If Wishes Were Horses

by Robert Barclay

  And there it is, Gabby thought. The ultimate question. She closed her eyes for a moment. “I’m not sure,” she answered. “Despite what happened, I think I’m falling for him. And it’s kinda scaring me.”

  This was the first time she had fully admitted it to anyone, including herself. Her confession was liberating, and also terrifying. As she examined her feelings, a quick shudder ran through her.

  Celia smiled. “High time you admitted it. It’s been written all over you.”

  Gabby reached out and took Celia’s hands in hers. “What should I do?” she asked.

  “You must tell him,” Celia answered.

  Gabby shook her head. “I can’t,” she protested. “He’s not ready to hear it. Especially now, after that faux pas of mine. Plus, he still wears his wedding ring. More than anything else, that tells me he’s not ready to let Krista go. And there’s something more—something I haven’t even told you.”

  Celia raised her eyebrows. “What is it?”

  “He still leaves the church service every time Reverend Jacobson performs the blessings. Five years later and he’s still grieving. Maybe he always will be.”

  Gabby again gazed out at the inviting pool. “Besides, it was you who warned me that just because I’m ready to move on doesn’t necessarily mean that Wyatt is, too,” she added softly. “I have to remember that.”

  “So you still go to church every Sunday?” Celia asked.

  Gabby shook her head. “Not since that day Wyatt took me and Trevor to brunch. It would be too awkward, especially now. Maybe I never will.”

  “I can understand that,” Celia said. “But if you’re not attending church, how do you know that Wyatt still leaves early?”

  “I called Reverend Jacobson and asked him,” Gabby admitted. “You didn’t!”

  “I did,” Gabby answered. “He told me that if Wyatt ever stays for the entire service, or if by some miracle he comes forward to take the blessings, that he’d let me know. It seems that the good reverend has taken an interest in us.”

  Celia laughed and slapped one knee. “Gabbs,” she said laughingly, “you’ve finally restored my faith in your feminine wiles!”

  TWENTY-ONE

  THE FOLLOWING DAY was Monday, the start of the sixth week of New Beginnings. The sky was dark, threatening to make good on its promise of rain. Like usual on program days, Ram and Wyatt sat on the front porch in their rockers, waiting for everyone to arrive.

  Thinking, Ram sat back and lit a cigarette. For some reason, he always cogitated best while smoking. He smiled as he wondered whether nicotine had anything to do with increased mental clarity.

  Makes me wonder what all those fool doctors might have to say about it, he thought. Next time I see mine, I’ll have to ask him.

  Ram’s mind soon turned to other matters. All the prior week he had wanted to talk to Wyatt about what had happened in Krista’s study, but he was unsure about whether to do it. It was obvious that Wyatt’s attitude toward Gabby had cooled, and Ram just as easily recognized that Gabby felt hurt by it. But anything having to do with Krista’s study was always a touchy issue for Wyatt. If Ram brought it up, he would have to tread lightly. Then he thought about it some more, and he scowled.

  Tread lightly, my ass, Ram thought. If he gets mad, so be it. Deciding to throw caution to the wind, he looked over at his son.

  “I’d like to talk to you about something,” Ram said.

  Wyatt put his boots on the porch railing. “No need,” he said. “I already know what you’ve got in mind. It’s my business, not yours.”

  “Maybe,” Ram answered. “But how could anything that’s so clearly bothering a son of mine not be my business?”

  Wyatt looked over at his dad. “You’re going to get into this whether I want you to or not, aren’t you?” Wyatt asked.

  “Yep,” Ram answered.

  Wyatt sighed. “Then say your piece and get it over with,” he said.

  “You’re being too hard on her,” Ram said. “She didn’t do anything wrong. And she sure as hell didn’t know what was in that room, or what it means to you.”

  Wyatt uneasily shifted his weight in his chair. Ram was right on both counts, even though he didn’t want to admit it. Gabby had upset his orderly world yet again. And because he didn’t know how to deal with it, he felt uncomfortable around her.

  “Is that all?” he asked his father. “Please tell me that this is the end of the lecture.”

