A Perfect Gentle Knight

by Kit Pearson

  She slipped out of the study, feeling lighter than when she went in. And she was going to get a baseball glove!

  THAT NIGHT CORRIE STRUGGLED through some of the book on reincarnation. Then she gazed out at the moon and thought as hard as she could.

  She could see what a comforting belief reincarnation was. She could even see that it was possible, the way it was possible that Jesus or Buddha had existed. It was truer than pretending, truer than Santa Claus or the Round Table. Those were just pretending.

  When she pretended she was Sir Gareth it seemed true for the time she was playing. But she wasn’t Sir Gareth every moment of the day and she definitely wasn’t the reincarnation of Sir Gareth.

  Was Sir Lancelot reborn in Sebastian? Was Jennifer really Guinevere? Definitely not, Corrie decided. Perhaps Sebastian really did believe in reincarnation. That was fine. It was the same thing as saying the Creed in church.

  Corrie thought even harder. If reincarnation were true, people who had died probably couldn’t plan it. That was the trouble with Sebastian thinking he was Sir Lancelot and Jennifer was Guinevere. He wanted that, so he believed it. But it was too tidy, too coincidental that Lancelot and Guinevere would come back as teenagers at the same school.

  Corrie’s brain was spinning so fast that after she was in bed, she made a mental list to sort out her thoughts.

  Reincarnation could be possible. How could she argue with what millions of people believed in? It was such an appealing idea that perhaps she would come to believe in it herself one day.

  However, Sebastian was not the reincarnation of Sir Lancelot, and Jennifer was not Guinevere. That was Sebastian’s fantasy, an extension of the fantasy he’d had for years of being a knight. If he told himself it was reincarnation it helped make his fantasy real.

  This was the hardest: Was this good for Sebastian? Corrie didn’t know. She wanted him to be happy. It was normal for teenagers to be in love, and Sebastian needed an ally at school. Perhaps as long as he didn’t tell Jennifer, it would be okay for him to pretend what he did.

  Corrie couldn’t think about it any longer. It was too hard. She fell asleep trying to decide what kind of baseball glove she would buy.

  MEREDITH ASKED HER FATHER to take them to a sporting goods store. Corrie picked out a beautiful new glove. It was golden leather and it had a rich earthy smell. The next day she was picked to be shortstop. She was sure her new glove had brought her luck, because she caught the ball every time.

  After the game they all sprawled on the grass while Mr. Zelmach read them a poem called “Casey at the Bat.”

  Jamie was sitting next to Corrie. “You did great, Corrie,” he whispered.

  Corrie smiled at him with surprise. The sun warmed the top of her head, and the white patches of her new saddle shoes gleamed. Spring was really here, and everything seemed possible again.

  13

  Jennifer

  To Corrie’s relief, Sebastian offered to take the twins to the dentist. “Why don’t you come too?” he asked her.

  Corrie agreed eagerly. All the way there, the four of them pretended the bus was a dragon. It certainly sounded like one as it hissed its way over the bridge.

  The twins pressed into Sebastian’s side and pulled on his arms. They had missed him as much as she did, Corrie realized.

  “Did any of the knights kill dragons?” Orly asked.

  “Slay,” said Juliet. “Knights slayed dragons, right, Sebastian?”

  “You are right, Master Jules,” said Sir Lancelot, “but the word is ‘slew,’ not ‘slayed.’ Sir Tristan slew a dragon and cut out its tongue,” he told Orly.

  “Neat!” said Orly. “Can I be Sir Tristan when I’m knighted?”

  “We’ll see.”

  “I want to be Sir Tristan!” said Juliet.

  Orly pulled her hair. “You can’t! I thought of it first!”

  “Neither of you will ever be knighted unless you stop arguing,” Sebastian said calmly.

  Corrie melted into the relief of having him take charge again.

  Orly was ushered in to the dentist first. Corrie listened to Juliet proudly sound out words from a magazine; she’d been reading fluently for a month now, the first one in her class to do so. Then Juliet went in to get her teeth cleaned. Corrie showed Sebastian a picture of a knight in an ad.

  “They’ve left out his besagews,” said Sebastian.

  “What are besagews?” asked Corrie happily. Sebastian was so much more present today. Maybe his aloofness was over.

