Faking Alec

by Anders Grey

  “Hey, uh,” Damian began. “I swear I’m not a freak, but since I couldn’t help accidentally eavesdropping on everything… Are you and your boyfriend good? Like, I know I don’t know the whole sitch, but he just walked out on you. Does he do that a lot?”

  I winced. I’d forgotten Damian overheard my chat with Alec, too.

  “Er, he’s not my—” I paused, then realized Damian probably didn’t want to hear the entire convoluted story. “No, Alec’s not usually like that. To be honest, he was acting kind of weird.”

  “He did stand up for you earlier,” Damian pointed out with a smirk. “Which was totally hot, by the way.”

  I blushed.

  “Sorry. Didn’t mean to intrude on your personal life,” Damian said, raising a hand. “All I’m saying is, if my man ran out on me like that, I’d be kinda pissed. I’d mow him down and grill him.”

  “You’re saying I should talk to him?” I asked.

  Damian grinned, flashing his teeth. “You seem like a nicer guy than me. I’d probably kick him in the nuts and make him beg forgiveness. But if you just wanna talk, that probably works too.”

  I snorted. “Thanks for the advice.”

  An idea struck me. It was crazy, and I didn’t know if it would work, but maybe that’s what this situation needed.

  “Hey, Damian,” I began. “Um, I know what I’m about so say is ridiculous, but—”

  Damian cackled. “Trust me, dude. You seem like a really normal guy. I doubt anything you say will be more ridiculous than the shit I’ve seen.”

  How could I phrase this question without sounding like a freak?

  “Well… Are you gonna be in the area for the next couple days?”

  He nodded. “Actually, yeah. I got a few recording seshes, but other than that I’m free.” He paused. “Oh, uh, I’m not into threesomes, if that’s what you’re about to ask.”

  “What?” I blushed, flustered. “God, no!”

  “Okay, cool.” He grinned. “Go on, then.”

  I sighed. “I need proof of Kyle and Mark’s relationship. It’s a long story, but my cousin’s getting married to that cheater asshole, and she won’t break it off.”

  Damian winced. “Ouch.”

  “If I could get another pair of eyes on them, that’d be amazing.” I bit my lip. “If you help, I can offer you money, or—”

  Damian let out an airy laugh. “Oh, you’re so cute. No, dude, that’s not necessary.”

  My heart sank. “It’s okay. I figured it was a stupid plan.”

  “No, no, don’t misunderstand me. I love your plan. Skulking around, snooping, I love that sort of thing. I rarely ever get to do it since one of my many dumbass bodyguards are always lurking behind me.” He rolled his eyes.

  I stared at him hopefully. “Wait, so you mean—”

  He smirked. “Hell yeah, I’ll do it.”

  I couldn’t believe he was agreeing to this. A wave of relief and hope crashed into me. “Damian, thank you so much!”

  “No problem.” He flashed me a genuine smile. “Now I’m gonna get out of this bathroom before my bodyguard-of-the-week calls the cops and files a missing person report.”

  Just as he said that, the men’s room door swung open and a huge muscular guy in a suit rushed in with a panicked expression that quickly turned to anger when he spotted Damian.

  “Damian Cox,” the bodyguard ground out. “Sir. Please stop running off.”

  Damian Cox? Now that I’d heard it, the name did sound a little familiar.

  “Uh oh,” Damian said, sighing and putting his hands up like a child getting caught red-handed stealing cookies. “I got full named.”

  The bodyguard eyed me with a deep frown.

  “Relax, Muscles, he’s a friend,” Damian said.

  I smiled a bit at getting called his friend. As the bodyguard ushered Damian out, the blue-haired man gave me a last wave. “Later, Rowan. Hope everything works out.”

  “Me too,” I murmured to myself.

  28

  Alec

  Maybe it was true what they said about bad things happening in threes.

  I rushed back to the hotel in a cold sweat. My stomach rattled and lurched, threatening to make me sick, as if I didn’t already feel ill from stress.

