Chapter 3
Gathered in the backyard were a group of kids from the neighborhood. There were the Fireside Girls dressed in scout uniforms, Buford the town bully, and Phineas and Ferb’s friend Baljeet. Ferb sat nearby on a box while Phineas stood and addressed the group.
“Okay, troops,” he said. “Thanks for coming on such short notice. Buford, I know this is cutting into your canasta game.”
Buford scowled. “This better be good, Pointy.” He pounded his fist into his palm.
“Oh, it is,” Phineas assured him. “Isabella has been cursed. . . .”
The kids all gasped in horror.
“With hiccups!” finished Phineas.
“Aw!” they wailed.
“Worst case I’ve ever seen,” Phineas explained. “We’re building this haunted house to scare the hiccups out of her. To do so, we must dig deep into those terrible places any sane man shoves into the darkest, most twisted corners of his mind. Each of you must find out what scares you the most.” He looked over at the group, which seemed terrified. “As you can see,” he continued, “today we’re building a haunted house, electronically controlled by this giant organ.” He pointed to the large instrument. “Every room is monitored on these screens, and by playing the keys, I can trigger all sorts of surprises.” To demonstrate, he hit a key and a ghost popped out of the box that Ferb had been sitting on. Ferb went flying through the air and into the haunted house! “So, with your help, my friends, we can build this house with enough horror to destroy the involuntary contraction of Isabella’s diaphragm muscle once and for all!”
Ferb threw open the doors to the house and staggered out.
“Oh, there you are, Ferb,” said Phineas. He turned back to the group. “Okay, people, let’s get our scare on!”
* * *
Dr. Doofenshmirtz was still looking for his keys. He had resorted to playing the hot-or-cold game with Perry. “Am I getting warmer?” he asked the platypus. “Hmm?” When Perry wouldn’t answer, he tried another tactic. “Ahha! The sofa! My keys fell between the cushions, right?” But still, no response from Perry. “Ah . . . no. Oh, come on! I defeated you fair and square, Perry the Platypus. Why can’t you accept your death with dignity and maturity and play the game with me?” He walked back over to the secret agent. Perry scowled.
“Fine. Be that way,” said Dr. Doofenshmirtz, crossing his arms. “I’ll find my keys myself and teach you the meaning of grace under fire.” Just then the Disintevaporator beeped. The countdown read 20:47, in big red numbers. Time was running out.
But to the evil scientist, grace under fire apparently meant getting down on his hands and knees and begging. “Please, I’ll do anything!” Dr. Doofenshmirtz cried. “Oh, for the love of great Caesar’s ghost, what would you have me do?”
The time now read 10:39. Perry smiled. He had a plan. He decided to make the doctor balance on one foot, on top of a rubber ball, while spinning two plates.
It wasn’t easy. “Aah! Aah!” the doctor cried.
* * *
As Candace rode her bike to Jeremy’s house, she felt as if she were floating on a cloud of happiness. A rainbow unfurled its beautiful colors against the clear blue sky. Roses bloomed, birds chirped, and butterflies fluttered by. A flower seller standing in the middle of the street gave her a bouquet and kissed her hand.
Little did Candace know that Jeremy’s sister, Suzy, and her tiny pet poodle were standing by the window, waiting for her to arrive. When Candace rode up to the house, the little dog bared its teeth. Suzy closed the blinds with an evil smile and opened the front door. Totally clueless as to what awaited her, Candace took off her helmet and bent over to put it down. That’s when the poodle ran out and bit her in the rear.
“Help, somebody!” Candace screamed. “Ooh, get it off me! These are designer jeans!” But the dog wouldn’t let go. Frantically, Candace spun around to see Suzy turning on the lawn sprinklers. “Wait, what are you doing?” she cried. Whoosh! Candace’s carefully arranged hair was suddenly dripping wet. “No! Wah! My hair! Help! He—”
Suddenly, Candace fell face-first into a pile of mud. She looked up and saw a remote-controlled car headed straight toward her. “Huh?” she said, puzzled.
Suzy giggled as she expertly controlled the car, causing it to back up and spin its wheels in the mud. Candace was now completely covered.