  “No,” Ram said, “it isn’t. You’ve been so self-absorbed lately that you’ve totally missed something else of importance.”

  Wyatt scowled. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about Trevor,” Ram replied. “Given the way you’re treating Gabby, you’re running the risk of making her so uncomfortable that she might stop bringing him to the ranch. Besides, I’ve grown to like that kid. I’d hate to see her yank him from the program just because of your attachment to a bunch of old mementos sealed up in some dusty room.”

  Ram dropped his spent cigarette to the porch floor and crushed it beneath one boot. “There, now I’m finally done. So if you want to be angry with me, go right ahead. But you’re wrong on this one, son, and deep down, I think you know it.”

  As usual, Ram’s bluntness carried the unmistakable ring of truth. Wyatt had also come to like Trevor. And like Ram had said, that part of it hadn’t occurred to him. But it should have, he realized. If Gabby pulled Trevor from the program because of him, Wyatt knew he could never forgive himself.

  But this was about far more than just Trevor. Deep down, he knew that he had been too hard on Gabby, and his behavior bothered him. Even so, her unconscious violation of Krista’s study still weighed on his heart. He suddenly felt the need to go someplace where he could be truly alone, to sort though his feelings in private. And only one place would suffice.

  Instead of waiting to greet Gabby and Trevor on the porch, Wyatt stood and walked into the house. After striding down one of the hallways, he stopped before the door to Krista’s study.

  Pulling his key ring from his jeans, he selected the one he needed and unlocked the door. After Gabby’s intrusion, Wyatt had locked the door and kept the key. The door squeaked with familiarity when he opened it and walked inside.

  As his eyes scanned the drab, dusty room, it seemed to yawn back at him. He walked to the window where he and Gabby had stood, and he gazed out at the darkening clouds. A flicker of lightning flashed on the far horizon, its brief appearance a sharp, silver zigzag against the battleship gray sky.

  He then looked down at the windowsill. The photo album he had taken from Gabby’s hands still lay there, exactly where he had placed it one week ago. In the fading light he saw his and Gabby’s fingerprints commingled on top of the dusty album cover. Seeing them together like that suddenly tugged at his heart, and his path became clear.

  Wyatt turned and walked back to the door. Leaving the room, he closed the door behind him and again reached for his key ring, thinking. This time he left the key in the keyhole, and the door ajar.

  HE FOUND GABBY in the foyer, chatting with some of the other parents. When he walked up to her, she did her best to smile.

  “Do you have some time for me?” he asked.

  “Sure,” Gabby answered.

  “Let’s talk in the gazebo,” Wyatt suggested.

  “But it’s about to rain, isn’t it?”

  A brief smile crossed Wyatt’s lips, the first he had shown Gabby in a week. “Then we’d better hurry,” he answered. As they walked away, several of the other parents watched with obvious curiosity, while others reacted by rather urgent whispering among themselves.

  A white, ornate gazebo stood about fifty yards southwest of the big house. Ram had ordered its construction ten years ago, and its octagonal shape held a matching bench that ran all around its inside wall. As rain clouds continued to gather, Wyatt and Gabby scurried toward it.

  “Whew!” Gabby said, catching her breath. She sat down
on one of the eight short benches just as the rain started falling. “That was close.”

  Wyatt sat beside her. “Yes,” he answered. “But we’ll be okay here.”

  Gabby turned and looked at him. She couldn’t know why he had brought her here, but that didn’t keep her from hoping.

  “What did you want to say to me?” she asked.

  The rain came harder now, falling in dense, waving sheets. A short clap of thunder resounded across the sky.

  “I want to apologize for the way I’ve treated you this past week,” Wyatt said. “It was wrong of me, I know. Please forgive me. I was just trying to make sense of it all. You did nothing wrong. Even so, I reacted poorly.”

  Those were the words that Gabby had been longing to hear. Her heart relieved, she smiled.

  “There was never any reason to forgive you,” she answered. “What happened was my fault, not yours.”

  “Thank you,” Wyatt said.

