Snark's Quest

by Timothy Ellis

  "What have you got to say in your defence, Mash?"

  Mash thought a bit.

  "We were friends, once."

  "Maybe. Before you decided to die."

  Mash was silent. Bhatet gestured to his major domo, and he went to the side of the dais where a range of wicked looking weapons sat. He picked out a curved sword.

  Bhatet gestured to the guards and they stepped forward, dragging Mash.

  The major domo gave one of them the sword. Without further ado, the other guard stepped back, and the first raised the sword over his head. He brought it down expertly on the tentacle'd being's head, and cleaved him instantly in two. A puddle of black ink spread out around the body.

  Bhatet settled back on his throne, now looking very comfortable.

  "No-one cheats me and lives!" he said again. "He was given a merciful death only because he was once a friend. Usually it would be much worse."

  He scowled dramatically at the watching crowd. The major domo waved, and the guards dragged the remains away. Cleaners appeared, and sponged up the ink, and mess remaining. They worked along the trail of ink left behind by the guards. Soon there was nothing left.

  The beings in the hall went back to doing what they were doing before the show.

  Snark felt sick.

  A petitioner came forward with a request for clemency for a relative. Snark expected the same treatment, but instead Bhatet granted the request. The petitioner cried out, and walked backwards praising Bhatet’s magnanimousness.

  "Bhatet the merciful!" cried the major domo to the crowd.

  There were sycophantic cheers.

  Snark watched the proceedings carefully. It seemed Bhatet made sure no one knew what he would do next. Each decision was arbitrary. But there was plenty of punishment, and unnecessary violence. It was sickening.

  Finally the major domo called out, "Snark! Approach the almighty Bhatet!"

  There were shocked gasps, and a rustling of muttering as he stepped forward.

  Bhatet looked at him with distaste, mixed with amusement.

  "You dare to come before me?"

  "I do, oh mighty Bhatet!"

  Snark spoke loudly and confidently, unlike how he actually felt. He continued.

  "Unlike my cowardly species, I roundly, and utterly condemn their puny efforts, and know absolutely you will crush them completely."

  Bhatet looked a little mollified by this, but still looked sternly at Snark. He went on.

  "I have come bearing gifts to go some way to compensate you for the evil wrongs my kind dared to do to one so mighty and merciful."

  Snark was making himself sick to his stomach with his words, but he hoped they were having the desired effect.

  Bhatet was intrigued. The sight of a cat usually made him apoplectic with anger, but this cat seemed different. The red coat was interesting. Usually they dared to be bare skinned, which was horrible to see.

  The major domo snapped his fingers. He was enjoying this one. A flunky immediately brought forward a steaming dish on a platinum platter.

  Bhatet tasted the dish. There was an intake of breath, and silence as they were held.

  Bhatet swallowed. There was a mass sympathetic swallowing.

  Bhatet smiled.

  "Mouse!" he said warmly. "Prepared just how I like it!"

  "And there’s more of it to be had," said Snark. "I’ve just delivered the first shipment to your kitchen, and can provide you with as much as you need."

  Bhatet helped himself to some more of the steaming dish, licking gravy from around his mouth and teeth.

  "An enterprising cat!"

  He laughed at his own joke, and although not very funny, everyone joined in. Bhatet’s bright, intelligent, and evil eyes glinted as he looked again at Snark.

  "Normally I would have no hesitation in killing you myself," he said conversationally between bites. "But you do me a service, and may be useful."

  Bhatet thought it was better if he tortured the information about the Mouse supply from him rather than trade with him, but he was amused as nothing today had amused him. With the Mice in sector ten joining the accursed Kingdom, and the supply stopping dead overnight, Mouse was now hard to get. The Mouse homeworld was on the other side of sector ten, and more than double the distance away. So a cat with the connections would be useful. Of course, he wasn't going to let this on.

  "You can be my cat, my pet cat," and he laughed at Snark’s face.

  Snark and his kind had been independent all of their existence, and would never be slaves, so he'd been unable to keep the distaste from his face.