  Of course the disastrous encounter with Kyle and Mark happened right after I learned I was being forced to leave the country on Saturday morning.

  Goddamnit.

  I only had one full day left with Rowan. One day to fix this. But was this situation even salvageable?

  I’d broken down in the restroom. I knew it, and I was ashamed of myself. When I should have been there for Rowan emotionally, I was battling my own thoughts. The doubt Kyle planted in my mind cut deeper that I thought it would. I hadn’t expected him to flip everything around and make me look like the bad guy.

  That’s what Rowan suffered through for years, I reminded myself with a sharp bite of shame.

  I was so worried about looking bad in front of Rowan’s family that I panicked and ran away like a coward. I didn’t even stick around to help Rowan.

  I felt sick with embarrassment. I’d massively let him down. He needed me, and I wasn’t there for him like I promised I would be. Maybe it was best if I left after all. Rowan deserved someone better—someone who didn’t abandon him after promising never to do that.

  I thought about Harvey’s call and felt another wave of desperation. If I hadn’t gotten that call—and if Harvey hadn’t threatened my job—maybe we could have fixed this. But with only one day left to spend with Rowan, I knew it was impossible.

  I ground my knuckles against my forehead with a low groan. This wasn’t how I wanted things to go. I knew my time with Rowan was only temporary—we both knew that from the very beginning. But to actually feel our remaining time slip through my fingers like sand was incredibly painful.

  It was selfish of me, but I didn’t want to leave him.

  I stood and began shoveling my belongings into my bag. If I had to leave for the airport in less than two days, it would be best if I had all my shit together before then. Harvey was right about one thing—anyone else would be ecstatic about this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Hell, I should’ve been too. A paid trip to Bali to photograph native species was a nature photographer’s dream.

  So why am I dragging my feet so hard? Why is this so fucking difficult?

  I knew why. Because Rowan and I were being ripped apart before we could ever truly begin.

  I tried to shut off my thoughts. I had to stop thinking about Rowan, period. It was already painful to think about. It didn’t need to get any worse.

  I stopped when I reached my laptop. I frowned as a memory forced its way into my thoughts. The night that Rowan had leaned closely over my shoulder as I examined the photos I’d taken of him in the butterfly conservatory. That day seemed so long ago now, even though it hadn’t even been a week.

  Stop thinking about Rowan.

  I shook myself and threw my laptop into its bag, sealing it with an angry zip.

  When footsteps approached the door, I froze. A second later a knock came.

  “Alec?” Rowan called, his voice tired. “I don’t have the key card.”

  I winced, but I knew I couldn’t avoid facing him. I steeled myself and opened the door.

  Alec gazed up at me. His face was difficult to read, like he wore a mask over his true emotions.

  Maybe he’s trying to mentally cut himself off from me, just like I’m doing, I thought gravely.

  He walked inside without speaking. I shut the door behind him. The hotel room was intensely, uncomfortably quiet. Too quiet. It made my skin prickle with unease.

  I couldn’t stand the silence. I had to say something.

  “I’m sorry,” I blurted out.

  Rowan faced me, his expression still neutral. I hated that I didn’t know what he was thinking. Was that selfish of me?

  “For what?” he said.

  The shame bit deep into me. “I
shouldn’t have run away like that. I left you alone.”

  The words hung in the air as Rowan blinked at me.

  “Well, I appreciate that,” he said. “But you didn’t leave me alone. Technically.”

  I raised a brow. “What?”

  He shot me a wry look. “Turns out we had an eavesdropper the whole time.”

  I felt a flash of anger mixed with confusion. “Who?”

  “Don’t get upset,” Rowan said. “There was a guy in the bathroom hiding from his bodyguard—don’t ask—and he heard everything. When Mark and Kyle were there, and then when I showed up, and then you.”

  “Wait, how’s that even possible? I didn’t see anyone else there. Was he in a stall or something?”

  “Yup. He was all curled up with his legs on the seat. His eyes nearly popped out of his skull when I barged in on him.”

  Everything about the mental image was so ridiculous that I had to laugh. “Okay, now I know you’re screwing with me.”