  His conscience finally unburdened, Wyatt looked searchingly at Gabby, almost like he was seeing her for the first time. He sat beside her like that for several moments, luxuriating in her presence but saying nothing.

  Gabby smiled at him again before looking out at the weather. It seemed to be abating a bit. In Florida, such brief but strong storms were a fact of life.

  “Do you think we should go back,” she asked, “or stay here for a while?” Although she had given him the choice, she knew which answer her heart preferred.

  “Let’s stay,” Wyatt answered.

  After a time, the rain finally stopped. Without talking further, Gabby and Wyatt watched as dappled sunshine gradually returned. They each knew that nothing more needed to be said just now, regardless of what the future might hold for them. It was Gabby who finally broke the silence.

  “Let’s go back,” she offered. “Everyone must wonder what’s become of us.”

  Wyatt nodded his approval. Soon they were walking unhurriedly back toward the big house, their boots becoming wet with fallen rain.

  From his vantage point behind an upstairs window, Ram smiled as he watched them return.

  TWENTY-TWO

  DO YOU THINK we’ll be shoveling manure again today?” Sally Hendricks asked. It was one week later and Monday morning at Jefferson High. Trevor and Sally were walking to their next class.

  Trevor laughed. Unlike most teens in the New Beginnings Program, he didn’t mind mucking out stalls. To his way of thinking, it beat sitting through the tedious group-therapy sessions. And besides, cleaning stalls meant being close to Sadie. Trevor knew that Sadie would foal soon, and he desperately wanted to be there when her time came.

  “We’ll probably clean stalls every time,” he answered Sally. “But I like being at the ranch, don’t you?”

  Sally nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, but I could live without all the shoveling.”

  Trevor remembered something Wyatt had told him at the start of the program. “It’s all part of the process,” he said, trying to make himself sound knowledgeable. “We gotta take the good with the bad.”

  “I know,” Sally answered. “But when I get done, I stink!”

  For Trevor, watching Sally change was a bit like looking into a mirror. He, too, was happier. Visiting the ranch had grounded him and given him more confidence. He also realized that life’s annoyances didn’t anger him quite so much, nor did he take himself so seriously anymore. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, he was so eager to leave school and head for the Flying B that he could barely contain himself.

  Trevor looked down at Sally’s feet and smiled. She, too, had begun wearing her boots to school. They seemed strange companions to her black clothes and brazenly dark eye shadow. With Trevor in his James Dean Windbreaker and Sally in her Goth mode, they made for a decidedly odd couple.

  On turning the next corner, Trevor stopped abruptly. Wondering why, Sally also stopped. Tim Richardson and his two buddies stood in the middle of the hall, laughing and holding court. For several moments Trevor stood stock-still, wondering what to do.

  He didn’t want to risk another fight, but because he was on probation he mustn’t be late for class. He and Sally could turn back and take another route, but they probably wouldn’t arrive in time. There seemed to be no choice but to walk straight past the dreaded trio and hope for the best. As they started moving again, Sally gave Trevor a worried look.

  “You know what’ll happen when they see you, right?” she asked worriedly. “If you get into another fight, you’ll get expelled.”

  Trevor set his jaw and kept going. “Yeah…,” he said.

  “So why go this way?” Sally pleaded. “It’s trouble!”

  Trevor gave her a hard look. “Because I have to. I can’t live like this forever.”

  As Sally accompanied Trevor down the hall, she swallowed hard.

  Tim saw them coming, and he smiled nastily. He shouted at John and Bill, telling them to look alive. The trio quickly formed a line, blocking Trevor and Sally’s way.

  “Well, look at what we have here, boys!” Tim exclaimed. “Two manure-shoveling horse retards! And one of them is a Goth slob, to boot! So tell me, Powers, are you and the Goth slob sweet on each other? Don’t knock her up! There’s no telling what some bastard from the two of you would look like!”

  Trevor tried to ignore Tim and lead Sally around the three boys, but the trio quickly blocked their way again. “Leave us alone,” Trevor said quietly.

  Tim stepped nearer. “Or what, horse retard? Are you gonna hit me again? Oh, that’s right—you can’t, or you’ll get kicked out of school. Even your mother won’t be able to save your ass again!”