  "Here! Sit at my feet, pet."

  This wasn’t going as Snark had planned. But at least he wasn’t dead. He reluctantly curled up at Bhatet’s feet.

  Bhatet laughed heartily. No-one should think they were better than him. No-one could better him for punishment and pain. He could see this registering with the onlookers. He was satisfied. He licked the platter clean with a large yellowish pink tongue.

  Snark knew he didn’t have much time. There was only one packet of actual Mouse, because the rest of the cargo was his usual choice of rodent. And he’d been sick to his stomach in peddling actual mouse, even if they were already caught, killed and frozen by someone else. It wouldn’t take Brindle long to find out she’d been cheated. And if cheating Bhatet was anything to go by, you didn’t want to be around when found out.

  A beeping noise sounded from behind the dais. Bhatet waved at the major domo, and got to his feet. Snark did likewise. Everyone in the hall fell down into a bow, or grovelled on the floor. Bhatet left the dais, and went through the door. Snark followed at his feet.

  Bhatet immediately went to a large console which dominated the room. It shone with screens in the dim light. He noticed Snark, but didn’t order him out. He smiled at his 'pet', and checked some of the screens, grunting to himself.

  Then he left, returned to the dais, and sat back down. Snark once again curled at his feet. As he scanned the crowd, he noticed Patters was there with the hippo guard. Excellent. They were in place.

  Several more petitioners came and went. There wasn’t any blood, which Snark didn’t actually like. If Anna came next, she was in a bad position, given Bhatet’s penchant for mixing it up.

  Patters had moved around to a position near the dais, but also near the guards, and facing the room, so there was no one at her back.

  Snark thought they needed at least another few to get this to happen right. Had he been wrong in not hiring mercenaries? It was his independent spirit, he just couldn’t ask for help, even if it was paid. And he’d been worried about the loyalty of most of the mercenaries here to Bhatet, he was their regular bread and butter, and they were unlikely to bite the hand which fed them.

  Snark had to wait for Anna to be brought here. They would never be able to rescue her from the lower level prisons. That was impossible. It had to be here. When would she come, and when would Brindle find out she’d been cheated?

  As if he’d summoned her by thinking about her, Brindle appeared in her Chef’s uniform, with several flunkies carrying a range of dishes for Bhatet. Snark almost panicked. Would they have to move now, when they weren’t ready? Was Brindle here to denounce him?

  Brindle did a little start when she saw Snark curled at Bhatet’s feet, and covered it by grinning broadly. Snark was very embarrassed. It was beneath a cat’s dignity. Then he got himself together. He might have to act fast. His muscles tensed ready.

  Brindle approached the major domo, who approached Bhatet. Bhatet was pronouncing sentence on a young pregnant goat being. It wasn’t going well. He was on his feet shouting. Phlegm rained down on the hapless being.

  "Take her away!"

  Guards dragged her off, shrieking. She tried to break free, and several more guards restrained her as they left the room.

  At least there were now less guards.

  The major domo whispered in Bhatet’s ear, and he beamed widely, light glinting on his sharp pointy tee
th.

  "Brindle! My master chef extraordinary."

  Bhatet waved her forward, and actually bent down, and kissed both cat cheeks. Only Snark saw her flinch, so well had she hidden it.

  "What have you got for me?"

  Brindle looked directly at Snark. Snark was even more alarmed. He tensed even more.

  "More mouse, excellency. Served five different ways. I’ve come personally for you to try a new recipe of mine, which I think you will be delighted with."

  She waved in the direction of the flunkies.

  At that moment, guards came in flanking Anna. She was walking purposefully towards the dais, with the guards almost running to keep up with her. There was a crescendo of muttering, and cries of 'the human', as beings turned to each other to comment. They all looked at Anna as if she was a beast in the circus, and the betting ring in the corner stepped up business, with most betting, as per usual, on Bhatet, but some speculating she might walk free.

  Anna reached the space in front of the throne, and stood almost at attention.

  "So what do you want with me?" she said loudly so everyone could hear.

  There was an indrawn rush of breath as almost fifty beings collectively inhaled.

