Rick knew he didn’t stutter half as much when he talked with Arlen. Maybe it was because the wolf shifter had never gone back to his human form after he’d been rescued from the lab, or maybe it was because Rick felt a kinship for the man under the fur.
The wolf whimpered and put his jaw down on his paws again.
“Nick is a-a-at work?”
Not that Arlen could answer Rick, of course, but Rick liked to talk with him. He didn’t judge, didn’t laugh, and didn’t try to fix him.
The wolf huffed and Rick took it as a yes. He sat next to Arlen and buried his fingers into the soft fur of Arlen’s neck. He petted him until the wolf relaxed.
Rick often wondered what Arlen had seen, what had been done to him for him to want to stay a wolf. No matter how bad Rick’s life had been until this moment, he’d never felt the need to shed his humanity. Arlen refused to be touched by most people. The only ones he allowed close enough to do it were Rick and Nick, the pack’s beta. Arlen would live with him until he finally decided to shift, but months had passed and he was still a wolf. No one knew how to help him.
“I found my m-m-mate, you know?”
Arlen’s head snapped up and he looked at Rick. There was so much sorrow in the wolf’s eyes that Rick wrapped his arms around Arlen’s furry neck and enveloped him in a hug. “Do you have a mate?”
Arlen gave a small nod.
“Is she somewhere out there? Waiting for you?”
Arlen huffed and dislodged Rick, then stood. He shook his fur and whimpered, then walked away. Rick didn’t know what he’d said to make the wolf go away, but he felt guilty. Arlen had been his only friend in the past few months and he desperately wanted to help him. He just didn’t know how.
* * * *
Rick came back smelling of wolf. Cole growled and stood up as soon as Rick entered the kitchen. His chair went flying behind him as he stalked toward Rick and grabbed his arms. Cole buried his face into Rick’s neck, not caring one bit about the alarmed shouts that came from behind him.
Rick whimpered and Cole suddenly remembered why he shouldn’t be touching him, especially not in anger. He immediately released him and took a step backward. “I’m sorry.”
Rick was trembling and Cole wanted to reach for him, but he knew he’d just ruined his chances to do it. “Rick?” he asked softly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just... jealous, because I can smell another wolf on you.”
Rick’s eyes went wide and he started to laugh. Cole looked at the other men in the room, wondering if they had any clue about what was happening, but they all looked perplexed. “Is he okay?” he asked Jared.
“I have no idea. He was scared only seconds ago.”
Cole wished he could have heard Rick laugh in any other occasion, because the sound had shot directly to his dick, and he didn’t want to pop a boner in the kitchen. The sound was beautiful, almost as much as hearing Rick sing, and it made him look so alive.
“A-A-Arlen,” Rick said, but Cole still didn’t understand.
“Arlen’s a wolf shifter. He hasn’t shifted back to his human form in months, not since he got here in Gillham. We don’t even know what he looks like,” Kameron said from Cole’s side. “I think Rick is laughing because you were jealous of a wolf.”
Cole watched his mate as his laughter finally died. He kept his distance because he wasn’t sure how Rick would react, especially after the way Cole had touched him. It looked like the laughter had been enough to take Rick’s mind from it, though, because he didn’t look as scared as before when he regained his breath.
“I’m sorry,” Cole said again.
Rick gave him a small smile. “It’s o-o-okay.”
Cole looked at the other men in the room. He really didn’t want to do this in front of them, but then maybe Rick would feel more secure if they had witnesses.
Cole fell to his knees in front of Rick. Rick’s eyes widened but he didn’t move, not even when Cole reached for his hands. He took both in his and squeezed lightly. “I know you don’t have any reason to believe me when I say this, but I won’t hurt you, ever. If I do I’ll go lock myself in the council jail and I’m sure any of the men here will be delighted to make sure I do it. You don’t trust me yet, but I hope you will learn to. Just... don’t push me away when I’m an idiot.”
