Close Ups and Mess Ups

by Natasha West

  But I was still madly curious. I knew why. It was obvious. I had his place on the directing course and I was living in the bedroom he’d occupied. I was living Jack’s life. Was I worried I’d somehow take the same doomed route? It seemed unlikely. But then again, when I’d woken up this morning, I couldn’t have dreamed that I would swear at Kim.

  And yet I had.

  That afternoon, I had another lecture, this time on the silent era. I’ll admit, it didn’t grab me as much as some of the others and I was glad when it was over. I had a reccy to attend anyway and I was keen to get going. We were going to check out a few potential locations for the movie. As production designer, Ashley would be there. I was nervous about that. We hadn’t really talked, not since that one time over a drink in the basement bar. I’d barely said two words to her. But now we’d be cooped up in a car together, riding around London, maybe sat next to each other and maybe our knees would be pressed together…

  I realised I needed some new batteries for my vibrator. That would put a stop to my brain flying to sexy places in the midst of my first real project at BSF. No knees, no touching, no more of this. Focus!

  In the van, I wasn’t sitting next to Ashley, thank god. I was in the front. I clearly couldn’t be trusted to get my head out of the gutter and if that was the case, the only thing to do was to isolate myself from anything that would set it off.

  The problem was, I could hear her in the back. And her voice was as sexy as the rest of her. Low, husky, confident.

  I kept trying to talk to Victor about the locations but the entire time, I had half an ear in the back, listening to her talking to Jonas. He was chatting her up.

  It started innocently enough, with Ashley explaining that she’d looked at the photos of one of the places we were going to hit today, an abandoned warehouse building on an estate, and she was putting her money on that one for the shoot.

  ‘It’s got a lot of character’ she was saying. ‘The bones of the building are from that very particular part of British architecture, turn of the nineteenth century, and I think it’s going to look a lot better than any of the modern buildings.’

  ‘Hmm’ Jonas replied. ‘You know the older buildings provide a lot of problems along with all that ‘Character.’

  ‘Yes, I do know that but that’s why we’re going today. To see if there are any problems that you can’t tell from a photo.’

  Jonas took a deep sigh. ‘Well, you’re wrong, anyway. It won’t work.’

  In the front of the car, I was shocked at his rudeness. Semi-shocked, anyway. Jonas wasn’t exactly known for his tact. But Ashley only laughed. ‘Oh?’

  ‘The corridors get too much light, all those giant windows. We’ll be compensating for light changes the whole time, trying to make it match.’

  I glanced at the rear-view mirror to see how Ashley would take that. But she was holding her own. ‘How many hours would we even be in there? It’s only a three-minute film and it doesn’t all take place on this particular location.’

  Jonas paused and I thought she had him on the ropes. But then he shook his head. ‘That’s for me to decide.’

  Ashley raised an eyebrow at his nerve but then I saw Jonas’s face. He was grinning at Ashley even as he placed himself above her. This was his idea of flirting. Condescension and abject rudeness. But the question was, was it working? It sounds crazy, but I’ve seen girls fall for the whole ‘Negging’ trick. I’ve also seen boys fall for it.

  Looking at Ashley’s face, I couldn’t tell. I got so caught up trying to read her that when she looked directly into the rear-view mirror, I wasn’t quick enough to look away and she caught my eye. She knew I’d been listening. She turned back to Jonas and said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact, there’s at least one person higher up the totem pole than you so maybe you shouldn’t be counting your chickens.’ And she grinned at me.

  Well, I had to say something to that. ‘Yeah, Jonas’ I said, turning to look at him over my shoulder. ‘I’m, what did you call it? El Jefe?’

  Jonas looked at me. ‘So there is a little dictator in there after all? I wondered when she’d be making an appearance.’

  I snorted. ‘If that’s how you wanna see it. But I’m not the one making decisions before I’ve even set foot on a location.’ I saw Ashley trying not to laugh so I added. ‘Seems like kind of a rookie move.’

  I saw Jonas’s jaw tighten, just a little. Ashley looked out of the window, but I could see a smile in her eyes. I was in heaven. I’d knocked Jonas off his perch and managed to put a smile on Ashley’s lips in one move. Who could ask for more?

  When we arrived at the warehouse, our first stop, I walked in and I knew immediately that Jonas, very annoyingly, had a point. The light could prove to be an issue come the shoot. But looking at Ashley, pointing at features, running her hands over joists and beams, I couldn’t possibly disappoint her. And plus, she was right. The place was fucking cool.

  ‘I like it’ I told Victor. He nodded, in agreement.

  Ashley spun to me, quietly thrilled. But Jonas was on me in a second. ‘Allie, it would be a mistake. The light…’

  ‘You’re right, Jonas. I know. But you’re telling me you can’t find a way around that?’ I countered.

  That put him in a headlock. To argue with me, he’d have to admit a limit to his skill. And I’d gotten the lay of this guy from minute one. I knew he’d never admit failure.