  Bhatet was taken aback. No-one had ever dared to speak before permission before. It was unheard of. He sat back in his throne. His first thought was immediate execution, but he needed her intelligence. The torture would be exquisite for this presumption.

  "Well?" asked Anna, as if it was she in command here.

  There was a collective hooting as almost fifty beings oohed, sighed, and collectively ahhed.

  Bhatet got to his feet to show the full impact of his physique.

  "Insolence!" he shouted.

  Anna waited. She was taking a risk, but she had little choice. Why not try something no one would dare think of? She'd seen Snark, but could not look at him directly, as it would give away they knew each other. And she'd seen Patters out of the corner of her eye as she’d marched in.

  She felt encouraged. She hoped they had a plan, and it was a good one. She didn’t want to go back to the cells for interrogation. She’d heard the almost constant screaming and groaning from around her, the thunks of beatings, and the hiss of electrical torture. She was sure there was less audible chemical torture as well.

  "I’ve heard you think well of yourself," she said sarcastically. "And I’m not insolent, just asking a question."

  Bhatet called his major domo. The major domo feared something catastrophic was about to occur. He quivered expectantly at Bhatet’s side. Bhatet whispered, and glanced at Brindle. The major domo went back to Brindle, and she waved a flunkey forward. The flunkey had two platters which he was balancing badly. He was very frightened, and his knees were shaking. He put one of the platters down on the ground, and offered the other to Bhatet.

  Bhatet took some meat, and chewed slowly. He made sure his teeth were on show, and his massive tongue.

  "Brindle, I congratulate you. It really is superb. Very delicate flavours, almost a silky texture to the sauce, and that taste of Mouse."

  He kissed his fingers, and waved them about in the air, making a kissing noise. Brindle made a show of being happy with the reaction.

  He turned back to the human, who was unimpressed with his show.

  "So you are Anna Romanova."

  "The last time I looked, yes."

  "You of the Seasprite."

  Anna nodded.

  Bhatet leaned forward on his throne, where he had sat back down. The flunkey had rescued the platter from the floor, and waved it under his nose.

  "You will tell me all your secrets."

  Anna said nothing.

  "What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?"

  He kicked Snark, and bellowed with laughter at his own pathetic joke. The whole room erupted in nervous laughter at the fine joke.

  "No, I won't," Anna said defiantly. "You can torture me, but it won’t do you any good. I don’t know very much."

  She shrugged her shoulders in a typical human gesture.

  "You who have searched so long for the Stone?"

  Anna acknowledged this with a dip of her head.

  Bhatet leaned forward a little more. Snark was afraid he might fall on top of him.

  "I will pick you apart until you scream to die," he whispered.

  "No doubt you will. But you will lose," Anna whispered back.

  Bhatet was astonished at her gall.

  He absentmindedly helped himself to the platter the quaking flunkey was holding to one side of him.

  Seventy Four

  Snark watched and listened to the exchange holding his breath. They must move soon before Bhatet lost his temper, and killed Anna despite his need for information. It was the only thing stopping him from tearing her apart with his three hands, and possibly tentacles and feet as well. Not to mention the teeth. But he wanted to see the outcome of Bhatet’s last bite.

  He made eye contact with Patters, and she nodded. Anna noticed the exchange, and readied herself.

  Patters stunned the hippo next to her. She hadn’t wanted to kill him as he’d been so friendly. Big as he was, he went down with a solid crash. She killed the two guards at the end of the room before he hit the floor, being the long shots. She wanted to make sure of an exit. She whirled and killed the guards at the back of the dais, and ran towards Anna at the same time. She picked off one guard flanking Anna when the right angle presented itself, making sure Anna wasn’t anywhere near the line of fire, and brought the other down as she leapt into his shoulder with the force of her jump.

  Snark jumped up, and simultaneously crashed into the platters held by various flunkies, including the one next to Bhatet. The food went everywhere, including covering Bhatet in meat, sauce, and gravy. He tapped his tablet being held in his middle hand, his suit changed to reveal his gun holsters, and he drew both guns.