Rick stared down at Cole but didn’t say anything. Cole could see he was scared, but he wasn’t moving away. “B-b-but even if you do 1-1-lock yourself a-a-away, i-i-it’ll be too late.”
“Rick... I can promise you, I’ve never hurt anyone who hasn’t hurt me first or who was about to. Do you trust Kameron?” Rick nodded. “Even if he killed Erskine?” Another nod. “You know he killed someone, yet you trust him.”
“Erskine was e-e-evil.”
“I know. The men I’ve hurt were also evil. You’re not. I’ll never, ever, hurt you. I know it’s going to take time for you to actually believe me, but remember this, please. Even if I’m angry for whatever reason, I’ll never raise a hand to you. I’m sorry for how I reacted, but it was instinct. I smelled another male on you and I snapped. I won’t do it anymore, or at least I’ll try. I didn’t think.”
Rick nodded once and extracted one of his hands from Cole’s grasp. It trembled as he raised it to Cole’s cheek and skimmed his cheekbone with his fingers. “I’ll t-t-try.”
Cole closed his eyes and reveled in his mate’s touch. “That’s all I ask for. Thank you.”
“Now that the drama is over, do you think you could let Rick go so that he can eat lunch?” Zach asked.
Rick blushed and snatched his hand from Cole’s face, but when he tried to take away the one Cole was holding, Cole tightened his hold. Rick looked at him, then at their hands, and sighed before nodding again. He got to the table, pulling Cole along, and they sat next to each other. Cole had to release Rick’s hand to let him eat, but he made sure he touched the other man as often as he could get away with it. It was only a touch on the arm, a light stroke on the thigh, but it was enough for Cole’s bear to be satisfied and for Rick to flush a pretty shade of pink every time it happened.
Rick obviously wasn’t used to that type of touch, and it made Cole wonder if Rick had any kind of experience with another man, both emotionally and sexually. He didn’t think so, not with what he now knew of Rick’s past and Erskine. Rick would have been free to be with who he wanted only since Kameron was alpha. However, the fact that he didn’t like to be touched was indication he probably hadn’t.
Not that Cole required Rick to be a virgin, but the fact that his mate hadn’t been with anyone else tickled Cole’s possessive side. It also scared him to death, because Rick wasn’t just another man, and first times hurt. He’d just promised Rick to never hurt him, and the last thing he wanted was to go back on his word.
But that wouldn’t happen soon, and Cole knew he should concentrate on the present rather than on the future. He knew their conversation with Jared wasn’t over—they still had to talk about Rick’s mother and what could be done to help her. Cole knew he couldn’t order his mate around, but he didn’t want Rick to go back to that house, especially not with unknown men spending the night there. Even if nothing had happened yet, it didn’t mean it would stay that way.
Cole knew Rick probably wouldn’t take it well, but maybe if Kameron was the one ordering it...
In the meantime, he watched Rick slowly eat until his sandwich was gone. Zach swiped the empty plate away before Rick could get up, then sat back at the table with them.
The six men looked at each other. Cole peeked at his mate and frowned when he saw Rick was wringing his hands together. He reached for them under the table and lightly touched the back of one. Rick jumped in his chair and looked at Cole. Cole smiled and gently untangled Rick’s fingers before threading them with his and squeezing.
“I’m sorry to say this, but your mother is a problem, Rick,” Kameron said. “If she does bring humans here, in pack terr
itory, we could be found out. We can’t allow that.”
Rick nodded. Jared reached for him over the table and Rick bit his lower lip before saying aloud, “I k-k-know.”
“Cole also told us about the state of the house you’re living in. Why didn’t you tell me? You know the pack cares for its members.”
“It’s o-o-okay. I don’t w-w-want to take a h-h-house away from those who n-n-need it.”
“I’d say you do need it, Rick,” Cole pointed out.
Rick shrugged. “N-n-not as much as o-o-others. And my mother would o-o-only ruin it anyway, j-j-just like she does with t-t-this one.”
“Do you think she’d want to get into a program to help her quit?” Jared asked.
“I d-d-don’t know. No one ever a-a-asked before. No one really c-c-cared.”