  ‘Well, I’ll need more time to set up which is going to cut into your shooting time so if you’re fine with that…’ he trailed off.

  I nodded. ‘Whatever you say. You’re the expert.’

  Jonas didn’t say anything to that. And I realised something. This was how it worked sometimes. When there’s an ego in the way, you can’t just walk over it. You have to find a way to let it deal with itself. This was a new lesson. It was the first time I’d dealt with a real crew. Before, I’d done every job myself, and the ones I couldn’t, I’d roped friends in to doing. And they’d always deferred to me. But there were probably a lot of Jonas’s out there, waiting to throw fits when they didn’t get their way. And I’d just added a tool to my kit when dealing with them. I realised that this was what film school was really for. Lessons you can’t get from a book.

  Chapter Seven

  The night before the shoot, I was glued to the toilet. I won’t get into the gory details, but suffice to say it was nerve related tummy trouble. I was starting to think I’d made a huge mistake. What if Jonas was right? What if my choice would cost too much time in setting up? What if I didn’t get all the coverage I needed? I was only allowed one day to shoot, it was in the rules for the digital short. I’d thrown away a chunk of that time. And why had I done it? I liked the place and I thought it would look cool and atmospheric onscreen. But had I been more swayed by Ashley’s enthusiasm? Had I just shot myself in the foot to impress a girl?

  I suppose I didn’t really care so much if the film wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t really supposed to be, it was only an exercise. But the thought that I would get raked over the coals by Kim for some reason that could have been avoided, that was what bothered me. She’d been perfectly cordial since the incident with the faulty wire. Still, I had this fear that if I’d been on her shitlist before, I’d just moved myself up to the top of it. As far as I could tell, she didn’t seem to have even noticed my mini tantrum. But somehow, that made it worse, that lack of reaction. What if she’d simply logged the moment, put it aside for later use? It sounded like paranoia, I was perfectly aware of that. But after hearing what had happened to Jack Jarvis, it seemed like anything was possible. The story had made me more nervous around Kim. I was permanently waiting for her to bring the hammer down.

  But if I had fucked up on the location, it was way too late to do anything about it. Everything was organised. After my fifth trip to the bathroom, I opened the window to release the evidence of my nerves and went back to my room to do one last review of the pre-production paperwork.

  I was headed down
the hall when I heard the doorbell ring. One small, light, hesitant ring. I decided to let Mike get it, he was already downstairs, and it was probably for him or Zara, I wasn’t expecting anyone. But a minute went by and no one had answered. I went downstairs, thinking that if this was Zara losing her keys for the millionth time, I would... Actually, I’d probably let her in politely. She still scared me.

  But when I opened the door, I found Cameron on the doorstep.

  ‘Cameron!’ I exclaimed.

  ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking, just turning up like this-’

  ‘Is everything OK?’ I asked. Cameron was all at sixes and sevens.

  ‘It’s… God, I don’t know. I mean, yes, everything’s fine, really. I’m just…’

  ‘Come in’ I instructed her, confused, but not necessarily displeased by the unannounced arrival of the nervous writer.

  She scuttled in and I took her to the living room, expecting to find Mike where I’d left him a few hours ago, composing on his laptop. But he wasn’t there. He must have gone out without my noticing.

  Cameron sat down before me and then immediately stood straight back up again, muttering, ‘Sorry, is it alright if I sit?’

  I couldn’t help but laugh at her. ‘Just sit your arse down and tell me what’s up’ I said dryly. She seemed to relax a little and she sat down and began to pull pages out of her bag. It was the script for our film. ‘I was just thinking…’

  ‘Cameron, if you want to make changes, it’s too late. We shoot tomorrow.’

  ‘I know, I know. You’re right, I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.’

  ‘What is it you wanted to change, anyway?’

  ‘Ermm… All of it?’

  My eyes went wide. ‘What?’

  ‘Yeah, I think it might be rubbish’ she said flatly.

  I’d been worried about this. I’d signed off on the script days ago and I’d told her I was happy with it. But she’d had this look in her eye, like she didn’t really buy it. But why was she getting so het up? It wasn’t a script that was going to make or break her. It was supposed to be a simple exercise for her, just like it was for the students who were going to produce it. And honestly, it wouldn’t have mattered at this point if the movie consisted of a naked man screaming nonsense into the camera for three solid minutes. We were shooting tomorrow. Much as I liked Cameron, I was stressed as it was. I didn’t have time to see her through a crisis of talent.

  ‘But it’s fine, you’re right. Too late to change anything now!’ she said in a high pitched faux chirpy voice.

  ‘Cameron, where’s this coming from?’ I asked her seriously.

  Cameron looked down at her hands. ‘Nothing, I’m just being neurotic. Just your usual delicate little writer.’ She shook her head at herself.

  ‘Let’s not hide behind what we do’ I told her. I was being more forceful than usual but Cameron, she was a hider. I couldn’t just chase her. I had to call her out instead.