“Aah!” Candace wailed. “Why are you doing this to me?”
Suzy responded by laughing wickedly at Candace.
Just then, Jeremy poked his head out of the door. “Suzy?” he said. “What’s going on out here?” Then he spotted Candace lying in the muddy grass, with their poodle continuing to tear away at the seat of her pants. “Candace?” he asked in disbelief.
Candace smiled weakly. “Oh . . . uh, hi, Jeremy,” she said. She tried to act casual, as if it were completely normal to be lying facedown in the mud on someone’s front lawn with a small poodle attached to them.
Suzy turned to her brother. “Upsies,” she said, reaching up. Jeremy bent down to pick up his little sister.
Candace was fuming. “Wait, no! Don’t pick her up! She’s evil! Evil!” She struggled to stand up and pointed at Suzy. “Can’t you see? She’s out to get me! She did this to me!”
“What are you talking about?” Jeremy said with a chuckle. “Little Suzy wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
Suzy giggled like an innocent toddler. “Bubble!” she cried.
Candace’s eyes narrowed. “No! She’s trying to get rid of me! Can’t you see?” She put her hands to her head. “I can’t take it!”
“Wait, Candace!” called Jeremy.
“No! If you can’t see it, I should leave while I still have a shred of dignity left,” Candace said. She picked up her helmet, which had the poodle attached to it, and put it on her head.
“Candace, come back!” shouted Jeremy. But Candace pedaled off.
Suzy couldn’t have been happier. Her work here was done. She waved to Candace’s retreating back. “Bye-bye,” she said from her big brother’s arms. No one is going to take Jeremy away from me, Suzy thought with satisfaction.
Chapter 4
Isabella headed into the backyard. “Hi, Phineas,” she said. “Whatcha do . . . Ph-Phineas?” She hiccupped. A moment later, she noticed that she was standing in front of a large, scary haunted house, complete with screeching bats circling the roof. Isabella covered her face and screamed as they swooped down on her. Just then, a shadow loomed in front of her. She gasped and slowly began to back away from a huge sluglike monster that was creeping toward her. It was huge and had glowing red eyes. Inside its gaping mouth were a green tongue and pointy teeth.
Even though the costume was really scary, Isabella knew it was Phineas in disguise. She let out another hiccup. “Darn,” she said. “It didn’t work, Phineas.”
Phineas sighed. He unzipped his monster suit. Now he was wearing a mad-scientist outfit and a giant red and maroon wig.
“What else you got?” Isabella asked eagerly.
Phineas clasped his hands together. “Oh, we’ve got plenty,” he said. “If you’re up to it.”
Isabella touched his yellow-gloved hand. “I—” Isabella hiccupped, “g-g-guess so.”
Phineas led Isabella toward the haunted house. Ferb, dressed as Frankenstein, was playing eerie music on an organ. The front door opened with a creak, and Phineas and Isabella walked inside.
They saw one terrifying sight after another. The lights turned off, and when they came back on, the two friends were surrounded by hideous creatures. They ran through a room filled with piles of bones and guarded by howling dogs with glowing green eyes. In the next room a series of ghosts jumped out at them. Phineas and Isabella held hands and raced up a circular stairway. At the top, a scary jack-in-the-box popped out. In the upstairs hallway the walls were covered with axes and other dangerous weapons. At the end of the hall, a coat of armor lowered a large ax, nearly slamming into them! They skidded to a stop, and then jumped over the ax
together.
Then they ran into another room. There they found Baljeet dressed as a large piece of paper, with the word FAIL written on it.
“Boo! Boo! I say,” Baljeet cried.
“Baljeet,” Phineas said, greeting him. He knew it was just his friend in disguise.
Baljeet shook his head. “Oh, I am not Baljeet. I am the scariest thing known to man: a failed math test!” He waved his arms around spookily.
Phineas was not impressed. “Yeah, right,” he commented. “We’re just going to move on now.” He and Isabella left the room.
Baljeet chased after them. “You can run, but it won’t be to the college of your choice, I tell you!” he shouted.
Next, Phineas and Isabella encountered a big robot, a group of zombie witches with long green hair, a hallway full of spooky portraits, and dozens of creepy spiders falling from the ceiling. They continued to run through the house.