  Just as Sebastian began to explain, the door opened and a dark-haired girl walked in. He jumped up. “Jenny!”

  “Hi, Seb,” said Jennifer. “So we share the same dentist!”

  “Um … this is my sister Corrie,” muttered Sebastian. His words tumbled over one another, and when he sat down again he kept pulling at his shirt.

  “Hi.” Jennifer smiled. At least, her mouth smiled. Her greenish-grey eyes narrowed coldly as she looked at Corrie.

  She doesn’t like me, thought Corrie. She realized instantly that she didn’t like Jennifer either.

  She looks like a … a snake, she decided, like the long snake of her dark braid. A slithery snake that was entwining herself around her brother. Jennifer sat down beside Sebastian, much too close. Corrie had had her brother’s entire attention just minutes ago. Now he ignored her.

  “Do you have a sore tooth, Sebbie?”

  Sebbie! Corrie glared at her.

  “No, it’s just the twins who have to be here. We’re waiting for them. How about you?” Sebastian’s face grew gentle.

  “Oh, I’m just here for a check-up.” Sebastian gazed at her as if these ordinary words were poetry.

  “What grade are you in, Corrie?” Jennifer asked. She wasn’t really interested; she was just asking to please Sebastian.

  “Six,” mumbled Corrie.

  Jennifer hadn’t even heard. She turned back to Sebastian. The two of them acted as if Corrie wasn’t in the room.

  Orly pranced out with a pinwheel in his hand. “No cavities!” he boasted. He stared at Jennifer. “Who are you?”

  “This is Jennifer,” Sebastian told him.

  “And you must be Seb’s little brother! I’ve heard great things about you. Can I try your pinwheel?” gushed Jennifer. She blew on it and Orly grinned.

  The nurse ushered Jennifer in. She pressed Sebastian’s hand and left. Both he and Orly gazed after her as if they were bewitched.

  Juliet appeared with another pinwheel. With relief, Corrie turned to go. But Sebastian hesitated. “Corrie, do you think you could take the twins home by yourself? I’m going to wait for Jennifer.”

  “But I’ve never gone on the bus by myself!”

  “You’ll be fine. I’ll take you to the bus stop. Look for number twenty—it goes straight down Granville. All you have to do is get off at the street opposite the church.”

  Corrie was torn. It would be an adventure taking the bus, but she didn’t want to leave Sebastian alone with that girl. Still, what difference did it make? They saw each other every day anyway.

  “Jennifer is really pretty!” said Orly after they had gone down in the elevator.

  “Who’s Jennifer?” demanded Juliet.

  “She’s Sebastian’s girlfriend, right?” asked Orly.

  Juliet gawked at Sebastian. “You have a girlfriend?”

  “Yes, I do,” said Sebastian softly. “And do you know what, Juliet and Orly? She’s really Guinevere!”

  The twins looked at him with surprised round eyes. “She is?”

  “Yes! Jennifer is the reincarnation of Guinevere.”

  “Re-what?”

  “Reincarnation. I’ll explain it to you later.”

  When they reached the bus stop, Sebastian gave Corrie some money. “See you later!” he called, walking rapidly back towards the building.

  Corrie stood at the bus stop trying to concentrate on watching for number twenty. The twins helped her and crowed, “There it is!” when it appear
ed. They mounted the stairs and Corrie carefully deposited the money in the coin box. She found them a seat near the back. People smiled at them and she felt proud to be responsible enough to take her little sister and brother on the bus all by herself.

  When they got comfortable, and when Orly and Juliet were absorbed in looking out the window, she finally let herself think about Jennifer.

  She hated her. She hated the way she sucked up to Sebastian, pretending to be nice to Orly just so he would approve. She was dangerous, a dangerous black snake who had cast a spell over her brother. Most of all, she hated the way Sebastian had paid more attention to her than to Corrie—his favourite sister!

  Corrie was so full of anguish she didn’t even feel proud when they approached the church and she pulled the string in time for their stop.

  “Do you know what that ‘re’ word means?” Juliet asked her as they walked down the street.

  Corrie gave a short explanation about reincarnation. “So Sebastian thinks that the Guinevere from the King Arthur stories is alive again in Jennifer’s body,” she finished.