  And for a second, I thought it had worked because Cameron looked at me like she might say something. But she just stood and said, ‘Sorry to have bothered you.’

  I stood up too. ‘Hey, you came here to talk. So talk.’

  But she was in the hall, bolting for the door. I decided to let her go. And she did.

  ‘Action.’

  The girl ran down the hall, looking behind her, fearing for her skin. She reached the end of the hall and ran out of shot. I called, ‘CUT’ and the kid slowed to a stop. ‘I think we’ve got that one, thanks everyone. Let’s move to the next position.’

  Jonas began to shuffle his camera off the tripod while the other crew members started to shift the lights and various power cables. I glanced out of the window. The sun had maybe an hour left in the sky.

  I turned to Victor. ‘How we doing for time?’

  ‘Bang on’ he said with a reassuring smile. ‘Only one more scene to get in the can and then we can wrap.’

  I let out a sigh of relief. ‘Thank Christ.’

  ‘Did you doubt my scheduling?’ Victor asked in mock offense.

  ‘I never will again’ I told him. ‘It was Jonas, anyway’ I muttered. ‘He was being such a doom-monger. He got in my head a bit.’

  ‘DP’s can be like that’ he muttered back. ‘But you only ever listen to me in the future. Agreed?’

  I smiled and nodded. I’d come to like Victor. He was a calming voice in my ear when I needed it. And I liked that he’d mentioned the future. I was hoping that we’d work together on something else when this was done and it seemed he felt the same. ‘Agreed.’

  ‘Better go and speak to the actor, check she’s alright’ I told him and he nodded back.

  I went over to the actress, Mina. She was fifteen and she’d already been working for three years. She’d impressed me. It wasn’t the warmest of sets, nor was it glamorous. But she never complained, just gave it her all, every take. ‘Hi, how you doing? Warm enough?’ I asked.

  Mina nodded.

  ‘You’re doing a great job so we’re running perfectly on schedule. Just one last shot to get and then we’ll get you home.’

  ‘Thanks’ she said and then smiled shyly. ‘I’ve really enjoyed doing your film. Thanks for casting me.’

  ‘My pleasure, I hope it’s not the last time we work together’ I told her, as we waited for the next set up to finish. This was nice, getting to work with a real actor. I’d usually had some of my more charismatic friends acting for me. But I’d always yearned to work with professionals like Mina. People who could really elevate a script, bring life to a character with their choices. Mina had done that, no question. I thought she was headed for a long career if she decided to stick with it.

  And then I heard a smash and a husky, female voice cry, ‘Oh, for fuck’s sakes!’

  I spun to see Ashley, who was helping to move a lighting rig and clearly didn’t have total spatial awareness, had put the steel pole straight through a window.

  I froze but Victor was on it in a second, ‘Ashley, freeze.’

  She did as told, muttering to herself, ‘Why did I choose ballerina pumps today?’

  ‘Where’s the big gloves?’ Victor yelled.

  Jonas murmured something in annoyance while Ashley waited, hands still on the pole, glass all around her. Jonas went into his kit bag and pulled out some industrial gloves. He tossed them at me, even though I hadn’t asked for them. He’d been like this all day. Nothing overt, all very passive aggressive. But I was about to have the last laugh. Because he was sending me to rescue Ashley and I didn’t mind playing the heroine one little bit.

  I pulled on the gloves and walked over to the devastation. Ashley looked mortified. It was the first time I’d seen a dent in her poise. ‘I’ve really cocked this one up, haven’t I?’ she asked me. I just laughed as I pushed the glass aside, clearing a path. ‘I wouldn’t worry. School’s got insurance’ I told her. I called to Victor, ‘That’s right, isn’t it?’

  ‘Oh yeah’ he said, dialling his phone. ‘I wouldn’t fret. Just gonna let someone in the office know now so they can talk to the owners and get it sorted.’

  Ashley sighed. ‘Well, I still feel a fool.’

  I pulled an especially large piece of glass onto a sheet of paper. ‘It could have happened to anyone.’

  ‘Not Jonas’ she said quietly and we both glanced at him.

  ‘I think you’re right about that. He’s made of Teflon, mistakes slide right off him and onto other people.’

  Ashley smirked. I finished moving the biggest chunks of glass, but there were still a lot of small shards and Ashley’s shoes were truly flimsy.

  ‘Can I walk yet?’ Ashley asked.

  ‘I’m not sure’ I said, hesitating. I didn’t want her to get cut.

  ‘How strong are you feeling?’ Ashley asked.

  ‘What do you mean?’ I replied baffled.

  ‘I was just thinking, maybe you could airlift me out of the disaster?’ she asked coyly.

  I immediatel
y stepped closer and turned around and Ashley climbed lightly onto my back, gripping my thighs with her heels, her hands around my neck and I walked ten paces, away from the worst of it. Her thick, copper hair slipped onto my shoulders and I couldn’t help but get the scent of it, clean and fresh.