Then they came to a dark room. A figure stood in the corner with a little dog. The figure turned around as the curtains blew eerily. It looked like a little girl with pigtails. The dog dropped to its side, forgotten.
“Hello?” Phineas called. “Buford?”
“Behold: the face of evil,” Buford announced.
Phineas couldn’t believe his eyes. “Buford, are you supposed to be Jeremy’s little sister?” he asked. “You said you were going to be something scary!”
“She is scary, man,” Buford replied. “She gives me the willies.”
Phineas and Isabella stared at Buford. “Little Suzy Johnson gives you the willies?” Phineas asked in disbelief.
Buford shook his head. “You don’t know, man. You don’t know!”
Phineas and Isabella slowly backed out of the room. “Uh . . . we’ll catch up with you later, okay?”
Buford knelt on the ground, turned on a faucet, and began rubbing his hands together. “Wash away the horror. Wash away the horror,” he chanted.
Outside the room, Phineas grabbed a rope, and he and Isabella were lifted into the air. Bats circled and screeched around them. At the top was a roller-coaster car with a skull on it. They hopped into it, riding past gravestones, spiders, monsters, and evil clowns. They came to a stop where they had begun, right behind where Ferb was playing the organ. Ferb turned around and let out an evil laugh.
Still sitting in the roller-coaster car, Phineas turned to his companion. “So, Isabella, did it work?”
In response, Isabella hiccupped.
“I was afraid she would say that,” Phineas said to himself. “Well, there’s one more thing we could try. . . .”
Candace huffed and puffed as she pedaled home, the crazy poodle still clinging to her helmet. Suddenly, she saw something that made her stop short.
The dog fell off her head and ran toward his home, whining with fear. Candace couldn’t believe her eyes. “I don’t believe this!” she cried. She had just caught sight of the giant haunted house Phineas and Ferb had built. And she was not happy about it!
Back at the island, Dr. Doofenshmirtz was still trying to figure out how to get his keys away from Perry.
“Let me get this straight,” he said. “If I set you free, you’ll give me the keys, right?”
Perry nodded.
“Oh, for Pete’s sake!” cried Dr. Doofenshmirtz. “Why didn’t you say that, like, an hour ago?” He pressed a button on his remote control, which released the restraints. Perry lifted his foot, revealing the keys.
“Oh, look,” said the evil scientist. “They were under your cute little platypus foot the whole time.” Laughing maniacally, he grabbed the keys and raced to the jet. “Open, open, open,” he pleaded, fumbling with the keys. Then he started loading the boxes filled with his belongings onto the jet. “Now, grab my stuff. Hurry. Hurry, hurry, must hurry.” He jumped into the seat. “Seat belt and . . . ignition!” he cried. He pressed a button and the top lifted off the island.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz was out of breath. “Whew,” he said, wiping his brow. “That was close.” He sighed. “Now, let’s just make sure I didn’t forget anything in my haste.” He turned around and started taking inventory. “Aah, got my old basketball, the lamp, Christmas lights, the umbrella, Perry the Platypus, the Disintevaporator, my golf—” Dr. Doofenshmirtz gasped. “Perry the Platypus? The Disintevaporator? My golf clubs? I don’t even play golf!”
Perry launched himself forward and attacked the evil scientist. Dr. Doofenshmirtz grabbed Perry and threw him across the jet. Then he jumped onto Perry. “How do you like it, huh?” he yelled. Perry tossed the evil scientist to the floor. Dr. Doofenshmirtz raised his hand and waved it. “Ah! Wait, wait, wait!” he cried. “Hold on. Time, time, time. I got a hair caught in my mouth. Ech! Ugh!” Then he grabbed the red and green Christmas lights from a box marked XMAS STUFF, spun them around like a lasso, and then tossed them so they wrapped around Perry.
Perry hit the hatch to the jet, and the lights wrapped around the lock and turned it. The hatch fell open, and Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s stuff started getting sucked out of the jet.