  “I’m not!” Rowan insisted. “His name was Damian Cox, and he was actually really cool.”

  My jaw dropped. “Damian Cox? I hate to break it to you, Rowan, but that guy was definitely lying to you. Damian Cox is a huge celebrity.”

  Rowan’s brows raised in genuine interest. “He is?”

  “You don’t?” I asked. “He’s only the vocalist for Blue Starshine. You’ve probably heard him all over the radio.”

  Raising a hand to scratch his head, Rowan murmured, “Now that you mention it, his voice did sound kind of familiar.”

  “Did he have blue hair?”

  Rowan nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah! Wow, I can’t believe I met a real celebrity.”

  “Oh my god. My boyfriend met Damian Cox in a bathroom, and you didn’t even know who he was?” I nearly bit my tongue when I realized I’d slipped up. “Shit, I mean—”

  “Don’t,” Rowan said. He stood and crossed the room, closing the gap until there was barely an arm’s length between us. “Don’t correct yourself.”

  Dread knotted in my stomach. With Rowan so close, my heart raced, tripping over itself every few rapid beats.

  I shouldn’t feel like this. Not when I have to leave. Not when he won’t want to see me ever again.

  “Alec,” Rowan said, snapping me out of my thoughts. “I know something’s wrong.”

  I stiffened.

  With his brow furrowed, Rowan said, “Why won’t you tell me what it is? After everything else we’ve told each other, what’s stopping you now?”

  You, I wanted to say. If I tell you, this will all fall apart.

  I ground my teeth. I felt like a petulant child with how fervently I wished for this conversation to end.

  Rowan’s eyes narrowed. “Alec. You left me back there. I know you, and this isn’t you. You owe me some kind of explanation, don’t you think?”

  He was right, but that didn’t make it any easier to say the dry, defiant words stuck in my throat.

  “I got a call from my boss,” I mumbled.

  “Okay. And?”

  “He wants to send me on a trip to Bali.”

  Rowan sputtered. “Alec! That’s amazing!”

  I wished I could share his enthusiasm. “The flight leaves on Saturday morning.”

  His face fell. “This Saturday? As in, the day of Tiffany’s wedding?”

  I nodded stiffly.

  The joy drained from him like a wilting flower. “Oh.” He perked up with a flash of cautious optimism. “Well, can you ask him to postpone it?”

  “No,” I said. “He made it crystal clear that it wasn’t up for debate. The tickets are already purchased, and he insinuated he’d fire me if I didn’t take this job.”

  A new horror dawned on Rowan’s face. “What the hell?”

  The feeling was mutual. My heart sank like a rock.

  “I can’t lose my job, Rowan,” I said quietly.

  His mouth was a thin line. “You agreed.”

  “Yes.”

  “So, you’re leaving Saturday morning?”

  I nodded.

  All the air seemed to leave Rowan’s lungs as he visibly deflated. He slumped on to the bed, staring at the floor with glazed eyes.

  Cut it off. Make this easier for yourself. For Rowan.

  “I can try to help you tomorrow, but after that you’ll be on your own,” I said.

  When Rowan flinched, I wanted to kick myself—but I didn’t stop. My consciousness seemed to split between two Alecs—the one who loved Rowan and wanted to stay, and the one who loved Rowan and wanted to ease his suffering by making the choice to cut me off easier.

  And the latter currently wouldn’t shut up.

  “It’s for the best,” I said. “We already knew this was all fake.”

  With every word out of my mouth, I watched Rowan’s expression dim further.

  I knew I was hurting him, and I hated myself.

  “When you say all of this was fake,” Rowan murmured, pain in his eyes, “are you including the time in the stairwell when you said you loved me?”

  My heart lurched.

  I promised him I wouldn’t do this.

  “No,” I said. “I meant every word I said.”

  “Then why are you acting like this now?” Rowan snapped.

  I winced at his sharp tone. Sadness and betrayal glittered in his sharp, stormy eyes. He looked like a cornered animal, lashing out to protect himself.

