him and won. I don’t much more, though.”
“Yeah, well, Erskine was a bastard. He was the alpha for a little over twenty years, but more than the alpha he was a tyrant, really. The only rules were his, and anyone who protested ended up shunned, hurt, or even dead. He worked with the Glass Research Company, sold some of our members to it, and even used their drugs to keep Zach away from me.”
“I think I know the type.” God knew Cole had encountered more than one of those during his traveling.
“He had an inner circle, just like I do. Those men should’ve helped him govern the pack and been fair, but of course they did the exact opposite.”
Cole saw Rick tense with the corner of his eye.
“The inner circle answered only to him. Together they stole money from the pack members, arranged matings, they raped, killed, and tortured.”
“I get it, but what does it have to do with Rick?”
Kameron looked straight at Cole. “Rick was a member of that inner circle.”
The world stopped around Cole. He was used to violence—it was a given when one was a lone shifter, viewed as easy prey. He hadn’t expected to hear that Rick, sweet Rick who looked like he wanted to disappear, had been a part of that. “Who forced him to do it?”
“H-h-how do you know I w-w-was forced?”
Cole looked at his mate. “I don’t want you to take this badly, because I don’t mean it that way, but look at you, Rick. I’ve known you since last night and I can already tell you wouldn’t hurt anyone. You don’t have it in you.”
“He didn’t, not voluntarily. No one knew that, though, and we all thought he was a willing participant.”
“What? How could you even think that? It takes just one look at him to see it can’t be true!”
“We all had other things to deal with,” Zach said. “We were all scared of what could happen to us, and it was easier to think they were all evil like Erskine. Even if someone had wanted to help him, they couldn’t have, not without risking their own life.”
Cole took a deep breath, then another. It wasn’t enough to completely calm him, but it was a start. “What happened after Erskine died?”
“I didn’t take care of the inner circle right away. We had so many things to do...”
“But one of the members was mated to my sister,” Zach added. “She got pregnant, and the man told me I had to go live with them if I didn’t want her to be hurt. They hit me instead of her. I didn’t tell anyone, but Kameron found out and took me and Ellie out.”
“We used the situation to get rid of most of the inner circle. Rick wasn’t involved in that, and told us everything he knew. He told us he’d never been a willing participant, that Erskine had decided he had to be part of the inner circle to take his father’s place when he died.”
“I w-w-was only seventeen. I c-c-couldn’t say no.”
“But why did he want you to take your father’s place when it’s obvious you’re not like that? That you don’t like to hurt people?” It didn’t make sense to Cole.
Rick shook his head. “I-I-I can’t.”
Zach made to get up and go to Rick, but Cole anticipated him. He rose from his chair and slowly moved to Rick. He crouched next to his chair and gently turned it until they faced each other. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I’m only trying to understand. I won’t think less of you for what you had to do.”
“Y-y-you don’t understand. I n-n-never did anything. That’s w-w-why they treated me so b-b-badly.”
Rick was avoiding looking at Cole, and Cole didn’t want to push, but he also didn’t want his mate to think Cole was trying to keep a distance between them. He reached for Rick’s hands, which he was wringing in his lap, and gently untangled them. He cupped his own hands around both and squeezed lightly.
He was relieved to see that Rick leaned backward only a bit. He also didn’t try to pull his hands away and allowed the contact. “Why did Erskine want you in the inner circle, pup?”
“I w-w-was supposed to take o-o-over the pack after him.”
Cole looked at Kameron, but the man didn’t seem to understand it any more than he did. “Why? Why you?”
“B-b-because I’m alpha E-E-Erskine’s only son.”
* * * *
Rick kept his eyes downcast. The three other men in the room were completely silent, and he was scared to look up. Would Kameron kick him out of the pack just for this? Would he think it meant that Rick had voluntarily participated in the horrors Erskine had perpetrated?
Rick wanted to run away, to go hide in his room, but he knew there was no point in doing that. The alpha would find him anyway. Besides, Cole might be as silent as the other two were, but he wasn’t letting go of Rick’s hands. He wasn’t holding them tightly, but the light contact was enough to keep Rick right where he was.
“Do you think you can explain that, pup? I think Kameron and Zach are shocked.”
Rick risked a peek upward, and sure enough, the two men were staring at him. At least they weren’t running him out of the pack yet, so he nodded at Cole. “Y-y-you all know what Erskine d-d-did to my mother. She g-g-got pregnant, that’s all.”
“Everyone thought you were her husband’s son,” Zach pointed out.
“I’ve a-a-always wondered why no o-o-one realized it.”
“Why didn’t Erskine raise you like his son?” Kameron asked.
Rick shrugged. “I’m a-a-a runt. Always was. H-h-he didn’t like that, b-b-but he still wanted the opportunity t-t-to raise me to take h-h-his place.”
“I don’t think I understand. If he thought you weren’t right for it, why did he still keep you?”
Rick bit on his lower lip. He had to choose whether to tell these men the entire truth or not. Cole deserved to know it. He deserved to know how fucked up Rick was. It was the only way to make him see they really couldn’t be together. Kameron and Zach... they were the alpha pair. Maybe they deserved to know too.
A hand landed on Rick’s chin and he looked up. Cole gave him a small smile and used his thumb to pull his lip from his teeth. He wiped the digit over it and Rick saw it had blood on it.
&
nbsp; “Don’t hurt yourself, Rick. You can decide if you want to tell us, but no one here is going to think less of you, no matter what happened.”
Rick looked at his alpha. Kameron nodded at him, agreeing with Cole’s words. Zach’s eyes were already shimmering with tears. The alpha mate had too tender a heart to be in power, but maybe that was what their pack needed after all those years under Erskine’s thumb.
“E-E-Erskine realized I was h-h-his son as soon as h-h-he found out my mother was pregnant. He f-f-forced my father to be in the inner circle to c-c-control him better. But d-d-dad wasn’t bad. H-h-he did what he had to d-d-do to survive.”
Rick missed his father like crazy. He’d been the only person who really loved him, and it still hurt to think of him. “Erskine b-b-beat me, he s-s-starved me, he r-r-ridiculed me. Everything to m-m-make me tougher. I-i-it was never enough, especially with my s-s-stutter. He hated it. H-h-he said I was d-d-defective, that maybe I w-w-wasn’t his son. S-s-so he t-t-tried even h-h-harder.”
Rick tried to take a deep breath, but a sob escaped him instead. He felt a tear roll down his cheek and yanked one hand away from Cole. He wiped at his face, angry that he was showing so much weakness to the men in the kitchen. He hadn’t been raised to act like he was.
“You can cry, pup. It’s okay.”
God, Cole’s voice was so gentle it almost hurt. Rick wanted nothing more than to surrender, to burrow his face into the man’s neck and cry until there were no more tears, but he shook his head instead. “N-n-no. If I c-c-cry, they beat me h-h-h-harder.”
“Oh, Rick,” Zach exclaimed. “No one is going to beat you. I swear. Has anyone touched you since Kameron’s been the alpha?”
Rick shook his head. It was true—the months since Kameron had become the alpha had been pain and humiliation free. It was the first time in Rick’s life, and he’d been enjoying it, even with his mother being how she was. Now people mostly ignored him, and he was fine with that. Lonely, but fine. It was better than what had been happening before.
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