“Ha-ha!” shouted Dr. Doofenshmirtz. “Since you saved me the trouble of opening the hatch, let me show you out!” He returned to the controls and took a sharp left turn. All of the evil scientist’s things went flying out. The lights spun out of the jet, and Perry went flying into the air as well. But at the last moment, he grabbed the string of lights, which were still attached to the jet, and hung on as if it were a rope.
Back at the haunted house, Candace was really angry. “Those two are in such big trouble,” she said to herself.
But Phineas had one final plan to scare Isabella’s hiccups away once and for all. “Okay, Ferb,” he said, “raise the antenna.” Ferb spun a wheel and a big, green, glowing lightning rod extended out of the roof. “Let’s see if we can up the scariness factor. You see, our haunted house is powered by static electricity. Maybe we can get a lightning strike to fire things up.”
Candace walked inside the dark entryway of the haunted house. “Um, hello? Phineas? Ferb?” Her voice echoed eerily. “You two are in big trouble,” she said uncertainly. The door suddenly slammed shut behind her. There was no way out. “Okay, you guys, stop fooling around! You guys better come out now. I’m getting really mad.”
Suddenly, something darted behind Candace in the darkness. “What was that?” she cried. Just then, a huge monster jumped out of the shadows and opened its mouth. Out popped a smaller monster head, which opened to reveal an even smaller monster head, which opened to reveal the smallest monster head! Candace screamed, and her hair stood on end. She bolted out of the room.
After Candace had gone, three of the Fireside Girls lifted off their masks, giggling with delight that their trick had worked. “Yeah!” they cheered.
Candace found herself in a hallway with multiple closed doors. She opened one and heard a high-pitched scream. She screamed just as loudly. Back in the hallway, a ghostly floating candlestick followed her. “Stay away from me!” she shouted, ducking into another doorway. Candace now stood in the dark room, breathing hard. A pair of eyes shone in the darkness. Her hand trembling, Candace reached up and pulled a light switch.
A vampire was hanging upside down. “Good evening,” he said pleasantly. “It is evening, isn’t it?”
Candace ran out of the room, and bats circled around her. Dragon heads, dancing skeletons, a giant floating baby head, and Frankenstein’s monster all appeared. And Candace could only think of one thing: PHINEAS!!!!
Chapter 5
Phineas stared at the static-electricity indicator. “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” he exclaimed. “Too much, Ferb. Too much! Look out!”
Candace had made it past the green monsters, a room filled with bones, and the hallway with the dozens of falling spiders. Next, she ran right into Buford, who was dressed as Suzy. Baljeet was right behind him. She couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw the bully dressed up as her archnemesis.
“Huh?” she cried, pointing at Buford. She screamed. So did Buford and Baljeet
. Still screaming, she ran off through the jumping ghosts and past the wall of weapons, which were all launched at her. She sprinted up the stairs and then laid down on top of a trunk to rest. Suddenly, the trunk popped open, revealing the huge, ugly jack-in-the-box. Candace fell into the roller coaster, and it took off with her in it. Once the horrific ride was over, she was dumped unceremoniously at the feet of Phineas and Isabella.
“Candace?” said Phineas.
Candace lifted her head. She had fallen flat on the ground. She stood up and marched toward her brother. “Phineas, when Mom sees that you’ve built a haunted house in the backyard, with werewolves and vampires and a giant floating baby head . . .” She paused for a moment. “What’s that even about?”
The giant floating baby head suddenly appeared and cooed.
“Not now!” Candace snapped. The giant floating baby head looked at her began to cry.
“And then there was a giant jack-in-the-box with a suit of armor that nearly took my head off!” Candace continued. “And you just drive me crazy!” She shook her head. “When I tell Mom what you’re doing, you are going down! Down, down, down!” she shouted. The group just stared at her as she marched off.
Phineas turned to Isabella. “Is there any chance that that cured your hiccups?”
Isabella hiccupped again in response.
Candace marched over to the elevator of the haunted house and pressed the button. It opened, and she stepped inside. She turned around, and there was the giant floating baby head. Candace looked annoyed and lifted up her arms.
The baby head cooed again.
“Would you get out of here?” Candace said grumpily.
Crying, the baby head sadly got off the elevator.
Thrill-o-rama! Page 2