  “Because it’s easier for you to hate me,” I said.

  “What?” he cried. “What kind of stupid dumbass logic is that?”

  “We can’t be together, Rowan. No matter how much I want it, it’s not gonna work. It was never supposed to work. Our lives are too different.”

  “I don’t care how different they are,” Rowan said, clutching the blanket so hard his knuckles turned white. “I want you, Alec!”

  “You think I don’t want you?” I barked back. “I want you more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life!”

  The words filled the room, lingering like heavy mist. We stared at each other.

  After a moment, Rowan let out a weak laugh. “Then why the hell are we arguing?”

  “Because I’m going to leave on Saturday, and you’re going to hate me.”

  He stared at me like I was an idiot. For a second, with Rowan’s intent gaze boring into my soul—the only person to truly know me—I really felt like one. Then I remembered everything else—Kyle and his leverage against me, Tiffany’s anger, Mark’s whole existence, and I recalled why I’d felt so hopeless in the first place.

  “You know I’ll still be here when you come back, right?” Rowan said.

  I blinked. “But why would you wait? I—I’m not worth it. I’m abandoning you for my fucking job, just like I promised I wouldn’t do. I lied, Rowan.”

  I could tell he didn’t love it, but he shrugged. “Going away for work isn’t abandoning me. God, I’m talking like we really are dating.” He hesitated then seemed to struggle to meet my eye. “Or is that really why you’re freaking out? Because you still think this is fake?”

  “Do you think it is?”

  “I asked you first, asshole.”

  I smirked, but it fell quickly. “You deserve someone better.”

  “No,” he said. “I deserve someone who’s kind and thoughtful and funny. Who genuinely cares about me and protects me. Who always understands how I feel.”

  “You’re right. You do.”

  Rowan let out a loud, exasperated groan. “I’m talking about you, Alec, you dense motherfucker.”

  Bit by bit, every brick I’d built in my shaky defense crumbled to the ground, and Rowan’s last words were a hammer that shattered it to dust.

  He wasn’t mad. He understood why I did what I did, even though I did a shitty job of communicating with him. And most of all, he still wanted me.

  The cynical part of me wondered if I was hallucinating the image of a perfect boyfriend.

  “Please say something,” Rowan begged wearily. �
�I don’t want the last word lingering in the air to be motherfucker.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” I admitted. “You’ve rendered me speechless.”

  He shot me a cautious grimace. “In a good way, I hope?”

  I smiled, sitting next to him on the bed. His eyes flashed with hope.

  “Yeah,” I said. “You were so sweet that it turned my brain to mush, and I forgot how to make word good.”

  Rowan laughed. “Oh, no. I’ve turned him stupid.”

  I grinned. “That’s my secret, Rowan. I’ve been stupid all along.”

  29

  Rowan

  I couldn’t tell if the entire atmosphere at the rehearsal was tense, or if it was just my imagination.

  The Botanical Gardens were pleasant and calm. The flowers were bright and lively, just on the cusp between late summer and early autumn. The sky was bright blue with only whimsical wisps of clouds lazily drifting against the expanse.

  It should’ve been a beautiful backdrop for a wedding, but all I could think about was all the shit that had yet to go down.

  Unlike the first few days of the trip, Mark didn’t spend a second away from Tiffany now. They were glued to the hip the entire time. He went from patchwork absences to grossly overcompensating. We knew the truth about Mark’s little misadventures, and his overly clingy fiancé act didn’t fool either of us.

  I slipped my phone out of my pocket and glanced at it briefly. No updates yet. I put it back in.

  Alec looked handsome—more than usual, if that was even possible. The suit was hot, accentuating his nice proportions and tall frame. He caught me gazing at him and smiled.

  I smiled back, but it came with a hopeless stir in my chest. Alec was leaving tomorrow morning. Even though we’d talked about it and I accepted it, I didn’t have to like it. But I couldn’t backpedal now by begging him to stay. I didn’t want to seem like an overbearing nag who couldn’t function without his fake boyfriend.