  “Cool!” said Orly.

  “Does that mean that Sir Lancelot has come back again as Sebastian?” asked Juliet.

  “No!” Corrie shouted, so loud that they stopped and stared at her. “Listen to me, you guys,” she continued. “Sebastian being Lancelot and Jennifer being Guinevere, all of the Round Table, is just pretending. It’s not real! Sebastian isn’t really Sir Lancelot and Jennifer sure isn’t Guinevere. I’m not Sir Gareth and you’re not really pages.”

  “We are so!” yelled Orly.

  “You’re fibbing, Corrie,” said Juliet. “Me and Orly are pages and soon we’ll be squires and then we’ll be knights. I’ll be Sir Tristan and Orly will be Sir Bors or someone else. And Sebastian is Sir Lancelot!”

  “And Jennifer is Guinevere!” said Orly firmly. “She’s beautiful, just like Guinevere in the stories. Anyway, Sebastian said so!”

  “You’re fibbing!” cried Juliet again.

  “I’m sorry,” Corrie told them. “You’ll understand when you get older.” The twins glared at her, then ran ahead down the street.

  Corrie followed slowly, not wanting to believe her own words. When she was six, she had spent months being Pookie. No one in the family had guessed that she had wings and flew all over the world having adventures. She hadn’t pretended she was Pookie—she was Pookie.

  That complete immersion in another world had gone. Now Corrie was more and more aware of only pretending; she was gradually losing a magic she could never get back.

  I don’t want to lose it! thought Corrie. But the sensible part of her knew she had to. Did Sebastian?

  CORRIE KNOCKED ON Sebastian’s door later that evening.

  “Can I talk to you?” she asked.

  “Of course! Wasn’t it great to run into Jennifer like that? Did you like her?”

  What could she say? He would be so disappointed if she told him the truth. “She’s okay,” mumbled Corrie. “I don’t think she likes me, though.”

  “Of course she does! I talk about you a lot—she knows how close we are.”

  Maybe that was why Jennifer didn’t like her. Maybe she didn’t want to share Sebastian any more than Corrie did.

  There was nothing she could do about her and Jennifer. Corrie was more worried about Sebastian. “Do you really think Jennifer is the reincarnation of Guinevere?” she asked him.

  That intense look came into her brother’s eyes. “It sounds strange, but, yes, I really do! I’ve felt that ever since the first time I talked to her. We were meant to be together—we’re soul mates.”

  “Because … because you’re really Sir Lancelot?” whispered Corrie.

  Sebastian nodded solemnly. “I know you probably think I’m crazy, but why else have I felt so drawn to him all these years? And why else would I keep on with the Round Table? I hate to admit it, but Roz is right. It’s fine to play at knights when you’re your age, but fifteen is too old for it. Except I’m not playing! The rest of you are—it’s just a game for you. But for me, it’s real. I have no choice.”

  “But Sebastian …” What could she possibly say? She spoke slowly and carefully, as if she were trying to explain something to Orly. “Sebastian, listen to me. I don’t agree with you. I read about reincarnation, and maybe it can happen. But I don’t think it’s happened with you. You aren’t Lancelot and Jennifer isn’t Guinevere. It’s not good for you to believe that.”

  Sebastian smiled at her. “It’s hard to understand. You don’t have to believe me, but it’s true. And I’m fine—I’ve never felt this happy.”

  “But that’s because you’re in love!” blurted out Corrie. “Everyone feels happy when they’re in love—at least that’s what all the songs and movies say.”

  Sebastian laughed. “I am in love! But it’s more than that. I’m growing into my true self, and so is Jennifer.”

  “But what will happen? How can you be Lancelot and Guinevere now, in 1958?”

  Sebastian shrugged calmly. “I don’t know what will happen. Our true selves will let us know.” He swivelled his chair back to his desk. “Now, Gareth, I have lots of studying to do, so you had better go. Pray do not worry yourself about me.”

  Corrie left the room quickly. She ran to her room, closed the door, and huddled on the windowseat. The trees below her swayed in the wind. It blew through the crack in her window and she got her eiderdown, pulling it tightly around her to stop shivering.