  Chaos erupted in the room. Beings variously hid, ran for the exit, or set upon their neighbours. Why not take advantage of the melee to get their own back? Fighting variously broke out amongst groups.

  The major domo stood in shock, like most of the court, and then sprang into action. He tried to run through the door into Bhatet’s room, but Snark picked him off. No sending out an alarm, or alerting troops.

  Snark had lined up Brindle next, but was surprised to see a weapon appear in her paw. She looked at Snark and waved her tail, grinned, and picked off a couple of undercover guards which were throwing themselves variously at Anna, and Patters.

  Snark smiled back, and ran down the steps to Anna, who had picked up the nearest gun dropped by a guard, and was frantically trying to work out how to use it. It went off in her hand, narrowly missing Snark. She grinned, shrugged, and got a better grip.

  Bhatet hadn’t moved.

  He couldn’t move.

  Something had happened. He couldn’t breathe. He had no command over his limbs, or his tentacles. He watched the events in disbelief. What was happening to him?

  Snark called to Patters to take Anna and make their way to his ship, using the chaos for cover. They had an escape route planned. Snark turned back to Brindle.

  "Why?"

  "I want out! I saw the rest of the shipment was just rodent, and put two and two together."

  Snark grinned, and ran back up the stairs to the back room. He fired at the console until it was utterly destroyed. He ran out again. Several of the courtiers were armed, but weren’t doing anything to hurt Snark or Brindle. Anna and Patters had left the hall. Dead or stunned guards, and other bodies, lay about in the debris.

  Snark and Brindle ran to the exit to find some guards coming at the run to the hall. They fired, and some went down. The rest retreated to a corridor junction, and used the cover to fire from. Snark and Brindle made their escape.

  "What about Bhatet?" huffed Brindle as they ran, dodging bullets.

  "He’s done for!" shouted Snark, as he fired backwards towards several pursuing guards.

  They
ran to a corridor Snark and Patters had carefully scouted, and planned different routes to get to. A grating lay in the corridor, and Snark gestured to Brindle.

  "Up!"

  Brindle saw the maintenance conduit, and Snark boosted her in. Brindle put out a hand, and boosted Snark up, but it was difficult as Snark was clutching the grating. It had to be back in place, damn the thing.

  Finally they got the grating in position, and Snark safely into the conduit, just as guards rounded the corner, and ran on past them. They wriggled their way down the conduit.

  Bhatet was slowly suffocating. A guard came up to him, and looked at him. Bhatet could move his eyes, but nothing else. He tried to get the attention of the guard with his eyes. The guard finally noticed his eyes frantically signalling. He looked directly at him.

  Bhatet’s eyes were pleading. Get help! Get Help!

  The guard smiled in recognition.

  Bhatet almost cried with relief.

  The Guard straightened, looked at his gun, and just laughed. He left.

  Bhatet watched him go in disbelief.

  His last thought was wondering who'd been the one to kill him. He died not knowing.

  Anna and Patters almost fell out of the grating at the other end of the conduit. They'd exited on the small ship hanger deck, where Snark’s ship was waiting, and only meters from the airlock. Patters took a device from a pocket in her gun belt, and manually disconnected the overrides for the airlock. They passed through.

  They were in the ship itself, but it was too small for Anna. She was bent double trying to fit into the space, and could only crawl. Patters led her down a corridor to the cargo hold. Anna recognised it as the door opened. She sighed, but squeezed in.

  Snark and Brindle were close behind them. They had to move fast, as the station would soon be in lockdown. They were almost there, except they exited the conduit straight on top of a guard. They all fell in a heap. The guard was totally surprised, whereas Snark was ready, and shot him as soon as he could get a clear shot.

  They ran into the airlock, and into the ship. They found Patters on the bridge.

  "Anna’s fine, and in the hold!"

  She'd already started ships systems, and was ready to release the docking clamps. Snark waived Brindle to a jump seat at the back of the Cockpit, and sat in the pilot's chair. With three of them in there, cosy wasn’t really the right word.