  A leer appeared on Tim’s face, and he edged a bit closer. “By the way,” he said quietly, “your old lady’s the best-looking MILF I’ve ever seen. I wouldn’t mind doing her myself.”

  Trevor’s rage immediately boiled up. In an attempt to keep from hitting Tim, he tightened his right hand around his book strap and slipped his left hand into his trousers pocket. He had forgotten that he was carrying the knife Ram had given him. As he wrapped his fingers around it, its smooth handle reassured him. Trevor knew better than to pull his knife. But as he stood glaring at Tim, it suddenly reminded him of Ram, and of what Ram had told him that day in the barn.

  Never fight in the mud with a pig, Trevor remembered. The words rang so clearly in his mind that it was as if Ram was standing right beside him.

  There are two reasons, Trevor heard Ram say. The first reason is that you’ll both get dirty. The second is, it makes the Richardson pig happy…

  A smile suddenly spread across Trevor’s face. “The Richardson pig…,” he said, half to himself.

  Tim screwed up his face. “What did you say, horse retard?” he demanded.

  Trevor took another good look at Tim. Like Ram had told him to do, he imagined Tim as a pig. And like Ram had predicted, it wasn’t difficult to do.

  Trevor suddenly laughed. It was a loud, insulting laugh, and it was directed straight at Tim. As Trevor laughed harder, other students started crowding around, wondering what was so funny. Trevor’s unexpected laughter confused Tim, and he scowled.

  “What’s wrong with you, you crazy son of a bitch?” Tim shouted. “Let’s get this over with, once and for all!”

  Sally’s face twisted in fear and she tugged on Trevor’s sleeve. “Jesus, Trevor!” she whispered. “Stop laughing! Can’t you see that you’re only making him madder?”

  “I…can’t!” Trevor answered.

  Trevor turned and looked at Sally. By now he was laughing so hard he seemed to look through her, rather than at her. When he again confronted Tim his howling became even stronger, causing him to uncaringly drop his books and literally bend over in convulsions.

  Sally didn’t know why but she also started chuckling at Tim, which only fueled his rage and frustration. Soon her laughter grew louder, nearly rivaling Trevor’s.

  “The Richardson pig…,” Trevor muttered again, this time laughing so hard that he co
uld barely get the words out. He took his free hand from his pocket then pointed his index finger straight at Tim’s nose. “Never…wrestle in the mud…”

  Sally had no idea what Trevor was talking about, but it didn’t matter. Not only was she laughing hysterically, but it had spread to some of the other students in the quickly growing crowd.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” Tim demanded again.

  Trevor was able to calm himself just long enough to get a few words out. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he shot back. He raised his arm again and pointed straight at Tim. “You’re the one everybody’s laughing at!”

  Tim’s face went red with anger; he looked like he was about to explode. As he took another step forward, he glanced around at the crowd. To everyone’s surprise, Tim slowly lowered his fists. Totally stripped of his defenses, he simply stood there looking at Trevor, as if Trevor had suddenly gone mad.

  “Jesus Christ!” Bill Memphis shouted at Tim. “Hit the bastard!”

  Tim just shook his head. “No…”

  “Do it, you pansy!” Bill demanded.

  “Why bother?” Tim answered. Trying to save face, he made a throwaway gesture with one hand. “The horse retard isn’t worth it. Besides, where’s the fun in beating up a crazy person? Come on, let’s go.”

  As Trevor and Sally watched the trio move away, their laughter finally quieted. Trevor collected his books, and he and Sally started moving again. Sally gave Trevor an incredulous look.

  “What just happened back there?” she asked. “And what was that business about ‘the Richardson pig’?”

  Trevor smiled and shook his head. “I’ll be damned…”

  “Huh?” Sally asked.

  “It’s something that Ram taught me,” Trevor answered.

  “Ram taught you that?” Sally asked incredulously.

  Trevor nodded. “I didn’t get it at first, but I do now. I’ll explain it to you sometime.” Trevor and Sally walked to their next classes: biology for her, and English for him.