  Sebastian seemed to truly believe that he was Sir Lancelot and Jennifer was Guinevere. Should she tell Fa? But what could he do? He might just repeat that Sebastian was that Icarus person and that he had to grow out of his fantasy at his own pace.

  Perhaps it would be all right. Sebastian would soon tell Jennifer about his convictions and Jennifer would laugh at him—Corrie could hear her cackle like a witch. And then they would break up. Sebastian would be miserable, but he’d recover. Corrie could comfort him.

  And then Sebastian would also get over his strange beliefs. Everything would be like it was before: they would carry on being knights, but Sebastian would just be pretending, as he used to.

  Corrie got ready for bed, picked up Pookie, and snuggled into her pillow. She tried being Sir Gareth, lying on his pallet in the great hall of Camelot after the nightly feast, his loyal greyhound at his side and his sword close at hand.

  “Hark!” Sir Gareth whispered to Sir Perceval. “Do you hear something stirring outside the castle walls?” She imagined the two of them creeping out into the moonlight and encountering a rival knight trying to sneak in. They drew their swords and the knight bolted.

  A part of her was observing, watching herself pretend. But at least some of the magic was still there.

  14

  Robin Hood and Little John

  Mrs. Cooper invited the whole Bell family for Easter dinner. When Corrie asked Fa he said, “Please thank her, my dear, but you know we always go to the Hotel Vancouver for Easter.”

  Corrie was relieved. She couldn’t imagine mixing up her family and Meredith’s. What would Fa and the Coopers talk about? They had nothing in common. Mr. Cooper had told her, when he heard what Fa taught, how boring he had found Shakespeare in school.

  The Easter Bunny left his usual large basket of chocolate treats in the hall. Hamlet ate a foil-covered egg and threw it up on Harry’s bed. Corrie felt queasy herself after nibbling both ears of her rabbit.

  “If only you could come for dinner!” Meredith told her after church.

  Now Corrie wished Fa had been more sociable. She vaguely remembered how the house used to hum with Fa and Mum’s friends, friends who talked avidly about books and art, and whom she could hear laughing and dancing long after she had gone to bed. Fa had not invited anyone over since Mum’s death. All he had were his books, his teaching, and his family.

  Harry and Fa spent most of Easter dinner discussing the huge explosion that had happened near Vancouver the day before, when Ripple R
ock had been blown up.

  “It’s the biggest non-atomic blast in history!” Harry said proudly.

  “But why did they blow it up?” Juliet asked. Fa explained how the underwater mountain had caused many shipping accidents over the years.

  Roz was patiently listening to Orly’s riddles, and Sebastian was daydreaming as usual. Corrie poked at her overdone roast beef. She wondered what the Coopers were having.

  During the Easter holidays Sebastian called a meeting of the Round Table every day. They met at Joyous Gard, which was now finished—a spacious fort of woven branches with a canvas roof and a blanket for a door. From the clearing you couldn’t even tell it was there.

  Building the fort had been fun, but now that it was done they had to sit for long periods in Joyous Gard while Sebastian read to them. Corrie tried to pay attention, but it was so hard to be shut out from the sun in this shadowy space. The others were also restless.

  “Can’t we have a sword fight?” Juliet asked.

  “Maybe later, Master Jules. Now listen carefully to the story of how Sir Lancelot rescued Guinevere.”

  No one could listen. It was as if Sebastian were reading to himself.

  “What is wrong with all of you?” he scolded, when the younger ones started pinching each other. “You are not paying attention!”

  Corrie saw how white his face was. “We are trying to, sire,” she said. “But it is a long time for the squire and the pages to sit still.”

  Sebastian sighed. “Very well, you may all go and joust.” The others rushed out and Corrie tried to smile at her brother. But Sebastian had bent over the book again.

  NOW CORRIE’S ONLY SOLACE was Meredith’s friendship. After the holidays were over she started seeing Meredith on Saturdays as well as on weekdays, walking to the Coopers’ house as soon as the Round Table meeting ended.

  The first Saturday, Mrs. Cooper took Meredith and Corrie downtown to have lunch at the Georgia Hotel. They had vanilla milkshakes and two chocolate eclairs each. After lunch they went to the art gallery and gazed at paintings by Emily Carr. Corrie liked how the dark tree forms invited her right into the pictures.