“We’ll ask her, then. They have a very good program at the hospital I used to work at.”
“We’ll go with you when you go home later and talk to her,” Kameron added. “But if the house really is as bad as Cole said, I don’t want you to stay there. It’s not right.”
“You could stay here until our house is built,” Cole told his mate.
Rick’s eyes widened. “O-o-our house?”
“I assumed you wouldn’t want to leave the pack, but if you do—”
“I w-w-want to stay here, b-b-but...” Rick’s mouth snapped closed and he looked down. He tried to shake Cole’s hand away from his, but Cole didn’t let him. He wanted to help his mate, to understand what was wrong, but he couldn’t if Rick shied away.
“Take a deep breath and talk slowly,” Jared suggested.
Rick gave him a nod. He didn’t look Cole’s way when he breathed in and out, then said, “W-w-who said I was g-g-going to live with y-y-you?”
Cole gritted his teeth against the confusion that flooded him. “I’m sorry. I just assumed we would, since we’re mates.” He took his hands away from Rick’s.
Rick sighed and took it back. “You a-a-assumed a lot of t-t-things.”
Cole suddenly realized it was true. He was so used to living on his own and doing whatever he wanted that it hadn’t even crossed his mind that Rick would want something else. Heck, maybe Rick wouldn’t even want to mate with him, even if they were mates. “I’m sorry.”
“Y-y-you also seem to s-s-say that a lot.”
Cole grimaced. “Yeah, I’m—never mind.”
Rick smiled at him. “I’m n-n-not saying we won’t e-e-ever live together, but y-y-you know it’s not easy for m-m-me. And you d-d-don’t even know me yet.”
“I know. I didn’t even realize what I was doing. But it’s going to take a while to have the house built, if Kameron even says I can.” Cole looked at the alpha and was relieved to see him nod. “We’re mates. I hope it does mean we’ll end up living together sooner or later, and I want the house to be yours as much as mine. I want you to see the projects and tell me how you want the house to be. Even if you decide to go your own way later on...”
That sounded like a question, and Cole didn’t want to push Rick into answering it now. He wished he could take the words back, but it was too late, so he just waited.
* * * *
Rick didn’t want to answer that. Everything had been easier when no one wanted to get close to him. He didn’t want to hurt Cole, but he didn’t know the answer to that question. He didn’t even know what he wanted for lunch—he was used to living in the now, avoiding thinking about a future he knew was bleak at best. Things had changed, but Rick’s heart hadn’t followed as quickly. Besides, things had still looked bleak even after Erskine died.
Rick knew he wasn’t wanted in the pack, and he honestly didn’t care much. He felt guilty for what he’d been forced to do, but it wasn’t like anyone had tried to help him in any way. Even now, most people looked at him like he was a nasty bug that needed to be squished.
Anyway, that meant he’d never really thought about his future, what he’d do with his life. He’d certainly had never thought about having a mate, a male mate. Rick had known he was gay since he was a teen, but he’d never told anyone until that day with Kameron and Zach. He’d never expected he’d actually have a love life.
“I...” Rick splayed his free hand on the table. “I d-d-don’t know.”
Rick could almost feel Cole’s disappointment radiate from him, and this time he didn’t fight when Cole separated their hands. He did realize he missed the warm presence, though, and it surprised him. He didn’t like to be touched, by anyone. He knew Cole might be an exception because he was Rick’s mate, but he hadn’t really expected it.
It made him both want to run away and to try to touch Cole again, and that confused the hell out of Rick. He wished he could be more courageous, like the people rescued from the labs. He’d seen what some of them had suffered, yet they were living again, loving again. Rick didn’t know love, but he wished he did.
“I’m s-s-sorry. This is c-c-confusing, and I d-d-don’t know what to do. I w-w-want to say yes, but I’m s-s-scared.”
Rick kept his eyes on the table as he spoke, too afraid of what he’d see in the other men’s eyes if he looked up.
“I’m sorry. Again,” Cole said. “We’ll go at your pace, do what you feel comfortable with.”
Rick knew it was a sacrifice for Cole. He knew mates were supposed to get together quickly, to be there for each other, and he wished he wasn’t so damaged, that he could do what Cole needed. Instead, he had to watch as Cole pasted an indifferent expression on his face. His eyes betrayed him, though.
“Umm, guys, maybe you don’t want to hear this, but I think you should give yourself time and get to know each other,” Jared said. “I know we’re taught to mate as soon as we find our mates and that we’ll be happy ever after, but I’ve seen enough matings to know it doesn’t work that way. Mating is as much work as a normal marriage, if not more. Especially with the hard lives a lot of shifters have lived until now. You’re going to have to compromise and try to understand each other. Don’t give up because it’s hard. You could lose something beautiful.”
“I t-t-think we need to talk.”
Rick cast a glance sideways and was relieved to see Cole give him a tiny smile. “Yeah.”
“I a-a-also want to talk t-t-to that doctor J-J-Jared talked about.”
“Doctor Reddings should be here in a few days. He’s a shifter, so you won’t have to hide anything, and he won’t talk about what you tell him with anyone other than you. He’s a professional.”
“How about we go over to your house, Rick?” Kameron asked. “I want to do this as quickly as possible.”
Rick really didn’t want anyone to see his house, but he had no choice. He knew he wasn’t doing a good job protecting his mom from herself. She didn’t want him to protect her or even to help. He wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to get out of the bottle she’d fallen into years before, but he hoped she would. “O-o-okay.”
Everyone got up at once. Rick was a bit uneasy, but he still led the way out. Everyone followed him and he wanted to disappear between the trees. Not that they wouldn’t find him anyway. Everyone knew where he lived, even if no one ever came by.
He became more nervous as the distance from the house shortened. They finally walked into the clearing in front of it and Rick wished he’d known they were coming. He’d have taken care of the grass growing there and made it easier to walk to the porch.
He sighed and avoided looking behind him as he climbed the steps and opened the front door. He peeked into the living room and winced when he saw his mother was awake and smoking a cigarette. She’d kicked the blanket away and sat on the couch, so Rick hurried to her side again and covered her, ignoring her protests. He heard people move behind him, enter the house, but he didn’t want to see their reaction, so he kept his eyes down.
The air didn’t smell as bad as it had that morning, which was a relief. That fact didn’t help make things look better, though. The room was st
ill as shabby as it’d been that morning and the days before.
Rick turned toward the men who’d come with him, but he didn’t look at them. “I’m n-n-not sure how you w-w-want to do this.”
A hand landed on his shoulder and squeezed gently before disappearing. “You let me take care of that,” Jared declared. “Go on with Cole to gather your things.”
Rick wanted to say no, but he nodded instead. He knew he couldn’t live the rest of his life alone like he’d done until now, not if he wanted to keep his sanity. It just wasn’t easy to let go and trust people, even if they were his alpha and his mate.
He felt Cole follow him as he went to his bedroom. Rick quickly followed the hallway and froze when he saw his bedroom door. It was open, the locks torn apart, most of them on the floor. Rick felt the tears flood his eyes and bit the inside of his cheek to avoid them falling.
“What happened here?” Cole asked.
Rick shook his head and pushed the door open. The first tear rolled on his cheek at the sight that greeted him.
One of the wooden slates that made the floor was wrenched off and abandoned a few feet away. Rick hurried to the hole it’d left in the floor and peered in it, but he already knew what he’d find.
He heard the door close behind him and looked at him. Cole was hovering close to the door, his eyes on Rick, and the hole. “What happened?”
“S-s-she took it.”
“Took what?”
Rick let his head fall forward and his hair hide his face and the tears. “M-m-my money. A-a-all of it.”
It’d taken him years to build the small nest egg, but it had grown. Rick had wanted to be able to support himself, maybe to have a house, but his mother had just shattered that dream. He was stuck, again.
“I’ll go ask her what she did with it.”
Rick Page 5
